Hello

I’m not really new to MFP but I haven’t been on here in months. I haven’t really been in the community so it’s probably going to take me a bit to figure it out.
I’m 36, 37 later this year. I’m a single mom to 2 young kids at home and 1 grown. I’m 5’3.5 and last time I weighed myself I was 191. That was 2-3 weeks ago. I’m too scared to get on the scale and I’m used to weighing 1st thing in the morning and I seem to always be in a rush and I forget.
I’ve always struggled with weight issues and being heavy. There’s only 3 times I’ve ever been ‘small’ (and even then I didn’t believe I was at the time) but I’ve never really been healthy.
I do have some health problems that hold me back a little and unfortunately I’m also a smoker. That’s what else I really really want/need to work on. I WANT to be a non-smoker. I hate the effects on myself and everyone, the smell, and the price so I have no idea why it’s so hard to quit. Same with my weight. I feel like I’ll never be healthy.
Well if anyone is similar in any way or wants an accountability partner or whatever I could use one or some!