Hubs Gripe

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  • spyro88
    spyro88 Posts: 472 Member
    edited October 2020
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    nanastaci2020 wrote: »
    I will have a decision to make next week - not an easy one. My birthday is on the 15th, and for the past 2 months have talked to Hubs about going to Amicalola Falls for my birthday. To climb the 604 steps to the top of the falls and do some hiking. Hubs has made no effort to work on his fitness level. He asked me a few days ago what I wanted to do for my birthday. I reminded him about the falls. (We went there in 2015, we were both in pretty good shape at the time.) He complained about his back pain and other issues (many of which he KNOWS would be greatly improved if he started moving more, and lost weight - but its something he puts off) and that he would not be able to.

    SO ultimately its going to become a choice of: stay home and do NOTHING special. Or go by myself. And if I choose to go by myself, one of 2 results will come about. He'll be made/it will start a fight OR he'll go anyhow and complain the whole time.

    I am not thrilled, can you tell? If the weather ends up being sour I might just spend the day on the treadmill to avoid him.

    It sounds like you are asking/ expecting him to do something he just isn't really up to at the moment. It's a shame, but you can't really expect him to lose weight and get fitter just for this. We all know how hard it is to lose weight and it has to be something he wants to do for himself - his motivation has to come from within, not from you nagging him and making him feel doubly bad about your birthday.

    Sorry but you are being a bit unreasonable in saying that you have to do that or do nothing. There are other things you could do that he could be involved in more easily. Or just go on your own, WITHOUT blaming him, just say it's something you really wanted to do, and you will celebrate with him separately when you get back.

    He's probably not feeling very valued right now and this isn't the way to go about encouraging him to get fitter.
  • apj79
    apj79 Posts: 23 Member
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    I think a lot of us are in the same position. My husband does not workout but in some ways does support my 5K races and will sometimes hangout while I do a run/walk. I want to get to the gym but that hasn't worked out - so trying to take the dog for a walk works but now the days are getting shorter and he worries when it is dark, even if the dog and I were covered from head to toe in reflective gear he is uncomfortable with me walking the dog when I get home from work. I hope you have a nice birthday -
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    LoveyChar wrote: »
    ^^^ Friend is a great idea! I'm in the same boat with you, in essence. My birthday is in less than a few weeks and while I know my husband will do anything I ask of him, it probably won't come without a price. He's consumed by sports and even while we'd be doing something fun, or at least what I consider fun, he'd be constantly checking for updates. Bottom line he can't stay off his phone, totally addicted. And that leaves me nearly depleted trying to be tolerant of his behavior. So I'm trying to plan a birthday where he can lay on the couch and drink booze and watch sports all day while I enjoy life! My husband is also very inactive. We do have a toddler so my thought so far is that I take my little boy out for ice cream, something fun, just the two of us. I'd have a better birthday without the hubby, sounds like you I believe. I truly hope you have a wonderful birthday. Oddly, I'll be thinking about you. You'll have to let us know how it goes, what you decide, if you can.

    You and @nanastaci2020 should hike together virtually for your Birthdays. You on your hike and she on hers both on the phone or Zoom or something. 💗
  • ms_maruska
    ms_maruska Posts: 119 Member
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    I'm putting myself in your shoes and I would probably not go but we would do the next best thing that doesn't involve as much fitness.

    I would also definitely talk to my partner about how I feel and would try to postpone the hike by a couple of months or by spring, make getting into shape like a sort of a goal for the both of us. And I would still call it a bday hike!
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
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    I've given this some more thought. It's hunting season out here. There's not one husband who asks their wife for permission to go hunting. It's a given. They're going hunting come hail or high water. It's also a very social time for men. They get together and cook their meals over an open fire. Tell tall tales and big whoppers, carry on like a bunch of big dogs on the porch. It doesn't matter if the wife is having a birthday at home alone or anything else. They're focused on their hunting trip. Non-residents pay $1000's of dollars regardless if they get anything or not.

    Some men take their wives but they camp alone. Men leave all of their cares behind and go hunting. Been that way for 100's and 1000's of years. They don't arrange anything at home for the wives to do. You're a good woman but it's your party. You can climb if you want to but I know you'll be thinking about your husband the whole time.
  • MaggieGirl135
    MaggieGirl135 Posts: 977 Member
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    My husband has joint difficulties and cannot do all activities. I will be taking ski lessons and go skiing throughout this upcoming season. He will be coming with me and is planning to drink hot cocoa and read his Kindle in the lodge. Your husband could grab a book, camera, other, and come with you, but not do the hike.
  • LoveyChar
    LoveyChar Posts: 4,335 Member
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    Psychgrrl wrote: »
    LoveyChar wrote: »
    ^^^ Friend is a great idea! I'm in the same boat with you, in essence. My birthday is in less than a few weeks and while I know my husband will do anything I ask of him, it probably won't come without a price. He's consumed by sports and even while we'd be doing something fun, or at least what I consider fun, he'd be constantly checking for updates. Bottom line he can't stay off his phone, totally addicted. And that leaves me nearly depleted trying to be tolerant of his behavior. So I'm trying to plan a birthday where he can lay on the couch and drink booze and watch sports all day while I enjoy life! My husband is also very inactive. We do have a toddler so my thought so far is that I take my little boy out for ice cream, something fun, just the two of us. I'd have a better birthday without the hubby, sounds like you I believe. I truly hope you have a wonderful birthday. Oddly, I'll be thinking about you. You'll have to let us know how it goes, what you decide, if you can.

    You and @nanastaci2020 should hike together virtually for your Birthdays. You on your hike and she on hers both on the phone or Zoom or something. 💗

    Cute idea! Virtual birthday party!
  • MaggieGirl135
    MaggieGirl135 Posts: 977 Member
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    @nanastaci2020 Hope you enjoyed your birthday! 🎉 🎂 What was your decision on your dilemma?
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 7,481 Member
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    Happy belated bday!

    Did you make it to the falls?

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