Overcoming success vs failure mindset?

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lilharumaki
lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
From you guys that have been using MFP or have been losing weight for awhile, how do you get past the feeling that you completely failed when you go over your calories? It’s so hard for me not to obsess over it.
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  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    steveko89 wrote: »
    When losing, I consider anything between my target loss rate deficit (-500 calories) and maintenance level a success. Shooting for a range instead of a specific number gives you some flexibility and as long as you're under maintenance you're still making some progress towards your ultimate goal.

    Thank you so much! A great way to look at it!
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    MaltedTea wrote: »
    Using new age speak it's "limiting beliefs" vs "growth mindset," perhaps...

    Every failure is also a learning opportunity.


    Also, have you spoken to a loved one about this or someone on your healthcare team who can guide you to resources beyond MFP which can help with how you approach thoughts about food, nutrition, etc?

    Thank you so much for answering! I have body dysmorphic disorder so I have a lot of weird thoughts around food and nutrition. I moved away from my therapist recently, but I’m hoping to find a new one in my new city!
  • RunsWithBees
    RunsWithBees Posts: 1,508 Member
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    I take an extra walk here and there in the next few days to offset the excess calories and simply move on from it. You can factor your calories as a weekly average also and eat less some days and more other days as long as you reach your weekly goal.
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    I take an extra walk here and there in the next few days to offset the excess calories and simply move on from it. You can factor your calories as a weekly average also and eat less some days and more other days as long as you reach your weekly goal.

    Thank you so much! That’s a great idea, it’s going to be nice this weekend so maybe I’ll go for an extra long walk!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,904 Member
    edited July 2020
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    how do you get past the feeling that you completely failed when you go over your calories? It’s so hard for me not to obsess over it.

    I make sure to fail to reach my goal every single day :)

    I discovered that I was reacting (a bit too much in my opinion) to the red and green on MFP. Thus my supervisor über hamster decided that all the other mental hamsters were busting his **kittens** with their "stay in the green" gibberish! Thus, an executive decision was made to change maintenance calories to a deficit amount designed to be around -350 Cal... and to go over them almost every day!

    The monochromatic hamster revolution now prescribes a range of about 100 Cal AROUND +350 when trying to remain at maintenance level calories, even though that would always be in the red! :wink:
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    PAV8888 wrote: »
    how do you get past the feeling that you completely failed when you go over your calories? It’s so hard for me not to obsess over it.

    I make sure to fail to reach my goal every single day :)

    I discovered that I was reacting (a bit too much in my opinion) to the red and green on MFP. Thus my supervisor über hamster decided that all the other mental hamsters were busting his **kittens** with their "stay in the green" gibberish! Thus, an executive decision was made to change maintenance calories to a deficit amount designed to be around -350 Cal... and to go over them almost every day!

    The monochromatic hamster revolution now prescribes a range of about 100 Cal AROUND +350 when trying to remain at maintenance level calories, even though that would always be in the red! :wink:

    I like your approach!! Haha, it really is crazy how fixated we tend to get on red and green colors...
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
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    we all mess up, main thing is to get back on track ASAP.
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    brenn24179 wrote: »
    we all mess up, main thing is to get back on track ASAP.

    Thank you! Definitely working on it. My last two days were 1332 and 1660 so I can still make my average if I am good the next few days!
  • Shortgirlrunning
    Shortgirlrunning Posts: 1,020 Member
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    Persistence over perfection. No one is going to be perfect on their weight loss journey. Expect days where you skip your workout or go over your calories. Embrace it as a part of the process. What you do after a “bad” day is more important than that one day. You can either let it be a defining point where you give up or recognize that it’s just one tiny blip along the way and just keep moving forward.
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    Persistence over perfection. No one is going to be perfect on their weight loss journey. Expect days where you skip your workout or go over your calories. Embrace it as a part of the process. What you do after a “bad” day is more important than that one day. You can either let it be a defining point where you give up or recognize that it’s just one tiny blip along the way and just keep moving forward.

    Thank you, you’re totally right!! ✨
  • Oneka5
    Oneka5 Posts: 106 Member
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    As they say this is a lifestyle change - eating more than you plan will happen sometimes. I know when I hang out with my family I usually eat more - lots of snacking and laughing. I don't think much about it nowadays because I know that one or two days is not going to mess up all the hard work I did the other days or what I will continue to do the next days. I can get obsessive with the numbers on here too, so use that to your advantage. What foods were high in calories and how can you cut it down next time without cutting it out so you can still enjoy it; etc. Make this change as fun as you can - we are all learning and getting healthier :)
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    Oneka5 wrote: »
    As they say this is a lifestyle change - eating more than you plan will happen sometimes. I know when I hang out with my family I usually eat more - lots of snacking and laughing. I don't think much about it nowadays because I know that one or two days is not going to mess up all the hard work I did the other days or what I will continue to do the next days. I can get obsessive with the numbers on here too, so use that to your advantage. What foods were high in calories and how can you cut it down next time without cutting it out so you can still enjoy it; etc. Make this change as fun as you can - we are all learning and getting healthier :)

    Thank you so much for sharing! You’re so right, I just have to be patient and know that slip ups happen!
  • PAV8888
    PAV8888 Posts: 13,904 Member
    edited July 2020
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    Thank you! Definitely working on it. My last two days were 1332 and 1660 so I can still make my average if I am good the next few days move forward by once again adhering to my previously defined deficit plans while accepting that there exists no precise time-table as to WHEN I should arrive at maintenance.

    In fact I will get to maintenance as long as most of the time I mostly adhere to my plans. And when I get to maintenance, all that will change is that I will then have to continue to mostly adhere to my maintenance plans indefinitely, if I want to avoid the regain which is the most usual early maintenance outcome due to the combination of increased hormonally induced hunger and reduced caloric expenditure induced by the weight loss process.

    fixed it for ya! :wink: :lol:

    P.S. there is a rumour making the rounds that weight trend apps or web sites help people move past water weight variations and the knee jerk reactions scale weight changes induce! :smiley:
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    Thank you!! You’re right, it’s a journey, and there’s no rush to get there, I just have to stick with it!!
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
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    brenn24179 wrote: »
    we all mess up, main thing is to get back on track ASAP.

    Thank you! Definitely working on it. My last two days were 1332 and 1660 so I can still make my average if I am good the next few days!

    You. are. good. EVERY. day.

    Your food and exercise choices don't determine your worth.

    You mentioned earlier that you were in a new city, kudos on the move as that is considered a big life transition. Getting some more control over your thought processes and self-talk is also going to be a really big deal with a really big pay off! Glad you're already looking into a new therapist.
  • lilharumaki
    lilharumaki Posts: 112 Member
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    MaltedTea wrote: »
    brenn24179 wrote: »
    we all mess up, main thing is to get back on track ASAP.

    Thank you! Definitely working on it. My last two days were 1332 and 1660 so I can still make my average if I am good the next few days!

    You. are. good. EVERY. day.

    Your food and exercise choices don't determine your worth.

    You mentioned earlier that you were in a new city, kudos on the move as that is considered a big life transition. Getting some more control over your thought processes and self-talk is also going to be a really big deal with a really big pay off! Glad you're already looking into a new therapist.

    Thank you SO much. 💜 This was such an important reminder and such a great thing to hear!!
  • ladyzherra
    ladyzherra Posts: 438 Member
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    The "all or nothing" mentality is very common and, in my experience, challenging to confront. But it can be done! Being able to occupy the space of the "in-between" in anything...is difficult for those of us who feel like we have to be perfect or else we are absolute failures. I have been working toward being able to stand in a space without extremes for a couple decades, with plenty of success along the way -- but the process does take time. It begins with awareness, as so many things do.
  • joanna_82
    joanna_82 Posts: 151 Member
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    I also eat to a range between my small deficit and my maintenance calories. I’ve found that much easier to deal with and feel like I’ve had much more success than I ever had before. If I have a more hungry day or I just fancy some chocolate then I eat up to my maintenance calories and then just get back on it the next day.
    For me, this is a life long change to my nutrition, my effort with cooking and my approach to food. I might be eating a a deficit right now but I’m also thinking about how I’ll move to maintenance in the future and create a long term lifestyle.
    So, we are all in it for the long haul, so maybe try and see it that way!