Anxiety and Food
kajozq
Posts: 4 Member
I've been trying to get a hold of not eating too much. It goes well for a week and then suddenly I get this feeling in my head that doesn't go away, makes it seem like anxiety that tells me to eat that.
Anyways, do you guys have any tips?
Any tip could help
Anyways, do you guys have any tips?
Any tip could help
2
Replies
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How little are you eating? Maybe it is too little. What are your goals?3
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Well, recently I haven't been tracking my calorie intake but if I had to guess I'd say it's between 1800-2000 calories?
The problem is that I can't seem to control myself when it comes to candy or any junk food (some or most of those calories are from these).1 -
Many people have trouble with compulsively eating some foods.
I have whole list of things that set me off, always sugar or wheat involved.
Can you try avoiding foods that trigger you?3 -
@cmriverside
Me too! Sugar and Wheat
I tried to avoiding. It worked for a while but it doesn't seem I can do that again regularly
It lasts for weeks and then again I start eating too much.1 -
I just try to get back on track as soon as possible.
Log all of it, that helps to see the numbers and with me it was motivation. Hiding it or denying it happened didn't work, but being accountable to the numbers did.3 -
What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?7 -
@KrissCanDoThis
Wow!
Thank you so much, I'll keep that in mind every time I want to binge.
Hope you can achieve your goals, keep going!
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Chances are, if you are those didn’t demonize those frudgsicles and just let yourself eat them (even if you are the whole box) you wouldn’t want to binge them in the future. If you follow the binge it almost always leads to restriction, physical or mentalKrissCanDoThis wrote: »What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?KrissCanDoThis wrote: »What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?
1 -
@ssee11
I have binge eating disorder.
Every food is a binge food. Not just the fudgesticks. The reason I choose to aim for better choices is because every single day without medication is a potential binge day for me.
I choose healthy choices because firstly I am diabetic and I am taking insulin, eating all the fudgesticks that I could very well binge on is quite a bit of carbs and makes my insulin useless.
The medication I am on for my binge eating disorder wears off by the end of the evening and often times I am awake several hours after..
There is no stopping my binges, only therapy for alternative behavior changes to manage them.
I dont demonize fudgesticks.. I eat them, otherwise they wouldnt be in my freezer to begin with.
I choose to not allow my behavior once the medication stops helping me to control me, why you think I should choose the fudgesticks is beyond me, eating the whole box would not prevent me from a binge in the future.
I have been working very hard to change my binge and restrict behaviors, you dont need to tell me about them, i live it and have lived it my entire life since I was 5.
Acknowledging a binge, and being present for it and making better choices, rather then eating hundreds of calories of fudgesticks or hotdogs, or chicken or pasta or in my worst case scenario, eating salad dressing out of a bowl with my finger because I had left myself nothing to eat in an attempt to starve myself is MILES better then eating an entire box of fudgesticks.
Also to add..
There is a difference between demonizing a food to a point of trying to never eat it cause it's bad and making better choices for a binge and then eating that something in moderation when your not struggling.13 -
Chances are, if you are those didn’t demonize those frudgsicles and just let yourself eat them (even if you are the whole box) you wouldn’t want to binge them in the future. If you follow the binge it almost always leads to restriction, physical or mentalKrissCanDoThis wrote: »What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?KrissCanDoThis wrote: »What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?
this is the key!!!!!!!2 -
Yup - don’t avoid those foods, make a plan to eat them in moderation so you don’t feel deprived and binge. Plan to have a sugary treat every day if you need, just make sure it’s a reasonable portion and that you account for the calories. I meal plan and include dessert. Or cheese. Or other things I love. I weigh and measure them and include them in my meal plan. It’s actually fun to get to decide which treat (Skinny cow ice cream sandwich? Cadbury cream egg? 100g of halo top with 1T chocolate syrup ?) get to be my treat for the day. I know the calories and they are part of the total calories I plan for the day. Perfectly allowed and no guilt!0
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KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
So much this. When I binge it’s not always unhealthy. I would come home from work and stand with my fingers in a bag of frozen blueberries and feel HORRIBLE. It’s the loss of control that affects you. Then often after that I would feel so bad I’d eat something else, maybe more unhealthy. The anxiety from the lack of control would sometimes cause me to be sick.
The good news is that I have a lot better handle over it now so there is hope!6 -
To the OP, my best tip is to be really aware of how you’re nourishing your body and mind. Plan healthy meals, don’t under eat, know that you need to eat and slow and steady wins the race.0
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KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
So much this. When I binge it’s not always unhealthy. I would come home from work and stand with my fingers in a bag of frozen blueberries and feel HORRIBLE. It’s the loss of control that affects you. Then often after that I would feel so bad I’d eat something else, maybe more unhealthy. The anxiety from the lack of control would sometimes cause me to be sick.
The good news is that I have a lot better handle over it now so there is hope!
It's a loss of control that you really only understand when you're older too..
When I was a kid, the countless times I left my room in the dark after everyone was asleep... quietly opening the fridge and scanning for what I could eat, and opening a big Tupperware bowl of cold soup and just standing there in the fridge digging through it to eat pieces of meat and potato.. closing the lid after feeling ashamed and scared of someone seeing me and going back to my bed... only to 15 min later go back out and find something else.. and opening a package of raw bacon and eating that.
As an adult living paycheck to paycheck eating $300 worth of food in less then 2 weeks and having to borrow money for more food, cause you just couldnt stop eating packages and packages of chicken, steaks, hotdogs, even veggies, I would cook turnip, mashed potato and carrots, mash them all up and then stir a jar of cheese wiz into it and eat the entire pot with as much bread and butter as i could until i was ready to explode.
You try everything you can to stop eating, you throw away all your food and leave yourself with nothing, you spend all the money in your bank account, you cut up your debit and credit cards, you leave yourself nothing but bottles of salad dressing and stale ice cream cones and after consuming all that.. as much as you want to starve yourself.. it's like you're not even you anymore and you go and borrow money for food only to have it last less then a day.
Dont demonize fudgesticks? Just binge and you wont binge again in the future? Please.
The amount of therapy and struggle I've gone through to be able to get to the point where I can finally put into practice a positive change in the behavior that's done nothing but consume my soul for almost 30 years.. to be able to acknowledge those binges, over eat if need be and NOT wake up the next day in total chaos or wanting to correct and just carry on is a huge achievement for me.
I still have lots of therapy i need to get.. i am no where near perfect, but it really does trivialize an eating disorder when someone just says "maybe if you didnt demonize them and just ate them, even if it's the whole box, you wouldnt want to binge in the future"..
It kinda makes me get my back up because it brings back memories of my ex telling me "if you dont want to eat, just dont eat it's that simple"
Anyway.. lol20 -
KrissCanDoThis wrote: »KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
So much this. When I binge it’s not always unhealthy. I would come home from work and stand with my fingers in a bag of frozen blueberries and feel HORRIBLE. It’s the loss of control that affects you. Then often after that I would feel so bad I’d eat something else, maybe more unhealthy. The anxiety from the lack of control would sometimes cause me to be sick.
The good news is that I have a lot better handle over it now so there is hope!
It's a loss of control that you really only understand when you're older too..
When I was a kid, the countless times I left my room in the dark after everyone was asleep... quietly opening the fridge and scanning for what I could eat, and opening a big Tupperware bowl of cold soup and just standing there in the fridge digging through it to eat pieces of meat and potato.. closing the lid after feeling ashamed and scared of someone seeing me and going back to my bed... only to 15 min later go back out and find something else.. and opening a package of raw bacon and eating that.
As an adult living paycheck to paycheck eating $300 worth of food in less then 2 weeks and having to borrow money for more food, cause you just couldnt stop eating packages and packages of chicken, steaks, hotdogs, even veggies, I would cook turnip, mashed potato and carrots, mash them all up and then stir a jar of cheese wiz into it and eat the entire pot with as much bread and butter as i could until i was ready to explode.
You try everything you can to stop eating, you throw away all your food and leave yourself with nothing, you spend all the money in your bank account, you cut up your debit and credit cards, you leave yourself nothing but bottles of salad dressing and stale ice cream cones and after consuming all that.. as much as you want to starve yourself.. it's like you're not even you anymore and you go and borrow money for food only to have it last less then a day.
Dont demonize fudgesticks? Just binge and you wont binge again in the future? Please.
The amount of therapy and struggle I've gone through to be able to get to the point where I can finally put into practice a positive change in the behavior that's done nothing but consume my soul for almost 30 years.. to be able to acknowledge those binges, over eat if need be and NOT wake up the next day in total chaos or wanting to correct and just carry on is a huge achievement for me.
I still have lots of therapy i need to get.. i am no where near perfect, but it really does trivialize an eating disorder when someone just says "maybe if you didnt demonize them and just ate them, even if it's the whole box, you wouldnt want to binge in the future"..
It kinda makes me get my back up because it brings back memories of my ex telling me "if you dont want to eat, just dont eat it's that simple"
Anyway.. lol
I literally never post... But this (and your other comment) is one of the most interesting and thought provoking replies to a thread I've seen on this forum. Thank you for you insight on this matter as I'm sure it will help OP.3 -
KrissCanDoThis wrote: »KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
So much this. When I binge it’s not always unhealthy. I would come home from work and stand with my fingers in a bag of frozen blueberries and feel HORRIBLE. It’s the loss of control that affects you. Then often after that I would feel so bad I’d eat something else, maybe more unhealthy. The anxiety from the lack of control would sometimes cause me to be sick.
The good news is that I have a lot better handle over it now so there is hope!
It's a loss of control that you really only understand when you're older too..
When I was a kid, the countless times I left my room in the dark after everyone was asleep... quietly opening the fridge and scanning for what I could eat, and opening a big Tupperware bowl of cold soup and just standing there in the fridge digging through it to eat pieces of meat and potato.. closing the lid after feeling ashamed and scared of someone seeing me and going back to my bed... only to 15 min later go back out and find something else.. and opening a package of raw bacon and eating that.
As an adult living paycheck to paycheck eating $300 worth of food in less then 2 weeks and having to borrow money for more food, cause you just couldnt stop eating packages and packages of chicken, steaks, hotdogs, even veggies, I would cook turnip, mashed potato and carrots, mash them all up and then stir a jar of cheese wiz into it and eat the entire pot with as much bread and butter as i could until i was ready to explode.
You try everything you can to stop eating, you throw away all your food and leave yourself with nothing, you spend all the money in your bank account, you cut up your debit and credit cards, you leave yourself nothing but bottles of salad dressing and stale ice cream cones and after consuming all that.. as much as you want to starve yourself.. it's like you're not even you anymore and you go and borrow money for food only to have it last less then a day.
Dont demonize fudgesticks? Just binge and you wont binge again in the future? Please.
The amount of therapy and struggle I've gone through to be able to get to the point where I can finally put into practice a positive change in the behavior that's done nothing but consume my soul for almost 30 years.. to be able to acknowledge those binges, over eat if need be and NOT wake up the next day in total chaos or wanting to correct and just carry on is a huge achievement for me.
I still have lots of therapy i need to get.. i am no where near perfect, but it really does trivialize an eating disorder when someone just says "maybe if you didnt demonize them and just ate them, even if it's the whole box, you wouldnt want to binge in the future"..
It kinda makes me get my back up because it brings back memories of my ex telling me "if you dont want to eat, just dont eat it's that simple"
Anyway.. lol
OMG Kriss, you're talking about me. Not in the exact details but in all the feelings and a lot of the actions you describe. Yeh, people who have not been diagnosed with binge-eating disorder cannot possibly understand how eating fudge pops will help you stop bingeing. It's almost as if a button has been clicked within your brain and if you could only find it again to shut the dang thing off....I buy those dastardly fudge pops, hoping it'll keep me away from the really bad stuff. But it doesn't matter one iota. I'll eat the box. Then make pb&j sandwiches or eat a stack of ritz crackers and on and on. Most of the time it doesn't matter what's available to eat. I eat it anyways to fill.........something inside my brain that isn't stopping me. It's a disease, a disorder, something that is not healthy or normal. I seem to have no control whatsoever at times. But then finding that switch again, I can maintain normal eating for weeks. Right now the switch seems to be broken. I've been doing nothing but eating and gaining for the past few weeks. Dh will go to bed, I'm back in the kitchen eating sandwiches, etc.
Is there a medication that helps control this? Does it work?
And it's not that simple. Ever. It's like telling an alcoholic to not buy vodka or a cocaine user, to just stop. Tell an anorexic to eat, a smoker throw away the cigarettes. Anyone with a true disorder, obsession, addiction, would get it. People who have not been there, done that cannot understand. It takes a combination of so many 'right' things to win over this struggle. Our brain is only part of the battle. It's not simply over-eating or having a drink too many. It's so much more. I have a very petite friend, she's now early 70's. She used to get things back out of her trash to eat. If you knew this woman, you'd be aghast at that fact.She's ALWAYS had an eating disorder. She used to binge-purge back in her 20's and only stopped that when she nearly lost her life in the hospital because of it. She's scared now because she's gained a few pounds from eating due to the recent stressors in her life.
*sigh* JMO
I also wanted to add for those that are thinking 'well, I overcame it too. It's just an excuse'. Don't ever be arrogant or feel safe enough to think it's gone forever. I have done that before. And here I am, back to eating/gaining weight like there's no tomorrow. So...disagree if you must. 
We are all different, our genetics, our brains, emotions, the way we can/cannot handle adversities in our very individual and unique lives, our support(or lack of) systems, we're all different. 7 -
@ReenieHJ
I am sorry to see that you are struggling right now. It can feel like you're drowning when you're stuck in a binge cycle and days later cant seem to get your head above water.
There is medication but if you want you can add me and I will tell you about it.2 -
Chances are, if you are those didn’t demonize those frudgsicles and just let yourself eat them (even if you are the whole box) you wouldn’t want to binge them in the future. If you follow the binge it almost always leads to restriction, physical or mentalKrissCanDoThis wrote: »What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?KrissCanDoThis wrote: »What I've been trying to do, because of my binge eating disorder is
Acknowledge it that it's happening and make different choices.
So let's say my brain is screaming at me to eat..
I could go up and eat those fudgsicles in my freezer..
But first, I choose carrots... I weigh them, log it and eat it.
Wait a few min... still wanna eat? Okay. Go up and pick something else healthy. Log it, eat it.
As I watch my calories go up and up, often times that visual plus waiting a few min to decide if I want to keep eating will make a difference.
By the time I eat these two snacks tho, maybe that urge has left, maybe it hasn't.. but usually it's a lot calmer and more manageable.
Fighting the urge to eat often makes my urge worse, but acknowledging it and being present in my choices while I'm choosing them, is a whole lot better then just going and picking that one thing that's probably going to gaurantee I'm gonna want more, more, more.
It's not going to be easy, it will take practice and you might fail at it, but try it every time... if it only works 50% of the time... that's 50% less sugary binges, right?
Seemingly, you don't struggle with an eating disorder, at least not a binge eating disorder. I don't struggle with an eating disorder, either - lucky for me. I just like yummy food more than is good for my future health, so I've needed to learn to balance that out. It hasn't been all that difficult, really, and it's easier the longer I'm in maintenance (currently year 4+). A key part of my life is moderating treats, as you say, so I think that's great advice for people like us.
I appreciate that I don't have that level of psychological struggle, the situation Kriss describes so heartbreakingly clearly. I'm glad she's here and willing to share that experience, so I can understand it better. I empathize, but don't truly understand, in my gut.
Not everyone has the same challenges; not everyone can address the challenges they do have in the same way.4 -
@KrissCanDoThis wow.
I have never seen so succinctly worded exactly how the binge cycle feels. It really really struck a chord with me. And described exactly how I feel.
I don't binge often, I can usually control it for months at a time. But in times of stress, its just as you described, like someone accidentally hit a switch and you literally cannot stop. I'm generally a sweet tooth, but when this binge switch has been tripped, everything is what I want. Chips, chocolate, yoghurt. I even ate caramel sause with a finger. And yes, I have thrown things in the rubbish, only to go back later and fish them out again (usually a fresh trash bag and well wrapped food).
So yeah those saying just don't eat do not understand that you literally cannot stop until that urge has passed. And most of the time you don't realise until after.
I have found ways of dealing with it, and am getting better at recognising the switch had been flipped while in the binge and can do more to stop. But generally I find managing that stress first is the best step - though easier said than done.2 -
KrissCanDoThis wrote: »KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
So much this. When I binge it’s not always unhealthy. I would come home from work and stand with my fingers in a bag of frozen blueberries and feel HORRIBLE. It’s the loss of control that affects you. Then often after that I would feel so bad I’d eat something else, maybe more unhealthy. The anxiety from the lack of control would sometimes cause me to be sick.
The good news is that I have a lot better handle over it now so there is hope!
It's a loss of control that you really only understand when you're older too..
When I was a kid, the countless times I left my room in the dark after everyone was asleep... quietly opening the fridge and scanning for what I could eat, and opening a big Tupperware bowl of cold soup and just standing there in the fridge digging through it to eat pieces of meat and potato.. closing the lid after feeling ashamed and scared of someone seeing me and going back to my bed... only to 15 min later go back out and find something else.. and opening a package of raw bacon and eating that.
As an adult living paycheck to paycheck eating $300 worth of food in less then 2 weeks and having to borrow money for more food, cause you just couldnt stop eating packages and packages of chicken, steaks, hotdogs, even veggies, I would cook turnip, mashed potato and carrots, mash them all up and then stir a jar of cheese wiz into it and eat the entire pot with as much bread and butter as i could until i was ready to explode.
You try everything you can to stop eating, you throw away all your food and leave yourself with nothing, you spend all the money in your bank account, you cut up your debit and credit cards, you leave yourself nothing but bottles of salad dressing and stale ice cream cones and after consuming all that.. as much as you want to starve yourself.. it's like you're not even you anymore and you go and borrow money for food only to have it last less then a day.
Dont demonize fudgesticks? Just binge and you wont binge again in the future? Please.
The amount of therapy and struggle I've gone through to be able to get to the point where I can finally put into practice a positive change in the behavior that's done nothing but consume my soul for almost 30 years.. to be able to acknowledge those binges, over eat if need be and NOT wake up the next day in total chaos or wanting to correct and just carry on is a huge achievement for me.
I still have lots of therapy i need to get.. i am no where near perfect, but it really does trivialize an eating disorder when someone just says "maybe if you didnt demonize them and just ate them, even if it's the whole box, you wouldnt want to binge in the future"..
It kinda makes me get my back up because it brings back memories of my ex telling me "if you dont want to eat, just dont eat it's that simple"
Anyway.. lol
This is truly an incredible post,thank you for sharing the struggle of what it's really like.
1 -
KrissCanDoThis wrote: »KrissCanDoThis wrote: »
So much this. When I binge it’s not always unhealthy. I would come home from work and stand with my fingers in a bag of frozen blueberries and feel HORRIBLE. It’s the loss of control that affects you. Then often after that I would feel so bad I’d eat something else, maybe more unhealthy. The anxiety from the lack of control would sometimes cause me to be sick.
The good news is that I have a lot better handle over it now so there is hope!
It's a loss of control that you really only understand when you're older too..
When I was a kid, the countless times I left my room in the dark after everyone was asleep... quietly opening the fridge and scanning for what I could eat, and opening a big Tupperware bowl of cold soup and just standing there in the fridge digging through it to eat pieces of meat and potato.. closing the lid after feeling ashamed and scared of someone seeing me and going back to my bed... only to 15 min later go back out and find something else.. and opening a package of raw bacon and eating that.
As an adult living paycheck to paycheck eating $300 worth of food in less then 2 weeks and having to borrow money for more food, cause you just couldnt stop eating packages and packages of chicken, steaks, hotdogs, even veggies, I would cook turnip, mashed potato and carrots, mash them all up and then stir a jar of cheese wiz into it and eat the entire pot with as much bread and butter as i could until i was ready to explode.
You try everything you can to stop eating, you throw away all your food and leave yourself with nothing, you spend all the money in your bank account, you cut up your debit and credit cards, you leave yourself nothing but bottles of salad dressing and stale ice cream cones and after consuming all that.. as much as you want to starve yourself.. it's like you're not even you anymore and you go and borrow money for food only to have it last less then a day.
Dont demonize fudgesticks? Just binge and you wont binge again in the future? Please.
The amount of therapy and struggle I've gone through to be able to get to the point where I can finally put into practice a positive change in the behavior that's done nothing but consume my soul for almost 30 years.. to be able to acknowledge those binges, over eat if need be and NOT wake up the next day in total chaos or wanting to correct and just carry on is a huge achievement for me.
I still have lots of therapy i need to get.. i am no where near perfect, but it really does trivialize an eating disorder when someone just says "maybe if you didnt demonize them and just ate them, even if it's the whole box, you wouldnt want to binge in the future"..
It kinda makes me get my back up because it brings back memories of my ex telling me "if you dont want to eat, just dont eat it's that simple"
Anyway.. lol
Okay, loved the lol at the end...@KrissCanDoThis..
Actually, found your post very informative, thank you.👍 Thank you for sharing your personal struggles.
As someone who had to 'not demonize' various foods and learn that I could be satisfied with 'a serving', & now in maintenance, all those previously demonized foods are readily available- I just don't care. Though, just because I can have a serving and be satisfied that doesn't mean everyone can.
My path isn't everyone's, there's nothing wrong with that.
OP lots of great advice above, you got this!
2 -
I just wanna say that maybe I was a little hard on them for their comment.
Like most things, it's more relatable when you have to go through it.
I will admit that while most times It doesnt bother me, I guess everyone has those moments where ya just wish you weren't so isolated and have to keep in mind that just because I say I have binge eating disorder, that doesnt mean people are going to know what that means.
Its $1200 for the therapy I need and my insurance refuses to cover it, so while I do intend to take that therapy, while I'm coming up with the money, I'm basically just trying my best to learn from my past experience.
I just wrote the longest email to my psychiatrist today, speaking about all this. About how I had never been thin before in my entire life and while I was able to successfully lose 165 pounds over two years with the aid of vyvanse, I went into the situation with the mindset of, I'm medicated, I'm fine, I got this thing beat and all I'll need to do when I'm done is change mfp from lose weight to maintenance and I'll be fine."
When in reality it was like being dropped into the middle of no where with no survival skills or a map for direction.
Anyway the email as I said is extremely long but the gist was that my extreme restrictive behavior, the throwing away of food, etc to starve myself, borrowing calories from other days and not leaving myself enough on those days to eat normally.. was restrictive behavior and being unprepared for that snowball effect left me with two options, either I roll backwards from restrictive bulimic behavior to anorexia or I break mentally from exhaustion only to loop back into the binge behavior because the restrict just perpetuates the urge to binge.
I broke. I ended up gaining most of my weight back, which for a long time I branded myself as a quitter for, but now understand that I just wasnt ready and that I needed to acquire skills through therapy to be ready.
I guess that is also kind of why I was so annoyed at first because I'm taking the weight off again for the second time but have started this time with huge changes in mentality using therapy and past experience.
I shouldnt be bothered by someone not able to understand that my methods this time come from such a place of past struggle and my own misunderstanding and naivety back then.
While I can clearly see that my choices are much better this time, I can see why someone would think it isnt and take it as demonizing and avoidance.
9 -
Oh god, the secrecy is the worst part. Who am I really hiding my eating from? Not my body!
Adding to the earlier comment comparing with other addictions... I always say, it’s obvious that an alcoholic should abstain from alcohol but not so with food addiction. Abstinence is yet another spectrum of the addiction. Everyone needs to eat!
You guys.. I really feel for you and love you. There may be ups and downs but it really can get better. I’m not perfect or maybe normal but I’m so much better. Keep working hard on finding your light.5 -
Hiding my food was something early on that I developed, when I was young, before I even started grade 1, my mom was probably just a little younger than I am currently, she had a lot of her own demons and while my dad worked, she wanted to sleep late into the afternoon.
When I would wake up, making any kind of sound was a big no no, so tv had to be really low, I couldnt play with toys that made noise and unfortunately that also included food packaging or cooking methods.
I would eat breakfast in the morning and when lunch time rolled around if she heard me she would scream at me to get the *kitten* out of the kitchen. She scared me a lot when I was a kid and she got angry.
Now I asked her about it as an adult and she said that often times she didnt even know what time it was and thought I was eating her out of house and home.
However as a small child, that isnt something I would think of as a reason and to me, she was just preventing me from eating food.
The sneaking out of my room was just the night time actions over the course of years, but I also developed habits to prevent being discovered, like not using the microwave, sliding my fingers along the fridge door to stop it from making a suction sound when it opened, if something did have plastic, like an open pack of hotdogs, I would hide it under a pillow to get my hand inside.
I also was terrified of being caught, every time I got food, I had a fear she was going to wake up and catch me eating, so I often did my best to eat small things and quickly. I tried not to eat anything that looked like I had taken food from it.. which is why those large bowls of cold soup were a go to, or I would eat things that weren't actually a "food" like spoonfuls of sugar from the bag.
My mentality with food was bad during school years too, she would send me to school with an appropriate lunch and snacks for the day but during first recess, while other kids were eating a snack and then spending that time playing, I had my entire lunch inside my coat pocket, eating it hoping no one would see me and making sure no one saw me chewing.
I unfortunately cant remember if I went hungry for the rest of the school day or maybe other kids would of given me something from their lunch.
Since I was already obese by 9, as expected there was bullying, and eating anything during those years had to be done in secret, and those habits also continue into my adulthood... I eat what is considered a normal amount of food in front of people, but if I'm at a party or something, if the food is unwatched, I would shove foods into my mouth as quick as possible, just chewing enough to be able to not choke on it before someone catches me. Same with at work, any snacks or food consumed, most of it I do without anyone seeing me. I'll hide things in my pockets or back pack so no one knows I have it. If I get a lite extra to eat at dinner, I'll hide so no one knows I ate more.
The shame and fear just weighs you down so much. You just cant stop eating and wish you could stop, but you're alone and all people see is some fat girl eating too much like a typical stereotype.2
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