Alcohol Bullying

dbanks80
dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
edited February 2020 in Chit-Chat
I have made it a goal to not drink the entire month of February. I have been doing well and seeing good progress. The last 2 weekends I've had social events and I have not had any alcohol. But the bullying is relentless "Oh we are partying with an old fogey" and "You are not fun when you don't drink" and "You can have a vodka and club soda it's only 64 calories!!"

I am still my social jovial self but I am so irritated that people are trying to derail my progress. It is really pissing me off. I would like to carry the dry month going forward until at least Summer. But this is really making me rethink friendships. Is my non-drinking and getting healthier making them feel convicted about their own lack of fitness and will power? Do you really think I am no fun because I am not drinking? Do I need to socialize with like-minded people?

I love my friends I just wish they would respect what I am trying to accomplish and BACK THE F OFF!

Is anyone else experiencing this?

Ok I am done ranting.

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Replies

  • TwitchyMacGee
    TwitchyMacGee Posts: 3,120 Member
    I’m sorry your friends aren’t supportive.

    For me it’s a non-issue. If I feel like drinking, I drink. If not, I don’t. I’m not sure why, but no one seems to comment on it one way or the other.
  • amtyrell
    amtyrell Posts: 1,447 Member
    This actually tells you quite a bit more about them then it does about you.
    Truly if someone has an issue with you not drinking then it kinda says they have issues with alcohol and that they are not really being a good friend. I would think twice about anyone who once they know and understand continues to push alcohol on you.
  • deputy_randolph
    deputy_randolph Posts: 940 Member
    I'm not sure the issue is trying to derail weight loss as much as derail sobriety. This is definitely more concerning.

    If it continues, I would definitely say something to my friends. You might need a new friend group...that happens over time.
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    edited February 2020
    One friend who is trying to lose 30 lbs by June for her 50th bday is the one that said I am no fun when I don't drink! Excuse me I thought you were trying to lose 30 lbs!!!????

    She wanted to drink more but she didn't because I was making her feel convicted.
  • jenncornelsen
    jenncornelsen Posts: 969 Member
    I would be blunt and straight forward with these friends. Tell them how they made you feel. Sometimes people just gotta be put in their place for the bad behavior. If it keeps up after that I may think about who my real friends are. But for sure thats disappointing
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    drunk people and high people seem to think they're having "more fun" in my experience, so they encourage you to join in.

    Being the sober one in the group, often tells a different story (to me).

    *Um, ya...cause you're real fun laughing at dummer than dumb stuff or whatever...(boring af)*

    Sorry they are grating on you...people do it with food too, like if you don't want a piece of cake you're some kind of kill-joy

    imo they are projecting their insecurities and maybe shame onto you. Even friends do it.

    Let it slide, or be haughty about it (just for fun!)
  • Vikka_V
    Vikka_V Posts: 9,563 Member
    drunk people and high people seem to think they're having "more fun" in my experience, so they encourage you to join in.

    Being the sober one in the group, often tells a different story (to me).

    *Um, ya...cause you're real fun laughing at dummer than dumb stuff or whatever...(boring af)*

    Sorry they are grating on you...people do it with food too, like if you don't want a piece of cake you're some kind of kill-joy

    imo they are projecting their insecurities and maybe shame onto you. Even friends do it.

    Let it slide, or be haughty about it (just for fun!)
  • Tinydancer106
    Tinydancer106 Posts: 3,678 Member
    You'll know when its time to find new pals...to me there's nothing wrong with drinking socially...a dinner out....wedding....party...or even at home in front of telly if that's your thing .....but if you don't want too and they are making you feel badly .... That's not really being good friends and most likely something will be the straw that makes you reevaluate things.

    I've never been a big drinker but would here and there if I wanted too but still the friends I grew up with used to tease or taunt me about it so much it became this "thing"...it never bothered me until we had kids....I remember going away for a ski weekend with them when our kids were really little and being the only adult up feeding, watching and playing with the kids in the condo we rented while the party animals slept one off .... last time I went on one of those wild and crazy weekends....we still chat but they aren't my tribe anymore 🤷
  • wwwtheselion11
    wwwtheselion11 Posts: 422 Member
    I don't party with people who will pick on me. I also no longer drink alcohol. For my health. My last drink was in December. I had a pumpkin spice eggnog with rum. So yummy, but before that drink. It was September 27 my brother in law birthday.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    amtyrell wrote: »
    This actually tells you quite a bit more about them then it does about you.
    Truly if someone has an issue with you not drinking then it kinda says they have issues with alcohol and that they are not really being a good friend. I would think twice about anyone who once they know and understand continues to push alcohol on you.

    This is true.

    I've never been a drinker ( I have about 3 beers a year, 5 if I go to Mexico ).....

    anyway, when folks learn that I don't drink they usually think one of two things:

    1. I'm a Bible Thumper
    2. I have, or have had, a drinking problem

    neither are true.

    most of my friends are either designers from work or folks I've trained with either running clubs or from the gym.
  • slessofme
    slessofme Posts: 7,740 Member
    ythannah wrote: »
    amtyrell wrote: »
    This actually tells you quite a bit more about them then it does about you.
    Truly if someone has an issue with you not drinking then it kinda says they have issues with alcohol and that they are not really being a good friend. I would think twice about anyone who once they know and understand continues to push alcohol on you.

    ^^ this

    As a non-drinker (my parents are/were both alcoholics, I know it has a genetic component and I'd just as soon not tempt fate) I've faced alcohol bullying all my life. People who have their own problems with alcohol want to normalize their behaviour, they don't want to see others exercising the choice not to drink.

    I'm middle-aged and a few years ago I actually had an acquaintance tell me that they didn't bother inviting me to a get-together "because.... well... you don't drink". :| Really? Are we in high school, and all our socializing revolves around drinking?

    I don't really drink. I just never acquired a taste for it, particularly beer or wine. It has limited a lot of social interaction for me with both coworkers and other people in my age group. I can relate to the bolded very easily.

    Some assume there's some moral aspect to it. Not the case, I dont care what anyone else does, but very few people bother to get to know me well enough to figure that out. It says a lot about the people in my area/stage of life. I was talking to another mom when our oldest kids were in jr high and she said that she was going to start telling people she was in recovery because she felt people would be more accepting of her abstaining for that reason.
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    good luck with your dry february.
    people don't like change. you changed even if it is temporary.

    i don't drink much and i just say " i don't want to." many of my friends are sober and have a number of things they say but my favorite is "i'm allergic to alcohol. i break out in handcuffs"

    if your friends can't respect your decision not to drink, it might be time to evaluate your friends
  • sammidelvecchio
    sammidelvecchio Posts: 791 Member
    Last year I was really successful in my weight loss. One of the things I had to cut out was social drinking. I ended up just basically not seeing anyone for months. I had a great routine, was very happy, but ultimately alone 98% of the time (except for my partner). I didn't see friends for months at a time, we would still talk but I wouldn't see them.

    We all have to make decisions when it comes to what's best for us and the environment we need to take care of ourselves. I hope your friends get on board, but if not I hope you decide to do what's best for you no matter what!

    Hang in there !
  • Analog_Kid
    Analog_Kid Posts: 976 Member
    I can relate to what you're experiencing. The unfortunate repercussion of making life changing decisions is that the people closest to you tend to be the least supportive.

    Stand your ground. Keep doing what is best for you.
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,781 Member
    dbanks80 wrote: »
    Is my non-drinking and getting healthier making them feel convicted about their own lack of fitness and will power? Do you really think I am no fun because I am not drinking? Do I need to socialize with like-minded people?

    I'm guessing they feel self-conscious about their own alcohol habits, or even judged for it.

    I've always been a very moderate drinker, not because of fitness or weight reasons, but because I don't particularly enjoy being drunk.

    During a previous relationship, I used to go out with my GF and her friends. All heavy drinkers (my GF used to drink 20-30 beers a night), and they badgered me about drinking very little alcohol. I would drink one 'baby' Guinness, switch to water until I didn't feel tipsy anymore, then maybe have another beer,... While they drank non-stop. The judgment and comments were annoying. But also annoying was being sober around a bunch of drunks.

    In the meantime, that relationship has been over for a long time (and I would be surprised if my ex isn't an alcoholic by now). I am now surrounded by people who understand that I drink very little or sometimes no alcohol and who (for the most part) don't drink a lot themselves. When they do, its because they enjoy those drinks, not to get drunk.

    No matter why you don't drink alcohol (dislike the taste, calories, don't like getting drunk,...), real friends should accept that you have a right to make this choice for yourself.
    If they are capable of serious conversations, I would try and discuss the subject to explain that this is your choice for yourself, not some judgment on their behavior. If they can't understand, new friends are a good idea...
  • sammidelvecchio
    sammidelvecchio Posts: 791 Member
    Also, since this is new....if you don't like confrontation or are trying to work up courage to say something, in the meantime sneak off and order a soda water with lime. No one will know it doesn't have vodka in it and bars usually give non alcoholic drinks out for free !
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    sammidelvecchio wrote: »
    Last year I was really successful in my weight loss. One of the things I had to cut out was social drinking. I ended up just basically not seeing anyone for months. I had a great routine, was very happy, but ultimately alone 98% of the time (except for my partner). I didn't see friends for months at a time, we would still talk but I wouldn't see them.

    We all have to make decisions when it comes to what's best for us and the environment we need to take care of ourselves. I hope your friends get on board, but if not I hope you decide to do what's best for you no matter what!

    Hang in there !

    I've thought of blocking out the next few months and not socializing but I know it is not realistic or practical for me.

    I notice huge benefits going dry and I am loving this feeling. No bloating, no hangovers and sleeping the day away, my workouts are way more efficient. I don't drink during the week just weekends but even not drinking on weekends I feel so much better.

    I am going to stay focused.

  • deannalfisher
    deannalfisher Posts: 5,600 Member
    i'm the DD - even if i'm not - it gets ppl off my back
  • vggb
    vggb Posts: 132 Member
    Non-drinkers around regular drinkers makes them uncomfortable and insecure about themselves and their choices, especially if you were one of the 'regulars'. I've been there and pretty much have new friends along with a few that easily accepted that I wasn't drinking anymore, I guess they like me for who I am.

    A huge benefit of not drinking (along with so much more) was the immediate weight loss! I now call alcohol a "fat-binder" because it came off without any other dietary change. I was in my mid 20's then and dropped 40lbs! I have had times of 'social drinking' again and the weight came along with it. It's a good incentive for me not to regularly engage in social drinking, besides, I'm much older now and no longer have that desire.
  • Tinydancer106
    Tinydancer106 Posts: 3,678 Member
    sammidelvecchio wrote: »
    Also, since this is new....if you don't like confrontation or are trying to work up courage to say something, in the meantime sneak off and order a soda water with lime. No one will know it doesn't have vodka in it and bars usually give non alcoholic drinks out for free !

    Lol I did this for years🙌😁 ....soda water splash of cranberry and lime was my go too "drink" when the girls would go out...until one of my friends drank it my mistake and was horrified 😳😂.....it was really yummy though especially if you were dancing all night💃🤷
  • NArunner
    NArunner Posts: 7 Member
    tiredofthinkingaboutdrinking.com

    Awesome website.
  • spade117
    spade117 Posts: 2,466 Member
    dbanks80 wrote: »
    "Oh we are partying with an old fogey" and "You are not fun when you don't drink" and "You can have a vodka and club soda it's only 64 calories!!"

    ^They are jerks for that.

    dbanks80 wrote: »
    Is my non-drinking and getting healthier making them feel convicted about their own lack of fitness and will power?

    ^You are a jerk for thinking this.


    I don't care what people choose to do. Some people are a-holes because people change and it doesn't fit with what they had originally thought about them or fit into their ways anymore.

    And others tell themselves whatever they need to about other's reactions to their own actions to make themselves feel rational about the choices they have made, regardless of what they are.
  • tcunbeliever
    tcunbeliever Posts: 8,219 Member
    A lot of people see not doing something as a form of deprivation. And particularly if they lack the desire to deprive themselves they reason that surely no one should be deprived.

    I like to make it more of a challenge I am winning, something being conquered, no something I'm missing out on...it seems to put people more in my corner.

    I can't drink today, I'm 18 days into conquering the the month entirely, I can't quit now, I'm over half way!!!
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  • johnbtay3
    johnbtay3 Posts: 170 Member
    Take a bottle of vodka only fill the bottle with water when you go to a social event. Pour from the bottle and nobody will know.
  • GoJohnGo71
    GoJohnGo71 Posts: 439 Member
    Just wanted to add a bit more. I'm very sympathetic to someone who doesn't want to drink around drinkers. I've been an active non-drinker several times in my life from the ages of 17 until now (age 48). I wasn't raised around problem drinkers. My dad would get blitzed during family gatherings and mom had a few drinks per year. Otherwise, dad had the occasional beer after work.

    I was a bit chubby as a teen and took up running. I also refused all drinks to stay in shape from 17 to 25. We're talking grads, big birthdays, lots of parties and girls around me. I recall being pretty uncomfortable at times. Young people my age didn't really get me. Yet you could usually find me on a dance floor and pretty girls would be around me.

    At 25 to 45, I basically said, eff this, and drank. Not to have turned into an alcoholic, but enough to know severe hangovers and dumb things I had said/done.

    A few years ago, I was chubby again and wanted less to no drinking. These memories are easy to recall, because they don't go that far back. A lot of the people I was associating with didn't think it was cool of me. I could tell how uncomfortable my sobriety was making them. They wanted "their John" back, especially when it came to "romantic times" with sexual partners. It makes me feel sad that middle aged people could care so much about my wanting to not drink, for however long I wanted.

    I didn't drink through all of 2017 and just a couple in 2018. Just for health and to change myself up a bit. I feel drinking can age you. And I had started to feel depression creeping in the day after a big night of drinking. I'm not one who lives for things like this.

    Last year, I drank a few times. I also went out and socialized a lot, and didn't touch a drop about 80% of the time. I would be totally cool if booze didn't exist. If you offered me 5 grand to not drink for the next ten years, I would do it no problem.

    So, yeah, I understand this thread...

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