why cant others be happy?

hajra123
hajra123 Posts: 13
edited October 2 in Health and Weight Loss
hi everyone i just came on here to ask if anyone is going through this...i have lost over 5 stone since september last year and 2 weeks ago i was at my goal weight of 117lbs..(i could tweak it down to 112lb but thats just me lol) anyway all my family and friends were shocked and relatively proud of me but then after a while i noticed they all started to be 'concerned' that my weight was 'far too low' or i 'looked bony' and 'unhealthy' my bmi was perfect and my body fat level was dwn to 21% from when i started a year ago!
because of the constant nit-picking and to shut them up i've binged on anything and everything for 2 weeks and now im a stone heavier i want to sob, i feel so angry why cant they just accept the fact that I WANT TO LOOK THE BEST I CAN, yes i weigh my foods yes i spend hours reading labels at the supermarket YES I RECORD EVERYTHING THAT PASSES MY LIPS ON MFP get over itttt :-( rant over now can someone please tell me how to get out of this vicious cycle
sorry i forgot to mention im getting married in 6 weeks i need to lose this stone i've put on :-(

Replies

  • Texas501
    Texas501 Posts: 274
    Make new friends. Limit your hang out time with those members of your family that give you a hard time. Be happy with your accomplishment! You look great. Enjoy it! It took a lot of hard work! Why subject yourself to criticism and loathing from people? You don't need that garbage. Just my opinion.
  • Michelle9939
    Michelle9939 Posts: 291
    The same thing happened to my cousin after she had weight loss surgery. Everyone was telling her she looked too thin. She didn't! She was looking healthy and very good. But everyone was so used to her being heavier. So I think you just need to stop binge eating and get back to your healthier living. Good luck!
  • kandrews24
    kandrews24 Posts: 610 Member
    Huge congrats on your weight loss!!! Definately you need to get back down to goal. YOU CAN DO IT.

    Congrats on your pending wedding as well! Yay you!

    So sorry that your family is not supportive. To tell you the truth, they sound awful. Maybe they are just trying to make themselves feel better by getting you fat like them. But whatever, the reason, their concern is misguided and inappropriate.

    I don't know how old you are, but believe me, most folks reach a point in their live (30's or 40's) when they just don't care what others think. It is a wonderful freedom, I must tell you.

    How you handle friends and family is up to you. You can argue with them or ignore them or whatever you want, but it is not your job to make them happy. They can be any weight they want (and I'm sure they are). You are only in charge of you! Take control and do what you already know how to do and get to the weight that you want! You go girl!

    You will be a beautiful bride. It is your day and you enjoy it. Enjoy getting ready too. You are going to feel so good as soon as you get back on track. Do it now!
  • dragonflydi
    dragonflydi Posts: 665 Member
    I have run into this as well and I've determined that they were just "used" to seeing me heavy. I was obese for nearly 12 years ... it's what they became accustomed to and this is very new to them.

    I am in a very healthy zone right now and under the care of a physician and a trainer. If THEY tell me not to lose more, then I won't ... and right now, my goal is body composition ... replacing body fat for lean body mass. It's looks like I've lost more weight, but I haven't - I've just firmed up.

    So long as you are healthy, keep trucking along! You can do it!
  • 1smemae94
    1smemae94 Posts: 365 Member
    Just like you said, you are doing it for you. You want to be healthy, and happy and not carrying around a stone. ( just wondering, how much is that?) Just remember all the reasons why you started in the first place. To look good for your wedding? To be able to chase after kids one day? To feel better and have more energy? Next time someone says something hurtful, instead of turning to food, let them know that their suppost would be appreciated after all your hard work. And if that doesnt help, go away from them for awhile. Take a walk, or go to the gym, or even come on here and rant BEFORE the binging. Good luck, and if you ever want to rant feel free to message me.

    PS. congradulations on the up coming wedding.
  • MyNewNirvana
    MyNewNirvana Posts: 8
    I think that there are people who prefer us fat for their own insecurity reasons. When I told my mother in law my weight loss goal, she went ballistic. I heard many of the same things. You will be too small. You won't be healthy. I had to tell her...this is MY journey, this is about MY health, this is about MY happiness in this life...I want you to be a part of that, but this is not YOUR choice. She backed down and still has snide remarks to make occasionally, but I just ignore those because this is about ME...not her. Most people are very supportive and, IMO, they are the ones that matter...not the ones who try to bring you down. Best of luck on your journey!!!!
  • TropicalKitty
    TropicalKitty Posts: 2,298 Member
    This can be difficult, but once you recognize that what people think doesn't matter, you'll feel so liberated.

    My mom thinks I'm nuts with trying to eat naturally and all that I've been working on, but I don't care. She can be the fat diabetic who forced herself to go on insulin because she wants a get-rich-quick diet and eats a ton of carbs/sugar. That's her problem, and I won't let anyone influence the things I know I'm doing healthfully.

    If someone says something to you, either ignore it or say back "Thank you for your concern." Then move on about your business.

    Congrats on doing so well! Don't let this deter you. :)
  • colorfulcupcakes
    colorfulcupcakes Posts: 122 Member
    I think you (and I'm speaking to myself too) have to accept that taking care of your health, food, exercise, fitness, meal planning, etc. is different. It's not the norm. I have to remember that for me, this is what works. Others might sometimes feel judged when they see that you took control... they think about their own habits and wonder if they should change... and then they feel fear and kind lash out at what you are doing, but really I think it's fear of change.

    I think about how *before* I had a food scale, my sister would weigh her food and we all thought she was crazy. Now I have one and don't know how I Iived without it. I'm way less stressed about food using a scale to know exactly what I'm eating, than I was when I was very overweight and just felt guilty every time I was in a kitchen.

    When they nit-pick, imagine that they are talking to themselves... and then maybe you can have sympathy for how they talk to themselves in such a mean critical way.
  • carlobuff
    carlobuff Posts: 39
    I think that there are people who prefer us fat for their own insecurity reasons. When I told my mother in law my weight loss goal, she went ballistic. I heard many of the same things. You will be too small. You won't be healthy. I had to tell her...this is MY journey, this is about MY health, this is about MY happiness in this life...I want you to be a part of that, but this is not YOUR choice. She backed down and still has snide remarks to make occasionally, but I just ignore those because this is about ME...not her. Most people are very supportive and, IMO, they are the ones that matter...not the ones who try to bring you down. Best of luck on your journey!!!!

    You are right to get yourself thin while you are young. Since you are getting married and children may be in your future, you will be a more energetic wife and mother by staying thin.
    Here I am 67 and trying to get this weight off. Don't do what I have done.
    You will help yourself avoid diseases like arthritis and diabetes and high cholesterol etc.
    So glad for you.
    you have done the right thing.
    Enjoy your life. Congratulations on your wedding. Do what you know is right for you and think up something to say to these folks who do this to you.
    Blessings on your marriage.
  • fionat29
    fionat29 Posts: 717 Member
    I think that there are people who prefer us fat for their own insecurity reasons. When I told my mother in law my weight loss goal, she went ballistic. I heard many of the same things. You will be too small. You won't be healthy. I had to tell her...this is MY journey, this is about MY health, this is about MY happiness in this life...I want you to be a part of that, but this is not YOUR choice. She backed down and still has snide remarks to make occasionally, but I just ignore those because this is about ME...not her. Most people are very supportive and, IMO, they are the ones that matter...not the ones who try to bring you down. Best of luck on your journey!!!!

    I totally agree and I hope you don't mind but I've copied the cartoon in your signature, it made me laugh out loud!! So funny!!
  • riannenrings
    riannenrings Posts: 142 Member
    *kitten* em!!!!!!!!!! they dont want you to look any better than them OR they are taking out their frustration at their not being able to do the same onto you.

    they are not being true friends.

    so, *kitten* em. forget about what they say. stay on course.
  • kk0223
    kk0223 Posts: 179
    I'm sure family is just concerned but I bet they are just used to seeing you one way and now you're different and they just aren't use to it. If you're happy that's all that matters.

    Hope you are at a healthy weight though and not too skinny! Be careful and stay healthy!

    Don't let other people bring you down!

    Congrats on the loss.
  • smscj
    smscj Posts: 3
    There is always someone who wants to put the dampers on occaisons and achievements. Don't allow this Blip to spoil the fantastic relationship and goal you had achieved with food and exercise. Enjoy your wedding but most of all enjoy being you. choose not to allow them to upset you. you are amazing and your weight loss is very much inspiring me!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
    hi everyone i just came on here to ask if anyone is going through this...i have lost over 5 stone since september last year and 2 weeks ago i was at my goal weight of 117lbs..(i could tweak it down to 112lb but thats just me lol) anyway all my family and friends were shocked and relatively proud of me but then after a while i noticed they all started to be 'concerned' that my weight was 'far too low' or i 'looked bony' and 'unhealthy' my bmi was perfect and my body fat level was dwn to 21% from when i started a year ago!
    because of the constant nit-picking and to shut them up i've binged on anything and everything for 2 weeks and now im a stone heavier i want to sob, i feel so angry why cant they just accept the fact that I WANT TO LOOK THE BEST I CAN, yes i weigh my foods yes i spend hours reading labels at the supermarket YES I RECORD EVERYTHING THAT PASSES MY LIPS ON MFP get over itttt :-( rant over now can someone please tell me how to get out of this vicious cycle
    sorry i forgot to mention im getting married in 6 weeks i need to lose this stone i've put on :-(

    Look...this type of story has been put on here before. If you give in to people's opinion relative to YOUR HEALTH, then maybe YOU agree with what they are saying. Each person decides whose Opinion(s) is important to them, and whether they TRUST that Opinion. If you TRUST Yourself, then you just IGNORE the "voices" of others. People whom we Love can be the least supportive and/or may try to control us. Example: Yesterday I committed to Fast for the day. I made the "mistake" of telling My Sister; She decided to cook My fav meal, and as she told me what she was cooking, I could see her "grin" as she turned around. I said to Myself, just the fuel I need to succeed, I'll show her...AND I DID!

    REMEMBER, It IS NOT about THEM, it IS about YOU. What "They" think is not important in the end...YOU don't need to TRY and Psychoanalyze anyone about how THEY feel about YOUR HEALTH. It IS ALL ABOUT YOU when it comes to your Health! If you give in to others, then You should analyze YOURSELF and try and determine why you allow others to Control you, especially IF they are wrong.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    In the last year, I've learned a lot about the people I used to surround myself with -- my "friends" turned on me. Ridiculing me for the things I ate, how much I worked out, etc. If I had a dollar for every time someone said "You can eat such and such - it won't kill you!" I would be rich. As for my family, other than my grandma and my sisters -- I haven't gotten much support at all. My mother used to always tell me "You're going to kill yourself being as overweight as you are. You know your family history with heart issues". I know all about them and they are part of the reason why I lost the weight. Then when I start working out and losing weight, instead of telling me "Good Job" -- she tells me "You're going to kill yourself running on the treadmill".

    I don't understand why people aren't supportive, but they aren't. Don't allow THEIR negativity to affect YOU. You know what you want and you know what your body needs. Don't let them affect it.

    Good Luck to you! And congrats on your wedding!
  • hajra123
    hajra123 Posts: 13
    wow! guys thank you so much, this is exactly the kind of support i need :-) i've done alot of thinking and im not going to let anyone keep me from my weightloss goals, i've tried everything and it feels like i've been on a diet since i was 11, i've finally found something that is giving me results im not going to let anyone take that from me! thanks again!
This discussion has been closed.

Categories