One of THOSE people

Options
aeneadelacroix
aeneadelacroix Posts: 22
in Motivation and Support
I always lose my motivation after talking to this one person (a friend of a friend) - she's one of those people. The ones who make themselves feel better by comparing themselves and making others feel worse.

We've both been trying to lose weight - I've been eating healthily and exercising, whereas she's been taking duramine and has taken up smoking. I've been on a plateau for a long time now, and am starting to feel a bit down about it. She was larger than I was when we started, and at the moment still weighs more (and is shorter). But she's lost about 5kg in the last month or so, and now keeps messaging me saying that I can have all her "fat" clothes.

It makes me upset because I want to be happy for her. But it gets to me, because it makes me think that I must look heavier than I actually am if she thinks her larger clothes are going to be the right size for me. I'm also frustrated because it feels unfair that she can "cheat" (by smoking and taking duramine) and then make me feel bad about my weight.

Does anyone else know people like this? What do you do to help deal with them?
«1

Replies

  • sweetsapphire85
    sweetsapphire85 Posts: 386
    Options
    Have had and currently have a few in my life. I don't have an answer but am struggling with it as well. I'll be checking back for others responses. Just know your MFP friends are here to support you!

    Know that when she quits the medicine and the smoking she will pick all that back up and more...then offer her your old clothes because you won't have that worry because you made a healthy lifestyle change!
  • demure_poetic
    demure_poetic Posts: 73
    Options
    if you don't like them, remove them from your life, if they are not removable, talk to them... i would tell them I don;t need your old clothes, they wont fit me eventually either, so no thanks... i would think that them giving you their old clothes meens they think your not going anywhere with your weightloss, but maybe they are just trying to be nice, there are certain people who act certain ways and they think they are doing good when they are really hurting us, it's not really their fault if they don't understand....try talking to them and explaining how you feel about their actions in a nice way.
  • russelljclarke
    russelljclarke Posts: 836 Member
    Options
    You don't need 'friends' like that. Tell her to eff off and start hanging about with people who aren't scoring points off you
  • kevinlynch3
    kevinlynch3 Posts: 287 Member
    Options
    She's a friend of a friend..why are you talking to her if she goes out of her way to make you feel bad. Cut her loose!

    If you feel like you have assessed her accurately, then act on it. She's no friend.
  • starpi22
    starpi22 Posts: 74
    Options
    I think we all have had someone in our lives like that, I know I have. You can choose to ignore it, you can confront her and tell her you don't appreciate her remarks, or if she brings it up again just say "No thanks, I wouldn't need them for long anyways." If it were me I would cut her loose, she does not deserve a second of your attention.

    More importantly don't beat yourself up for doing things the right way, smoking and heart damaging diet pills are an easy way out and a temporary fix. She may thinks she looks good now, but abusing her body like that will sneak up on her in a bad way 10 fold. She will most likely gain all the weight back and don't even get me started on what smoking does to your appearance. :-)
  • Artemis_Acorn
    Artemis_Acorn Posts: 836 Member
    Options
    I just can't comprehend someone making a decision that should lead them to being healthier and then using cancer sticks to do it . Find someone who will support your efforts and not try to psyche you out with stinky cast-offs.
  • kunibob
    kunibob Posts: 608 Member
    Options
    EDIT: this is so much better than what I originally wrote that I'm just going to quote it for emphasis instead. :smile:
    I think we all have had someone in our lives like that, I know I have. You can choose to ignore it, you can confront her and tell her you don't appreciate her remarks, or if she brings it up again just say "No thanks, I wouldn't need them for long anyways."

    More importantly don't beat yourself up for doing things the right way, smoking and heart damaging diet pills are an easy way out and a temporary fix. She may thinks she looks good now, but abusing her body like that will sneak up on her in a bad way 10 fold. She will most likely gain all the weight back and don't even get me started on what smoking does to your appearance. :-)
  • MaryEffingPoppins
    MaryEffingPoppins Posts: 371 Member
    Options
    Buy her a pack of smokes, smile and X her out of your life. 2 words: SHE'S CANCEROUS!
  • pinkita
    pinkita Posts: 779 Member
    Options
    What a petty person! Listen, her way of losing weight is only going to lead to one thing: she's going to gain it all back. Whereas you will stick with your healthy eating and exercise because you know that's the only real answer in conquering our weight issues. You also know that plateaus are a part of the weight loss journey, so stick to YOUR way!

    I have to agree with the other suggestions about removing this person from your life. She's toxic, and part of being successful at weight loss is surrounding yourself with positivity and support.

    I've been on a plateau of sorts too, and was getting discouraged about it until I measured myself. From July 23rd to Aug. 27 I lose 3 inches off my waist, 1 inch off my hips, and 0.5 inch off my thigh. Meanwhile, the number on the scale didn't move! So please measure yourself if you aren't already.

    You don't need her, so I say cut off all ties--who knows, maybe you'll even break your plateau after getting rid of her! :)
  • idiocracy
    idiocracy Posts: 275 Member
    Options
    Be strong. Everything she's doing now will backfire on her eventually. Relax and do your own things. Plateaus will go away. Like the store of the turtle and the rabbit. Be the turtle! Slow, steady but safely there!
  • _Splenda_
    _Splenda_ Posts: 22 Member
    Options
    Buy her a pack of smokes, smile and X her out of your life. 2 words: SHE'S CANCEROUS!


    EXACTLYYYY!!!!
  • feelingalone
    feelingalone Posts: 24
    Options
    WOW! Some friend you have. You are doing the right thing! She is so wrong in how she treats you. You deserve SO MUCH better treatment than that. You are working your rear off and eating right. What part of that is unhealthy? Your friend is a CHEATER and a piss poor one at that!
    Sounds like all she will ever be is a person who will take the easy way out. When you are looking wonderful and fit, she will be hacking and coughing and looking worse than ever because she didn't learn to eat right or exercise. When the pills and smokes wear off, where will she be? I'll tell you.................She'll be the short chunky friend who tries to make you feel worse than she does by making some other rude comments.
    All you can do is try to be the bigger person and try to help her see what she's doing is wrong! Maybe you could get her to work out with you and you could show her how to do things right....or at least better. If not, I'd say bye bye to her
  • forme2310
    forme2310 Posts: 157 Member
    Options
    Good Morning,

    Sorry to hear that you have a friend like that. She is not really a good friend. You are going the right way to loose the weight. Another way to look at it do you remember the Tortoise and the Hare. You are going the right away you are like the Tortoise and you are being persistent and doing it at a good constant pace and your friend is the Hare the one that has to run full speed ahead and she will tucker out. Remember in the end you will win the race!! So don't let your friend take that away from you.

    If you can I would tell her how you feel and if that is not possible I would cut her off as she is not a real friend. If she was she would not treat you that way. Hope this helps keep up the great work you should be proud!!!!
  • hewhoiscd
    hewhoiscd Posts: 1,029 Member
    Options
    Does anyone else know people like this? What do you do to help deal with them?

    Life's too short. Remove them from your life.
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
    Options
    What a horror.
  • gaeljo
    gaeljo Posts: 223 Member
    Options
    I think you should take a break for a few weeks. Eventually she will call you the time will give u clarity as to whether u want to end the friendship or confront the issues. It's pathetic and sad she is smoking to lose weight you know better. Also plateau is normal. Your body is resetting its metabolism. You'll lose weight again. I'm.wondering why u think its ok for her to treat u this way? Why don't u stand up for yourself? These r serious esteem issues.
  • wickedkitty
    wickedkitty Posts: 36 Member
    Options
    I just started on my weight loss journey and one of the many reasons (and it may not be a good one) I did was because I'm tired of hearing my beloved husband use it as an excuse for his bad behavior. I have lost two pounds so far and HE keeps trying to shove treats down my throat, by offering me things he knows I am staying away from like soda and candy. Sometimes the people closest to us, do and and say things that hurt. Don't let her sabotage your efforts or stress you out because that can set back your progress too. Keep doing what you're doing because at the end of the day its ALL about you....not her. She also might be wishing she had the motivation to lose her weight the way you are by diet and excercise. She can't take the pills forever and eventually her weight will come back because she didn't make the lifestyle change. She is playing a dangerous game taking diet pills and smoking. Both of which can do serious damage to the very body she is trying to improve. It doesn't excuse her bad behaviour or callous comments, but if she continues, tell her that her comments are hurtful to you. A real friend would apologize and stop it immediately. Keep up the good work and maybe try a new activity to help jump start you off the dreaded plateau and onward toward a healthier, happier and skinnier you. :-)
  • anu_6986
    anu_6986 Posts: 702 Member
    Options
    Tell her to keep her clothes with herself as she might need them once she decides to go off the med/decides to quit.. :)

    Otherwise, you shouldn't give people the attention they don't deserve. Just ignore it, as she is not your friend anyway. :) Good luck :flowerforyou:
  • lolainlondon
    lolainlondon Posts: 160 Member
    Options
    It may not be mature, but in the same situation, I'd probably send a cheerful message saying "Thanks for your kind offer, but I think they'd be too big for me, maybe give them to goodwill?". If she's gonna make you feel fat... ;-)
  • aeneadelacroix
    aeneadelacroix Posts: 22
    Options
    Thanks for all the great advice ;-)

    She's my best friend's housemate, so I don't want to say or do anything to make that situation awkward. I ended up just politely declining and left it at that. I really dislike sabotaging people who try to score points, and I think avoiding a toxic person is the best move.

    I did laugh at a few of the suggestions too - when I found out she'd taken up smoking I thought about giving her a home oxygen pamphlet "for the future"

Categories