Really Not Feeling So Great..

kristenk0826 · September 2011

So... I just got married. I planned it and paid for it myself (I mean, I had some help, I just did a lot of stressing, is what i'm trying to say.) I basically screwed my diet plan into the ground as a result of all the stress from it, and didn't lose a pound before the wedding. Now that it's over, and I'm back to my normal life, I'm still feeling very overwhelmed. And when I'm overwhelmed, I eat. Especially at night. Not to mention, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to eat. Like, it's beginning to FEEL completely insane, even to me. And I've been justifying my disordered eating for as long as I can remember. I feel very on edge. Everything I want to do about my weight is an unhealthy, all around bad idea. I'm starting to have desperate thoughts and feeling really hopeless. Is anyone out there going through something similar?? I try to go to OA meetings but the closest one is 30 miles away (and with two kids and a husband and work and school schedules, that's not even an option) so I'd really like to try and find a few people to help me through this rough time. I hope I'm making sense, if not, sorry... just seems like my world is all topsy-turvy right now. I should be overjoyed--and instead I just can't get over my body image + eating habits. Thanks in advance...

ThePhoenixRose · September 2011

So... I just got married. I planned it and paid for it myself (I mean, I had some help, I just did a lot of stressing, is what i'm trying to say.) I basically screwed my diet plan into the ground as a result of all the stress from it, and didn't lose a pound before the wedding. Now that it's over, and I'm back to my normal life, I'm still feeling very overwhelmed. And when I'm overwhelmed, I eat. Especially at night. Not to mention, sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to eat. Like, it's beginning to FEEL completely insane, even to me. And I've been justifying my disordered eating for as long as I can remember. I feel very on edge. Everything I want to do about my weight is an unhealthy, all around bad idea. I'm starting to have desperate thoughts and feeling really hopeless. Is anyone out there going through something similar?? I try to go to OA meetings but the closest one is 30 miles away (and with two kids and a husband and work and school schedules, that's not even an option) so I'd really like to try and find a few people to help me through this rough time. I hope I'm making sense, if not, sorry... just seems like my world is all topsy-turvy right now. I should be overjoyed--and instead I just can't get over my body image + eating habits. Thanks in advance...

I don't have any experience with this, but just wanted to write to send some love. I can't imagine what you're going through right now, but hope that you can find peace through it and become well. Sounds like you have a family who needs you, and I'm sure you want to be there for them. When you feel helpless/hopeless, picture those babies of yours!

Good luck and Lots of love! :flowerforyou:

kristenk0826 · September 2011

thank you.. it's kinda what i need right now. i should also mention that the source of all my disordered eating is the fact that my mom had cancer for many years and eventually passed away... and it's two days after the ten year anniversery. so i'm just feeling extra low. thanks for the love. i don't need everyone to relate.. but it's sure nice to know that someone is there...

TNAJackson · September 2011

I totally understand! I go through the same thing...actually just got off an over-eating binge that lasted almost 2 weeks. It's horrible! I too eat at night especially and when I'm feeling ANY kind of feelings, I eat. Happy, sad, depressed, excited, anything. And a support group is also out of the question for me with a husband and 3 kids, all 2 years and under. I'll send you a friend request... we can do this together. :flowerforyou:

mbond6 · September 2011

Honey slow and steady wins the race. Try and focus on the internal you, Be a loving wife, a happy mommy and don't try and be perfect. None of us are. Beauty is on the inside. There is so much more to every woman out here than just here physical body. Ok try and remember you are a newlywed and that comes with alot of celebration, so just try and love your husband yourself and your kiddos. As far as the rest well, in the big picture its just a part of who you are not the whole thing.

gash200 · September 2011

Have you thought about seeing a counselor? It sounds like you may have some depression.

ZoayZoay · September 2011

Just sending more gentle hugs. Try and relax a bit if you can; destress. Get in a routine a bit. Today is all you need to do today.

Psychotherapy is great if you can afford it.

mbond6 · September 2011

Also I find that if i DONT eat enough in the day time I really feel like overeating once I am in bed at night, I finally slow down enough to realize omg Im hungry! I try to stock the house with good cereal and yogurt and something crunchy like pretzles to help get me threw cravings. Add some banannas to your cereal.

mumster63 · September 2011

You have such a beautiful smile. You and your hubby look so happy and your kids are adorable.
Have you considered seeking counselling - perhaps you are experiencing some depression

trilikeagirl · September 2011

First of all, your family is adorable and you are beautiful!! That you want to lose weight is great, but that takes time. The way you see yourself and talk to yourself is completely in your control, and I know personally I became happier when I stopped beating myself up. (So quit it.)

When you're ready it will happen. Online support for overeating, food addiction might be helpful, or some counseling to help you explore your options and what is behind some of choices. Great job for putting it out here and working on it, that takes courage.

tmiqueen · September 2011

Try to re-wire your brain. Distract it with a new habit.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, head off that first step into overeating by:
*Taking a walk/run or doing some other exercise. Exercise is a GREAT destresser!

*Journaling about how you're feeling on a blog or in a diary. Write down how you're feeling mentally, what's stressing you, what you're craving physically, what you're craving emotionally, what you visualize yourself doing to make it better (but NOT about what you want to do to make it worse). Then, break that journal down by 15 minute increments. Talk about how you're feeling, the intensity of your craving (on a scale of 1-10) every 15 minutes. You may find that you start talking yourself right out of that craving.

*Getting out a book to read that distracts you from wanting to eat. Perhaps a hot romance novel that convinces you that there are other ways to satisfy your....ahem....cravings. You do have a husband, after all, that can help you...."work out".

)

Some of our brains are wired to a Pavlovian response. Why do you think smokers start stress eating? They're used to putting something in their mouth every time they get stressed. They just replace cigs with food! Think of new ways to distract your hands from going to your mouth. Post those ideas where you'll see them during a craving. (On the fridge, cupboard, etc.)

Maybe instead of eating something, suck on a mint or sugar free lollipop? You still get the oral addiction that you crave, but with a lower calorie option. Plus, it takes forever to suck down a lollipop. (If you force yourself not to bite it)

The key is to experiment with whatever works for you to break yourself of the compulsion. It will take a few times of doing it, but eventually it'll become habit.

kristenk0826 · September 2011

Thank you all, for the support. Please feel free to add me to any of your lists... I really could use some friends on here, because the "real world" doesn't know me as this struggling, unhappy person. I know I'm depressed. There are two major problems with me going to see a shrink: I have no medical insurance (which is really sad for me because I WAS undergoing a really good treatment program for a while) and I don't want to take medication. Medication may help my physical body... but my mental body and emotional body is what needs healing.

I could really use re-wiring, I think. I know my brain is strong, and that's why I think I have such a problem with all of this. And I keep letting my brain talk my body out of working out, eating healthy, and not hating what I see when I look in the mirror--and I feel like I can't stop it. I know I need help, I just can't afford it

For those of you that are, I am spiritual, and I believe that God will only heal me once I start showing that I know why I do this and why I must stop. I know why I must stop, but I don't know why I do it. I don't know why, when I'm sitting there saying to myself 'Kristen you're not going to go in this store and buy a pint of ice cream' and I don't. But instead I drive past DQ, can't resist the temptation, and order and consume an entire large blizzard. And it's not just the times daily that I eat that worry me... it's the amounts. My god, I can eat enough for four or five people if my fridge and cupboards would allow it. I just know I'm tired of living this way, and I want to feel better. Yeah, I want to be skinny... but honestly, I'd rather just be able to not completely hate myself. I'd rather not have guilt associated with a meal. And I'd rather not think my husband looks at me in disgust when in reality... he REALLY loves me for me and I don't have to be perfect. (And he's the first man to ever love me in that way, thank God for him)

I'm just thankful that MFP turned out to be more of a blessing than just an iPod application. Thank you all for your encouraging words, and I hope this isn't the last time I talk to any of you.

Really Not Feeling So Great..

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