I do it for love?

RachVR6
RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
Ya know, Jillian's talk with that blonde chick last night really struck a chord with me. I've been realizing lately, that I too, seem to be doing this for love and attention from others, that I'm not giving myself. I realize that, but I have no idea how to change it and do this for me. That's the reason I can't seem to stick to it. I just keep giving up on myself before I even give myself a chance. It's almost as if I'm scared to lose that wall I put up between me and everyone else. I can use 'fat' as a reason why I don't socialize and get to know people, but I guess truely I'm afraid of not having that crutch and still not having friends. I pull myself away for fear of rejection. I guess I need to start learning to love myself so that others can love me too.....but I have no clue where to start! How does one do that? :cry: :ohwell:

Replies

  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Ya know, Jillian's talk with that blonde chick last night really struck a chord with me. I've been realizing lately, that I too, seem to be doing this for love and attention from others, that I'm not giving myself. I realize that, but I have no idea how to change it and do this for me. That's the reason I can't seem to stick to it. I just keep giving up on myself before I even give myself a chance. It's almost as if I'm scared to lose that wall I put up between me and everyone else. I can use 'fat' as a reason why I don't socialize and get to know people, but I guess truely I'm afraid of not having that crutch and still not having friends. I pull myself away for fear of rejection. I guess I need to start learning to love myself so that others can love me too.....but I have no clue where to start! How does one do that? :cry: :ohwell:
  • bonniejo
    bonniejo Posts: 787 Member
    I feel the same way...
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
    I have no words of wisdom for you I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. A lot of women have a hard time loving themselves for who they are & it took me a LONG time to figure out that I am worth everything that I put into myself. I am worth every minute that I exercise to make myself stronger & healthier. YOU are worth it, too, Rach. We all are. :flowerforyou:
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,809 Member
    Ya know, Jillian's talk with that blonde chick last night really struck a chord with me. I've been realizing lately, that I too, seem to be doing this for love and attention from others, that I'm not giving myself. I realize that, but I have no idea how to change it and do this for me. That's the reason I can't seem to stick to it. I just keep giving up on myself before I even give myself a chance. It's almost as if I'm scared to lose that wall I put up between me and everyone else. I can use 'fat' as a reason why I don't socialize and get to know people, but I guess truely I'm afraid of not having that crutch and still not having friends. I pull myself away for fear of rejection. I guess I need to start learning to love myself so that others can love me too.....but I have no clue where to start! How does one do that? :cry: :ohwell:

    one thing that may help the focus-

    visualize how you want to be...not just looks but also how you feel....try to "see" you being fit and your body in shape and healthy" when you can "see" your goal in your head...moving towards that goal can keep you focused and less concerned with how others may be seeing you at the moment
  • firewalking
    firewalking Posts: 335 Member
    Fear of success. More powerful than fear of failure and excuses are the gateway to failure.

    I do not study for exams. I couldn't figure out why for the longest time. But then my psych professor told me that I don't study because if I fail then I can say it was because I didn't study and not because I was not smart enough to pass the tests. She said that this was a way of both affirming and disaffirming my own intelligence.

    While this did not make me study - it did make me embrace the fact that I was a straight A student without studying and thus, I could accept that I was intelligent and that I obviously learned from simply listening in class.

    What does this mean for your situation? Maybe that if it truly was important for you to impress people, it would be important enough for you to lose the weight. That's the good news. Your crutch may not be holding you up as much as you think. The only thing losing weight accomplishes is making you healthy and giving you more confidence. It still all comes from you and is about you. People do not change and by the way, who the hell wants someone around who only likes you for your weight anyway?

    What I'm getting at is you may be doing this for yourself and do not realize it.

    Maybe try sticking to it for a while and don't worry so much about what you're doing it for. Take one day at a time and see how it feels. See how YOU feel. I believe that with every positive change in your body, whether it comes from inches, weight or just walking a couple of miles, you will feel your self worth.

    One day at a time. One bite at a time. One step at a time.

    You can do this.
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    one thing that may help the focus-

    visualize how you want to be...not just looks but also how you feel....try to "see" you being fit and your body in shape and healthy" when you can "see" your goal in your head...moving towards that goal can keep you focused and less concerned with how others may be seeing you at the moment

    :flowerforyou: I've tried this ever since reading and watching The Secret. On days that I do it, I stick to my meals and my workouts and feel amazing, but when I give into the negative thoughts and self-criticism, it all goes downhill. I haven't found a way to firmly plant the postive in my head.
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Fear of success. More powerful than fear of failure and excuses are the gateway to failure.

    I do not study for exams. I couldn't figure out why for the longest time. But then my psych professor told me that I don't study because if I fail then I can say it was because I didn't study and not because I was not smart enough to pass the tests. She said that this was a way of both affirming and disaffirming my own intelligence.

    While this did not make me study - it did make me embrace the fact that I was a straight A student without studying and thus, I could accept that I was intelligent and that I obviously learned from simply listening in class.

    What does this mean for your situation? Maybe that if it truly was important for you to impress people, it would be important enough for you to lose the weight. That's the good news. Your crutch may not be holding you up as much as you think. The only thing losing weight accomplishes is making you healthy and giving you more confidence. It still all comes from you and is about you. People do not change and by the way, who the hell wants someone around who only likes you for your weight anyway?

    What I'm getting at is you may be doing this for yourself and do not realize it.

    Maybe try sticking to it for a while and don't worry so much about what you're doing it for. Take one day at a time and see how it feels. See how YOU feel. I believe that with every positive change in your body, whether it comes from inches, weight or just walking a couple of miles, you will feel your self worth.

    One day at a time. One bite at a time. One step at a time.

    You can do this.

    :flowerforyou:
    I do the exact same thing with class! I know that part of me is doing it for myself, so that I can really be proud of who I am and the way I lead my life, but I guess I just need to push past the fear and remind myself that this is something I want to do for the rest of my life, not only for my benefit, but for my family when I have children.
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
    one thing that may help the focus-

    visualize how you want to be...not just looks but also how you feel....try to "see" you being fit and your body in shape and healthy" when you can "see" your goal in your head...moving towards that goal can keep you focused and less concerned with how others may be seeing you at the moment

    :flowerforyou: I've tried this ever since reading and watching The Secret. On days that I do it, I stick to my meals and my workouts and feel amazing, but when I give into the negative thoughts and self-criticism, it all goes downhill. I haven't found a way to firmly plant the postive in my head.

    Have you tried leaving yourself notes? Just a little post-it here & there that says "you are worth it!" Maybe seeing it in print will help get that postive voice stuck in your head.
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Have you tried leaving yourself notes? Just a little post-it here & there that says "you are worth it!" Maybe seeing it in print will help get that postive voice stuck in your head.

    I haven't but I will! And I'll tell my bf that I'll beat him up if he laughs at me! :grumble: :laugh:
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
    Have you tried leaving yourself notes? Just a little post-it here & there that says "you are worth it!" Maybe seeing it in print will help get that postive voice stuck in your head.

    I haven't but I will! And I'll tell my bf that I'll beat him up if he laughs at me! :grumble: :laugh:

    Tell him that if he laughs, he can follow you around all day long being the positive voice! that'll get him. :wink:
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Have you tried leaving yourself notes? Just a little post-it here & there that says "you are worth it!" Maybe seeing it in print will help get that postive voice stuck in your head.

    I haven't but I will! And I'll tell my bf that I'll beat him up if he laughs at me! :grumble: :laugh:

    Tell him that if he laughs, he can follow you around all day long being the positive voice! that'll get him. :wink:

    :laugh: That'd shut him up real quick!
  • RachVR6
    RachVR6 Posts: 3,688 Member
    Alright...enough being down in the dumps!

    I made a colorful version of the P90x schedule for my fridge, I'm getting out my notecard meals again and planning ahead, and I'm sticking postive post-its all around my mirror. I'm giving my ankle 'til Monday to heal and then I'm all in! There's no excuse not to do an hour a day and make better choices! :angry:
  • 3babybeans
    3babybeans Posts: 8,268 Member
    Alright...enough being down in the dumps!

    I made a colorful version of the P90x schedule for my fridge, I'm getting out my notecard meals again and planning ahead, and I'm sticking postive post-its all around my mirror. I'm giving my ankle 'til Monday to heal and then I'm all in! There's no excuse not to do an hour a day and make better choices! :angry:

    That's the spirit, Rach! And whhhhhyyyy are you doing it?! Because you ARE worth it & you are doing it for YOU!! I know you can do this!
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,809 Member
    Alright...enough being down in the dumps!

    I made a colorful version of the P90x schedule for my fridge, I'm getting out my notecard meals again and planning ahead, and I'm sticking postive post-its all around my mirror. I'm giving my ankle 'til Monday to heal and then I'm all in! There's no excuse not to do an hour a day and make better choices! :angry:

    I swear your smile in your pic looks bigger now!
    visualiztion works!
    good luck
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