do you send a message when you send a friend request?

zebasschick
zebasschick Posts: 1,067 Member
in Getting Started
almost every friend request i've ever had on MFP, including the latest today, didn't include a message even though my posts and profile ask for a message. the thing is, i don't collect friends - i want people who have similar perspectives when it comes to things like CICO.

if you don't send a message, can i ask why not? i always do so the other person can decide whether they want to friend me, so i guess i don't understand...
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Replies

  • gewel321
    gewel321 Posts: 718 Member
    I don't send messages all the time. I accept all friend requests but if those friends aren't interactive or don't take it seriously I unfriend them.
  • tinkerbellang83
    tinkerbellang83 Posts: 9,130 Member
    I usually send a message with a friend request unless i've had a lot of interactions with someone in the Groups or on the boards in general.

    I think for women in particular you can get a lot of odd attention on here if you don't "vet" your friend requests, I've had to block several weirdoes in the past.
  • robertw486
    robertw486 Posts: 2,399 Member
    If you figure it out, let me know please. I get plenty of requests with no message and most of the time have no idea why, as I haven't seen any interaction on the forums, or mutual friends/etc. I guess some of them might have a reason, but if it's not stated then I can't understand it.
  • RockingWithLJ
    RockingWithLJ Posts: 243 Member
    I use the app on my phone and when you go to somebody's profile it doesn't actually say what their profile says. Unless we're on the computer it won't show what your requirement is.
    I send my nickname as the name and if I'm adding you from a forum thing that you posted I will mention a comment based on what you posted but most of the time if it's an add me request and nothing more then why would I put anything?
  • RockingWithLJ
    RockingWithLJ Posts: 243 Member
    gewel321 wrote: »
    I don't send messages all the time. I accept all friend requests but if those friends aren't interactive or don't take it seriously I unfriend them.
    I like that I'm not the only one who monitors the friends they keep on here
    I keep tabs on my friends list and anybody who goes over a month without logging in I remove. If it's over 2 weeks then I comment on their page to wish them well and hope everything is good. And then I keep an eye on them.
  • _Figgzie_
    _Figgzie_ Posts: 3,506 Member
    I do, just a little note saying hi and trying to motivate eachother
  • Katmary71
    Katmary71 Posts: 7,092 Member
    I always do, I think it's the polite thing to do. I'm more likely to add someone if they do so with me as well.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,839 Member
    A message would certainly help. I usually accept friend requests but I also check the person's profile before I do. I reject friend requests from men who simply seem to be catfishing or looking to collect a harem of needy women. (What's up with that? Why would someone enjoy doing that? Seems psychologically immature/sick to me.)
  • Megan_smartiepants1970
    Megan_smartiepants1970 Posts: 43,290 Member
    I do send a message with all of my FR's :)
  • brenn24179
    brenn24179 Posts: 2,144 Member
    do what you want, sometimes I do when I can relate to something they have said, sometimes I dont.
  • psychod787
    psychod787 Posts: 4,099 Member
    HeidiCooksSupper wrote: »
    A message would certainly help. I usually accept friend requests but I also check the person's profile before I do. I reject friend requests from men who simply seem to be catfishing or looking to collect a harem of needy women. (What's up with that? Why would someone enjoy doing that? Seems psychologically immature/sick to me.)

    The bolded sounds horrible! I agree! Why would anyone want that? :# Yes, if I send the occasional request, I send a message. Especially women. I give them my full name, so they can google me and see I am not a catfisher.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited August 2020
    Ain't nobody got time for catfish.
    fxigz1g9hra2.png




    Out here we call those kinds of fish, suckers. I wouldn't touch one but some folks do and I know many enjoy catfish, too. Not me.

    3hj05nd2k6k9.png


  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,269 Member
    edited August 2020
    If I ever friend-requested, I'd send a note. (I can think of only a couple of times when I sent a FR, and in those cases they had reason to expect it, like real-life connections, or they asked me to do it, or something . . . so I didn't send a note.) I'm a cr*p friend in the MFP friend-feed, so I wouldn't normally impose that connection on anyone who didn't ask for it.

    I appreciate it when people send a note (the "why"), but I usually accept them even if they don't (except those suspected fish-people, 'cos yuck).
    psychod787 wrote: »
    HeidiCooksSupper wrote: »
    A message would certainly help. I usually accept friend requests but I also check the person's profile before I do. I reject friend requests from men who simply seem to be catfishing or looking to collect a harem of needy women. (What's up with that? Why would someone enjoy doing that? Seems psychologically immature/sick to me.)

    The bolded sounds horrible! I agree! Why would anyone want that? :# Yes, if I send the occasional request, I send a message. Especially women. I give them my full name, so they can google me and see I am not a catfisher.

    Aunt granny doesn't remember that. Of course, Aunt granny fails to remember quite a number of things. (It's not the age; it's the misspent youth . . . and the misspent middle age. 😆)

    ETA: In complete seriousness, I think you doing that is a really honorable thing.
  • NovusDies
    NovusDies Posts: 8,940 Member
    I will have to let you know my policy on including a note as soon as I change my policy of never sending friend requests.



  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    I prefer a note if we haven't just been talking and one or the other of us has said, "Friend me" . Nothing fancy required. "I've seen your posts on X thread and you seem really cool/on the same path I'm on/someone I can learn from, do you mind if I friend you?"
  • PiscesIntuition
    PiscesIntuition Posts: 1,372 Member
    Yeah I send a message.
  • Carp614
    Carp614 Posts: 191 Member
    Also, I generally don't FR women. After thinking about it for a while I decided to accept FR's from women, but I'm not hunting for ladies to be friends with no here. Different goals and all.
  • alteredsteve175
    alteredsteve175 Posts: 2,725 Member
    RockingWithLJ wrote: »
    gewel321 wrote: »
    I don't send messages all the time. I accept all friend requests but if those friends aren't interactive or don't take it seriously I unfriend them.
    I like that I'm not the only one who monitors the friends they keep on here
    I keep tabs on my friends list and anybody who goes over a month without logging in I remove. If it's over 2 weeks then I comment on their page to wish them well and hope everything is good. And then I keep an eye on them.

    I ask for a note, but sometimes accept FR's without a note, anyway. I do vet them, though. A lot of folks are new to MFP and are not aware that messages are an option.

    I prune my friends list periodically, too. I remove the inactive folks or those who never interact with me.
  • shaf238
    shaf238 Posts: 4,022 Member
    If I send a request, I tend to include a message as to why I'm sending the fr. It's just courtesy in my books.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
    No note makes it easy to decline the requests. 😂. I think it is nice to include a message as some sort of intro. So many are clearly just collecting friends for goodness only knows what reason it seems. Someone mentioned it's not an audition but if you make friends with a person in real life you've had to speak to them...last I checked that's not considered an audition. It's just being friendly and polite
  • Miss_Missy_Bee
    Miss_Missy_Bee Posts: 28 Member
    I’m horrible with messaging in either direction.
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,944 Member
    I don't do friends here. But if someone sends me a message with a request then I at least I explain hat I don't do friends.
  • planehabit37
    planehabit37 Posts: 4 Member
    I add a message but don't have much luck adding anyone. I usually add something along the lines of: "Looking to add friends interested in weight loss and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and to compete against in step challenges" I never imagined (or put much thought into the possibility) there were weirdo's on here too. I'll think about that on my next request.
  • Roadie36
    Roadie36 Posts: 45 Member
    I haven't had any request or messages 😁
  • yirara
    yirara Posts: 9,944 Member
    Roadie36 wrote: »
    I haven't had any request or messages 😁

    I get masses! Despite my profile saying that I don't do friends. You might get lots of requests if you change your user pic to a sheep or something else cute or cuddly :D
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    I can count the number of people Ive added on one hand over the past 6 years, and yes, I did pop a message in the request.
  • AliNouveau
    AliNouveau Posts: 36,287 Member
    planehabit37 wrote: »
    I add a message but don't have much luck adding anyone. I usually add something along the lines of: "Looking to add friends interested in weight loss and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and to compete against in step challenges" I never imagined (or put much thought into the possibility) there were weirdo's on here too. I'll think about that on my next request.

    There's lots of weirdos here. Your message sounds good though and it's nice you add one. I'm thinking adding "I'm not a weirdo" might be weird haha.
  • fstrickl
    fstrickl Posts: 883 Member
    I will send a message when I send a FR, usually referencing why (e.g.: “we were discussing XYZ in the forum”, “looks like we have similar goals” etc). Definitely have had some weirdos friend me, I usually ignore or unfriend after a while. I’m learning about the weirdos as I’ve only really been active in the forums since Lockdown before that I wasn’t using them. That being said, I have gained some GOOD friends which have been encouraging.

    Ha! A friend request just popped up as I was typing this. Let’s see if there’s a note...
  • IndyCatDad1
    IndyCatDad1 Posts: 5 Member
    I typically do, and when I DO friend request someone, it's because they're written something in a forum or message board that struck me as interesting or funny. (I like funny people). I try to let them know where I saw them, or what they posted that grabbed my attention.

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