Really lost confidence and motivation...

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DatEpicChick
DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I have an eight month old daughter, and on my blog explains everything that happened to me during the pregnancy and afterwards, my husband has been very supportive, but i continue to struggle with weight. I gave up for about 4 months, and now i have decided that i need to gear up and get back on track....

So i have 86 days to go, and while i knew in the back of my mind that there wasnt going to be a big ol' change this soon, i was so hoping for it. i feel like im practically starving myself and beating myself up if i dont get out there and exercise and it sucks.

god i couldnt imagine being heavy since childhood, this feeling is like a pain in my crack. i could never wish this upon anyone, and yet... it would still be so nice to see those skinny little chicks (that are like 10 pounds underweight) go for a day being 25 pounds overweight and see how it feels.

i wish my body would get on gear with what my brain is telling it to do, but i just cant, and as active as i try to be and as nervous as i am about trying to lose this weight, it seems like it is never going to happen, at least not to the extent that i want it to... and than what do i do if it does happen?

am i going to spend the rest of my life living on lean cuisine and weight watchers? am i destined to never sit down in front of some sappy teen drama series with a glass of milk and pack of oreos?

is my newborn daughter forever going to think of her momma as a calorie counter and weight watcher fanatic? i dont want to be fat and unhealthy, but ill be damned if i spend the rest of my life worrying about every single thing that goes into my mouth

men have it so much easier, while i understand being larger for men is just as difficult for women, at least your not expected to weight 120 pounds.

yes due to society, many women prefer men who are not 300 pounds, yet men who are 120 pounds are seen as Lanky and Whimpy, but 180 pounds, thats perfect....

while with us women, until we are a size 3 or smaller weighting 120 pounds at 5'5'' we are considered overweight and unattractive... even by our larger male counterparts who are trying just as hard as the rest of us to lose the weight...

maybe i just have a different point of view because i was the skinny girl my entire life, and i never had to count a calorie or felt guilty if i didnt do a workout... and now i'm the chubby postpartum momma who cant wait to get these extra 30 pounds off me... but then again... i've gotten so used to the way my body looks, ill inspect myself... and wonder where the hell i'm hiding 30 pounds! i mean 15 sure, even 20 pounds, but 30! thats just insane

i hope to shout i can come on here tomorrow or the next day and bring on some inspiring poem or some new epiphany that has come to mind... but until then... i will let my eyes lag a little bit longer than necessary when i look in the full body mirror and see about 35 pounds more "Cheyanne" than i ever wanted to see in my life.

Replies

  • buzzcogs
    buzzcogs Posts: 296 Member
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    Keep up the good work and a pack of oreos and a glass of milk will soon seem a little passe. Fun sometimes but there is definately more in life for you.
    You have a new baby and a whole exciting life ahead of you! Oreos and milk are comfort food for a sh*tty life..you sound like you have a great life..you don't NEED THEM! ;-)
    Carpe Diem and embrace your new journey!
    Congrats on the new baby!
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    i know what you mean. and yeah 120 seems to be a magic number. it kinda pisses me off. don't lose hope. I went through the same thing as you with losing motivation. I never counted calories before, and I was never fat or overweight growing up. It sucks.. but you're doing great. it's hard to be a young mom and trying to lose weight! Be pacient :D & remember you're not fat. You're just bigger than what you were before, and that is okay... You're just slowly working your way down and adjusting to your new life. :D !
  • hstallings13
    hstallings13 Posts: 306
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    weight is a number and not a true indication of who you are or even how fit you are. Being fit and strong is more than a size or a number. When you let yourself get caught up in the numbers it's easy to let yourself get bogged down. Yes, I want to see a size 8 but if I get to a 10 or even a 12 and that is where my body is meant to be....so be it. I want to be fit not skinny as I have three beautiful children to keep up with. You need to focus on becoming healthy and strong and staying that way so you can enjoy and participate in all the parts of your child's life. Don't let the numbers get to you, it's a journey and like all others it starts with one step....you can do it :)
  • juliapurpletoes
    juliapurpletoes Posts: 951 Member
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    Hey you! Deep breathe okay? Alot of changes and some traumatic experiences behind you now. try not to dwell :)

    Your second chance and that gorgeous new baby are what life is about.....what a true gift that at such a young age you can now know real life....not movie, magazine, tv life.....the real deal!

    It is harsh to feel down and the way you are gonna get back up is to take control of what you can. You hug and feed and love that baby right? Then you can apply that same energy to you. Love yourself girl ((hug))

    Learn to cook some new fun things.....and eat well, YOU are a survivor and very smart. Start shining through it :)
  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
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    its definitely appreciated. everything just makes me so annoyed with this weight loss thing, i mean i was talking to my mother and i asked her how long she was in maternity jeans (she had 3 kids), and she said "about 2 weeks tops, and the 2nd child, i was in my usual jeans the next day!"

    and then there is me, in maternity jeans for 4 1/2 MONTHS, all because of health issues, its just so frustrating. i don't expect to be a size 1 again, and even though i know in my heart i dont particularly want to be, it doesnt matter how many times i say it, i would love to lose the damn weight.

    i sure wish i was a 'bounce back' kinda girl. a few girls in the moms group im a part of bounced back in a few months, without diet or exercise... im pretty sure i wanted to beat them with a candy bar... but its just how their bodies were.... and im sooo JEALOUS! >.< i mean she is 8 months old, i shouldnt be this big STILL, but i guess thats what happens when you throw your hands in the air and say i quit for months huh?... =[ BOO
  • fallenangelloves
    fallenangelloves Posts: 601 Member
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    am i going to spend the rest of my life living on lean cuisine and weight watchers? am i destined to never sit down in front of some sappy teen drama series with a glass of milk and pack of oreos?

    is my newborn daughter forever going to think of her momma as a calorie counter and weight watcher fanatic? i dont want to be fat and unhealthy, but ill be damned if i spend the rest of my life worrying about every single thing that goes into my mouth

    men have it so much easier.

    I'm afraid you are taking the wrong approach to this and setting yourself up for failure. "lean cuisines"? I never have or never will eat them. Learn to cook. There are many books, magazines and websites for all experience levels. Plus it's cheaper. And HEALTHIER! Is your daughter going to think you are a calorie counter and fanatic? Idk are you going to make eating healthy and taking care of yourself seem like a chore and punishment? Or are you going to teach her to respect her body and feed her healthy foods at an early age and get her started on the right path? Men have it easier? Tell my husband that. He is 100 lbs heavier than me and has to work for every pound loss like me, and we have both lost the same amount.

    Hopefully you will read all the positive info on this site and learn this is a lifestyle not a punishment.
  • garlic7girl
    garlic7girl Posts: 2,236 Member
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    I think you should give yourself a break you had a baby! Our OB doctor does not expect for women to start considering weight loss till 3 months after the birth adn then to still take is slow because the body takes 6 to heal. ARe you breast feeding? That can help assist as long as you are eating correctly and exercise. But remember be kind to yourself becasue you have a baby that can sense your anxiety. Be kind to yourself becasue you deserve it! Our bodies do change as we age whether we have babies or not. Accept the change. But choose to be healthy! Have a wt loss goal but be realistic, never give up and give yourself time becasue a new baby is a life altering experience. You will want to eat healthy now to be strong for her and to influence her with health and vitality in years to come.
    Don't despair my friend. Take it one meal at a time...seriously. You WILL make it!
  • juliapurpletoes
    juliapurpletoes Posts: 951 Member
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    I'm probably around your moms age as I myself have a 20 year old son and 18 year old daughter....and yes, times were different back then. We didn't gain as much weight during pregnancy as your generation seems to, life was just different then, that's all. But, that isn't important - you cannot compare, so please don't try to :)

    Try to go easy on yourself, pick up your daughter and tell her your dreams...who you want to be just for her. I promise if you keep focus on her and the family that you are creating, you will find happiness.

    Every moment is a chance to redefine WHO you are and what you want to be, okay? You are unique :)

    Take this leap of faith, right here and now :)
  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
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    i need a exercise routine... that involves something other than teddy bears and crawling...
  • juliapurpletoes
    juliapurpletoes Posts: 951 Member
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    i remember that feeling too :)
  • iheartyarn
    iheartyarn Posts: 141 Member
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    just focus on your family, focus on getting healthy, not losing weight, like the previous poster said, start cooking, take a class if you can, experiment with things you have never tried before. my dd is 18 months old and i am just getting serious about things. i have never been the bounce back type of mama either, i have had to work at it. hard. i have three kids and this is the longest i have kept the baby weight around for. the other two i lost it right around 12-14 months, but i started at about 8 months pp. for me when i talk about my journey, i don't say if, i say WHEN, believe in yourself. believe you can do this, the journey is an important part of the process. its not all about results :D
  • DatEpicChick
    DatEpicChick Posts: 358 Member
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    when I mentioned how "men have it easier" (which I did specify in the post) I was referring to societys MAGIC NUMBER for weight. For men (depending on muscle tone) it can be anywhere from 150 to 200 pounds, but for women, for some effing reason 120 with no but, no books, and no hips (not to mention being 5`9) is beautiful... And all I have to say is... Society sucks.
  • fallenangelloves
    fallenangelloves Posts: 601 Member
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    It wasn't meant as a punch in the gut. It was meant for you to try and find the positive in all this and take control of your life. You were complaining about feeling trapped and discouraged. Try to take what you are describing as a bad thing (eating lean cuisines and counting calories) into a good thing (learning to cook for you and your baby and being healthy and in control of what you eat)

    All I'm saying is try to take a positive approach towards all this and it will be a better journey for you and your baby.
  • hstallings13
    hstallings13 Posts: 306
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    but for women, for some effing reason 120 with no but, no books, and no hips (not to mention being 5`9) is beautiful


    society can kiss my butt, I think I'm beautiful even at 80lbs overweight. Forget what they think and focus on what is best for you and most important, enjoy your baby, they are only little once.
  • AAthena
    AAthena Posts: 7 Member
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    I have been stalling on my exercise routine b/c of my 4 month old. Today i went on a brisk walk (with him in a stroller) for the first time. He had a blast. It was adorable watching him get excited at the scenery and i got a small work out. It wasn't as long of a walk as i would do on my own...but every little bit helps. Maybe he can even tolorate a longer walk tomorow :)
    I really had not thought of incorporating time with him into my exersize routine but it was great...hope this helps you come up with some creative ideas.

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