Going through separation and divorce with a 4 year-old

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tweetiekrs
tweetiekrs Posts: 23
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Has anyone been in this situation? Did your child go through different phases of grief? I separated from my husband 5 weeks ago. My son seemed to be handling everything ok up until this week. He is acting withdrawn, quiet, not interested in playing. He did get his MMR shot 2 weeks ago...2nd round. After the first round he got sick 2 weeks to the day after that shot. So I was.hoping maybe this is just a reaction to his shots, but he isn't feverish. Obviously I'll be watching him closely, but it makes me sick to my stomach that his personality is different this week. He even asked to go to bed last night at 8:30.

Sorry...I know this is off-topic so hopefully I'm posting this on an acceptable board here.

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  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    See how he does after the shot. My daughter was at a similar age and really didn't act too much different. She asks questions, but she is pretty well adjusted with the situation.
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    My son just asks why daddy calls me names and why he doesn't love me anymore. Sucks I know - lots of therapy dear.
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    yeah that's a big one "why don't you love daddy anymore" "why doesn't daddy love you anymore"


    and what I always say is "all that matters is mommy and daddy both love you very much and will always take care of you"
    for now it works.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    My son just asks why daddy calls me names and why he doesn't love me anymore. Sucks I know - lots of therapy dear.

    My heart broke up upon reading this. I hope my fiance won't be like that with our child soon.
  • JulieSD
    JulieSD Posts: 567
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    My oldest daughter was just turning 5 when my husband and I separated last year. She and my youngest daughter seemed to handle it alright. We (my ex-husband and I) are on good terms and we made sure to watch for signs of anything upsetting them. But my oldest daughter developed a harmful habit of holding her BM as a form of control...she couldn't control what was going on, so she would control that.
    It got pretty bad, we were both trying to get her to eat foods that would make her go, we tried meds and nothing worked. We got referred to a specialist. More meds were given that didnt work, a total change in diet didnt work...more x-rays showed she had developed a fecaloma in her bowel...(google it) and she had to stay in the hospital for 4 days to have it taken care of. She is still on meds over a year later. But she is a totally happy and well adjusted child now ;)
    I'm not saying this to worry you, your son is just adjusting...but you're his mom and you know him best. Don't shrug things off because he is 4...trust your gut and you'll always be doing the right thing. :) Good luck!
  • sandra400
    sandra400 Posts: 51 Member
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    i have no experience as far as divorce and children expect that i helped raise a child from my husbands 1st marriage. this i can tell you it will effect him in ways he will not be able to understand or be able to explain (how can it not). as u both navigate thru this just be sure to tell him u both love him and it is not his fault. also try never to speak ill of his other parent there are books out there u can get to read to him about divorce that might help

    on the up side kids are pretty resillient and will adjust, my son i helped raise did adjust and is doing well.

    you r in my thoughts and prayers thru this difficult time just now it will get better.:flowerforyou:
  • springtrio
    springtrio Posts: 429 Member
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    My son just asks why daddy calls me names and why he doesn't love me anymore. Sucks I know - lots of therapy dear.

    My heart broke up upon reading this. I hope my fiance won't be like that with our child soon.

    Sadly I knew it would happen. Luckily he's out of the house and living with his gf so my son doesn't have to hear his mouth anymore. He visits at their house so who knows what he says about me there. The good thing? I'm raising my boys NOT to treat women this way...early enough so hopefully they'll forget the I'll things their father says about me.
  • tweetiekrs
    tweetiekrs Posts: 23
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    Thanks for your input, ladies. (BTW you all look amazing - holy cow!)

    I'll see how he is tomorrow. I think I'll try to get us up early in the morning and have breakfast with him before I take him to daycare - he loves that. Maybe I can get him to talk to me then. I just hope he's ok. Thanks again for the reassurance. He starts preschool next week so that will be a good distraction also.

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