Feeling ashamed

meganemxo · September 2020

Hey ladies and gents,

To introduce myself I am Megan and I'm Canadian. I've always been really into fitness and working out, and I even took fitness and health as my major in college. Well fast forward a couple of years later and I'm the biggest I've ever been. I have always struggled with my weight but looking back on old pictures I can't believe I thought I was fat back then. I've never been at my goal weight of 135.

I workout 6x/week (high intensity) and during quarantine I walked twice a day for almost an hour each time. Yet I gained weight. I know my eating is a huge part of it.

I haven't weighed myself in years because it just made me feel bad about myself. But I came to the conclusion that I will keep making excuses if I don't have tangible information like numbers to say whether or not I'm succeeding.

So I bought a scale and weighed in. 218.2 pounds. I'm humiliated. I never thought I'd get over 200 lbs. I knew I gained weight but this is insane to me. Last time I weighed myself, about a year ago I was around 185.

I think it's important to note I've been on wellbutrin and cipralex for about 4 years. This drug class known for weight gain so I am considering not taking it anymore. However, the drugs themselves do not list weight gain as a side effect. But of course I need to consider whether my mental health will be okay without it. Any experience with this would be appreciated.

Also note that I am vegan for ethical reasons, and most people I know go vegan and lose weight but that has not been my situation. Trust me - there is not shortage of vegan junk food out there.

I think my biggest issue with food is portion control and I have a major sweet tooth. I also hate cooking so if my boyfriend isn't home to cook I order in. This is bad for both my body and my wallet.

I'm going to nursing school in January and I really don't want to be unhealthy anymore. The reality is that at this rate, especially with my family history, I am setting myself up for a shortened lifespan if I don't turn this around.

Any advice, stories, motivation would be greatly appreciated. I'm feeling pretty down on myself.

quiksylver296 · September 2020

http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1080242/a-guide-to-get-you-started-on-your-path-to-sexypants/p1

janejellyroll · September 2020

Hi!

Another ethical vegan here. When I started my weight loss journey in 2015, I'd also been avoiding the scale. Unfortunately/fortunately, I was videotaped for a training event at work and once I saw the videos, I had no room left f

Calorie counting has worked really well for me. I started around 160-155 pounds (not exactly sure, as I didn't even get a scale until I'd been at it for a couple months) and now am about 110. I'm a lot more active than I was and my relationship with food feels a lot better. I was absolutely a portion control NIGHTMARE, I was the vegan who loved giant bowls of food (well, I'm still the vegan who loves giant bowls of food, I just do a better job of filling the bowl with lower calorie-food and using the higher calorie stuff to "decorate" it).

I would check out the thread above, it has really good advice. I don't have insight into the Welbutrin angle, but I know there are some people here who have been on that or tried similar medicines.

If you aren't quite sure where to start cooking, I found "Appetite for Reduction" by Isa Chandra Moskowitz to be a great resource. It's a bunch of lower calorie vegan recipes that are very tasty and written with the weeknight cook in mind. I am not one of those people who says that cooking is REQUIRED for vegans who want to better manage their weight. You could certainly make it happen with frozen burritos, canned soup, baby carrots, and V8 to hit your calorie goal and lose weight. But, in my experience, being able to cook makes it much more ENJOYABLE. You can figure out how to eat exactly what you want and that flexibility is awesome. You can still order in and manage your weight, but for most places that is going to mean eating pretty small portions. For that reason, I'll use ordering in as a treat.

Good luck!

AndreaTamira · September 2020

Hey there,

Also vegan, also for ethical reasons, also having problems to keep weight down. Well, weight loss is rather easy for me, the problem comes as soon as I stop paying attention, think I am holding weight, but it slowly creeps up the scale again. Last time I lost weight I lost over 40 kilos, gained back 20 something since then, so back to losing weight it is. (I tell myself that at least I caught on before I gained it all back, but I am still annoyed I let it get so far.)

I think batch cooking is something that may help you, especially if you have a slow cooker. Make a healthy stew, portion it out to last several days, and pop the Tupperware containers in your fridge, ready to warm up. That way you only have to convince yourself to cook once every few days instead of every day.

If you want variety you can slowly build a stack of homemade ready to eat meals by freezing one or two of your batch cooked meals, cooking something different and freezing one of that, too.

There is also no shame at having a few of the more healthy ready to eat foods sitting in your fridge or freezer (soups are generally great, apart from the sodium content).

And there are tricks when ordering in, too. Like getting a burito bowl from my local burito place instead of the corresponding burrito saves 150 calories.

Sweet stuff is nice, and I have a sweet tooth, too. I think what helps there is making sure no unhealthy sweet stuff is in the house. So, if you really want something you have to go out and get it. Also, super dark chocolate! It is not as sweet, but, atleast for me, it helps fight chocolate cravings and I dont truly want more than one or two pieces.

I know it must feel frustrating right now, but you'll find the toolsthatworkforyou, and if you keep at it you will reach your goal. Just stay at your most stubborn.

NovusDies · September 2020

I know you are concerned about your family history while carrying excess weight. I see a lot of people come through here with health concerns but it doesn't seem to be a great motivator for weight loss. I suspect that is because trying to motivate yourself with a stressor is, well, stressful. Stress makes you unhappy. Food control seems to add to the unhappiness and from my experience misery is a weight loss killer.

I suggest looking for the positives of weight loss and focusing on them. Have a list of things you hope to gain that will improve your life to tell yourself when you dealing with the unhelpful notions that the excess food you are giving up is so important.

Shame has always gotten in my way. It has always made me overreact and attempt unsustainable plans which always failed and added more to my shame. I finally let it go. There is nothing I can do about yesterday except try to learn from it. The person I was is not the person I am. Being kind to myself has been at the center of my weight loss effort this time. It has helped me engage in a sustainable and forgiving weight loss process that has enabled me for the first time in over 3 decades to, frankly, lose more weight than you currently weigh.

You can get this done. You have hurdles to jump but everyone does.

podperson1 · September 2020

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to be so hard on yourself. That nasty negative inner voice always ends up doing me more harm than good. One strategy I try to implement is to think if I was talking to a close friend - if they said they felt awful about their weight and wanted to change would you tell them they were disgusting and it was all their own fault, or would you give them a hug and say you'd support them? You can't change where you are now, but you can make positive changes going forward.

I'm not a fan of cooking either so I find planning ahead is really key for me. I try and have quick and easy options in, I batch cook and freeze some portions. If I really can't be bothered I have a few ready meals in - not the healthier out there but better than ordering takeaway (some people I know swear by food delivery companies like Hello Fresh so might be an option to get you started, many of them have good vegan options now). I also have some treats/sweets that are lower cals for when I just have that sweet craving. With the amount of exercise you do then you can totally plan some treats into your plan.

The main thing I've found is that it needs to be sustainable. I started with all kinds of extreme/crash/super restricted diets and would lose a few pounds before I gave up and put it all back on again. Now I think more long-term so nothing is 'banned', I just think in moderation and work certain things into my daily/weekly allowance. You can totally do this! x

88olds · September 2020

Start a food diary and never stop. Log everything with calories every day. Use a food scale to crunch the numbers when possible. Use NI if available and generic when necessary. If all else fails make a good faith guess. Everything gets logged in with a number. Try to be consistent in how you do the calculations. Forget? Go back and fill it in as best you can.

There’s a significant calorie counting learning curve. Don’t go to pieces if you have to tinker with the numbers at first. And don’t go to pieces when you go over your number. Just keep logging. The process is more important than the numbers. Calorie counting works but it takes a lot of persistence. Never quit.

ketoandweim · September 2020

I am here with you. I got on the scale in January and almost puked, didn't cry but it was close at 233.2. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and know that any progress is progress and it won't be overnight! Keep your head up girl!!!

prepregnancypants · September 2020

Thank you for this thread. I am in a very similar situation as the original poster in that I weighed myself and am 220 pounds and feel a lot of shame of having let myself get to this point. I also recently turned 40. I feel grateful and ready to embark on this journey. I am healthy now but need to stay that way and want to have more energy. I have 2 beautiful kids that I want to be a good example for. So let's do it!! I have no advice other than I am tracking and will not be weighing myself every day. Before I would weigh a few times a day sometimes and I think it became an obsession. So I will track here, try to stay in my goal, and weigh myself once a week. Good luck to us all and I feel grateful for all of you sharing your journey because together we are stronger and we can support each other!

Feeling ashamed

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