Parents not supporting weight loss

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emilyroselamb
emilyroselamb Posts: 5 Member
in Challenges
Hi everyone! I’m new to this forum and really just wanted some advice on how to cope. I’ve gone from 87KG (190 lbs) to 79 KG (176 lbs) since the end of May. My bmi is 29. I was so excited to finally be 79kg, the lightest I’ve been since I was 12. Anyway, I told my mother and she said she doesn’t want me to lose any more weight because she’s used to seeing me ‘with a bit of meat.’ I’m just incredibly frustrated because I still have another 13kg to lose before I’m even in a healthy bmi range. After being overweight my whole life, becoming healthy is like a dream and I’m so happy with how far I’ve come...but my mother (I live at home as I’m studying, I’m 22) seems to think unless you’re overweight you’re ‘unhealthy,’ and she keeps comparing me to a family friend who had bulimia, saying ‘I don’t want you to end up like -.’ I’ve lost this weight in a healthy way, making sure I get plenty of protein and healthy fats, and just being more active generally. It’s so upsetting. What should have been a happy day for me getting well out of an ‘obese’ bmi was tainted by being told I’m too skinny! What even! I’m just wondering how other people deal with unsupportive family.

Replies

  • harper16
    harper16 Posts: 2,564 Member
    edited July 2020
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    I ignore them.

    Congrats on your weight loss. That's awesome! If you're mom won't be happy for you, I will.
  • Kaitie9399
    Kaitie9399 Posts: 1,276 Member
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    I'm sorry that happened to you. It's hard when our biggest critics should be our biggest cheerleaders. You clearly know what you want for yourself and you have a strong game plan to achieving your goals--I say, ignore the critics (even if they are your mom) and do what you know is the right thing for you and your health. Log all of your food here in MFP and visit the forums ALL the time to find the support your need. Best of luck and I hope to see your before and after pictures someday in the 'Success Stories' tab in these forums!
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
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    emilyroselamb wrote: »
    ... she keeps comparing me to a family friend who had bulimia, saying ‘I don’t want you to end up like -.’

    When I tell you I cackled 😂

    Eating disorders are not funny but the rando diagnosis is. Parents can be weird sometimes 🤷🏿‍♀️ They're people with their own baggage to deal with too.

    You, by contrast, seem to be handling YOUR STUFF quite well. Since you're living at home, continue to do your best to keep the peace while maintaining your boundaries in a respectful manner.

    And, yes, kudos on your success!

    Sidenote: if your school health plan gives you access to counseling (nutritional but also psychological) then please consider using it.
  • cgcdavis7
    cgcdavis7 Posts: 85 Member
    edited July 2020
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    Your mom, bless her heart, doesn't understand what health means for you. What you need to do is go about your day exactly how you want it to go and leave mama where she is. You let her say what she wants but you go full throttle on what you need to be doing. I'm a mom and I know 1000% if I wanted something that went against the wellbeing of my kid, I hope to god they have the balls to do what they need to do and ignore tf out of me.
  • ChrissyChickie
    ChrissyChickie Posts: 182 Member
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    Just keep on doing what you need to do. Although your Mom loves you, that doesn't always make her right. One of my kids is also 22 ... I don't always say the right thing or the smart thing to them. Sometimes parents and grandparents will just say dumb stuff... it is usually easiest and best to just ignore it and move on (at least with my family). Good luck on your loss! Big hugs to you!!!
  • sh3wolf
    sh3wolf Posts: 17 Member
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    I understand exactly what this feels like! My mom is a very loving and supportive if i gain weight but, when I used to be at the healthiest weight for my body she told be I "lost my butt" and I needed to eat more. She would even make my favorite fattening foods to try and get me to eat more! I had lost my weight in a healthy way but she kept trying to convince me that i was anorexic when I was younger. I guess they have their worries and reasons but, just know that I will support your weight loss and exercise and we can all celebrate your achievements on this board ((hugs))
  • emilyroselamb
    emilyroselamb Posts: 5 Member
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    Thank you everyone! I think I’m going to have to a get a thicker skin with my family, I saw some I haven’t seen since focusing on weight loss, and they ALSO told me ‘don’t lose any more’ 🤣 I’m only just out of obese territory! Perhaps it’s because they’re used to seeing me heavier? Anyway, you’re all very right that I need to keep my eye on my own goal. I do just feel conflicted, because I’m excited that I’m actually going to be a ‘normal’ weight by the end of the year if I remain dedicated when I’ve struggled as long as I can remember, but on the other hand everyone feels the need to comment that it’s a bad idea.
  • zumbaforever
    zumbaforever Posts: 6,850 Member
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    I know how this feels also. But a bit differently. I lost quite a few pounds during my second Police Officer Basic academy. I felt I was in awesome shape. Not just thinner. My adult son commented that I looked sickly. I weighed about 130 and am 5'4" tall. I was able to do 100 push-ups on my toes in under 5 minutes. That really hurt that he said that. It still bothers me and that was a number of years ago. Try not to let what others, no matter who they are, get in the way of your continued success!

    Congratulations on your loss.
  • debrakgoogins
    debrakgoogins Posts: 2,034 Member
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    Often, when you begin to lose weight, it is noticeable in your face. People have seen you the way you were for so long that it can be a shock to suddenly see a different face looking at them. Keep doing what you're doing and let the comments slide.
  • Mithridites
    Mithridites Posts: 595 Member
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    You let the cat out of the bag, but from now on don’t bring it up. You know where she stands Don’t try to convince them, convert them, prove them wrong. Just stick to your plan and lose weight slow and steady. As they see you every day, they might not even notice you’re still losing. Make a point to eat a large part of your calories where your mom can see it. Don’t poke mamma bear and you will have peace and harmony at home and your goal too. Stress is the enemy of weight-loss.

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