Why is it

Jealousy?

How would they even know unless you tell them. What I do is what I do for my own purposes. I don't talk about it to other people and then they have no basis for comment. If they comment on a food or an activity choice of mine, I just ask them if they are responsible for minding me. That discourages any further comment.

OblivionPortal wrote: »

My mom has been morbidly obese her whole life and has been talking about losing weight for as long as I've been alive. I was over 300 lbs by the time I was 12 and got up to nearly 500 lbs in my late teens. After moving out and away from my family and living on my own I've gotten down to the 240's currently and aiming to get under 200. Whenever she sees photos of me or tries to talk to me about my weight loss, she either accuses me of having an eating disorder, calls me anorexic or says that other people are a bad influence on me. Whenever I was around her, the only time I really felt she was accepting to me or bonding with me was when food was involved. I think me being as big and gluttonous as her at the time made her feel better about herself or something, but I was never comfortable or happy and I always wanted to change.

When I started making better choices she would constantly try to sabotage me, even if she wasn't aware. Now when I try to give her advice over the phone, she will claim she is trying and eating healthy but also in the next sentence say she absolutely cannot give up icecream, pizza etc while laughing it off. She laughs it off every single time like it's not a big deal, but now she can barely walk due to permanent hip problems and she's only 50. She's facing the repercussions now that reality is setting in, and it's just sad. She had control over her life in every single way, no one to blame but herself. It's still not too late, but no one can help her but herself I would say.

People give you negativity because they hate your positive mindset. They hate seeing you succeed, because they know they could succeed too, but they're too afraid to try, or just too stuck in their own bad habits. Some of them feel helpless. Some of them feel envious. Some people get so stuck, that they deceive themselves into believing it's OK to live like this. They tell themselves it's good even, if they're really delusional. It's not good. We should all work together as human beings to bring each other up and improve ourselves and our lives, not bring each other down and reinforce each other's bad habits and behaviors.

Congrats.... natural or WLS? Just curious.....

Jealousy or ignorance. This is why I love my MFP gang. Until you do it for yourself, you don't understand that it's a frame of mind, not just about looking good for someone else.

psuLemon wrote: »

mmapags wrote: »

How would they even know unless you tell them. What I do is what I do for my own purposes. I don't talk about it to other people and then they have no basis for comment. If they comment on a food or an activity choice of mine, I just ask them if they are responsible for minding me. That discourages any further comment.

They would know based on your look. People, over time, notice weight loss. My family has seen my body change and become leaner and more muscular. Of course they try to give me the same non sense about getting "too thin" but i simply let them know it's my body and the only person who has a say is me. And if they persist, i then talk about the impacts on health related to obesity, diabetes, high blood sugar and the associations to cancer (which runs high in my family). In the end, i am here to reach my goals and be the best example i can for my kids and people around me.

I get a lot of “too thin in the face” type comments from my mum. I decided to sit down and explain a bit about strength training and cutting and bulking. Big mistake. She now thinks I’m crazy as well as too thin in the face. For a lot of people the notion of choosing to lose and gain weight is too way out for them to comprehend. So I’ve decided not to talk about it apart from places like here, where people understand.

People don't like change. Things (including people around them) staying the same is cozy.

I think most people don't mention our overweight because either so many people are overweight now that overweight looks normal and healthy weight looks "too thin"; because they're overweight themselves ("birds of a feather"); and because in my culture (don't know yours) it's considered quite rude to criticize someone for their appearance (maybe especially weight).

If someone is an outlier in their social set (weight or otherwise), I'd consider it extremely likely that someone(s) is talking about it behind their back . . . maybe in a nice/concerned way, maybe in a mean/critical way. (I notice people who do the latter, among my social group, and who are not providing the person any help/support to improve. I make a mental note to mistrust them in the future, and avoid closer connection.)

I'd hesitate to attribute any one clear motivation to every single person who comments. Sure, they may be envious, they may feel like a failure because they're not getting fitter/healthier, they may think we'll drop them in favor of other friends once we're a fit/healthy person, they may emotionally associate rapid weight loss with illness and worry, and there are lots more possibilities.

Face it, it's unusual to see someone steadily lose weight, to a very noticeable and even dramatic point over a period of time, then keep it off. Offhand, I can only think of 2 people I know who've done that; and they did it before I knew them. Most people "go on a diet" and "fall off the wagon" repeatedly, and never lose much, let alone keep it off.

Personally, I think it's completely profitless to speculate about the interior state of other people's heads, a total waste of my time. Sure, for any of us, we may know enough about a specific person to have a well-grounded idea what that one person is thinking; but beyond that, what difference does it make?

One thing I'd say, from the perspective of year 4+ of maintanence: Generally, it stops. Most people are reacting to the shock of seeing us looking much differently from how they've become accustomed to us. They get used to the new us. Back in 2015 when I went from obese to normal weight, quite a few of my friends expressed surprise or concern in one way or another.

I haven't heard any of that in several years. They got used to me. I asked one friend - one I consider quite capable of self-insight - why that had changed (she had been worried about me, and told me privately, when I was losing). She admitted that she no longer has concern about me, but couldn't really say why she felt so strongly at the time. She thought there might have been some jealousy in the mix, but also shock at the change. We're still good friends.

Just my opinions, as always.

To @AnnPT77's point I have a family member who I have known to be chubby since she was very young. I say chubby because I am a lousy judge of weight but since she had weight loss surgery I assume that means she was obese. I thought she was always nice looking with her weight and after a dramatic loss it was kind of shocking at first. Her face is disproportionately thin. I don't say that as a critique. Mine is the same way. I look more stern (that part I like) and older than before. Time will help both of us as soon as we are weight stable for awhile... at least I hope time will help me. She is much younger so it will definitely help her.

I said nothing because I prefer not to comment on anyone's weight loss. It just seems like a minefield that is best avoided. Plus I am a guy and I do not know many guys that lose weight and commenting on a woman's weight loss would rarely feel comfortable even if family.