Saboteurs

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Replies

  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 7,854 Member
    You have the right attitude about this! Lose those toxic people in your life, you'll be better off.

    Well that seems a little extreme - as well as impractical.

    most people dont want to lose their family,friends, work colleagues over this.

    and most people are not being toxic - they are trying to be nice and some of them get carried away and overstep the mark.

    Practice a polite but firm and closed No - dont get drawn into excuses, justifying, counter arguements.

    No, I'm trying to lose weight, end of story
    (or I'm diabetic, gluten intolerant etc - but only if you are)

    Those people called OP miserable to not wanting to eat what they offered. Toxic people are toxic. They can be family and or friends or coworkers.

    If people don't have your best interests at heart, why keep them around? Being family does not give you a pass to be crappy. 🤷🏼‍♀️


    Usually relationships with people are more nuanced than that and people don't want to fall out with their family over this and they can't just remove all their work colleagues.

    Better approach: learn to say a closed No.

    And after no doesn't work... and further unnecessary comments occur. It's ok to move on from people.

    And as far as work goes, there is always HR if someone feels it's their job to be the food police.


    But mostly people dont want to move on from people - they like their family and this food pushing is just one thing about a person, they dont want to move on from them

    and sure you could go to HR at work - but I think situation would have to be pretty extreme for that

    like I said, that approach seems extreme to me - and mostly impractical.

  • paperpudding
    paperpudding Posts: 7,854 Member
    yes, sure in extreme cases - thats what I said too.

    But in most cases, no, I dont think that is the answer.

    anyway thats enough from me.
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,592 Member
    If someone literally called me names for saying no thanks I would definitely reevaluate if I wanted to be around them.
  • wilson10102018
    wilson10102018 Posts: 1,306 Member
    One has to make room for new people in ones life. People who repeatedly make me feel bad can still be good people, and they can have good friends - just not me. I would not hesitate to move on. And, let them move on.
  • Chef_Barbell
    Chef_Barbell Posts: 6,647 Member
    gothchiq wrote: »
    If someone literally called me names for saying no thanks I would definitely reevaluate if I wanted to be around them.

    Exactly this...
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    You have the right attitude about this! Lose those toxic people in your life, you'll be better off.

    Well that seems a little extreme - as well as impractical.

    most people dont want to lose their family,friends, work colleagues over this.

    and most people are not being toxic - they are trying to be nice and some of them get carried away and overstep the mark.

    Practice a polite but firm and closed No - dont get drawn into excuses, justifying, counter arguements.

    No, I'm trying to lose weight, end of story
    (or I'm diabetic, gluten intolerant etc - but only if you are)

    Those people called OP miserable to not wanting to eat what they offered. Toxic people are toxic. They can be family and or friends or coworkers.

    If people don't have your best interests at heart, why keep them around? Being family does not give you a pass to be crappy. 🤷🏼‍♀️


    Usually relationships with people are more nuanced than that and people don't want to fall out with their family over this and they can't just remove all their work colleagues.

    Better approach: learn to say a closed No.

    And after no doesn't work... and further unnecessary comments occur. It's ok to move on from people.

    And as far as work goes, there is always HR if someone feels it's their job to be the food police.


    But mostly people dont want to move on from people - they like their family and this food pushing is just one thing about a person, they dont want to move on from them

    and sure you could go to HR at work - but I think situation would have to be pretty extreme for that

    like I said, that approach seems extreme to me - and mostly impractical.

    @Chef_Barbell mentioned toxic people in her first reply. You know, the ones who continually violate your boundaries. If the people in the OP's life were sincere in calling her miserable when she turned something down, that's pretty nasty. (Even if they meant to be funny, it's not funny.)

    So yes, people do need to protect themselves from toxic relationships, which can take various forms, including cutting those people out.

    And this...
    One has to make room for new people in ones life. People who repeatedly make me feel bad can still be good people, and they can have good friends - just not me. I would not hesitate to move on. And, let them move on.

    And definitely this... 🤷🏼‍♀️
  • Onedaywriter
    Onedaywriter Posts: 319 Member
    I’ve been saying something for a while now that works for me “ no thanks- I’ve already exceeded my daily and lifetime allotment of (cake, pie etc).”
    It seems to stop people in their tracks and reminds me that I am doing this by choice- not being forced.
    I honestly believe that people are actually afraid of losing a friend when you change your habits radically. They want their own comfort and don’t intentionally want to sabotage your efforts- it’s just they feel threatened by your willpower.
  • freda666
    freda666 Posts: 338 Member
    I’ve been saying something for a while now that works for me “ no thanks- I’ve already exceeded my daily and lifetime allotment of (cake, pie etc).”

    I love that and am going to shamelessly steal it.

  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,722 Member
    Life seems to center SO much around celebrations, sharing, friendships, gifts, and SO much of that centers around food, of course. What's up with that? :) People want to feed other people, they want their food to be accepted and liked. Some don't have a clue what else to do when others need something so they make food. Food is the essence of life in many more ways than merely sustenance. It shows others we care.

    But some people don't accept no, thanks very easily. Depending on your relationship with that person is how you get your point across. Most of the time I'll just tell them no thanks, I *REALLY* don't want any right now. It usually shuts them up. :) Although my sister will keep offering stuff to me and she, of all people, knows better because we're so much alike. :/ If we eat one, it's really hard for us to stop without eating the whole box.
    It's definitely irritating.

  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,592 Member
    Yeah. There may be some diabetic person out there who can eat their protein first and then have just three bites of cake. I do not work like that. I go bananas and shove things into my face like a possessed woman and then OOPS my blood sugar is sky high so I find it easier to just not go there in the first place. It's less painful to cut those things out than to tease the craving which strengthens it.
  • Urun4me
    Urun4me Posts: 37 Member
    "That doesn't look like something I want to eat" or "I don't want to eat something that smells like that." Try variations to those depending on what kind of person you are, what kind of person the other person is, how many times you've already said no, and how mean you want to be.

    I've found that commenting on the smell is the best way to stop the food pushers. But I'm a lot more blunt than most, and a lot of people would consider that too mean.
  • gremloBBPT
    gremloBBPT Posts: 48 Member
    Don't worry about what people say or them understanding you. This applies in all areas of life. :) It's nice to be understood, but it doesn't always happen.