I had a huge binge today.
Weighinginwithmy02
Posts: 369 Member
:sad: Just when I think I've gotten a grip on things. I've never confessed anything like this to anybody but my husband but I thought maybe you guys would have some good advice or have been here or anything. I totally binged at work today. I've only been back at the whole weight loss thing for a couple month now (since my daughter was born). The worst thing is that when I'm doing it I even say to myself "stop. Stop STOP" but I don't or can't or won't. I just don't know.
Today I ate 3 slices of cherry pie at work. 3 slices! And it's not the fact that I ate three, it's the way I went about it. It was a girls birthday and she brought in pies for everybody and like normal person, I ate a piece with everybody around. Then, it's like I turn into somebody that I never want anybody else to now exists. I went into the kitchen and shoveled two more pieces in my mouth while I was alone. What the hell? I even stood close to the garbage can so if somebody walked in the door I could throw the rest away. I can't even describe what I'm thinking or feeling when I do it. I'm so out of control at the moment. Then of course afterwards I'm so ashamed. I even think of making myself throw it up but I don't even want to start down that path but just the fact that those thoughts cross my mind scares me so much. I just feel so self destructive and I have no idea why I do this. I do want to lose weight I really honestly do. I dont know if this is even making any sense anymore. I"m just rambling.
And I don't follow a "only healthy food, you CAN"T have ______ (insert anything sweet)" type of diet... I TRY the "everything in moderation" type of dieting because totally cutting out any one food makes me binge. Well apparently I'm binging no matter what.
I know I should just pick back up and start over and I will but honestly, this isn't the first time for this scenario. It happens every few months or so. I want to stop and I wish I could just be sensible and stop. I mean any normal person would just freaking cut it out. And of course I feel this way every single time but do I stop. no. I don't.
Today I ate 3 slices of cherry pie at work. 3 slices! And it's not the fact that I ate three, it's the way I went about it. It was a girls birthday and she brought in pies for everybody and like normal person, I ate a piece with everybody around. Then, it's like I turn into somebody that I never want anybody else to now exists. I went into the kitchen and shoveled two more pieces in my mouth while I was alone. What the hell? I even stood close to the garbage can so if somebody walked in the door I could throw the rest away. I can't even describe what I'm thinking or feeling when I do it. I'm so out of control at the moment. Then of course afterwards I'm so ashamed. I even think of making myself throw it up but I don't even want to start down that path but just the fact that those thoughts cross my mind scares me so much. I just feel so self destructive and I have no idea why I do this. I do want to lose weight I really honestly do. I dont know if this is even making any sense anymore. I"m just rambling.
And I don't follow a "only healthy food, you CAN"T have ______ (insert anything sweet)" type of diet... I TRY the "everything in moderation" type of dieting because totally cutting out any one food makes me binge. Well apparently I'm binging no matter what.
I know I should just pick back up and start over and I will but honestly, this isn't the first time for this scenario. It happens every few months or so. I want to stop and I wish I could just be sensible and stop. I mean any normal person would just freaking cut it out. And of course I feel this way every single time but do I stop. no. I don't.
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Replies
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:sad: Just when I think I've gotten a grip on things. I've never confessed anything like this to anybody but my husband but I thought maybe you guys would have some good advice or have been here or anything. I totally binged at work today. I've only been back at the whole weight loss thing for a couple month now (since my daughter was born). The worst thing is that when I'm doing it I even say to myself "stop. Stop STOP" but I don't or can't or won't. I just don't know.
Today I ate 3 slices of cherry pie at work. 3 slices! And it's not the fact that I ate three, it's the way I went about it. It was a girls birthday and she brought in pies for everybody and like normal person, I ate a piece with everybody around. Then, it's like I turn into somebody that I never want anybody else to now exists. I went into the kitchen and shoveled two more pieces in my mouth while I was alone. What the hell? I even stood close to the garbage can so if somebody walked in the door I could throw the rest away. I can't even describe what I'm thinking or feeling when I do it. I'm so out of control at the moment. Then of course afterwards I'm so ashamed. I even think of making myself throw it up but I don't even want to start down that path but just the fact that those thoughts cross my mind scares me so much. I just feel so self destructive and I have no idea why I do this. I do want to lose weight I really honestly do. I dont know if this is even making any sense anymore. I"m just rambling.
And I don't follow a "only healthy food, you CAN"T have ______ (insert anything sweet)" type of diet... I TRY the "everything in moderation" type of dieting because totally cutting out any one food makes me binge. Well apparently I'm binging no matter what.
I know I should just pick back up and start over and I will but honestly, this isn't the first time for this scenario. It happens every few months or so. I want to stop and I wish I could just be sensible and stop. I mean any normal person would just freaking cut it out. And of course I feel this way every single time but do I stop. no. I don't.0 -
and now I'm sitting by myself at home crying. I feel like such a loser.0
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just U-TURN around and pick yourself back up and contunue the day on track. we all have monents of weakness. it just makes us stronger and we are to learn from them. next time take a few minutes to think about it. take a walk around the office. do something else.
have you already exercised for the day? if not make your workout really count this afternoon. an extra few minutes to cardio maybe.
you can make through the rest of the day.0 -
you just have to accept it and pick up where you left off. Do a workout, it'll help your stress levels but it'll also rid you of a few of those extra calories. We ALL have days like that, trust me. It's not something to beat yourself up over. It takes a lot of time and effort to break old habits :flowerforyou:0
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ok, a little tough love here
......
wipe your tears and hit the street for a walk. have a glass of water or two. if you can't go outside use a dvd, or just walk around your house. don't just sit.
don't be so hard on yourself. it doesn't help, it only makes it worse and you will just get the "i give up" feeling. we don't want that do we. you can do this. you are worth it. do it for you. remember how good you feel when you are on plan.
YOU CAN DO THIS......YOU ARE WORTH IT......
(((((hugs))))).... 0 -
I think we all do things like that to some extent. Even if it's not three pieces of pie, it might be "sneaking" a cookie after we've already had one or hitting the drive through for some small fries after that salad at dinner didn't fill us up.
My birthday was last week and I told myself all week long that it was okay to eat this or that "just because it's my birthday." Well...my birthday was only one day, not the whole week...I was just making excuses in my head. So, this week I've been doing better...and that's all I can do. There's no sense in beating myself up over it. Last year I wouldn't have thought twice about eating whatever I wanted for a whole week, and this year I can actually see the impact that has on my body. That's a huge difference. It's the same thing for the way you feel about the pie. You're upset because you know you shouldn't have done it...and that's a huge step in itself that you should be proud of.
Don't think your whole day is ruined...there is no all or nothing rule. So don't eat a whole pizza for dinner just because you got thrown off for lunch. That's one big thing I've learned. The next meal is just a next chance to do better.
Everybody slips up. You can do it! :flowerforyou:0 -
I've been having some binge issues lately too. Like you, I'll start out with a respectable 1 serving, but then I keep going back! Those 100 calorie snack bars really add up when you have 4 or when you start having two brownies with ice cream instead of one!
I stopped logging all my food for a few weeks and noticed this starting again so I'm back at logging everything I put in my mouth and it's amazing how much that helps. As I'm trying to talk myself out of the 2nd brownie, I log it and then "Oh my goodness - I can't afford this!" is what I'm thinking, and I am able to restrain myself after seeing it on my food log.0 -
and now I'm sitting by myself at home crying. I feel like such a loser.
dont cry hun!
you have been doing very well. try to focus on what is going on in your life when you have these moments. writing here is good. but maybe keeping a journal at home will help you sort out of some hidden feelings you are trying to satisfy with food.
like kerri said - the changes we are making dont happen overnight. we ALL have moments (for example, i decided to take a 'break' today and go out to lunch with a co-worker. bam - over my calories and its only 1pm - now i feel bad about it and way too full). but i know i can move past this. we have to live! i compare my 'binge' to the way i ate before and guess what? it makes me put things into perspective and acknowledge that i have made many, many positive changes. this one meal is not going to make me gain my 7 pounds back. BUT if i ate a meal like this everyday for a month, it will. of course, i am not going to do that.
dont let your mistake control you! you have to overcome it. try to do some great workout and drink a ton of water. it wont erase what happened, but it will get you back on track. you can do it sister! :flowerforyou: :drinker:0 -
What happened at work/home/on the way to work/anywhere that made you feel wrong?
You didn't eat that pie because it tasted good, although it probably did at first. If you were shoveling it in, you weren't tasting it.
In my experience, when I binge (or even feel the urge to) something is going on. It's very valuable that you discover what that "something" is. It doesn't even have to be emotional, you could be tired, you could have gone too long without eating before the pie break, anything. . .but something's wrong.
IMHO.:flowerforyou:0 -
Don't cry. :frown:
I know it feels crappy but don't sweat it. You sound like you at least have the awareness to keep it from happening more often than it does. If it's only every few months then I would say it's ok as long as the rest of the time is spent sticking to your plan.
We all have bad days, it's how you make up for it that counts. Chipper had good advice. Distraction helps. If you want to eat bad food, then just know you have to work for it, earn it. The order doesn't really matter but you need to earn it. This site helps keep the impact of the bad days and what's required to make up for it in perspective. Sometimes I've noticed it's not as bad as I think and then I chill out emotionally and maybe work a little harder during exercise.
The other day I had 4 pieces of pizza and a Costco cookie (soooo good! ) after planning the night before and all day up to lunch on only having 2 slices or 1slice and a cookie. I felt guilty and disappointed in my will power but it all went away when I worked out an extra 30 minutes that night.
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I completely understand how you are feeling.
I had the same problem last night with a few gyros.
I know it seems like everything you've been working for is gone in just those few minutes... but realistically it's not all your work down the drain. It's one tiny mistake. You can still make the rest of the day count.... and well, isn't that what you really need right now? To feel like you count?
... because you do :happy:0 -
It happens every few months or so.
Hey, hey. Don't be so hard on yourself.
I think of these moments as reminders of what I really don't want. Sometimes we forget. Give yourself credit for being "aware." You were concious of it, you knew what you were doing and you know what you are going to do about it. That's all. Continue your journey. Your ok.0 -
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Try baby steps. By baby steps I mean, when you feel a binge coming on grab something as a substitute like caramel corn rice cakes, then if you can't stop yourself you're still getting your sweet fix but it's lower cal. I know it's not a great idea to reinforce binging but if you feel yourself going that way get a healthIER substitute to put in your mouth. For example cherry pie? Try getting three cherry pie yogurts from Yoplait, they take up just as much if not more room in your belly and carry about the same cals as one piece of pie! Eventually you will be able to control your binges but for now try baby steps.
If you're in a situation where you have no choice try a smaller serving, three slivers of pie is better than three slices. I know where you are and how you feel, I really do and you will be able to come through this a stronger person. Not all of us can simply choose not to binge but we can choose to minimize the damage we do by picking different choices
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I wouldnt consider that a binge and wouldnt not worry about 3 pieces of pie...I realize its the feeling you have and the lack of control you have at that moment, but that is what it is...Lack OF CONTROL. I often have that problem especially when it comes to sweets and goodies. Once I start, I find it REALLY hard to stop. AND i'll go all day then. For me 3 pieces of pie would have turned into 8 cookies, some cake, maybe mcdonald's throw a bagel in there, some doritos, and so forth (that's a binge!!) Now I try not to even start...or I make sure that there is only a small portion of the sweet treat that I want, so that I can't get any more. I also tend to wait until nighttime, and make it dessert! And no matter what remember that tomorrow is a new day...next time you have those feelings, remember how you feel now. Also make sure to be proud of yourself every time you are able to control yourself. It'll make you feel good!!0
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You are NOT alone. I will not eat in front of anybody other than my boyfriend because of the comments. Before I realized what was happening though, I would do exactly what you did...eat a little in front of people so I didn't have to hear comments on my food, diet, whatever, then vacuum a whole lot more behind closed doors. I struggled like hell over it, but I got through it - AND SO CAN YOU!!!
Everyone is right, you need to forgive youself and move forward - right now. The entire day is not wasted because you slipped and you can't change the fact that you slipped. So log the three pieces of pie into your journal and go for a walk, go to the gym, go do something physical.
Next, really examine why you did this. What were you feeling, what were you thinking, what was going on around you? This truly helps. Be honest with yourself, it only hurts for a minute and it can give you a powerful tool when it happens again (and sadly, it will happen again).
When it happens again, remind yourself (before you eat) how you feel right at this moment. Really feel it - then ask yourself if this is how you want to feel again (this has saved me from more binges than I care to mention).
Finally, sometimes, it is better to walk away or put the food on someone else's desk and tell them that you cannot have it around you. So many people are supportive when you ask for help.
Again, you are not alone, and you did not fail. You should be really proud of yourself for recognizing this problem so now you can deal with it.
Chin up! We're all here for you!0 -
Don't think your whole day is ruined...there is no all or nothing rule. So don't eat a whole pizza for dinner just because you got thrown off for lunch. That's one big thing I've learned. The next meal is just a next chance to do better.
Everybody slips up. You can do it! :flowerforyou:
Well said!! Move on. Exercise and eat well for the rest of the day. If this only happens every once in a while, why not plan for it?! There's debate about rewarding youself with food; however, if you plan to allow yourself to indulge, within reason- don't eat a pound of M&Ms-every once in a while, this doesn't have to derail you. In fact it may serve to keep you more focused if you know that every once in a while you can splurge!!:happy:0 -
You feel guilty and like you've lost control. You can get back the control by following the advice here. Just like everyone else has said, workout a little extra and make the next eating time better.
I actually follow a diet plan that is called Body for Life. On this plan, there is one day a week that you can eat anything you want in any amount. I like it because if I really screw up one day, that can be my "free" day. I prefer to plan them but sometimes it just happens.
Another thing I think happens on my "free" day is that my body can have extra calories. It doesn't feel like it is starving. I also love food and I can have the decadent things I love so I seem to be able to stick to this a little better than other plans. I usually do my "free" day on the weekends and I don't even bother to put the calories into the log. Then the next day, it is right back to the 1200 calorie plan.
The most important thing is that you get back on the plan after you binge. You are in control.0 -
and now I'm sitting by myself at home crying. I feel like such a loser.
And today your going to stay in your calories, it's no big deal.
It is a completely unrealistic expectation to think that you won't have setbacks and even revert to your bad behavior. You will. Think of something you have completely undercontrol in your life, there are time when you have setbacks, but you just right back on track without all the self destructive judgement. That's what you need to do here.
"Gosh, it's not like me to binge like that, hmmm, I'd better knock it off" is the correct response. No drama, no condemnation. Repeat it until that's what is in your head.
The curious thing is that all the drama and condemnation do is give you permission to continue the distructive behavior. How many times have you thought, "well, I've blown it, I might as well eat..."
You're successful, believe it!0 -
:flowerforyou: Thank you all for your kindness and support. I really needed it yesterday. Today, I am right back on track and am putting it behind me. I talked it over with my husband as well, kind of a confession, and he's been terrificly supoortive and helpful.
p.s. I am in Amsterdam, so quite a few hours ahead of most of you which is why I didn't respond last night (for me, day for you). I didn't want you all to think I posted and then just left.0 -
:flowerforyou: Thank you all for your kindness and support. I really needed it yesterday. Today, I am right back on track and am putting it behind me. I talked it over with my husband as well, kind of a confession, and he's been terrificly supoortive and helpful.
p.s. I am in Amsterdam, so quite a few hours ahead of most of you which is why I didn't respond last night (for me, day for you). I didn't want you all to think I posted and then just left.
I'm glad you are right back on track today!:flowerforyou:0 -
I feel for you girl... I did the same thing yesterday. I was on a great streek and then I at half a batch of brownies and a bottle of champagne... BOY! I kept asking myself why was I doing this... and all I could think of is I am so angry, frustrated I need to make myself feel better.. BAD idea... because once I did that I ate a half bag of shelled peanuts! So needless to say I went WAY over my food for the day. I do normally eat everything in moderation because I know I am sucha junkie... if I deny myself... I will go out of control! haha.. well sometimes I dont think it has anything to do with moderation but something internally- emotionally! I did work out though for 2 hours earlier in the day.... and all i can think is that my blood sugar took a dump which caused me to be extremely crabby and self loathing. It happens.. but don't worry you and I will be up on our horse today riding like champions! I can feel it!
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What happened at work/home/on the way to work/anywhere that made you feel wrong?
You didn't eat that pie because it tasted good, although it probably did at first. If you were shoveling it in, you weren't tasting it.
In my experience, when I binge (or even feel the urge to) something is going on. It's very valuable that you discover what that "something" is. It doesn't even have to be emotional, you could be tired, you could have gone too long without eating before the pie break, anything. . .but something's wrong.
IMHO.:flowerforyou:
I agree with this.
I have binging (and yes, sometimes purging) issues. I'll get a craving for a bag of chips...and if I give in I eat the whole thing. I have a lot going on in my life right now and know that I use it as an excuse to binge. So I don't even go down the chip aisle at the grocery store, even for a box of the 100 calorie Sunchips I love. I know that if I buy anything munchy like that, anything at all, the minute something goes wrong or I get upset, I'll throw back everything I have in my pantry. Then I'll hate myself, and possibly try to throw it back up which will make me hate myself even more. I also try to turn to the Bible when I feel this way. Usually, God puts me at peace.
When you feel like binging like that, sit down with a pen and paper and try to write out what you're feeling. Hopefully, you'll see that it's not the food you want at all and you'll be able to get whatever it is you really need.0 -
Hey, you had a bad day. Make today a good day. Just remember what ever you eat, eat it VERRRY SLOWLY!!! and tell yourself, "Hey this isn't the last cherry pie I'm ever going to have. I'll have some tomorrow, or later " and then walk away. If you really want more pie repeat the above mantra. 0
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