Anxiety and weight loss

Very long post ahead, I'm sorry. Just trying to get some help with my weight loss journey during my mental health battle, and just felt I wanted to give some background to my situation.

I've been overweight most of my adult life. 4 years ago I managed to lose 30kg and felt absolutely fantastic, was one of those to say 30kg gone forever, and, I'm never going back to the old ways. Well... I don't know where I took the strength from for those 18 months of losing and then maintaining the weight loss. I was ruthless, if it didn't fit into my calorie goal, I did not have it. I remember thinking before everything I ate if it was worth the calories today. Some days a McDonald's was worth it to me, and other days it was not. But no matter what I had, it had to fit into my calorie goal. 18 months I never wavered, never had a day off. I remember the day I lost it all... A work colleague hosted a Christmas party, and when I got there it was cheese themed. Like every dish was cheese based and there were the most amazing cheeses from all over the world, as well as breads and crackers, just stood around everywhere. Cheese was something I hadn't really allowed myself. Well, I thought, a day off won't hurt after all this time, I've got this. But like an alcoholic... Having it did hurt.

Within the next 2 years I was just about back to where I started, and I'm still there now. I weigh 97.9kg at 168cm tall. I'm very unhappy with my weight, just as I have been for all my adult life except those 18 months. My anxiety, since gaining the weight back, has sky rocketed! I feel worse about myself than I ever did before I lost the weight, feel like a failure and a fraught. I'm on antidepressants and therapy for my anxiety, and still every day I try to get back to losing weight. I can't manage half a day of eating well. I'm an emotional eater, too, I eat when I'm happy, proud, sad, angry, worried... And when I have a panic attack, I practically gorge myself.
My partner left me a couple of weeks ago, we had been together 11 months - but not letting me go completely, he says he still loves me very much, that he "doesn't want us to be over" but that he needs to sort his head out (he has a lot of issues regarding seeing his children from a previous marriage, as in mum is doing all she can to not let him see the kids). I understand his worries, and why it's causing him mental health issues.... But he says he doesn't know if he will be able to come back to me, or, until he gets to see his children he won't know what he wants and will be falling apart. But that I should bear with him, that he wants us to be together.

Anyway... This sort of limbo is tearing me apart. I can't get over him, because part of me thinks he'll say he'll come back any day now, and so I can't heal. And I eat and eat and eat, and I feel sick and sick and sick.
Does anyone have any advice? Any coping strategies to make sticking to plan easier? The antidepressants make me very lethargic, so I can never motivate myself to do exercise, either... I'm just looking to find some support, really, I know being slimmer helps my mental health, too, because I feel good about myself and have a little more confidence. Thanks for reading, anyway... I know I rambled a bit there.

Replies

  • Pool_Boy
    Pool_Boy Posts: 405 Member
    Only worry about the things that you can control, the stuff you can't control let it go and it will work itself out. Feel free to add me.
  • reducingrenee622
    reducingrenee622 Posts: 48 Member
    If I had any advice I would give it immediately, however, I don't have any to offer you. I feel very much in the same boat as you, except my depression is more present than my anxiety. I am struggling with many of the same issues you expressed; from feeling better/worse physically and mentally depending on the diet, partner problems (mine hasn't left yet, but the 'divorce' word is spoken of frequently), and my medications also causes me to feel extremely lethargic.

    My medication was recently just doubled in dosage, and I'm currently seeing three (3!!!) therapists; a physiologist, a psychiatrist, and a marriage counselor. I am working on myself in every way I can, and I hope you are doing the same!

    Feel free to add me if you would like. For motivation or just someone to talk to.
  • Hollis100
    Hollis100 Posts: 1,410 Member

    Anyway... This sort of limbo is tearing me apart. I can't get over him, because part of me thinks he'll say he'll come back any day now, and so I can't heal.

    Here's a big truth in life. YOU can make the decision about the guy, not him.

    I wish you the absolute best. My advice about trauma and healing is to keep company with kind people who build you up and do something positive for yourself every day.

  • JennyFlowerpot
    JennyFlowerpot Posts: 2 Member

    I wish you the absolute best. My advice about trauma and healing is to keep company with kind people who build you up and do something positive for yourself every day.

    [/quote]

    Thank you! I have made the decision to let him go for my own sanity, but it hurts like hell! I don't currently have any friends, and I struggle to go out and meet new people as my social anxiety is stopping me... I am trying to practice self love, doing positive things, but right now, I struggle to do anything, tbh.
  • planktonbye
    planktonbye Posts: 58 Member
    I have been in a similar situation, and I am in a long-term struggle with depression. I'll friend you! Meeting new people IRL is super-hard, I agree.