The switch to vegetarian while married

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Replies

  • billsica
    billsica Posts: 4,741 Member
    Oh wow. I was a vegetarian for over 10 years when I got married. On our honey moon I started to eat fish.
    To me, it was, what is more important, your morality or your marriage.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
    OK, I get what you're saying. My personal opinion is that people who get offended by your choice not to eat meat do so because they feel like you're in judgment of them. If you don't want to eat it because you don't want to support factory farming then "you must think I do support it and am therefore a bad person." They put a whole lot more judgment on themselves than we do. I disagree that you should eat meat to make him feel better about himself. Yes, marriage is a compromise, you ARE already doing that by not asking anyone to go vegetarian with you and continuing to cook meat for them. If you eat it to appease him, where's the compromise?
  • calliope_music
    calliope_music Posts: 1,242 Member
    i just recently went vegetarian and i've been married about 13 months. i'll still prepare meat for my husband if he wants it, but usually he's fine with not eating meat. he will generally eat it if we go out.

    also, i second the idea of what someone suggested about locally grown meat. we try to do that whenever possible.
  • Care563
    Care563 Posts: 61 Member
    I am a vegan and my hubby is an onmivore. We eat together but cook our own food. He tries to eat my food because I make the most incredible dishes. Please check out my menu for last Christmas on my blog http://caroline-is-vegan.blogspot.com My whole meal was vegan (except for the turkey) and no one even thought it was odd. I did make a turkey (breaks my heart) for the meat eaters. My mom said that she didn't even need the turkey and only ate the other dishes. There was so much meat left. I am not trying to change people but I like introducing them to new and amazing dishes. I also have a friend who when together eats vegan with me, because he is super nice, then one day he goes "when we cook together and eat I never have any stomach issues and I always feel way better"
    YAY!!!
  • phlumpet
    phlumpet Posts: 106 Member
    I'm vegan and my husband is vegetarian who occasionally eats fish or lamb. He doesn't cook, and I do. I make an effort (sometimes lol) to cook GOOD TASTY vegan food that he will enjoy, so when he's at home, he mostly eats vegan. He's just grateful when a hot meal is prepared for him.

    I wouldn't force anything on your husband. Perhaps plan a yummy vegetarian meal, and ask your husband if he is happy eating this or would like something else. If he wants something else, accept that, and either cook it for him (if you are feeling up to it - this is not 1950) or kindly show him where the ingredients for his dish are located. I wouldn't make it an issue. Just enjoy tempting him with delicious food.
  • jpatrickwinstead
    jpatrickwinstead Posts: 43
    This is lame.

    If it's a MORAL issue, then you should be vegan, not vegetarian/pescetarian. Vegetarianism is just a half-assed way of trying to make yourself feel better. How do you think they treat dairy cows and egg-laying chickens? Educate youself.

    If it's a HEALTH issue, then, well, you're wrong. There's nothing unhealthy about eating animal products.
  • kandrews24
    kandrews24 Posts: 610 Member
    My parents were vegetarian. I was raised vegetarian. My husband switched to vegetarianism when we met (on his own, not for me). He said he never liked meat. My children and many other family members are vegetarian.

    Having said that. Being vegetarian is not important. Eating meat is not important. What is important is health and loved ones.

    The holidays are about loved ones and thankfulness. Focus on those things. Don't focus on the food. Try to shift your household focus as well (by example).

    Make your marriage as happy as you can and find as much in common as you can. Minimize your change. You are the one who changed. He did not know he was getting into this. He is the same as when you met. You have to imagine if he changed something significant (and it bothered you = made you feel like you have less in common or like what you were doing was bad). That doesn't feel good.

    When folks give you a hard time about your new diet, take it in stride. Don't preach. Don't judge. Let is roll off, then it will go away. Smile, ignore, change the subject. Find common ground.

    There are lots of soy products and other meat substitutes. Try to fit in. When the family has hot dogs, you can have veggie dogs, etc. This will go a long way. Then everyone feels togetherness at the dinner table. Be creative. Build common ground.

    Fyi, eating meat may not be the healthiest or most moral option, but do you wear leather? Do you eat honey? Do you eat jello? Where do you draw the line? There are healthy and modest ways to eat meat. Eating fried foods, junk food and processed is far worse than eating healthy meat.
  • GeauxDonielle
    GeauxDonielle Posts: 145 Member
    This is lame.

    If it's a MORAL issue, then you should be vegan, not vegetarian/pescetarian. Vegetarianism is just a half-assed way of trying to make yourself feel better. How do you think they treat dairy cows and egg-laying chickens? Educate youself.

    If it's a HEALTH issue, then, well, you're wrong. There's nothing unhealthy about eating animal products.
    You're right cause they don't link high cholesterol and other health issues to meat eaters vs vegetarians on any studies at all. : /
    I don't buy dairy. We use soy milk- he is ok with that. I have my own chickens and don't buy eggs from the store. I try to buy vegan when possible. I don't buy leather. I don't buy raw hides and things of that sort for my dogs. Yes I know their food is not the best but I am new to this. I usually am mostly a vegan diet but don't claim due to my own chickens eggs and seafood at times (eating out with husband) I guess I've worded a few things wrong in main post- I don't make a big deal about it but when we sit down and I hear "are you serious?! You're not gonna eat the meat!?" or "that's all you're going to eat" it itS frustrating but its ok for someone to not eat certain items(those who don't like certain vegs,etc) as long as they eat the meat. my compromise on my part is not being a strict vegan and vegetarian at restaurants. Seafood is rare on my diet.
  • GeauxDonielle
    GeauxDonielle Posts: 145 Member
    I do focus on the healthy and direct the four kids to healthier decisions. I keep fruit, healthier cereals. My husband,since i toom the "health nut" road, no longer eats tums like candy and is decided at his own free will to quit smoking. He has lost weight and doesn't have sleep apnea now also.
    They all like vegan burgers,soy cheese,veg-dogs, and the meal starters from morning star and tofu. Until someone looks too closely and realizes there's no meat- dang those good eyes! As far as taste they don't notice there's a change until they start inspecting the food.
    My parents were vegetarian. I was raised vegetarian. My husband switched to vegetarianism when we met (on his own, not for me). He said he never liked meat. My children and many other family members are vegetarian.

    Having said that. Being vegetarian is not important. Eating meat is not important. What is important is health and loved ones.

    The holidays are about loved ones and thankfulness. Focus on those things. Don't focus on the food. Try to shift your household focus as well (by example).

    Make your marriage as happy as you can and find as much in common as you can. Minimize your change. You are the one who changed. He did not know he was getting into this. He is the same as when you met. You have to imagine if he changed something significant (and it bothered you = made you feel like you have less in common or like what you were doing was bad). That doesn't feel good.

    When folks give you a hard time about your new diet, take it in stride. Don't preach. Don't judge. Let is roll off, then it will go away. Smile, ignore, change the subject. Find common ground.

    There are lots of soy products and other meat substitutes. Try to fit in. When the family has hot dogs, you can have veggie dogs, etc. This will go a long way. Then everyone feels togetherness at the dinner table. Be creative. Build common ground.

    Fyi, eating meat may not be the healthiest or most moral option, but do you wear leather? Do you eat honey? Do you eat jello? Where do you draw the line? There are healthy and modest ways to eat meat. Eating fried foods, junk food and processed is far worse than eating healthy meat.
  • RaeMe
    RaeMe Posts: 11
    As with most things in life, patience is key. I agree with those who say you don't need to cook meat if you're not eating it. Don't judge others for their choices, but don't facilitate them either. Instead, focus on making the choices you agree with as easy and appealing as possible.

    I do 95% of the cooking and while I will occasionally cook meat for my husband (I don't think it's right, but I also think that we all have our moral failings, so I don't stress about it) he knows not to expect it. If he wants meat then he can buy it and cook it for himself. I actually made sure that he learned how to cook meat before we got married because I was *not* planning on cooking it for him. Allowing him to make his own choices is not the same as facilitating those choices, which is what is expected by those who think you should cook meat for him.

    The strangest thing happened a week ago. After 3 years of marriage my husband announced that he no longer wants to eat regular meat. Instead he is going to rarely buy "ethically" farmed meat. He said that he wasn't ready to give up all meat, but he had read something which convinced him that standard factory farming is a violation of his (Catholic!) beliefs, and so he is only going to buy meat when it meets his new standards.

    And even that level of change took 3 years. He thinks that I will eventually eat meat, and I think that he will eventually stop entirely. And we both think that we can be happy together despite our differences.
  • MSDRIZZ
    MSDRIZZ Posts: 246
    Good point
  • GeauxDonielle
    GeauxDonielle Posts: 145 Member
    Thank you raeme!! I believe that's actually what I needed to hear!! Wanted to hear however ya look at it. I really appreciate your time on that post. Tons of smiles inside and out after reading it!!!
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