Higher, Further, Faster

May 1, 2017 - June 8, 2019
187 lbs - 149 lbs



January 29, 2019 - June 8, 2019
156 lbs - 149 lbs


I’m not too into sharing on MyFitnessPal, but I’ve used this tool for 10 years, and thought sharing my story might help someone who is losing hope during their weight loss and health journey.

About three weeks after I had my daughter Ariya in July 2016, I remember looking in the mirror at my mangled new mom body and hating what I saw. At 196 pounds, I was sure I would never go back to my seemingly fit pre-pregnant self. I made a commitment to myself to do everything I could to get there. I had been over 200 pounds before and got down to 162 – I could do it again. But there was something different about this time…weight wasn’t dropping.

8 months later, I was only 6 pounds down. I still had sciatica, I had horrible tendonitis in my thumbs, carpal tunnel in both wrists. I figured this would be the new ‘me’…but for some reason I couldn’t accept it. I had to find another solution. I had to keep trying.

I joined Orangetheory Fitness and, even though I felt guilty having a career and having to bring my child to daycare, let myself spend 2 hours a week on me. That commitment has changed my life in ways I can’t explain. I could never run, even when I was doing Insanity and P90X. When I started at OTF, I remember being terrified of the treadmill, and embarrassed of my walking pace while everyone around me was seemingly killing it running. I would try to run a bit, and would need to stop to walk. I was ashamed at my performance every class. But I kept going. I kept trying.

I remember my base pace being 3.7 mph when I started at OTF. Push was 4.5 mph. All out was around 5.5 mph. My base pace now is 5.3 mph. I can all out at 9 mph (depending on how long it is) 😊 I invested in a treadmill, $400 off of Facebook Marketplace, and since I bought it in May 2018, I run at least twice a week after my daughter goes to bed at 8:30pm.

Am I exhausted at the end of the day? Absolutely. Do I take breaks when I am sick or too busy? Yup! I have felt defeated more times than I could count. Unhappy with my performance, appearance, always thinking I could be doing more. But I’ve learned to look forward to my workouts as a way of letting out the stress and anxiety I have from being a working mother...and I can count on one hand the number of times I didn’t work out because ‘I didn’t feel like it’.

I hated saying ‘I can’t run’, and I said it all the time. 2 years later, I can finally say I’m a runner. I’ve done 3 5ks since November 2018, and I’m signed up for 4 more this year. I may not finish the fastest, but I give everything I do my all and never give up. I keep trying.

Someone asked me last week on an Instagram post: ‘what’s your secret?’. There’s no secret. I never quit. I set my mind on something I wanted and I didn’t let myself give up. I set a new goal for myself. Every. Single. Day. And as always, I KEEP TRYING.

Paired with intermittent fasting and an annual 3 week keto-cleanse, I have been able to steadily lose and maintain my loss. This weekend I weighed in at 148.6. Almost 50 pounds less than 3 weeks after I had my girl. 27 pounds less than I was before I got pregnant. 14 pounds less than I was on my wedding day. But what I’ve gained easily trumps what I’ve lost.

My body is transforming…I have muscle definition in places I never did before. I’m learning to lift like a beast. I am getting faster, stronger, better every day. My end goal is no longer losing weight, but is now ‘how strong can I get?’.

My mind is on its way. After struggling with an eating disorder (anorexia) as a pre-teen and going to therapy to deal with a slew of issues, I’m finally understanding why I still see a fat woman in the mirror (body dysmorphic disorder). I still shy away from wearing tight clothing, get self-conscious in bikinis, and struggle to wear shorts in public. I know how to talk sense into myself, and I’m no longer my biggest bully.

I’m trying to stay conscious of small victories…I can go into a meeting at work and know that no one is staring at me because they think I look fat. I can stand with a group of girlfriends and not wonder, “everyone must think I’m the chubby one.” My mindset of caring about what others think about me more than what I think about myself is completely changing. No one knows my story, their opinions of me don’t matter.

This will probably be my last side by side in this mirror, so I wanted to share my progress since January, and since I started this journey in May 2017. This weekend I weighed in at 148.6 lbs. Down about 6 pounds since my last update on January 2019. Almost 50 pounds less than 3 weeks after I had my girl in July 2016. 27 pounds less than I was before I got pregnant. 14 pounds less than I was on my wedding day.

What I’ve gained easily trumps what I’ve lost. I’ve surpassed any weight loss goals I have, but I won’t stop striving for MORE LIFE.

For anyone thinking about giving up, don’t. If you’re losing hope, muster up whatever you can and KEEP GOING.

I vow to myself to never give up, and as my main chick Captain Marvel says, strive to go ‘Higher, further, faster!”