Having to increase calories, gain weight to get my body back to normal :(

Hi everyone!

Here is my situation...i have always been into health and fitness. Ive maintained for years at 15% body fat and that has worked for me. 1.5 ago I went through a very bad divorce and custody battle. It literally took everything out of me! Last may everything took a toll me. I a ain't able to.life weights anymore because I would have panic attacks picking them up. I started gaining weight being in a caloric defecit (hormones were going crazy i guess) and my digestion started to slow down...i became super bloated all the time. Last September everything came to an end in court so I decided to grab control of me and my life again. I started exercising again, i still had panic attacks and muscle shakes but I went super light and took alot of rest breaks in between exercises and sets...it took me some time but I started to feel like myself again. I was losing weight but slower the normal...during this time I was experiencing alot of heartburn, mainly when I did hiit cardio...fast forward to covid...i started doing at home beach body workouts, shaun t to be exact. I did his insanity daily...sometimes twice a day out of boredom...i started taking a ppi for my heartburn and everything went down hill again...I think I overstressed my body from the exercise and the nerves about covid...The ppi made my stomach extend to the point i looked like i was 9 months pregnant. After I got off the ppis (5 weekes later) I could no longer go to the bathroom, my stool color changed i had to take laxatives to go...fast forward to now...im now dealing with a holistic Dr. Because my regular doctor told.me I was fine even though my blood showed I was low in t3, hdl, vitamins d, iron and more. I just did a saliva spit test, still waiting on the results...but my Dr. felt that my body is starved and under so much stress...i have put on close to 20 pounds at this point. She told me to increase my calories to about 2500 and stay there for a bit until we regulate my body. I increased my calories last week from 1660 to 2180 and I gained half a pound... I just looked in the mirror and I hate what I see. The gym, fitness and my shape was a passion of mine. I dont know how I'm going to get through this. I dont even recognize myself right now! I sit here crying writing this. I dont want to stay like this, I want to cut but that would put so much more stress on my body....Im so sad and depressed....help please