Quarantined with a feeder
Ostrich218
Posts: 14 Member
Firstly, and most importantly, I completely recognise it’s my fault and responsibility but I have lost all control over my calorie intake
I start every day with good intentions but my activity rate is way down, gym is closed, going outside is scary and restricted to once a day
My husband likes to cook and bake and there is constant fresh baked delicious bread, scones, full meals, breakfast in bed etc and I can’t say no, or stop myself
Where has my will power gone and how do I get it back?
(How many of these whines are there on here?)
I start every day with good intentions but my activity rate is way down, gym is closed, going outside is scary and restricted to once a day
My husband likes to cook and bake and there is constant fresh baked delicious bread, scones, full meals, breakfast in bed etc and I can’t say no, or stop myself
Where has my will power gone and how do I get it back?
(How many of these whines are there on here?)
8
Replies
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A lot. However that's more to say you're not alone so much as everyone is whining.
However it's your body, your weight, your mouth and your choice, no one can make you say no, even with the best advice, you have to care about the situation enough to stop, so far you've only cared enough to make a post. So you've already recognized it's a you thing, what's it going to take for you to say no? Another 5lbs? Another month of breakfast in beds?10 -
KrissFlavored wrote: »A lot. However that's more to say you're not alone so much as everyone is whining.
Hah, I knew it, just dipping my toe in so am not up to speedKrissFlavored wrote: »However it's your body, your weight, your mouth and your choice, no one can make you say no, even with the best advice, you have to care about the situation enough to stop, so far you've only cared enough to make a post.
Savage, and fair. I like it. You’re quite right and I care in the morning and late evening ...but in between the “what the f@*&, who cares” gremlin gets meKrissFlavored wrote: »So you've already recognized it's a you thing, what's it going to take for you to say no? Another 5lbs? Another month of breakfast in beds?
I was amazing a few years back, disciplined and lost over 50lbs and rocked maintenance for over 3 years getting fitter and shapelier and actually enjoying wearing clothes.
Now I’m old, jaded and know all the tricks and I honestly don’t know what it’s going to take for me to grab a hold of my cojones and sort my goddam head out
But I love your response, your response is me when I’ve got it sorted
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In all honesty, when I lost my weight the first time (165lbs) and was struggling with binge eating disorder, after a bout of bulimia, I put almost 100lbs back on, because of the I dont give a crap scenario.. however.. long, long before putting on that 100lbs, I could have reached out to my doctor and got back on my meds and stopped myself from getting to that point, and yet I didnt, and in the end, it was all choice, I made the choice not to call and I made the choice not to get back on the meds, I made the choice to let whatever was going on in my life, 5 moves, 5 job changes, a break up and rebuilding my life after losing everything, be the excuse, same as you're just using old and jaded, covid and a husband as your excuse, and yeah, in the end, you gotta choose, either you keep going with what your doing or you speak up and say no, same as I had to call the doctor and I had to get those pills.
Edit: I also wanna add that the first two weeks I struggled even after starting the pills because I needed to get used to eating fewer calories, weighing food again, etc, even tho I acknowledged wanting to lose, but once you push through, you can slide back into that old headspace you once had.
So basically my point is, waiting around for the perfect headspace to start is potentially wasting a lot of time, cause it may never come on it's own, sometimes you gotta force it.
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It’s normal to feel stressed when the world turns upside down! It takes extra resources to adjust to the new situation, leaving you feeling like you don’t have any to spare. I recommend a serious talk with your husband, followed by an effort to find other sources of comfort and fun. Everyone needs comfort and fun right now and food is easy. Maybe start by complimenting your husband on how he’s trying to take care of you, followed by some suggestions of what would be more helpful.
I don’t know what kind of things you and your husband enjoy - my husband and I started playing a fighting game together. And dancing together, even if it’s more me dancing and him watching. We are also running a virtual race series together.
Best of luck to you!5 -
Firstly, and most importantly, I completely recognise it’s my fault and responsibility but I have lost all control over my calorie intake.
That recognition of the need for responsibility is a great first step.
I start every day with good intentions but my activity rate is way down, gym is closed, going outside is scary and restricted to once a day.
There's loads of online resources for exercise. Can you boost your activity with having a spring clean, gardening or a general sort out as many are doing where I live?
If you can maintain social distancing the risk from being outside is minimal and the benefits are many for physical and emotional health.
My husband likes to cook and bake and there is constant fresh baked delicious bread, scones, full meals, breakfast in bed etc and I can’t say no, or stop myself.
Have you had a conversation with your husband about how your motivation is low and you need some support?
Can you challenge your husband to make delicious, nutritious meals but in the appropriate amounts and calories? Good cooks like a challenge and to try new recipes.
Where has my will power gone and how do I get it back?
One step at a time, small but incremental changes perhaps?
Say no to breakfast in bed? Get up and get going - earn your breakfast! That's a very easy ask for your husband to help with.
Use your daily dose of the great outdoors wisely and consistently.
I saw some great advice about how using this time to better your health - preparation for when you might get exposed to this current or another future risk. Many conditions are greatly improved by being fitter and the right weight.
(How many of these whines are there on here?)
Yep - how people respond to a challenge is very different. Some will resign themselves to being a victim and some will fight that challenge despite some low points along the way. Doesn't matter if you get knocked down as long as you keep getting back up.
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Firstly, and most importantly, I completely recognise it’s my fault and responsibility but I have lost all control over my calorie intake.
That recognition of the need for responsibility is a great first step.
I start every day with good intentions but my activity rate is way down, gym is closed, going outside is scary and restricted to once a day.
There's loads of online resources for exercise. Can you boost your activity with having a spring clean, gardening or a general sort out as many are doing where I live?
If you can maintain social distancing the risk from being outside is minimal and the benefits are many for physical and emotional health.
My husband likes to cook and bake and there is constant fresh baked delicious bread, scones, full meals, breakfast in bed etc and I can’t say no, or stop myself.
Have you had a conversation with your husband about how your motivation is low and you need some support?
Can you challenge your husband to make delicious, nutritious meals but in the appropriate amounts and calories? Good cooks like a challenge and to try new recipes.
Where has my will power gone and how do I get it back?
One step at a time, small but incremental changes perhaps?
Say no to breakfast in bed? Get up and get going - earn your breakfast! That's a very easy ask for your husband to help with.
Use your daily dose of the great outdoors wisely and consistently.
I saw some great advice about how using this time to better your health - preparation for when you might get exposed to this current or another future risk. Many conditions are greatly improved by being fitter and the right weight.
(How many of these whines are there on here?)
Yep - how people respond to a challenge is very different. Some will resign themselves to being a victim and some will fight that challenge despite some low points along the way. Doesn't matter if you get knocked down as long as you keep getting back up.
I really love this. Some solid sound advice here with things that are actionable.
I have lost 14lb since 2nd April and I am calorie counting. It helps that I control the food budget and the cooking in my house (obviously i make things that my partner enjoys) but I am able to modify my cooking to adjust to my calorie goal. Perhaps taking a more active role in the cooking?
Also in terms of moving more I started walking 5 miles a day. Start small if you like by doing 1 mile and slowly building up but in terms of what i am mentally ready for it is quite easy, low impact and if you do enough miles over the week it will contribute to a nice calorie burn and eventual weightloss.
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My husband likes to cook and bake and there is constant fresh baked delicious bread, scones, full meals, breakfast in bed etc and I can’t say no, or stop myself.
Have you had a conversation with your husband about how your motivation is low and you need some support?
Can you challenge your husband to make delicious, nutritious meals but in the appropriate amounts and calories? Good cooks like a challenge and to try new recipes.
This. I also live with my husband, he knows I'm a volume eater, and he tends to suggest lots of calorie-dense foods for our meal plan. At the same time, he really cares about my well-being and weight and wants to support me in losing weight. I frequently remind him that one of the easiest things he can do to support me is to suggest healthy and lower-calorie meal options and be supportive in trying new recipes, so I'm not tempted by the stuff he wants to put in the menu or discouraged by his opposition to new stuff.
In January, I visited a registered dietician and complained about a similar issue, namely trying to blame my husband for my poor eating habits. She was very blunt and pointed out that if my husband is force-feeding me or banning me from going to the grocery store to get my own groceries it's abuse and I should get help to leave the relationship. If neither of those things are happening, what I eat is actually my own choice. Still, I'm in the same boat as you, it's a lot easier to eat healthy if my husband is onboard and doesn't actively tempt me with treats.
If your husband likes specifically baking, can you try to take advantage of that and work your meal plan around it? If he makes amazing bread, you could have a sandwich and a side salad for lunch. If he bakes an awesome cake, plan a lighter day and save some calories for a slice, and so on.
Breakfast in bed - that luxury doesn't have to be an unhealthy affair. Instead of baked pastries, bacon etc., could that be fresh fruit, eggs, yogurt or something else healthy that you like?
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Great advice. Thank you @sijomial and @rheddmobile
Yesterday I had soup for supper while they had sausage, mash and onion gravy, and the house was full of the smell of fresh baked sourdough bread. If my calories had been in control and this was a rare supper I could have joined them but neither was true,
So I just started that conversation with my husband and he initially struggled to get it, he says he cooks what the kids and he likes and I don’t have to eat it. I do cook, but have to fight for the kitchen, and enjoy it but the whole calorie / healthy meals ends up with refusals to eat (my children are older teens). Also he tends to take over the whole kitchen and it is his sanity zone
I admitted it’s my problem but asked for some support and he may have turned the corner, we are sorting a shelf for my meal prep, moving the chocolate to the outside fridge and agreeing that the amount of veg, and form of veg prep with things like Sunday roasts has to be significantly adjusted. I even showed him some healthy recipe sites we have in and I think he might take it as a challenge rather than an imposition.
I need to work out how to sort the movement cos this time has proved to me that the YouTube exercise world is not my thing13 -
Ostrich218 wrote: »I need to work out how to sort the movement cos this time has proved to me that the YouTube exercise world is not my thing
Yeah, not really mine, either. Would it be possible to walk/jog outside, or is the weather too bad or crowds too big? I recently took up Pokemon GO again to help increase my steps and fight the quarantine boredom, I can do it alone (or with my husband) walking outside. Another thing I do is put on my headphones, start cleaning the house and dance like nobody's watching while I do it. Makes cleaning surprisingly fun, too.2 -
First of all - can you send your husband to Pennsylvania? Because mine won’t even boil water!
I am a sucker for baked goods and sweets of every kind. Big breakfasts, comforting dinners - you name it, I live for it. I absolutely adore food. But I have amazing willpower and love to exercise like a beast so I’m tiny. I know not everyone finds these things so easy. And often times for me, they’re not easy. My ability to do these things stems from years of being obsessed with food and binge eating. I’ve learned to cope with it over the years and to find a healthy balance.
I still slip up from time to time though. In fact, I straight up told myself that I could use this quarantine to backslide or I can use all of the free time to exercise and get into the best shape of my life. I chose the latter.
The fact that you’re acknowledging the problem is amazing! The sooner you recognize the issue, the sooner you can fix it before it spirals out of control. And that is the first step.
As someone who struggles with anxiety, I often pep talk myself and ask WHY I do certain things that contribute more to my anxiety. Why do I procrastinate and let things gnaw at me? Why do I binge only to beat myself up during AND after? If I don’t allow myself to do these things, BAM - no anxiety. Easier said than done, but it feels so freeing to not be upset and anxious over things that I absolutely can control (just may take a lot of willpower to do so).
You CAN do this! Hugs!!4 -
You can go outside to workout. I still run 3xs a week. I just run by myself. Unless you are physically on someone and breathing in their moist breath, you are ok. We all need fresh air, breathing indoor stagnate air is the worst.2
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Ostrich218 wrote: »Great advice. Thank you @sijomial and @rheddmobile
Yesterday I had soup for supper while they had sausage, mash and onion gravy, and the house was full of the smell of fresh baked sourdough bread. If my calories had been in control and this was a rare supper I could have joined them but neither was true,
So I just started that conversation with my husband and he initially struggled to get it, he says he cooks what the kids and he likes and I don’t have to eat it. I do cook, but have to fight for the kitchen, and enjoy it but the whole calorie / healthy meals ends up with refusals to eat (my children are older teens). Also he tends to take over the whole kitchen and it is his sanity zone
I admitted it’s my problem but asked for some support and he may have turned the corner, we are sorting a shelf for my meal prep, moving the chocolate to the outside fridge and agreeing that the amount of veg, and form of veg prep with things like Sunday roasts has to be significantly adjusted. I even showed him some healthy recipe sites we have in and I think he might take it as a challenge rather than an imposition.
I need to work out how to sort the movement cos this time has proved to me that the YouTube exercise world is not my thing
Ya, my OH doesn't get why it would be helpful for me to not see foods that are his, but are triggers for me, like cake. But I met with a dietitian today and she backed me up on how it would be helpful for me if these foods were kept out of my sight.
Re exercise: it's gardening season and I am thrilled to have a new project, plus all my old gardening projects
Because I'm gardening, I'm neglecting all the other things I can do at home or allowed places - walk, hike, practice yoga, strength train. Well, I do do the indoor stuff when the rain keeps me indoors. I've also done some deep cleaning. If I wasn't able to garden I'd consider painting walls.0 -
i practise intermittent fasting, which helps me put a lid on overeating. Let’s say i walk past an amazing smelling bakery around midday, i’ll buy something from it and turn it into lunch. i’m pretty full after that and i don’t feel too tempted by other things. early evening, if i still have some amazing bread, i’ll have it as part of my dinner. then, i eat nothing else the rest of the night till lunch again the next day. it works for me 2
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Just mail me the stuff that you shouldn't be having. I'll take care of it.
Promise.
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My first month of lockdown was just endless bad for choices and no movement. I gained about 7 lbs or so which is not a small amount of work to take back off. Anyhow, I saw where it was going and decided that it was just a mental excuse that was leading me this way. Why would having MORE time in my schedule have to mean worse habits?? So my husband and I made a pact and started Whole 30. Typically I find the program hard because it's time consuming and requires a lot more cooking from scratch. But you know what I have right now? Time at home. Same thing with the workouts. We decided to start 21 Day Fix Beachbody videos at home. There is a lot out there that don't require equipment or a lot of space. Yes it's a disheartening and scary time in the world, but it's also a time where many have an unprecedented opportunity to invest in themselves physically and mentally!
Anyhow - I guess what I'm saying is why not funnel some of that cooking energy into something constructive for health. Why not view the time at home as an opportunity instead of a drudgery. Think of it as being kind to your future self, who will no doubt resent having to lose the X amount of weight that you will put on otherwise. Have empathy for future you. 2 -
Great, now the daughter has started baking Challah again - I'm doomed
Actually been a decent week, apart from yesterday when the challah hit and I went over but I'm down that initial 3- 5 lbs (varying daily) from first week trying to get back in control
Good things: my steps are heading back up to 10K a day, logging is happening and my meal prep is better - just made a veggie madras curry what my husband likes to call vegetable monge - but is just meditteranean style to eat with rice.
Bad things: yeah he's really still not getting it but talks a good gamesnickerscharlie wrote: »Just mail me the stuff that you shouldn't be having. I'll take care of it.
Promise.
This made me laugh though - imagining shoving fresh-baked bread in a mailbox
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Ostrich218 wrote: »Great, now the daughter has started baking Challah again - I'm doomed
Actually been a decent week, apart from yesterday when the challah hit and I went over but I'm down that initial 3- 5 lbs (varying daily) from first week trying to get back in control
Good things: my steps are heading back up to 10K a day, logging is happening and my meal prep is better - just made a veggie madras curry what my husband likes to call vegetable monge - but is just meditteranean style to eat with rice.
Bad things: yeah he's really still not getting it but talks a good game.
If you know dinners are going to be big, how about setting some boundaries around breakfast and lunch? Ex: breakfast in bed only on Saturdays, scones only on Sundays (or whatever works for your schedule, of course.)
You have to be firm for him to get the message - giving in sends him mixed messages, which he will interpret to his liking.
I gained weight when I moved in w my OH and like to blame it on him, but it's really me, and I need to take responsibility for my own actions. Sure, living apart was more conducive to weight loss, but I want to live with him, so have to figure out how to make this situation work, which involves creating habits and the discipline to maintain them.
For example, when we lived apart, I used to go to the gym two nights a week, which sure cut down on evening snacking. I didn't have a gym membership here even before the pandemic, but can certainly do yoga or strength train with dumb bells at home in the evenings.
And this time of year I can garden after dinner like I did last night - spent 90 minutes working on my new garden bed and spreading mulch instead of several hours snuggling and watching TV. In addition to the hour I spent gardening in the afternoon, this was a sweet calorie burn.1 -
sashimimaniac wrote: »i practise intermittent fasting, which helps me put a lid on overeating. Let’s say i walk past an amazing smelling bakery around midday, i’ll buy something from it and turn it into lunch. i’m pretty full after that and i don’t feel too tempted by other things. early evening, if i still have some amazing bread, i’ll have it as part of my dinner. then, i eat nothing else the rest of the night till lunch again the next day. it works for me
I just started doing this and it helps a lot!1
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