MFP has been very enlightening for me
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ReenieHJ
Posts: 9,724 Member
I used to hold onto all those old-fashioned ideas about dieting and weight loss. I can see why I always returned to the old ways of eating and ended up gaining everything back. I believe strongly that I'm on the right journey now, for the rest of my life.
With that said, my sister is struggling in many ways(life's cruel curves basically) and is still of the old mindset like I was. She's trying to go at weight loss the old-fashioned way and always asks me questions. I've tried to tell her about this place and lots of info I've learned but she turns me off. It's frustrating.
She asks me how many calories I eat; I tell her between 1200-1400, depending on how active my day is. She's trying to keep to a strict 1000. She keeps telling me how bad she's been or about eating bad foods. I try to tell her she's not 'bad' nor is there a 'bad' food. She disagrees vehemently with me. I used to think that way too and always came back feeling ashamed that I hadn't succeeded, that something was wrong with me. She was so proud of herself the first week(5 days actually) when she lost 5 lbs. She only wants to lose about 20 to begin with, but I just said yay you. Didn't say she's eating too little or that it's water weight, but boy, was I ever biting my tongue. 
She has no self-esteem anyways and I can see how she's digging herself in deeper.
I'm just mainly venting here but sure wish there was something I could do or say to convince her to alter her thinking. Plus I worry so much about her. Due to her home situation and her age, she needs to take the best care of herself that she can and I'm just afraid her own physical health(along with mental) will be negatively affected by her less-than-great eating.
Argh. I know it's in her hands but it's still frustrating for me to watch.
With that said, my sister is struggling in many ways(life's cruel curves basically) and is still of the old mindset like I was. She's trying to go at weight loss the old-fashioned way and always asks me questions. I've tried to tell her about this place and lots of info I've learned but she turns me off. It's frustrating.
She asks me how many calories I eat; I tell her between 1200-1400, depending on how active my day is. She's trying to keep to a strict 1000. She keeps telling me how bad she's been or about eating bad foods. I try to tell her she's not 'bad' nor is there a 'bad' food. She disagrees vehemently with me. I used to think that way too and always came back feeling ashamed that I hadn't succeeded, that something was wrong with me. She was so proud of herself the first week(5 days actually) when she lost 5 lbs. She only wants to lose about 20 to begin with, but I just said yay you. Didn't say she's eating too little or that it's water weight, but boy, was I ever biting my tongue. She has no self-esteem anyways and I can see how she's digging herself in deeper. I'm just mainly venting here but sure wish there was something I could do or say to convince her to alter her thinking.
Plus I worry so much about her. Due to her home situation and her age, she needs to take the best care of herself that she can and I'm just afraid her own physical health(along with mental) will be negatively affected by her less-than-great eating.Argh. I know it's in her hands but it's still frustrating for me to watch.
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Replies
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Something about the nature of giving and taking advice- the person on the receiving end has to be ready.
Looking back, I’ve had a lot of people give me good sound advice that just didn’t make any sense to me. It wasn’t that I rejected it exactly, I didn’t understand it. So I couldn’t use it.
Then, often many years later, I had the light bulb moment and suddenly understood what my dad was trying to tell me when I was 12. I understood it when I could.
Just keep setting an example and maybe your sister will figure it out.4 -
Doesn't sound like she's in a place to listen to you. Maybe you could talk her into looking at the success stories forum for encouragement then perhaps she'll explore a bit? Meanwhile I'd answer her questions but not tell her anything. What about inviting her for a walk or hike, something positive to get her moving that has nothing to do with food?1
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Doesn't sound like she's in a place to listen to you. Maybe you could talk her into looking at the success stories forum for encouragement then perhaps she'll explore a bit? Meanwhile I'd answer her questions but not tell her anything. What about inviting her for a walk or hike, something positive to get her moving that has nothing to do with food?
Well, she's kind of where I used to be....want to lose weight and want it gone yesterday mindset, will get there any way she can think of. She IMO isn't even overweight. As I said she wants to lose 20 lbs. and doesn't want to take the time to do it healthily. I mean, she eats healthy foods but not enough of them. Plus she's even admitted to me she'd be the type to fill her day with 1000 cal. of junk, if she could. Yep, that was just like me.
She's in a place in her life where she cannot get out like she used to, walking 2-4 miles every day, staying active and busy. She tries, believe me she tries. I go with her sometimes and we do walk. But with a dh with dementia, she's housebound caring for him and between the stress and lack of movement, it's going to take a toll on her health. Plus she's an emotional eater craving junk food(must be in our genes). So when I suggest she add more calories and not cut herself short health-wise she doesn't want to listen. So much like I was.
And 88olds, I never listened back then either. Small steps?? It'd take a year to lose all those lbs! Replace 1 unhealthy habit at a time or drink more water? Again, no patience. Eat more food/calories?? Well, that certainly wouldn't work.
Exercise?? Not in this lifetime. 
Coming here I learned a LOT. 2 -
Maybe just lead by example and don't give advice. When your sister sees you being successful..and sees the physical change..which may take a while. She will then be very willing to pick your brain on what you're doing to lose the weight. Don't paint her into a corner with an "I told you so" attitude...just be there for her. The time will come.0
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elisa123gal wrote: »Maybe just lead by example and don't give advice. When your sister sees you being successful..and sees the physical change..which may take a while. She will then be very willing to pick your brain on what you're doing to lose the weight. Don't paint her into a corner with an "I told you so" attitude...just be there for her. The time will come.
This. The best you can do is lead by example. It's up to her to make the changes needed, you can't do it for her. In my experience, sisters can be a challenge to deal with when it comes to being overweight and dieting (4 sisters). I understand your concern about her, but let her be.
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Doesn't sound like she's in a place to listen to you. Maybe you could talk her into looking at the success stories forum for encouragement then perhaps she'll explore a bit? Meanwhile I'd answer her questions but not tell her anything. What about inviting her for a walk or hike, something positive to get her moving that has nothing to do with food?
Well, she's kind of where I used to be....want to lose weight and want it gone yesterday mindset, will get there any way she can think of. She IMO isn't even overweight. As I said she wants to lose 20 lbs. and doesn't want to take the time to do it healthily. I mean, she eats healthy foods but not enough of them. Plus she's even admitted to me she'd be the type to fill her day with 1000 cal. of junk, if she could. Yep, that was just like me.
She's in a place in her life where she cannot get out like she used to, walking 2-4 miles every day, staying active and busy. She tries, believe me she tries. I go with her sometimes and we do walk. But with a dh with dementia, she's housebound caring for him and between the stress and lack of movement, it's going to take a toll on her health. Plus she's an emotional eater craving junk food(must be in our genes). So when I suggest she add more calories and not cut herself short health-wise she doesn't want to listen. So much like I was.
And 88olds, I never listened back then either. Small steps?? It'd take a year to lose all those lbs! Replace 1 unhealthy habit at a time or drink more water? Again, no patience. Eat more food/calories?? Well, that certainly wouldn't work. Exercise?? Not in this lifetime. Coming here I learned a LOT.
I think if you want to help your sister a better idea might be to offer to hold things down at her house for a few hours so she can get some time for herself maybe once or a couple of days a week to spend however she pleases. Whether it’s exercise or rest I’m sure she’d appreciate it. Also you can maybe prepare a healthy meal or two for her family, or for all of you to share. If she’s as busy as it sounds, some down time to de-stress might be more beneficial to her health than losing weight it doesn’t sound like is impacting her health negatively. Stress, however, can definitely take its toll.
ETA: It could also be the stress of being a caregiver that causes her to crave “junk” food. With a little bit of relief she might find these cravings less intense and also might have the freed up mental energy to put toward her nutrition/diet/health. Good luck to both of you!2
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