Unwanted Attention After Losing Weight

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rjonard
rjonard Posts: 2 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've heard about people getting unwanted attention after losing weight but it's not just from creepy guys. It's from women, men, family members, strangers, and it makes me uncomfortable. Not just uncomfortable but anxious.

People will mention my appearance and it could be something as minimal as "you're beautiful" to "you look f*ckable." Or maybe just a compliment but it makes me feel as if I wasn't worthy before. I'm trying to find a way manage my anxiety around these comments. Trying to find the right therapist to help too.

This all makes me cringe because I would like to be acknowledged for many things besides my appearance. And when I've lost weight in the past it didn't fundamentally change my personality. I want to make lasting, permanent changes. I'm trying to take actionable steps to conquer this block.

If you've experienced something similar, how have you coped?

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  • SuzySunshine99
    SuzySunshine99 Posts: 2,987 Member
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    I don't like this type of attention, either. Most people are just trying to be nice or make conversation, so I give them the benefit of the doubt.

    If it's someone I know, and it's obvious that they are just trying to compliment me, then I just say "Thanks" and change the subject.

    If it's a stranger, or someone making a rude comment (like your "f*ckable" example), I ignore the person and the comment and just move on. It can be hard, but sometimes it's better to say nothing and just walk away.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    She said 'Don't hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself.' That's a little ditty that works when you're hard pressed for a quick response. Let them eat your dust, you will not be deterred by any of it.
  • rjonard
    rjonard Posts: 2 Member
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    I really appreciate your comments. It cracks parts of the code for me. It's bothers me on a much more psychological level that interferes with my goals and success. Which leads to unwanted outcomes.

    It's not just idiotic comments from men. It's a combination of the way you are perceived in society when you are fat vs. an acceptable weight. It's comments that start undercut or undermine you or in my case me as a person.

    I'm seeking others that have had this experience. How did they find a support system, coping skills, therapy, books, etc. to unpack it. I want my health, wellness, and fitness to be grounded in what I want for myself. I want to be able to challenge these ideas in a way that makes sense to me to move forward.

    Thanks for your responses. Putting words to this actually helps me process what I need.
  • MichelleMcKeeRN
    MichelleMcKeeRN Posts: 450 Member
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    I rarely comment on people’s looks unless I know them so it is hard for me to understand the boldness of some. In my personal life I know what they are striving for so it is a different sentiment in my book. I compliment their achieved goal. If someone I know wanted to run a marathon and succeeded, I would applauded them the same way as if they wanted to gain/lose weight.
    When people overstep, I generally just tell them something to gently yet firmly let them know. I don’t think people always realize there actions aren’t appreciated. My goal is to get the behavior to stop and not humiliate the other person.

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