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Secret Eating vs. Willpower
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For me, it wasn't 'secret' eating. It was just the bad habit of eating 5 large meals a day.1
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Out of curiosity, do you normally follow Keto? You can tell me to mind my own business. I'm OK with that and I don't mean to pry, but if you are trying to follow Keto and cheat, that's perfectly understandable.
I could never follow such a restrictive diet. Could that possibly be part of the reason for the secret eating? Carbs?1 -
My grandmother was a secret eater but it was born out of necessity. She had 12 kids and suffered with a potassium deficiency. She had to hide all of her bananas in the closet but the kids and grandkids knew exactly where they were so she still didn't get to eat them.
Alot of secret eaters will need to look back into their pasts and childhoods for clues about the root causes. If you're willing to plumb the depths of the closet you will find the answers, answers, answers. We carry these things forward from our families.
It's rare that you will find a household where everyone had a completely normal relationship with food. Most of us will have some abby normal in there somewhere. Secret or sneak eating can have a bigger impact on weight as time goes on. There are kids hiding food under their beds right now as we speak.
Theoretically, I'd love to know the why, why, why's but we can have the answers to absolutely everything and still not be able to do anything. So much of it is unexplored. I think we could talk about all of the things we discuss here for the rest of our lives. It's downright fascinating.
I read people's theories and success stories with interest. I look for the connections and patterns that make all of us tick and why we feel the way we do about food. Food equals approval and cheering and love. Grandma said good food fixes everything but there was little to go around in that household.3 -
MikePfirrman wrote: »Out of curiosity, do you normally follow Keto? You can tell me to mind my own business. I'm OK with that and I don't mean to pry, but if you are trying to follow Keto and cheat, that's perfectly understandable.
I could never follow such a restrictive diet. Could that possibly be part of the reason for the secret eating? Carbs?
I am more low carb than Keto now (50ish net carbs per day). I feel best physically avoiding as much sugar as I can but I still can't give up my coffeemate creamer in the morning. I recognized my secret eating history/pattern in January and haven't done it since then. I also started low carb in January and am down 50lbs. I think I will always battle with secret eating regardless of my way of eating but less sugar helps the cravings tremendously. If I can make a few small changes and maintain open/healthy eating habits that is my goal. Strict Keto I don't see as something I can maintain long term.3 -
I honestly don't remember secret eating as a kid. It wasn't until I was out working, making my own money to buy what I wanted. And even then I didn't do it in secret. I'm thinking it was more after I got married and started hiding the fact that I was eating much more than people saw me eating. Buying stuff at the store that I'd eat on the way home. Taking an extra sliver of this or that when no one was around, discreet things like that. Dh would jump in the shower, I'd grab a PB&J sandwich. When I lived by myself, I'd go through 3 half gallons of ice cream a week and would buy them at different stores, just in case someone remembered me buying ice cream a couple days ago.
I seem to have control of random over-eating of items now.
I found myself doing it just a few months ago when I went off the deep end and regained 20#. I had finished up the box of Ritz crackers and dh made a joking comment to me so after that, everything became a secret. I guess I'm still doing it, in a way, because I go through a 32 oz. tub of nonfat yogurt every day and kind of try to hide that fact. Weird huh?? I find myself ashamed and embarrassed, thinking it's not normal and made me overweight, even though I'm now average weight. I suffered through many comments/name calling growing up as a chubby child and maybe that has a lot to do with it.
I tell ya, our head sure can do a number on us if we let it.10 -
ketoandweim wrote: »
IMO, this is one of the terrible things about shame - shame about eating habits for sure, but some other things as well. Because of the shame, no one talks about it. Because no one talks about it, those who feel ashamed think they're the only one doing the "shameful" thing, when it isn't as uncommon as they think . . . it's just that others feel ashamed and don't talk about it either.
Now, I'm not saying no one should ever be ashamed of anything, no matter what it is. Some things are morally reprehensible - somebody who stole from the blind man who ran a snack bar where I worked comes to mind - and those people *should* feel ashamed, because they did something morally terrible.
But eating habits? No. Some habits are more productive or healthful than others, but it's a rare eating habit that should be a source of shame, IMO. It's just food. We need food. Many of us have some issues managing it, but the specifics differ. If we can talk about it, it's easier to find and adopt solutions to behaviors that are less healthful.
In the interests of contributing openly to the thread: I don't think I've been a secret eater, in a major way. The cases I can think of are something like being a little sneaky about the second (or third!) helpings at a potluck, or something like that, where I knew I was eating more than other people did. So, some shame involved, or at least self-conciousness. Not totally hideable behavior, though.7 -
@ReenieHJ When I left home I started living on gummy bears, licorice and chocolate covered orange jelly sticks. I told myself I was finally free, free, free to eat all of the sugar I wanted. I washed it down with quarts of chocolate milk. Then for something more substantial, I opted for cinnamon rolls. After a few days of this nitwittery, I was bouncing off the walls and I felt nuttier than a fruitcake. I was higher than a kite and it was all due to the gummy bear high. I still adore those cute lil bears.
That only lasted a few days. Truthfully, I was homesick as a dog for my family. I missed my mother's good homecooking and everything about home. Dang, I remember that homesickness like yesterday. I'm going to go see my mother, right now.
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It's a combination of everything. Ultimately you only lie to yourself. Junk food is designed to make you hungrier so if you are prone to overeating you are going to gain some weight.3
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I had a lot to unknot with secret eating in my twenties. I didn't want to model that behavior for my kids, you see. So I sat out binge desires, and refused to hide my eating, and I still, on occasion, have to fight the urge to hide what I'm doing in the kitchen from my partners. Given that they're all practicing recovery from eating disorders, they understand when I say, "I'm having a cup of yogurt," that I'm deliberately fighting back against the urge to hide and eat in secret. I refuse to let my food shame me. Food is tasty. (My cooking, especially so.)
I am a very self-directed person. I like MFP because it lets me log easily, and I like the forums because when I'm working on something I like to talk about it. This way I don't bore my partners with diet talk all the time.6 -
I suspect whether this could be considered an addiction will vary between people depending on why they do it. For me it wasn't an addiction - I was a chunky teenager and I was ashamed for anyone to see me eating junk food. I didn't want to feel judged/humiliated any more than I already was.2
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@AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Sneak eating and/or yoyo dieting can begin early in childhood. Leaving the comfort of the nest/home is a often a big trigger. The 20's are a vulnerable time for riding that yo-yo dieting merry-go-round. Riding it out, surfing the waves, Urge Surfing works for me and it does get easier with time.1
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My secret eating goes back to childhood as well. My mother did the same, I would see her in the kitchen, cleaning or preparing dinner and regularly slipping food in her mouth when she thought no one was watching. She has been obsessed with her weight for as long as I can remember. Not being helped by my very judgmental dad who would call friends and family fat, lazy, stupid.
In work I have my own office and would easily go through stashes and stashes of junk unseen. At home, when everyone went to bed (husband goes earlier than me) and I was left downstairs on my own, I would make countless trips to the kitchen. I was even cheating on myself by not logging those trips on MFP. If it's not logged it doesn't count right?
I am now making a conscious effort not to eat in secret. I created a fresh, and I can proudly say 100% honest, account on MFP and when I'm done eating, I close my diary for all my pals here to see. And if I still fancy that chocolate biscuit, I'll add it.4 -
@LunaTheFatCat Great decisions. I have 15 aunts and 7 uncles. Those aunts taught me everything I know about food and I had to unlearn most of it. It's now been passed down through the generations and I don't see an end in sight. One of them told another family member who was going through chemo treatments, you've never looked better because they were dropping it like it was hot. That's why I'm here on MFP. No one has all of the answers. That's why we have each other.
We had a funeral and everyone was raving about how good they looked. One uncle said, I just think they look really dead. That is all. It never ends.
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chocolate_owl wrote: »Or maybe it's your coping method for trauma (also maybe why you eat in secret, so you don't have to admit the trauma).
I think that is very insightful. I was thinking that, paradoxically, maybe this is a way for a child to assert control in her life--making a decision about what food to eat and when, especially if it is counter to what the adults in the room approve.
Although, there are probably as many reasons for secret eating as there are people who engage in it.
This was exactly my reason for secret eating and I was scrolling through the thread to see if someone mentioned it. I had a problem with binge eating McDonalds/ KFC after work, which I talked through with a therapist. I was surprised to discover that at the bottom of it was my child self saying "I can eat whatever I want and NO ONE can stop me!" Kind of a belated rebel teenage phase trying to exert control.
You are right though that it can be for such a huge variety of reasons. The best thing to do for anyone finding it's becoming a problem is to see a professional to talk it through. I would never have reached this conclusion on my own, and although it hasn't completely stopped my problem, I am slowly managing to get through it with a variety of different support networks, including MFP which I have found amazing2 -
I actually told my fiancé that I secretly eat on the way home from work and buy candy and chips at the store and eat them on the way home. He doesn’t really understand BED and everything that goes along with it, but he’s trying and being really supportive6
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My mother was a secret eater. She was obese and my father shamed her for her weight before he finally left for a younger thinner new wife. When he was no longer in the picture, she still ate secretly, hiding how much she ate from us kids. She did the same thing years later with smoking. In both cases, we knew but said nothing. I decided that I would never do that, but would instead try to enjoy my food openly, whether healthy or not. When I go to the kitchen for something to eat, I always ask my husband if he wants some. I don't buy food just for myself, even when I am out on a run or hike on my own. DH isn't at all judgmental, but I don't want to get into habits that are shame based. I have no room for that in my life.6
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I mean... in reality there is no secret eating. At least one body always knows lol. But I have tried to do it, even when little. I would take the whole box of cookies and hide it in the couch and eat them with my head buried in the cushions in secret. Thinking back on it, there is no way my mom didn't know about it lol. But... 4th kid so I dont think she had time to care every time lol.1
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Since my teens my "secret eating" has been at night. I lost 30-50 lbs a couple of times in my life. The latest was 50 lbs 5 years ago that I have mostly kept off. I'm currently up 8 lbs from where I wanted to maintain and it's definitely that nighttime secret eating.
I agree that letting people know about it can help. Tracking it really helps me. Then that secret eating isn't secret to MFP and it feels more real.2 -
One month ago seems like light years, now.0
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lack of willpower0
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