How to keep going when I fail

fictionreader91
fictionreader91 Posts: 26 Member
edited December 26 in Getting Started
So, I have noticed one of the key things I do when I try to change my eating habits - when I inevitably go back to my old ways for one minute, I automatically go "I have failed therefore there is no point in trying". This results in me giving up on the whole changing habits thing and I just stop. I was wondering if I am alone in this mentality and, if not, what advice people can give me?

Many thanks in advance

H

Replies

  • imgwendolyn2015
    imgwendolyn2015 Posts: 347 Member
    You are not alone. I was there just yesterday. I pre-logged dinner so that I knew what I could eat the rest of the day. Our dinner plans changed and I ended up over my calorie goal. I beat myself up pretty bad about it but thought it through and realized that me going back down the path of unhealthy eating and lazy demeanor would just get me back to my self loathing, depressed place that I hated being in. I refuse to let that happen again. I dusted myself off and started with a blank slate today. I hope you are able to do the same for yourself. I know it's hard, but you got this! Have a blessed day!
  • fictionreader91
    fictionreader91 Posts: 26 Member
    Thanks everyone for being supportive :) it makes me happier knowing I am not alone in this.
  • HeidiCooksSupper
    HeidiCooksSupper Posts: 3,831 Member
    You are absolutely not alone. I think we underestimate how hard it is to change eating habits, actually any well-ingrained habits. So, cut yourself some slack. To think of it as perfection versus failure is riding for a fall. Acknowledge that you are trying something very difficult, especially long term. Start every day with the intention to exercise your new habits and analyze why when you can't manage it.

    Work on those whys slowly. Are you hungry late at night? How will you try to fix that? Would a snack at night work? Should you go to bed earlier? Would brushing your teeth solve it? Only you can try these things and adapt to what works for you. I have my own set I'm working on. It's a long process but it is worth it.
  • kimondo666
    kimondo666 Posts: 194 Member
    simple, it takes time to get there but if you "fell down" then get up, dont lie there. You don't need to be perfect in weightloss.
  • jugar
    jugar Posts: 10,229 Member
    Sometimes a team approach can help - you get a stable group of people, you have challenges and accountability, and it can really work. I have been in one of these groups and it was the first time I really pushed through all those moments of failure and stuck with it. I think the most important thing this kind of group can do is to help you pick back up when you fall off.

    Have a look at the Fat2Fit challenge and support group. There are six teams, lots of wonderful supportive people, and you can join together with your friends if you want to add a more active community dimension to your weight loss and fitness journey.

    Check it out on
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/114605-fat-2-fit-weight-loss-challenge-and-support-group

    There you will find the general information and get a feel for how it works. Under "Announcements" are the full group challenges (optional, but really helpful!), full group discussion threads, September sign up, and information on the guidelines and how things work. Under "Discussions" are all of the team chat threads. You can browse a bit to see how each team feels - they are all slightly different from one another, but have the same goal. Lose it, and keep on losing it.

    Come by, and if you like what you see - sign up! Click the link under Announcements for September registration, and dive in.
  • spyro88
    spyro88 Posts: 472 Member
    edited August 2020
    Ugh, yes, this is totally me.

    It's about emotion vs. logic I think.

    Emotionally when you are trying to achieve a goal, if you have a set back it can feel like a big blow, and like "what's the point? I'll never achieve this, this will keep happening, I'll keep failing" etc etc.

    Logically, we know that having a day or several where we over-eat or don't exercise will make very little difference as long as we keep getting back on it.

    Emotionally... that's very hard to do... because it requires long term commitment and a big change which is really difficult! Old habits are comfortable, easy, and safe.. it's what we know.

    And maybe there's a part of us that doesn't really believe change will ever happen, the self doubt.

    That's the part we need to work on :)
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    Are your 'old ways' things that could be allowed in moderation (like having chocolate from time to time) or things you truly need to NOT do (like binge eating or smoking)?

    After you assess that, perhaps its a two part process. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, which could help you not be so hard on yourself. And look to 6-12 months down the road. If you keep going with calorie counting (even if you're not perfect) you will be better off, healthier in 6-12 months. If you give up and revert to ALL old ways, you'll be worse off. Which future do you want? To help this mental process, try having images to remind you of your goals. Something meaningful posted on the fridge, or in your wallet.
    fictionreader91 wrote: »
    So, I have noticed one of the key things I do when I try to change my eating habits - when I inevitably go back to my old ways for one minute, I automatically go "I have failed therefore there is no point in trying". This results in me giving up on the whole changing habits thing and I just stop. I was wondering if I am alone in this mentality and, if not, what advice people can give me?

    Many thanks in advance

    H

  • ALZ14
    ALZ14 Posts: 202 Member
    Depending on how you are defining “fail” and any underlying medical issues that mean “failing” is more dangerous than for most people, I think you need to take a look into ways you can incorporate more of the things you like so you don’t feel deprive.

    Did you eat too much pizza/ice cream/insert food of choice here because you had completely cut it out of your diet because it is “bad” for you? For many people the cravings get worse when you forbid yourself from eating it at all. You keep thinking about that food and how delicious it is and before you know it you have gone on a serious binge and feel gross because you ate too much AND are disappointed in yourself for not staying strong and resisting. So if you can plan to have that specific food every now and then and have it fit into your daily or weekly plan then you might over eat a bit, but aren’t as likely to go crazy.

    When you do “fail” remember that you would have to eat approximately 3,500 calories ON TOP of your maintenance calories PLUS your exercise calories burned that day in order to gain one pound of actual fat. That is a lot of calories, so over eating here and there will slow you down a smidge but won’t likely ruin your overall progress.

    Hang in there, no one is perfect and we are all striving for progress, no perfection.
  • fictionreader91
    fictionreader91 Posts: 26 Member
    nanastaci2020 wrote: »
    Are your 'old ways' things that could be allowed in moderation (like having chocolate from time to time) or things you truly need to NOT do (like binge eating or smoking)?

    After you assess that, perhaps its a two part process. Give yourself permission to not be perfect, which could help you not be so hard on yourself. And look to 6-12 months down the road. If you keep going with calorie counting (even if you're not perfect) you will be better off, healthier in 6-12 months. If you give up and revert to ALL old ways, you'll be worse off. Which future do you want? To help this mental process, try having images to remind you of your goals. Something meaningful posted on the fridge, or in your wallet.
    fictionreader91 wrote: »
    So, I have noticed one of the key things I do when I try to change my eating habits - when I inevitably go back to my old ways for one minute, I automatically go "I have failed therefore there is no point in trying". This results in me giving up on the whole changing habits thing and I just stop. I was wondering if I am alone in this mentality and, if not, what advice people can give me?

    Many thanks in advance

    H

    My "old ways" tend to be not really caring what I eat, not counting calories and not exercising. I just have a complete change of mentality.

    Thank you for your advice - it is really useful :smiley:
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    The thing about perfectionism of this kind, which I’m very familiar with because I do it myself, is it’s a super nice excuse for being lazy. Instead of saying to yourself, “I’m lazy and I quit because I don’t want to keep doing this,” you get to say, “I quit because I have such high standards that I don’t bother doing anything unless I can do it perfectly.” See how much better that sounds? Only one problem: it’s total baloney!

    Tell that part of yourself what you would tell your teenage child who pulled the same stunt. “Yeah, nice try, now get back to work.”
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    Based on that, I would suggest make a list of things for which you want to build new habits. Such as logging all you consume, doing X minutes of activity per day (or week), etc. Decide if you want to tackle them all at once, or pick some to start with and add more in later. Getting into a routine of doing something daily: makes it a habit.

    Mindless eating is a big no-no for me. I try to avoid it, and it helps that I can make room in my calories for pretty much anything I want to eat with a little planning. I don't eat chips from a bag - I put some on a plate, close up the bag, and weigh out my portion. I bought some cookies the other day that are very similar to my favorite Girl Scout cookie flavor, and I have 2 (140 cals) to 4 (280 cals) at a time depending on what I have room for in my budget. Taking them out of the bag, closing the bag up, and then eating helps me avoid the neverending 'just 1 more' trap.

    For exercise, find something you enjoy. If you hate it, there is little chance that it will become habit. If you are able to multi-task, that is even better. I have a decent treadmill in the basement, an oscillating fan next to it (because the fan on the treadmill is not enough) and I often read while on the treadmill. I need to keep my mind occupied. My husband will watch something from Netflix on his iPad but reading is a better escape for me. I pay $9.99/mo for an Amazon Unlimited subscription and that allows me a lot of material that I can read for free. Many that I can also access the audio file for free. I can switch back & forth between the audio and text versions - I prefer to actually 'read' while on the treadmill, and will listen to the audio while in the car. Based on your user name, I thought this might appeal to you.
    fictionreader91 wrote: »

    My "old ways" tend to be not really caring what I eat, not counting calories and not exercising. I just have a complete change of mentality.

    Thank you for your advice - it is really useful :smiley:

  • 1poundatax
    1poundatax Posts: 231 Member
    You are definitely not alone- for me it is about changing my mindset. I am making lifestyle changes to get healthier. I am learning to accept that I will not do it "right" all the time. Sometimes that DQ Blizzard is worth it- it just gets logged. (in the past I would have ignored it) Sometimes I don't feel like exercising- OK- I just acknowledge my choice and move on. To make lifestyle changes I am realizing and learning to accept it can't be all or nothing for me, I need to do the best I can, be honest with myself about my choices and move on. Celebrate your accomplishments, don't beat yourself up over choices and keep going.
  • annieb45
    annieb45 Posts: 141 Member
    I so need this blog this morning. I have slipped recently and have to get myself motivated and back in the mindset. I get lacadasical and think I can do it without the support tools. Ie. community, logging, weighing. The only thing I seem to be constant with is excercise. I seem to be looking for the magic diet, only to realize that healthy eating, excercise and logging is the way to go. I have to keep constant with the Myfitnesspal community. Here is to a new day.
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