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Accountability Buddies - Yay or Nay
panda4153
Posts: 418 Member
Hello MFP! I was thinking about this while I was reading through a bunch of posts of people asking for accountability buddies, and I asked myself is it a good idea to rely on someone else to keep you accountable to your goals?
My own opinion is no, it’s not, you have to keep yourself accountable. It’s not someone else’s job to moderate what you do or don’t eat and or wether or not you are active. I think it opens it up as an excuse, the reason I did not make progress is because so and so didn’t help me stay accountable. These are your goals, you own them. I see on these boards all the time when you have a friend or spouse or family member asking how can I get my loved one to lose weight and be healthy? people saying you can’t do this for anyone else they have to do it for themselves. Yet, all these other posts asking people to keep them accountable.
Don’t get me wrong I am all about support, I will cheer you on when you hit your goals, and when you need a pick me up. I will also be honest about what might be holding you back if you ask me. But I am not accountable for your goals, you are.
What does everyone think?
My own opinion is no, it’s not, you have to keep yourself accountable. It’s not someone else’s job to moderate what you do or don’t eat and or wether or not you are active. I think it opens it up as an excuse, the reason I did not make progress is because so and so didn’t help me stay accountable. These are your goals, you own them. I see on these boards all the time when you have a friend or spouse or family member asking how can I get my loved one to lose weight and be healthy? people saying you can’t do this for anyone else they have to do it for themselves. Yet, all these other posts asking people to keep them accountable.
Don’t get me wrong I am all about support, I will cheer you on when you hit your goals, and when you need a pick me up. I will also be honest about what might be holding you back if you ask me. But I am not accountable for your goals, you are.
What does everyone think?
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Replies
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I think that yes, it is good to have an accountability buddy. For a lot of people, that shared link between themselves and another person (or group of people) is more motivating that anything they inspire within themselves. But I also think it's okay to hold yourself accountable as well. So both? But ultimately you're right, your own choices make or break you at the end of the day.6
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I think it is beneficial initially for some people but ultimately you have to live an entire life after weight loss of weight maintenance. If you rely on someone else too much you are, in my opinion, setting yourself up to regain your weight.
My ultimate goal is not to lose weight. It is to lose the habits and mindset of the guy who gained it. If I don't I have no shot at long term maintenance and I will have gone through all of this for a brief glimpse of health and freedom.
I think you have to get your foot in the door and sometimes the first period of weight loss is survival. At some point it has to move from survive to thrive. You can say that having external motivation and accountability is what you need now but I am fearful for anyone who never moves beyond it.
I think the best course is to make a plan that is easy to follow and makes small changes over time. Chip away at your habits and mindset while you chip away at your weight. The easier it is to follow the less you will need from outside sources. The more drastic you try to change and the more miserable you are the more you will need motivation, willpower, and a team of people with whips to keep you in line.
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I don't see there being anything wrong with accountability buddies; I don't think they can really be blamed by someone for failing to achieve their goals - I think an accountability buddy is someone who knows what your goals are and who asks about and keeps track of where you are, encourages you to stick with them and helps you with motivation. Some people do better when they have someone they have to answer to; the accountability gives them the motivation to keep going.
For others, however, an accountability partner only adds stress to the situation. Guilt and shame are manifested whenever one fails to meet weekly goals, and it can lead to lying or hiding what they are really eating, which amplifies the guilt.
So it really depends on the person. I'm in the latter group - I already struggle with an overactive guilt complex, and having deadlines and goals set like that only puts me under intense stress. Its the same reason why I rarely if ever participate in a challenge or a group activity where different groups are competing - the pressure to perform well and keep up and not be the slow wheel takes any fun out of it for me.9 -
I think different people are motivated and inspired by different things. I don't need to understand why accountability buddies work for some people. It's sufficient that it works for them and they don't need to justify it.
I don't think it's a substitute for owning your own goals. In fact, if somebody knows that having someone to be accountable to works well for them, the fact that they're taking the time to seek out those partners *is* a form of owning their own goal.6 -
It totally depends on your personality.
Me, personally, I HATE it when other people try to motivate me. I don't like cheerleaders with their "You got this!, You go girl!", etc. It always seems fake to me and just makes me want to not do the thing they are cheering me on to do. That's why I have never been able to work with a personal trainer...I tried, but they all have that attitude, even after I tell them to stop it.
I understand though, that some people like to have a support group when they are trying to reach a goal. And, some people really are motivated by words of encouragement from others.13 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »It totally depends on your personality.
Me, personally, I HATE it when other people try to motivate me. I don't like cheerleaders with their "You got this!, You go girl!", etc. It always seems fake to me and just makes me want to not do the thing they are cheering me on to do. That's why I have never been able to work with a personal trainer...I tried, but they all have that attitude, even after I tell them to stop it.
I understand though, that some people like to have a support group when they are trying to reach a goal. And, some people really are motivated by words of encouragement from others.
You and are are the same. I also feel that I don't want to make dependence on external accountability a factor. The only factors I want are those under my direct control. I get that for some people an accountability buddy works but not for me.1 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »It totally depends on your personality.
Me, personally, I HATE it when other people try to motivate me. I don't like cheerleaders with their "You got this!, You go girl!", etc. It always seems fake to me and just makes me want to not do the thing they are cheering me on to do. That's why I have never been able to work with a personal trainer...I tried, but they all have that attitude, even after I tell them to stop it.
I understand though, that some people like to have a support group when they are trying to reach a goal. And, some people really are motivated by words of encouragement from others.
You and are are the same. I also feel that I don't want to make dependence on external accountability a factor. The only factors I want are those under my direct control. I get that for some people an accountability buddy works but not for me.
Me three. I don't think it is fake, at least all the time, I just have no use for it.
I do not even understand how accountability buddies would work. My weight fluctuates up and down is someone going to give me grief because I upticked after a higher sodium meal? The only way it works is for someone to monitor my trend and that can take weeks to establish/change. I can make a lot of poor choices before my trend catches up to me.
I allow myself to eat anything that fits in my calories so I would not want someone monitoring my food.
I do not really care if I go over some days so I would not want my hand slapped over that. How does someone know when I need to be held accountable and when it should be let go because I will not be perfect.
I want my habits and decisions to be nearly automatic. I don't want to make decisions because @mmapags is watching my diary and will nag me about it. If that is the case I am still considering things I should not be eating. I have a calorie budget and when I look at a menu, as I did earlier, I want to zero in on the things I can afford.
It seems like a lot to ask of another person to navigate what I need when I need it. It is not always even easy for me to navigate it and I live with me.6 -
SuzySunshine99 wrote: »It totally depends on your personality.
Me, personally, I HATE it when other people try to motivate me. I don't like cheerleaders with their "You got this!, You go girl!", etc. It always seems fake to me and just makes me want to not do the thing they are cheering me on to do. That's why I have never been able to work with a personal trainer...I tried, but they all have that attitude, even after I tell them to stop it.
I understand though, that some people like to have a support group when they are trying to reach a goal. And, some people really are motivated by words of encouragement from others.
You and are are the same. I also feel that I don't want to make dependence on external accountability a factor. The only factors I want are those under my direct control. I get that for some people an accountability buddy works but not for me.
Me three. I don't think it is fake, at least all the time, I just have no use for it.
I do not even understand how accountability buddies would work. My weight fluctuates up and down is someone going to give me grief because I upticked after a higher sodium meal? The only way it works is for someone to monitor my trend and that can take weeks to establish/change. I can make a lot of poor choices before my trend catches up to me.
I allow myself to eat anything that fits in my calories so I would not want someone monitoring my food.
I do not really care if I go over some days so I would not want my hand slapped over that. How does someone know when I need to be held accountable and when it should be let go because I will not be perfect.
I want my habits and decisions to be nearly automatic. I don't want to make decisions because @mmapags is watching my diary and will nag me about it. If that is the case I am still considering things I should not be eating. I have a calorie budget and when I look at a menu, as I did earlier, I want to zero in on the things I can afford.
It seems like a lot to ask of another person to navigate what I need when I need it. It is not always even easy for me to navigate it and I live with me.
Totally agree. Sometimes when I see all the "need an accountability buddy" threads, the cynical part of me wonders whether this is just another way of not taking responsibility for your own actions and results. Kind of like the "slow metabolism" or "can't lose since I turned 50" threads.6 -
Online support group members like to share their thoughts with a larger community or none of us would be here. We wouldn't keep coming back day after day and year after year.
There are Challenge and Motivational threads galore. People really enjoy reaching out to one another for connection and help. Accountability works.
"Most people who lose weight on a diet gain it back. They return to old habits. ... A study in the current issue of the American Journal of Preventive Medicine confirms what weight-loss experts have long suspected: Accountability works. Study participants who kept food journals were twice as successful as those who did not."
You've Got This. That catchphrase gives me a pinch, too. No one really knows what you've got or if you have the desire to do anything. How bad to you really want it? No one knows. Not even the Shadow.
No one really knows if you're sitting on the couch at the speed of zero while telling everyone else what to they need to be doing. We are creatures of habit and we enjoy giving others our thoughts on just about everything or we wouldn't be here on the daily. It's all fun. Really.
I know myself and I know how to get myself in gear but connection matters. It's too easy to fall right back into old habits that brought us here in the first place so we keep tooling along. Together.3 -
I must confess when I see posts asking for an accountability buddy I can't help thinking:
- You aren't ready, you don't want it enough.
- You are likely to fail.
I would look at the RACI Matrix model where accountable and responsible are defined as:
R = Responsible = The person who performs the work.
A = Accountable = The person ultimately accountable for the work or decision being made.
Those roles really can't be delegated to someone else in this context.
Support and encouragement can of course be helpful (mindless cheerleading just grinds my gears!) but taking responsibity and being accountable for what and how much you stuff in your face is the basis of successful weight control.
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I should say that I do think that there is a sense of broad accountability that can happen and be beneficial. Anyone who posts at MFP regularly probably feels a slight pressure to keep going down the right path so they can keep talking about it. Inside my LL group we discuss how accountability can happen in a broader sense but it is not practical to expect it to be like having someone on your shoulder that will judge your decisions or your progress.
I do not think of this process as one that requires every decision to be correct anyway. I think it is a process where you need mostly good decisions. If I make a bad decision or series of bad decisions I need to review it/them objectively and try to decide what, if anything, I can do to avoid a repeat in the future. Feeling like someone is going to hold me accountable just makes me feel a sense of guilt. That would keep me from being objective.2 -
I must confess when I see posts asking for an accountability buddy I can't help thinking:
- You aren't ready, you don't want it enough.
- You are likely to fail.
I would look at the RACI Matrix model where accountable and responsible are defined as:
R = Responsible = The person who performs the work.
A = Accountable = The person ultimately accountable for the work or decision being made.
Those roles really can't be delegated to someone else in this context.
Support and encouragement can of course be helpful (mindless cheerleading just grinds my gears!) but taking responsibity and being accountable for what and how much you stuff in your face is the basis of successful weight control.
This is me as well, maybe for me it’s just the use of the work accountable, because it implies ownership of an outcome. I can’t give ownership of my health goals to someone else. However if people ask for support, advice, ideas, or feedback of any kind, I am happy to provide that, and I seek those things from others at times. It’s just when I see accountability buddy I get the sense that the person thinks success or failure is going to come from an outside source, and while outside sources and factors can influence an outcome, ultimately it’s what’s within that will determine the final outcome.3 -
I must confess when I see posts asking for an accountability buddy I can't help thinking:
- You aren't ready, you don't want it enough.
- You are likely to fail.
I would look at the RACI Matrix model where accountable and responsible are defined as:
R = Responsible = The person who performs the work.
A = Accountable = The person ultimately accountable for the work or decision being made.
Those roles really can't be delegated to someone else in this context.
Support and encouragement can of course be helpful (mindless cheerleading just grinds my gears!) but taking responsibity and being accountable for what and how much you stuff in your face is the basis of successful weight control.
This is me as well, maybe for me it’s just the use of the work accountable, because it implies ownership of an outcome. I can’t give ownership of my health goals to someone else. However if people ask for support, advice, ideas, or feedback of any kind, I am happy to provide that, and I seek those things from others at times. It’s just when I see accountability buddy I get the sense that the person thinks success or failure is going to come from an outside source, and while outside sources and factors can influence an outcome, ultimately it’s what’s within that will determine the final outcome.
Maybe I'm wrong, but when people ask for an "accountability" partner, I take it in the sense that they are asking for someone for whom *they* can be accountable. They are not asking for someone to be accountable *for* them.
Not for weight loss, but I'll sometimes tell my husband or a close friend that I am taking a particular course of action. It's not because I want them to nag me or remind me, it's just that saying it out loud to particular people will make me more accountable because I've said I'm going to to do it. I don't know if this is the thought when people ask for that here because I can't really understand how it works with a stranger. But that's how I imagine it.10 -
janejellyroll wrote: »I must confess when I see posts asking for an accountability buddy I can't help thinking:
- You aren't ready, you don't want it enough.
- You are likely to fail.
I would look at the RACI Matrix model where accountable and responsible are defined as:
R = Responsible = The person who performs the work.
A = Accountable = The person ultimately accountable for the work or decision being made.
Those roles really can't be delegated to someone else in this context.
Support and encouragement can of course be helpful (mindless cheerleading just grinds my gears!) but taking responsibity and being accountable for what and how much you stuff in your face is the basis of successful weight control.
This is me as well, maybe for me it’s just the use of the work accountable, because it implies ownership of an outcome. I can’t give ownership of my health goals to someone else. However if people ask for support, advice, ideas, or feedback of any kind, I am happy to provide that, and I seek those things from others at times. It’s just when I see accountability buddy I get the sense that the person thinks success or failure is going to come from an outside source, and while outside sources and factors can influence an outcome, ultimately it’s what’s within that will determine the final outcome.
Maybe I'm wrong, but when people ask for an "accountability" partner, I take it in the sense that they are asking for someone for whom *they* can be accountable. They are not asking for someone to be accountable *for* them.
Not for weight loss, but I'll sometimes tell my husband or a close friend that I am taking a particular course of action. It's not because I want them to nag me or remind me, it's just that saying it out loud to particular people will make me more accountable because I've said I'm going to to do it. I don't know if this is the thought when people ask for that here because I can't really understand how it works with a stranger. But that's how I imagine it.
I'm actually the direct opposite - usually whenever I decide I'm going to try to do something, I keep it to myself out of my unrealistic fear of failure. If I try but fail and no one knew I was trying, at least I don't get overwhelmed by guilt and embarrassment when I get asked how its going. And when it comes to weight loss, if you are successful, sooner or later its going to be noticed. But I also have a hyper-guilt complex amongst a whole host of other self image issues, so I know this isn't exactly a good thing on my part, but it is what it is.
It's much easier for me to just participate in the forums at large and make a few virtual friends that I can discuss my efforts with, who understands my frustrations and can give me a genuine voice of encouragement when I stumble because they've been there themselves, and who can give me realistic advice without the pressure of trying to perform to meet an expectation.
If someone needs the accountability a partner can provide or the cheerleading encouragement, then if it works for them, i'd say go for it, but don't ask me to fill that role for you
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OP, I understand what you're saying and, on a personal level, I agree with you - accountability buddies are an absolute "Nay!" for me. Then again, I'm extremely independent and I'm used to making my own decisions, accepting responsibility for the (good or bad) outcome, and being my own support system.
But... we're not all wired the same way, so I get that for other people accountability buddies are important and provide them with the support they need. To each their own, I guess. 1 -
bmeadows380 wrote: »janejellyroll wrote: »I must confess when I see posts asking for an accountability buddy I can't help thinking:
- You aren't ready, you don't want it enough.
- You are likely to fail.
I would look at the RACI Matrix model where accountable and responsible are defined as:
R = Responsible = The person who performs the work.
A = Accountable = The person ultimately accountable for the work or decision being made.
Those roles really can't be delegated to someone else in this context.
Support and encouragement can of course be helpful (mindless cheerleading just grinds my gears!) but taking responsibity and being accountable for what and how much you stuff in your face is the basis of successful weight control.
This is me as well, maybe for me it’s just the use of the work accountable, because it implies ownership of an outcome. I can’t give ownership of my health goals to someone else. However if people ask for support, advice, ideas, or feedback of any kind, I am happy to provide that, and I seek those things from others at times. It’s just when I see accountability buddy I get the sense that the person thinks success or failure is going to come from an outside source, and while outside sources and factors can influence an outcome, ultimately it’s what’s within that will determine the final outcome.
Maybe I'm wrong, but when people ask for an "accountability" partner, I take it in the sense that they are asking for someone for whom *they* can be accountable. They are not asking for someone to be accountable *for* them.
Not for weight loss, but I'll sometimes tell my husband or a close friend that I am taking a particular course of action. It's not because I want them to nag me or remind me, it's just that saying it out loud to particular people will make me more accountable because I've said I'm going to to do it. I don't know if this is the thought when people ask for that here because I can't really understand how it works with a stranger. But that's how I imagine it.
I'm actually the direct opposite - usually whenever I decide I'm going to try to do something, I keep it to myself out of my unrealistic fear of failure. If I try but fail and no one knew I was trying, at least I don't get overwhelmed by guilt and embarrassment when I get asked how its going. And when it comes to weight loss, if you are successful, sooner or later its going to be noticed. But I also have a hyper-guilt complex amongst a whole host of other self image issues, so I know this isn't exactly a good thing on my part, but it is what it is.
It's much easier for me to just participate in the forums at large and make a few virtual friends that I can discuss my efforts with, who understands my frustrations and can give me a genuine voice of encouragement when I stumble because they've been there themselves, and who can give me realistic advice without the pressure of trying to perform to meet an expectation.
If someone needs the accountability a partner can provide or the cheerleading encouragement, then if it works for them, i'd say go for it, but don't ask me to fill that role for you
I'm the same way -- I don't want to be that wrapped up in someone else's weight loss effort. When it comes to specific feedback or questions, I'm more than happy to discuss but a day-in and day-out effort to help keep someone on track is more than I would be willing to take on for anyone who wasn't dear to me.4 -
I agree wholeheartedly that it depends on personality, but I'm the opposite of you; I like cheerleaders! It rarely seems fake to me. (I am actually struggling right now without my gym teachers because it makes me push myself harder when they are up there saying, "Don't stop! You can do this!")SuzySunshine99 wrote: »It totally depends on your personality.
Me, personally, I HATE it when other people try to motivate me. I don't like cheerleaders with their "You got this!, You go girl!", etc. It always seems fake to me and just makes me want to not do the thing they are cheering me on to do. That's why I have never been able to work with a personal trainer...I tried, but they all have that attitude, even after I tell them to stop it.
I understand though, that some people like to have a support group when they are trying to reach a goal. And, some people really are motivated by words of encouragement from others.
That said, I do NOT want an accountability partner. I think it comes down to how you define accountability, and accountability goes way beyond support, in my mind. I want lots of supporters (at least here on MFP), but I don't EVER want someone judging what I'm doing or how well I'm doing it! I suspect the people looking for "accountability buddies" have different ideas of what they really want, ranging from general support to someone who will be a lot more involved. It works for some people, although I do agree with others here that it comes down to YOU to change yourself, and nobody else can do that for you in the long term.4 -
I haven’t had an official “accountability buddy”, but I do have an IRL BFF that I text with about diet related stuff, and another about exercise. The diet BFF and I text every morning with our scale ups and downs when we’re trying to lose. We text throughout the day about being hungry/bored/having someone bring some delicious but not helpful food into the house/etc, and I’ve found telling someone I’m bored and want to eat something or I’m angry and want to rage eat a chocolate egg helps me name what the issue is and not engage in the self defeating behavior. We jokingly remind each other summer is coming and we can’t wear leggings forever, and neither of us really want to try and find new shorts. Having someone to joke about the little struggles with, someone to remind you of the bigger goal, and someone to commiserate about hormonal bloat has definitely made the whole process a bit more enjoyable and less lonely.
My other friend and I text less frequently, but we check in about how our quarantine exercise is going and share any new PRs or achievements, which is nice. Most people don’t care or realize how long I’ve been working to move up from 20s to 25s on hammer curls, or when I hit a new deadlift PR, but she gets it and I like sharing her wins as wel.2 -
I think the problem may be as much with the term, as with the reality.
Do some people enjoy having lots of "MFP friends", and feel more committed to their own goals when they have a daily reminder that others are doing similar things? Sure. It's a pretty common, normal human thing, to feel some impetus to uphold group norms. If the people around a person in real life are overweight, fine with staying that way, inclined to make fun of people who exercise, orient their social lives around eating as a bonding experience - and I think such people do exist - then it might be helpful to create an artificial social group around oneself, of people who uphold different norms.
Is that a group of "accountability buddies"? I think it may be what some people get, and potentially benefit from, when they ask for "accountability buddies".
But, sure, there are other people who are not norms-motivated; who pride themselves on self-motivation; who don't have a real-life context that pushes back on their personal goals; who rebel against cheerleading; or whatever.
And, sure, there are probably people who are trying to externalize their motivation literally, and that probably won't go well.
However, what they initially think they'll get from an "accountability buddy" may not be what they actually do get, and what they do get could still be helpful. 🤷♀️
I think this thread is a over-little focused on the term "accountability buddy", not on how it may play out in practice.
I've gone through periods, especially early on in weight loss, when I benefitted in various ways from people on my MFP friend list - seeing examples of what they did, thinking about questions they asked about what I was doing, sharing ideas about how to deal with a particular roadblock, whatever. And although I'm definitely a cr*p MFP friend these days (in the friend-feed social zone) I've tried to help other people there, at various times, in various ways.
Did I have "accountability buddies"? Was being an "accountability buddy"? Don't know, don't care. :drinker:2 -
If the people around a person in real life are overweight, fine with staying that way, inclined to make fun of people who exercise, orient their social lives around eating as a bonding experience - and I think such people do exist - then it might be helpful to create an artificial social group around oneself, of people who uphold different norms.
Such people do exist - my family. My mom is overweight, maybe borderline stage 1 obese, my dad is at least stage 2 obese, and my sister is severely morbidly obese for her height. All 3 are diabetic and have blood pressure and cholesterol issues, and my sister and dad have skeletal problems that are greatly exasperated by their weight, but neither are inclined at all to do anything to help lose the excess weight and are hostile toward anyone else's efforts.
My dad mocks the weight loss process such as me weighing my foods, my sister rolls her eyes and gets frustrated and upset when I don't want to just eat whatever snacks she gives me for whatever holiday or when she wants to go get something to eat out of the blue and didn't give me time to plan for it, so I tell her no, and while my mother keeps her own thoughts to herself, she flat out doesn't want to discuss it period. Thankfully, I do live alone, just near the family, so I have control of what food is in my house; it would be 1,000 times harder if I was living with them and trying to resist all the snacks they keep.
And all family functions do revolve around food.
So if you define accountability buddy as someone I can come to MFP to discuss the ups and downs, who is sympathetic to my whines about plateaus and water weight, and who doesn't mind talking about the whole weight loss experience, then I suppose you could say I have them. But I had just considered it to be more social support from select folks in my groups than really being "accountable".
But like you said, its all in how you define the term and what you expect.7 -
Hmmmm. Just a couple thoughts....honed athletes rely on coaches ... people who work with you to take it to the next level. People get trainers...for that individual’s expertise. Teams feed off the energy of each other and push each other to be their best. Accountability partners stand in agreement with each other to a common goal. Always...to each their own. But when we change the things around us change. Finally...where there is resistance there’s a reason. Just something to explore.3
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gradchica27 wrote: »I haven’t had an official “accountability buddy”, but I do have an IRL BFF that I text with about diet related stuff, and another about exercise. The diet BFF and I text every morning with our scale ups and downs when we’re trying to lose. We text throughout the day about being hungry/bored/having someone bring some delicious but not helpful food into the house/etc, and I’ve found telling someone I’m bored and want to eat something or I’m angry and want to rage eat a chocolate egg helps me name what the issue is and not engage in the self defeating behavior. We jokingly remind each other summer is coming and we can’t wear leggings forever, and neither of us really want to try and find new shorts. Having someone to joke about the little struggles with, someone to remind you of the bigger goal, and someone to commiserate about hormonal bloat has definitely made the whole process a bit more enjoyable and less lonely.
My other friend and I text less frequently, but we check in about how our quarantine exercise is going and share any new PRs or achievements, which is nice. Most people don’t care or realize how long I’ve been working to move up from 20s to 25s on hammer curls, or when I hit a new deadlift PR, but she gets it and I like sharing her wins as wel.
This!! It's the companionship and support of sharing goals and successes.2 -
Also, we mirror the people we surround ourselves with. If you're surrounded by a family of obese people who force high calorie food on you and criticise exercise, working against that is hard: having to justify your choices all the time is hard. You're going against the grain of your surroundings.
It helps to find another family who support efforts of healthy and clean eating and exercise and to be able to go with the flow of their normal healthy habits.6 -
Don’t get me wrong I am all about support, I will cheer you on when you hit your goals, and when you need a pick me up. I will also be honest about what might be holding you back if you ask me. But I am not accountable for your goals, you are.
This is exactly what I expect from an accountability buddy. For me, if I have no friends on MFP, it's easy for me to quit because no one would know and no one would care. I like the idea of supporting others and seeing their records on my newsfeed helps me feel motivated. I don't expect them to act like a motivational coach or anything, I just like feeling less alone and being able to support others in their journey.
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I find it helpful for exercise more than diet. If a friend is doing a run with me, I’m a lot less likely to skip the run. It’s not so much that they are accountable for if I do my run or not - if I don’t do it that’s on me - but knowing their expecting me and counting on me to show up makes me want to do better.
In my perspective, accountability buddies aren’t accountable for me reaching my goals, it’s a person besides myself I’m accountable to.4 -
To me, an accountability buddy is someone who is going to look at your diary and ask you some pretty nasty-feeling questions. That takes a huge amount of work on their part, and the possible judgement means you're less likely to be honest with yourself about what you're logging.
There are some days I think I'd like an accountability buddy, there are others when I remember that I don't need another barrier to logging honestly. I need to stop fooling myself if I have any chance of sorting my life out.
I also don't understand how some people can have so many accountability buddies and get something out of it - I think you need to agree to share more attention than that.
Separately, I like logging runs on Strava - giving and receiving kudos and comments on that platform is helpful, but doesn't have the same pressure.2 -
Doesn't work for me. I control me, and if I don't that's down to me.
For a while my husband and I thought it would be good to act as accountability buddies for each other so that we would go to the gym more often (this is before my love affair with the gym started). But it was too easy for one to come up with an excuse and the other would just fall in with that. Now if my husband says he doesn't feel like going I go by myself. I think that approach probably makes him go more often than he would left to his own devices, but I refuse to be the arbiter of his exercise or lack of.
That said, I employ a PT and have done for some years now. That is to get ideas, have someone to nerd out with on fitness subjects, and to have someone check my form. Not for motivation.2 -
I find weight loss a solitary exercise. Everyone is on a different path. I'd like to have a weight loss buddy but there is one little problem. Almost everyone is useless at being a weight loss buddy, in my opinion. I've had at least 15 in the last 3 years. Some don't last 24 hours, I'd say that the average was 1-2 weeks. 2-3 lasted more than 6 weeks. I'm not perfect, I went dark for two buddies.
I've almost given up on finding one. I agree with OP that accountability buddies aren't really useful, you can't really be accountable to pixels on your phone.3 -
I've learned I am accountable to nobody but myself.
That said, it's nice to have MFP and the community to help cheer you on and support you when/if you need it.
6 -
Lynnsgoals2020 wrote: »I've learned I am accountable to nobody but myself.
That said, it's nice to have MFP and the community to help cheer you on and support you when/if you need it.
I think getting information/support/cheerleading is different from accountability. I have no use for cheerleading but with so much false facts floating around it is good to have people you can trust to try and give you proper direction.
Some programs like weight watchers and T.O.P.S. have a weekly weigh-in accountability system but from my experience it seems to lose its impact after a time. Many of the members I know of that have been going for a long time are basically maintenance eaters that gain and lose water weight for years and years. I remember one woman who had been in the program for 25 years and was still trying to finish losing her weight. I guess you could argue that without the program she might have regained a bunch of it but while I do not mind taking it slow I would be quite fatigued if I was mentally trying to lose weight for a quarter century.0
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