Where to start?

jae0005
jae0005 Posts: 1 Member
in Getting Started
I've never posted in these forums before. I read threads for motivation, join multiple forums and read more threads. Lose weight... start to feel better... find things I equally dislike about myself aside from weight when I can't blame the disappointment I feel for myself on that. This has been a cycle since my teens. My greatest achievements with my weight goals have always happened when I dispised myself the most. The more I could punish myself with exercise that I hated and deprived myself of food the better the scale did what I wanted it to. Then, I would get tired. Tired of hating myself, tired of not taking part in family functions, tired of being at the gym at 3 every morning until 6 before I had to work my full time job, then take night school classes while raising a blended family of 5 kids. Tired of constantly comparing myself to the exes on both family sides. And the weight would return with a vengence. This yoyo situation has continued for 19 years now and at this point... today... I am 30 pounds heavier than my delivery dates of my children. I'm tired of my motivation coming at the expense of my self acceptance and happiness but I can't continue where I am. I'm making attempts to grow a healthier relationship w myself and that has helped. I'm looking for some guidence, maybe if anyone has tackled similar challenges and what helped, what didnt? Also, I tried the couch 2 5k a couple years ago but went hard right out of the gate, fractured (just hairline but dang it hurt so bad) BOTH feet. I want to slowly try again but I would also like some guidence w that. When I walk more then a couple miles my feet get stoff and ankles swell which makes me stop right away for fear of hurting them. Admittedly when I tried before my shoes where crap Walmart shoes w no support and maybe that was part of it. There is a learning curve I need to figure out so that I can enjoy and make improvements as I go but don't know how or was here to start. So... I guess if there is anyone out there that could give me a hand up while I try to learn to navigate this for my best self I would be greatful. For the help, guidence, motivation, and hopefully/maybe friendship to get me on my way and beyond. Thank you so much <3

Replies

  • sashimimaniac
    sashimimaniac Posts: 71 Member
    1. stop beating yourself up. the sum of you is not the few failures you’ve experienced. you are much much more. focus on the little successes everyday. rather than the little failures. your little successes will eventually become a big success.
    2. anything good in life comes with patience and hard work. it will take months to lose a significant amount of weight. set little milestones like losing 2 lbs at first and don’t feel bad if you can’t lose it within a week. slow and steady wins this race. the important thing is not to give up.
    3. commit to walking a little each day. weight loss is essentially a CICO game - calories in calories out. i exercise to get stronger and also to give myself a little wiggle room for food. the key word is “little”. i don’t make it a point to eat all my exercise calories which i used to do and then wonder why i never lost weight. if going to the gym stresses you out, don’t go! just take an after dinner walk with some family members, take the stairs, walk everywhere!

    just remember that you are an important part of your family and you need to take care of yourself for their sakes :)
  • hipari
    hipari Posts: 1,367 Member
    Calm down, take a deep breath, and try to do this out of love for yourself. You are a good person and your weight does not determine your value. If you fuel weight loss with self-hate, you will either run out of power, go back to your old habits and gain the weight back, or you will continue to hate yourself for some other reason than weight and continue to be miserable.

    What are your goals for yourself, long-term? Do you want to be a healthy and happy parent? Maybe give your kids a good example of a healthy lifestyle? You mention night school classes, what do you want life to be like when you finish the classes, a new profession? Try to fuel your weight loss goals with love and positivity to work towards your goals, instead of hate and working away from something (your weight).

    You don't mention any specifics like current weight or goal weight, except being 30lbs heavier than when your kids were born. Your schedule sounds super packed, with a full-time job, night classes and 5 kids. Since we don't have any details, here's some general advice that could be helpful:
    1. Prioritize getting enough sleep. I'm guessing with that kind of schedule you take away from your own sleep to get everything done. If you're tired you get cranky, hungry and fall into a negative mindset where everything sucks, and the spiral gets worse because you're too tired to get things done and/or enjoy the things you do. I did a comparison one time, everything else was the same for spring 2016 and spring 2018 except in 2016 I slept maybe half an hour more per night. In 2016 I lost weight easily and everything felt great, in 2018 everything was a struggle. Then I had a meeting with a wellness coach who pointed this out, I started going to bed half an hour earlier, everything became easier and I started seeing weight loss success again. (For other commenters: yes, I know sleep itself doesn't make anybody lose weight, but it makes everyday life and sticking to a routine so much easier it helped me a lot.)
    2. Log your food and beverages, all of them. Everything that goes into your mouth. Just get into the habit of logging first, and worry about other changes later. Take a week or two just to get used to logging. Once you have a couple of weeks of diary data, it's easier to take a look at that and see where changes could be made.
    3. If you're currently drinking a lot of sugary drinks like soda, juice or iced tea, consider switching to sugar-free versions or preferably water. That would be a somewhat easy change to make, as you can make it gradually and you don't have to actually reduce the amount of liquids you drink. On that note, if you don't currently drink enough, start drinking more water. Hydration works miracles, just like sleep.
    4. I don't know anything about your current eating habits or what you do with your family, but could you incorporate some changes into your family life? Maybe add some veggies into your dinners or try some new, healthier recipes? On busy days, I sometimes literally just rinse and plop a box of cherry tomatoes on my plate as a "salad". Boom, now there's veggies on my plate, and I'm likely to eat less of the more calorie-dense food of my meal (I'm a volume eater, meaning I need large amounts of food to feel full, so low-calorie veggies are a big thing for me). On the weekend, can you take the family on a hike or to a park where you can do some exercises while the kids play? Have a little dance party while you clean the house?
    5. If your work or night classes involve a commute, can you switch it up so the commute or a part of it is walking or biking instead of driving or public transit?

    Note, these are all general guesses. I don't know anything about your current habits or your family life, what you guys currently eat or do and so on. Still, I think the most important change for you would be to change your headspace into something more positive. Instead of wanting to lose weight so you hate yourself less, could you maybe want to lose weight because you love yourself and deserve to be happy?

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