How do you stay motivated with no support?

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tlo7093
tlo7093 Posts: 3 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am 46 y/o , 5’10”, started at 363 (my highest weight EVER) and starting slow by doing my calorie deficit for 1 1/2 lbs weight loss per week. It took me 28 years to gain this weight so I know I need to go slow this time if I want to keep it off. I had my daily weighin this am and am down 18lbs. But between my kids (17,19 & 27), my husband of 28 years and my best friend (from when we were born), not one seems to be able to give me any encouragement or support. I make a point to not talk about my lifestyle change around them because I don’t want them thinking I’m pushing it on them - I know they need to be ready to take that step. I’m getting frustrated and don’t want to lose all of the work I’ve done so far - but it’s hard to stay positive when your surrounded with negativity. HELP!
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Replies

  • quiksylver296
    quiksylver296 Posts: 28,442 Member
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    Do you listen to podcasts? Half Size Me is a great podcast that you could listen to to get some motivation flowing, when you need it.
  • SERmom3
    SERmom3 Posts: 568 Member
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    tlo7093 wrote: »
    ...I don’t want them thinking I’m pushing it on them - I know they need to be ready to take that step. I’m getting frustrated and don’t want to lose all of the work I’ve done so far...

    The above part of your post sticks out to me. Are you saying you feel like you don’t have support because they’re not doing it with you? You don’t need anyone but yourself. Weight loss is a completely personal journey.

    For me, being on these forums help keep me focused. Checking in online is part of my daily routine so eating right and staying healthy is part of every day.

    Best of luck. You can do it!
  • Onedaywriter
    Onedaywriter Posts: 324 Member
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    Firstly- congratulations on the very significant weight loss you’ve achieved! That including starting and starting is always the hardest part so it sounds like you’re doing great!! Also it sounds like your mindset of slow and steady is spot on!! So please - get your encouragement from yourself!! You obviously have this in you!
    Diatonic12 wrote: »
    Today is the day you start taking full responsibility for yourself. Until you do.... you can throw everything up against the wall and nothing will stick.

    ^^^this^^^
    This has to be a personal journey. You have the power and the ability and the mindset. You will succeed!!

  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    @Onedaywriter and @brendog79 We can't let our feelings drive, drive, drive our behaviors. Our pain and suffering has meaning but there comes a time when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than change. Freedom from pain will give you resolve but when you reach your dream weight you have keep doing all of the things you did to get there.

    I like @FitAsaFalafel's strategy with structure and routine.

  • Onedaywriter
    Onedaywriter Posts: 324 Member
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    Diatonic12. I don’t understand your last post. Are you disagreeing with your prior post?
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    It took me 2.5 years to release 100 lbs. I have been maintaining with MFP as I continue to face the music and my reality.

    Checking your blood glucose is a great place to start.

    Speaking only in general here. Binge eating and diabetes go hand in hand. It starts out with binge eating and that can result in an appetite that will not be abated. As the years go by and pounds increase you can move into diabetes without really knowing it until your official diagnosis shows up on your doorstep. Diabetes doesn't happen overnight.

    Carrying 30 lbs or more in the belly area for a decade or more is a symptom. A sign. A smoke signal. A wakeUP call. There's only choices and consequences. Painful joints, knees, hips, ankles, feet. Diabetes and heart disease. The side effects of obesity are painful. Turn pain into action.

    None of this is easy in the beginning but don't let it grind you down. It's going to force you to grow and find a new pathway to overall health and well being. I'm bent on maintaining long term weight stability. All of that other unhappy horsesheet was ruining my life. I'm not going out like that.

    Stoke your passion and keep fighting for yourselves.
  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,197 Member
    edited August 2020
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    There's a difference between 'lack of support' and outright negativity. What negativity are you experiencing?

    I didn't have any support in the beginning: I just did what I had to do without telling anyone. I found it easier to not deal with any expectations, since I wasn't sure it would work.

    In the meantime, I'm down quote a few pounds and I've 'recruited' my BF: he weighs all the ingredients of all the meals he cooks, so I can log my meals. But aside from that I decide how much I eat and he decides how much he eats. He has started to exercise a bit more since I started, but we each do our own thing.

    I'm not sure what you expect from your family and friends? I don't particularly need external support (aside from MFP), seeing my progress really is all I need. But I do have a BF who lets me do what I need to do. I don't talk to anyone else about my weight loss, unless they mention it themselves (if they mention that I've lost weight) and even then I don't really go into details.

    I think the best thing would be to clarify with your family and friends if you have issues with their behavior towards you. But ultimately you're the one in charge of your health, and they aren't obligated to follow your path (not sure if that's what you expect).
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
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    Different things work for different people, but making a habit of things helps me.

    Getting into a routine (logging calories here at MFP, hitting a certain daily step goal tracked on my Fitbit) is what works for me. I started small, and have increased. Such as my step goal 2 months ago was to hit 5000 daily. Now its 8000-10000. (Meaning I've officially set it to 8000, but go for 10k most days.) I've recently added in upping my water intake (logging it here) and taking a multivitamin daily. For that, I added a 'vitamin' section to my diary.

    If you've been overweight for all/most of your adult life, your family/friends are probably NOT going to be a great source of support. This could come from a # of different places. A friend may think to themself that they love you no matter what your size. A spouse may feel insecure, that if you make improvements to yourself you will no longer be interested in them. And people in your life who also need to make changes may see your progress as a reminder of that, and even lash out - because doing so is easier than admitting they need to change.

    If you get pushback from the people in your life (saying you don't need to lose weight, or anything negative) come up with some simple comments to shut them down. "My doctor approves of the changes I've made" is a good one. "I'm doing this for myself" is another.

    Ultimately you may find someone in your current friend/family circle, or meet someone IRL on a similar journey, who becomes a source of support for you. But if not, MFP is a GREAT resource for when you need to be in the company of like minded people.
  • podperson1
    podperson1 Posts: 207 Member
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    Firstly - well done on your progress so far! You've doing fab and should be proud of yourself.

    I'm a little unsure based on your post what you're actually getting/expecting from your family and friends in terms of support. Those around me aren't 'joining in' with anything I'm doing to get more healthy but they are understanding if, for example, I say I don't want any sweets/dessert and will give a cheer if I'm happy that I've reached a milestone or fit into some clothes that were tight before. Are your family being deliberately negative/unsupportive or are they just not showing any interest and you don't want to 'bother' them with it? If it's more the latter than there's nothing wrong with saying to them that this is important to you and you'd really appreciate their support - if they care about you then they should be open to this.

    If they are being negative there are other support avenues. You're on one right now! There's lots of fab groups and challenges on here that can offer motivation and support. I'm in the Fit 2 Fat Weight Loss group and they're great - it can help a lot to be able to come online and chat to people who are going through the same struggles. If you feel something more 'face-to-face' would help you more then maybe check if local slimming groups are opening back up yet, try your gym, look at PTs, etc.

    Also, at the end of the day you need to want to do this for YOU. While support is a great thing no one else can do this for you. Try and think about the reasons you want to do this and what you'll get out of it - this can be anything from feeling better about your appearance, getting to wear clothes you love, having more energy to do things, improving health issues etc. Use these things to motivate you when it feels tough.

    Hang in there - you can do this x
  • AwesomeSquirrel
    AwesomeSquirrel Posts: 632 Member
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    Honestly don’t make your plan dependent on Motivation. Motivation is fleeting and elusive, you’re lucky to be motived 10% of the time. Focus on reasonable habit adjustments (like adding more steps or eating more vegetables) over time and stick with them. Habits are your friend.

    But speaking of motivation, find internal motivation for the actions you take. I wouldn’t want you or anyone else to live your life out to make someone else happy... you express that it’s hard with motivation when you don’t have support from your friends/family so I would suggest you figure out your reason Why. There are some great threads that can give you some inspiration like the “what are your petty reasons to lose weight” and “what made you decide to finally take control”.

    I’m also curious what it is people around you are doing that is not supportive. Are they sabotaging you by pushing treats? Are they telling you unprovoked you will fail? Are they going about their lives quietly and not paying attention to how hard you are working?

    If you want encouragement, go post some mini goals or NSVs over in the Success forums. I promise people will cheer 😊

    I would also seek out positive voices, someone upthread mentioned the Half Size Me podcast which I enjoy (and has many episodes with topics you might relate to), I also enjoy We Only Look Thin.

    Best of luck to you, keep at it!
  • LMBelladonna
    LMBelladonna Posts: 71 Member
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    External support can be hard to come by, so finding motivation definitely has to come from within.

    Since weight loss is my personal journey, aside from wanting it myself, I am seeking out my “tribe” by finding active social groups (like this one) and making sure I read the stories of and interact with people who can relate to and are going through the same thing.

    I have made a habit of logging into MFP daily, even if it is just to “like” the actions of my friends. But tracking my food and activity has kept me accountable and seeing my progress keeps me motivated. I try to join into the “community” forum on a regular basis also!

    Outside of this app, I do not talk openly about my journey, with the exception of to my husband on occasion. So you can see how big of an impact finding your external support group can be.

    You can do this! Good luck!
  • MsAddyJo
    MsAddyJo Posts: 4 Member
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    I totally feel your pain. I have been up and down for years because I’m fighting this battle alone. Add me as a friend if you like. I need all the support I can get too! ❤️❤️
  • OregonMom90
    OregonMom90 Posts: 3 Member
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    Seems quit familiar to me, so sorry your going through this alone, please add me as I myself am looking for some motivation and support 😊
  • janek1705
    janek1705 Posts: 26 Member
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    WOW Congradularions on such significant weight loss! This is a journey that some of us have to take alone, for me I did not mind that. You need to realize no one will love u as much as u will love yourself, and that self love will keep you going and motivate you. Be your own cheer leader and tell yourself every day when u make a healthy choice how awesome you are for doing that. In my family I still cook for them what they like but I choose not to eat it, they eat ice-cream while I drink water 😅.
  • jugar
    jugar Posts: 10,161 Member
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    If you would like to try a team - you won't find better motivation, support, and ideas than with my favourite group on MFP - the Fat2Fit Challenge and Support Group.

    This is a group with 6 teams (each around 25 people), so you get to know your teammates, get help, advice, cheers, and encouragement. There are regular group challenges, step teams, and just good old accountability with weekly weigh-ins. There are people in there who have lost more than half their body weight, people who only needed to get those last 15 pounds and stay there, people from all parts of the world.

    Go check it out -
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/114605-fat-2-fit-weight-loss-challenge-and-support-group
    Look around the team chat threads (under "Discussions") and the group challenges, sharing, and general info (under "Announcements"). This is a place to go for long term success and then maintenance. Many of us have found a welcoming home there!

    If you like what you see and want to give it a try, sign up at:
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10808058/registration-for-new-members-september-2020#latest

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