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Secret Eating vs. Willpower

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  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Sneak eating and/or yoyo dieting can begin early in childhood. Leaving the comfort of the nest/home is a often a big trigger. The 20's are a vulnerable time for riding that yo-yo dieting merry-go-round. Riding it out, surfing the waves, Urge Surfing works for me and it does get easier with time.
  • LunaTheFatCat
    LunaTheFatCat Posts: 237 Member
    My secret eating goes back to childhood as well. My mother did the same, I would see her in the kitchen, cleaning or preparing dinner and regularly slipping food in her mouth when she thought no one was watching. She has been obsessed with her weight for as long as I can remember. Not being helped by my very judgmental dad who would call friends and family fat, lazy, stupid.

    In work I have my own office and would easily go through stashes and stashes of junk unseen. At home, when everyone went to bed (husband goes earlier than me) and I was left downstairs on my own, I would make countless trips to the kitchen. I was even cheating on myself by not logging those trips on MFP. If it's not logged it doesn't count right?

    I am now making a conscious effort not to eat in secret. I created a fresh, and I can proudly say 100% honest, account on MFP and when I'm done eating, I close my diary for all my pals here to see. And if I still fancy that chocolate biscuit, I'll add it.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited September 2020
    @LunaTheFatCat Great decisions. I have 15 aunts and 7 uncles. Those aunts taught me everything I know about food and I had to unlearn most of it. It's now been passed down through the generations and I don't see an end in sight. One of them told another family member who was going through chemo treatments, you've never looked better because they were dropping it like it was hot. That's why I'm here on MFP. No one has all of the answers. That's why we have each other.

    We had a funeral and everyone was raving about how good they looked. One uncle said, I just think they look really dead. That is all. It never ends.

  • spyro88
    spyro88 Posts: 472 Member
    durhammfp wrote: »
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    Or maybe it's your coping method for trauma (also maybe why you eat in secret, so you don't have to admit the trauma).

    I think that is very insightful. I was thinking that, paradoxically, maybe this is a way for a child to assert control in her life--making a decision about what food to eat and when, especially if it is counter to what the adults in the room approve.

    Although, there are probably as many reasons for secret eating as there are people who engage in it.

    This was exactly my reason for secret eating and I was scrolling through the thread to see if someone mentioned it. I had a problem with binge eating McDonalds/ KFC after work, which I talked through with a therapist. I was surprised to discover that at the bottom of it was my child self saying "I can eat whatever I want and NO ONE can stop me!" Kind of a belated rebel teenage phase trying to exert control.

    You are right though that it can be for such a huge variety of reasons. The best thing to do for anyone finding it's becoming a problem is to see a professional to talk it through. I would never have reached this conclusion on my own, and although it hasn't completely stopped my problem, I am slowly managing to get through it with a variety of different support networks, including MFP which I have found amazing :)
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    edited October 2020
    I mean... in reality there is no secret eating. At least one body always knows lol. But I have tried to do it, even when little. I would take the whole box of cookies and hide it in the couch and eat them with my head buried in the cushions in secret. Thinking back on it, there is no way my mom didn't know about it lol. But... 4th kid so I dont think she had time to care every time lol.
  • mburgess458
    mburgess458 Posts: 480 Member
    Since my teens my "secret eating" has been at night. I lost 30-50 lbs a couple of times in my life. The latest was 50 lbs 5 years ago that I have mostly kept off. I'm currently up 8 lbs from where I wanted to maintain and it's definitely that nighttime secret eating.

    I agree that letting people know about it can help. Tracking it really helps me. Then that secret eating isn't secret to MFP and it feels more real.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    One month ago seems like light years, now.
  • B_Plus_Effort
    B_Plus_Effort Posts: 311 Member
    lack of willpower
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Me? ;) I don't run on willpower, Muszyngr. I run on momentum which will take you much further than willpower or inspiration or motivation ever will.
  • janejellyroll
    janejellyroll Posts: 25,763 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Willpower=mindset. And if you're cruising through a period in your life when it simply isn't there, then it's either going to take a random powerful event to change your thoughts, maybe some extra support, time, a rude awakening, something....

    I can go for weeks feeling strong, ready to back away from the cookies and look life in the eye but unfortunately then comes some weeks when I'm feeling/acting the exact opposite; I NEED that something to make me happy, take away my stress if even for a minute, somewhere to escape. That's when I hide/binge. :( DH's pack-a-lunch cookies have been disappearing quickly recently(@Diatonic, wish I could blame the mice) and I made a comment to dh about 'if I could just stop eating his cookies'. He said 'do it then'. I told him it wasn't that easy; his reply was 'it's easy for me'. So I suggested he stop his smoking; it'd be easy for me. :)

    I need to find my momentum again because it honestly does get easier once you're relit. For me anyways, until life takes a turn again. :/

    That's a good comeback though! :)

    It's always fascinating to me how differently will power can work with different things. My father smoked when he was young but quit in 1964 when the US government issued their first warnings about smoking and cancer. The way he tells the story is that he heard about the report on the radio, ground out the cigarette he was smoking, and never smoked again. But when it came to alcohol and food, he was unable to moderate himself -- even way past the point where doctors were telling him that it was a serious concern.

    We have bizarre, often unconscious ways of deciding what we think is worth the risk and what isn't.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    edited November 2020
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    Or maybe it's your coping method for trauma (also maybe why you eat in secret, so you don't have to admit the trauma).
    durhammfp wrote: »
    I think that is very insightful. I was thinking that, paradoxically, maybe this is a way for a child to assert control in her life--making a decision about what food to eat and when, especially if it is counter to what the adults in the room approve.

    Although, there are probably as many reasons for secret eating as there are people who engage in it.

    Both "coping method for trauma" and "assert control" really resonate with me.

    While I am thinking of my own secret eating while reading this thread, when I think of others, it's their (not so) secret drinking that comes to mind.
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    What I've discovered about myself is that secret eating tends to pop up when I am not okay with my weight loss calorie limits.
    Tonight, I'm real good. I'll go to bed after I post this, right on time. I've had everything I was supposed to today, I'm fine. But I'm okay with where I'm at.

    When I am anxious about it and feel despondent about the long haul of losing 100+ pounds, that's when the staying up late and reading and eating happens.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,024 Member
    Hmmmm. I don't know about either, but I've always been hyper. Even up to now, I don't sit still well for long periods of time. And as a kid I was super hyper. I ate anything I wanted and was still skinny. I went to the candy store everyday after school since it was on the way home. And McDonald's was at least once a week. And even up to now I eat whatever I want, BUT I limit it so much more than in my 20's.
    I never ate in secret and I don't have much lack of discipline when I apply it. But then again, I never looked at food as comfort.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
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    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • Theo166
    Theo166 Posts: 2,564 Member
    edited January 2021
    For me, the cure to secret eating is logging it. Now the share size bag of peanut M&M's has lasted several days rather than disappearing in one go.

    Disciplined logging has improved my willpower by not allowing me to mentally dismiss/ignore unhealthy habits. I still do it, but it's less frequent and to a smaller extent.
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    edited January 2021
    janejellyroll wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Willpower=mindset. And if you're cruising through a period in your life when it simply isn't there, then it's either going to take a random powerful event to change your thoughts, maybe some extra support, time, a rude awakening, something....

    I can go for weeks feeling strong, ready to back away from the cookies and look life in the eye but unfortunately then comes some weeks when I'm feeling/acting the exact opposite; I NEED that something to make me happy, take away my stress if even for a minute, somewhere to escape. That's when I hide/binge. :( DH's pack-a-lunch cookies have been disappearing quickly recently(@Diatonic, wish I could blame the mice) and I made a comment to dh about 'if I could just stop eating his cookies'. He said 'do it then'. I told him it wasn't that easy; his reply was 'it's easy for me'. So I suggested he stop his smoking; it'd be easy for me. :)

    I need to find my momentum again because it honestly does get easier once you're relit. For me anyways, until life takes a turn again. :/

    That's a good comeback though! :)

    It's always fascinating to me how differently will power can work with different things. My father smoked when he was young but quit in 1964 when the US government issued their first warnings about smoking and cancer. The way he tells the story is that he heard about the report on the radio, ground out the cigarette he was smoking, and never smoked again. But when it came to alcohol and food, he was unable to moderate himself -- even way past the point where doctors were telling him that it was a serious concern.

    We have bizarre, often unconscious ways of deciding what we think is worth the risk and what isn't.

    Not really on the original topic, but my grandfather did the same when my oldest brother told him he watched a film in school about how cigarettes were bad for you and wanted to quit, and he decided to quit cold turkey after 40+ years of smoking. My grandma would tell me how miserable he was in the beginning, but he wanted to stick to it. Unfortunately, it was too late--he developed emphysema and the lung cancer maybe 5 years later. He was always thin, though, despite never having to worry about his weight (but I guess not overeat) and hardly drank, even though he'd had some serious trauma in his life. He really was my hero. Unfortunately, I don't think I inherited his "willpower" OR metabolism (for sure on that last one ).
  • Speakeasy76
    Speakeasy76 Posts: 961 Member
    I developed eating in secret when I went on my first extreme diet at age 14. I got to a point where I wasn't eating breakfast or lunch, eating only 500 calories a day (despite being thin by that point in my "diet"). Of course I couldn't sustain so ended up binging in secret, which I tried to outdo by drinking warm water (my health teacher--who ironically was overweight--had told us that that was a laxative). I became so ashamed that I was putting back on the weight I had put on, and set up this mentality/secret eating BECAUSE I was ashamed. I do it every now and again now (Not very often), but if I know I have to log it I usually won't.

    I know I've often read that weight loss really shouldn't be about "willpower," and I tend to believe it. When I try to apply "willpower" is when it tends to lead to more of that secret eating or bingeing.
  • Cheery83
    Cheery83 Posts: 208 Member
    Secret eating for me tend to come if I diet to hard.
    As long as I eat balanced and make room for weekend chocolate. I find I am much less likely.

    To suddenly binge on all the things in the pantry.

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