Certain moments and imagies in their head?

OAS5 · January 2020

Does anyone else have certain moments and imagies in their head from when they were heavy that were either embarrassing or painful?
After losing 73 pounds or so, having just 12 more to go I think back to certain embarrassing or painful moments I had as a heavy person.
I think back to the jeans I used to wear, something that simple, those huge jeans I used to wear and that some is embarrassing.
I have a very specific moment that I think back to. It was probably 9 years ago now but we were boarding a cruise ship and I decided to walk up the stairs rather than wait for an elevator because boarding day is chaotic. Now I was gassed after 2 or 3 flights because of my weight, I mean gassed, huffing and puffing all because of my weight. I paused on a landing and there was this huge mirror as there are in cruise ships. The image I have was utter disgust, utter embarrassment. It's the worst image in my mind of being. There are many, many other moments of embarrassment but that was a particular bad one.
Looking back still embarrassing but happy at the outcome some years later. Now down 73 pounds I guess that was motivation even though it took a few years to kick in. Anyone else have similar moments or stories?

Kaitie9399 · January 2020

I think everyone has that 'ah....is that really me' moment about a number of things in life, not just weight related. The most important thing, however, is to look back on those moments not with disgust or embarrassment, but as the catalyst that started a major life change within you. Keep up the good work and look forward at what possibilities you have now because you had that one moment that changed you forever. :-)

NewLIFEstyle4ME · January 2020

I was thinking about this the other day. My entire obese/overweight life was filled with embarrassment/shame/fear and UGH and WOE, almost daily. This would cause/help me to be "meaner than a junkyard dog" as well. Added to these feeling of woe, is that I was the ONLY obese/overweight/fat person in my entire family...so as we would go out to eat and just hang out, I would ALWAYS feel so....ummmmmm, "out of place and "embarrassed". Also, when I was obese and overweight it would take HOURS for me to get ready, because everything I'd wear looked like a "tent" on me or just ill-fitting and looking. It was terrible and I am sooooooo THRILLED/GRATEFUL and THANKFUL to be slim and trim now, like I was when I was "young and skinny" and before I started having children (and a LOT of them). Wow....being "fat" was not only unhealthy, but FOR ME, unattractive (ALWAYS looking and feeling all "bloated and swollen" and eye-rollingly UGHish) and being obese/overweight was a huge source of misery and YUCK (inside and outside to/for me).

OAS5 · January 2020

NewLIFEstyle4ME wrote: »

I was thinking about this the other day. My entire obese/overweight life was filled with embarrassment/shame/fear and UGH and WOE, almost daily. This would cause/help me to be "meaner than a junkyard dog" as well. Added to these feeling of woe, is that I was the ONLY obese/overweight/fat person in my entire family...so as we would go out to eat and just hang out, I would ALWAYS feel so....ummmmmm, "out of place and "embarrassed". Also, when I was obese and overweight it would take HOURS for me to get ready, because everything I'd wear looked like a "tent" on me or just ill-fitting and looking. It was terrible and I am sooooooo THRILLED/GRATEFUL and THANKFUL to be slim and trim now, like I was when I was "young and skinny" and before I started having children (and a LOT of them). Wow....being "fat" was not only unhealthy, but FOR ME, unattractive (ALWAYS looking and feeling all "bloated and swollen" and eye-rollingly UGHish) and being obese/overweight was a huge source of misery and YUCK (inside and outside to/for me).

I understand completely. I am also VERY grateful to not be what I was. The thoughts and memories I hope and think will keep ,e from being that again.

Madwife2009 · January 2020

One of the very worst moments was when I wanted to take my youngest on her first roller-coaster ride and had to get off again as the ride operator couldn't get the safety bar to lock, due to my bulk. My older daughter had to take my place. I was mortifed but the ride operator was really sweet about it (which, I think, made it worse) - I am sure that it was a common incident for her.

I'd already started my weight loss journey at that point but it certainly pushed me onwards with it. I have since been back on that ride and had a great time.

amusedmonkey · January 2020

I kind of remember those times fondly because it was during the best years of my life, so most of my bad memories are tainted with happy memories.

I remember how once, I went with my ex to a new restaurant we heard a lot about. The chairs had armrests and I didn't fit, so we had to wait for them to bring me a wider plastic chair from the staff room. It was kind of embarrassing but funny at the same time. We joked about it, and it made for a fun evening.

I also remember how I went out with my family, I don't remember what we were planning to do, but the building had many stairs and the lift was out of service. Because I couldn't climb that many stairs, my family decided to go somewhere else and that we ended up watching a movie at a nearby cinema. It's my most favorite cinema to this day. Great atmosphere, great snacks, comfortable seats, and not too crowded. I was a little bit disappointed at first that I ruined our plans, but we had fun and everyone was happy in the end.

OAS5 · January 2020

amusedmonkey wrote: »

I kind of remember those times fondly because it was during the best years of my life, so most of my bad memories are tainted with happy memories.

I remember how once, I went with my ex to a new restaurant we heard a lot about. The chairs had armrests and I didn't fit, so we had to wait for them to bring me a wider plastic chair from the staff room. It was kind of embarrassing but funny at the same time. We joked about it, and it made for a fun evening.

I also remember how I went out with my family, I don't remember what we were planning to do, but the building had many stairs and the lift was out of service. Because I couldn't climb that many stairs, my family decided to go somewhere else and that we ended up watching a movie at a nearby cinema. It's my most favorite cinema to this day. Great atmosphere, great snacks, comfortable seats, and not too crowded. I was a little bit disappointed at first that I ruined our plans, but we had fun and everyone was happy in the end.

Have you now lose the weight?

FinishWhatUStart · January 2020

Sad to say I’ve had my share of such moments. I got on a plane last year for the first time in a long time and had to ask for a belt extender. Then I tried to put the tray table down and it was too tight. Another time at a friend’s party, a bunch of us were standing around an outdoor fire when the host suggested I sit down (something I was avoiding). I said okay and he got me one of those folding tailgate chairs. I managed to get into it but had a difficult time getting out. Thankfully it was pretty dark by then and I’m hoping no one noticed. Then there’s the countless times that people make more room than necessary for you to pass them in a hallway/walkway or get up when you sit down and move somewhere else. Or avoid talking to you altogether. Worst is when one of your children tells you that their friend’s mom thinks you’re fat. My husband doesn’t understand why I don’t want to socialize. I’m on a good path now with mfp and look forward to the day when all of this is just a bad memory!

amusedmonkey · January 2020

OAS5 wrote: »

amusedmonkey wrote: »

I kind of remember those times fondly because it was during the best years of my life, so most of my bad memories are tainted with happy memories.

I remember how once, I went with my ex to a new restaurant we heard a lot about. The chairs had armrests and I didn't fit, so we had to wait for them to bring me a wider plastic chair from the staff room. It was kind of embarrassing but funny at the same time. We joked about it, and it made for a fun evening.

I also remember how I went out with my family, I don't remember what we were planning to do, but the building had many stairs and the lift was out of service. Because I couldn't climb that many stairs, my family decided to go somewhere else and that we ended up watching a movie at a nearby cinema. It's my most favorite cinema to this day. Great atmosphere, great snacks, comfortable seats, and not too crowded. I was a little bit disappointed at first that I ruined our plans, but we had fun and everyone was happy in the end.

Have you now lose the weight?

Yes. I have lost 140 lbs (took me a few years) but I still see myself fat in my mind's eye whenever I remember myself or think about myself.

OAS5 · January 2020

amusedmonkey wrote: »

OAS5 wrote: »

amusedmonkey wrote: »

I kind of remember those times fondly because it was during the best years of my life, so most of my bad memories are tainted with happy memories.

I remember how once, I went with my ex to a new restaurant we heard a lot about. The chairs had armrests and I didn't fit, so we had to wait for them to bring me a wider plastic chair from the staff room. It was kind of embarrassing but funny at the same time. We joked about it, and it made for a fun evening.

I also remember how I went out with my family, I don't remember what we were planning to do, but the building had many stairs and the lift was out of service. Because I couldn't climb that many stairs, my family decided to go somewhere else and that we ended up watching a movie at a nearby cinema. It's my most favorite cinema to this day. Great atmosphere, great snacks, comfortable seats, and not too crowded. I was a little bit disappointed at first that I ruined our plans, but we had fun and everyone was happy in the end.

Have you now lose the weight?

Yes. I have lost 140 lbs (took me a few years) but I still see myself fat in my mind's eye whenever I remember myself or think about myself.

Awesome that you lost the weight and that is a lot of weight, you should be proud of yourself because that is no easy task.

kdbulger · January 2020

I remember having to check the weight limit on things like kids' swings, etc. because many were max 200lbs. I was slightly over that and it hurt to know I couldn't play with my kids however, whenever I wanted.

Also taking public transportation at my upper weights and feeling like my body was encroaching on the space of others, or at very least FULLY filling my own designated spot so that I felt like I couldn't/shouldn't move.

OAS5 · January 2020

It's funny now that I have lost most of the weight I when I look back at basically everyone I met or saw at that time as embarrassment. Everyone I basically saw at any time, saw me and most likely judged me as "a fat guy". That could just be in my mind but most people judge by what you see. Most of us do it.
I was an event a few weeks ago and there was this huge guy, I mean enormous guy and his wife was also very, very big. I judged in that I felt bad because I know the uncomfort they are in on an almost daily basis. My judgement is more now from an understanding viewpoint.
Is that wrong?

springlering62 · January 2020

OAS5 wrote: »

... I judged in that I felt bad because I know the uncomfort they are in on an almost daily basis. My judgement is more now from an understanding viewpoint.
Is that wrong?

It wasn’t judgement, it was empathy, which is totally different. Empathy is never a bad thing. If more of us took the kinder, more thoughtful “There but for the grace of God go I” approach, the world would be a better place.

OAS5 · January 2020

springlering62 wrote: »

OAS5 wrote: »

... I judged in that I felt bad because I know the uncomfort they are in on an almost daily basis. My judgement is more now from an understanding viewpoint.
Is that wrong?

It wasn’t judgement, it was empathy, which is totally different. Empathy is never a bad thing. If more of us took the kinder, more thoughtful “There but for the grace of God go I” approach, the world would be a better place.

Yes, it wasn't a laughing at or make fun of situation. It was a feel bad and understand kinda thing.

amusedmonkey · January 2020

OAS5 wrote: »

It's funny now that I have lost most of the weight I when I look back at basically everyone I met or saw at that time as embarrassment. Everyone I basically saw at any time, saw me and most likely judged me as "a fat guy". That could just be in my mind but most people judge by what you see. Most of us do it.
I was an event a few weeks ago and there was this huge guy, I mean enormous guy and his wife was also very, very big. I judged in that I felt bad because I know the uncomfort they are in on an almost daily basis. My judgement is more now from an understanding viewpoint.
Is that wrong?

I wouldn't call it judgment. It's an observation and a stream of thoughts. When I see a fat person I observe that they're fat. I may or may not have thoughts that they overeat. Sometimes I wonder if they're happy or wish to be thinner. When I was fat I had no illusions that people would look at me and not think I'm fat. I knew people aren't blind and I didn't think being fat was embarrassing.

I believe our brains blow things out of proportions. Most people (at least in my experience) don't really care that you're fat or think that you should be ashamed of yourself for being fat. They observe things about you and move on. When I look at someone I observe several things, like the color of their eyes, the way they move their hands when they talk, a pimple, stray hairs...etc. I'm not blind and I'm not brain dead. I see things and I think about them, but I don't call that judging.

seltzermint555 · January 2020

I feel like ALL of my family, certainly my husband, and 95% of my close, true friends are all happy for me. In my case, I was definitely "the fat friend" but none of my girlfriends were super invested in their appearances beyond what I'd say are normal (maybe not even normal?) levels...they're all pretty average and still are. More the type to focus on their hair, makeup, hobbies, careers, kids, etc. Now instead of being morbidly obese, I am also average like they are. They are happy for me.

BUT - I have one friend who has struggled with her weight forever, and she makes jabs at me about how I apparently "had a metabolism shift because no one can eat donuts and lose". Stuff like that. She's on her own journey and I wish her well but there are moments I know she's jealous that I have had longer term success.

There are a couple of other random acquaintances who have treated me differently and not in a good way. I truly think most of them liked that I was fatter than they were (both struggle with weight also) and now that I'm not it bothers them. Particularly because I was the heaviest in our teen years and now much smaller than I was then. I know this isn't just in my mind, as they've made comments to mutual friends to this effect. That is definitely their problem and not mine.

Certain moments and imagies in their head?

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