Personal Journey

SisterSueGetsFit
SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
edited October 2020 in Motivation and Support
January, 2020 will mark 5 years since I joined MFP and really put in the “work.” I guess you could say I was very successful. I lost about 55 pounds in that first year. I’ve gained and lost within the next four years, but that’s another story.

I read so many posts here about people lacking support from family, friends and loved ones. I so badly want to offer advice, but I honestly don’t know how. I live alone and don’t have any children. When I started this journey I basically locked myself in the house for three months (other than work) and really focused because I wanted it SO bad. I was so sick and tired of who I was becoming (angry, bitter) and how I spoke to myself because of my weight (poorly).

I understand not everybody has the luxury of “locking themselves away.” Sometimes not having support is just as hard as somebody not supporting you, if that makes sense. I have people who would support me if I asked, but for me this is a very personal journey. I need to do it by myself.

Since quarantine I’ve realize that we all have different struggles. there are days I feel sorry for myself because I’m here all alone, other than my two dogs, and it gets lonely. I also understand people who struggle to balance working at home with a spouse, having children who need to do distance learning and simply adjusting to a new normal (I hate that phrase). The point is, the grass always appears greener on the other side.

I’m not sure if there’s a point to my post. I guess I got to thinking the other day but what really works for me when I need to focus on my health and weight loss. For me, that is drawing boundaries. I know what worked for me in the beginning, and in order to lose these last 20 pounds I need to get back to the basics. I turn down invitations to go over to friends houses or have them come over here. Not everybody understands and some even appear visibly upset. But, this is about me. This is personal. This is my health. This is within my control and my control only. And honestly, it makes me question friendships when they don't respect those boundaries and the fact I'm trying to improve myself.

Again, while I sympathize with those of you who are not receiving support, I can’t totally understand. With that being said, I would encourage you to lay out boundaries. This is YOUR journey. Maybe it will help?

I’m back with my boundaries in tact, and so far this month have done relatively OK. I’m looking to lose the last 20 pounds. Quarantine and winter will hopefully help. I keep the picture below, or one similar as a screensaver to remind me how far I’ve come. The one on the left was taken the day I started this journey almost 5 years ago. The one on the right was taken last weekend. I’ve come so far, but I’ve got to finish this race; be it alone or not.

Anyway, if you’re looking for support I will be here for you virtually. 😊 sometimes those relationships are so much easier than the ones in real life. Keep in mind you are doing this for you. I wish everyone success.
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Replies

  • tulips_and_tea
    tulips_and_tea Posts: 5,741 Member
    You've done a fantastic job! While I don't know if "locking oneself away" would work long-term, you're right that everyone of us has a different path and method to success.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    Such a beauty, SisterSueGetsFit. I agree with you. It's easier to say things here because we care about many of the same things. Our effort and talk can wear family members out. No one in my circle is interested. They don't want to hear about the deficit or surplus.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    BZAH10 wrote: »
    You've done a fantastic job! While I don't know if "locking oneself away" would work long-term, you're right that everyone of us has a different path and method to success.

    @BZAH10 - It definitely doesn't work long term, but it's a good kick-off for me. After doing this for sometime, I've found I really need find my "groove" the first few weeks. It's never been successful for me before. I cave under pressure or find excuses. For whatever reason, once I get a little time under my belt I'm better equipped to deal with things. :smile: Thank you for the kind words.
  • AnnPT77
    AnnPT77 Posts: 34,225 Member
    I appreciate your post!

    In part, it's interesting and thought-provoking to me because it sounds like our circumstances are somewhat similar, but our approaches are quite different. I live alone, and am retired, but I don't have the dogs (no pets anymore at all). Like you, I joined MFP 5 years ago, and after reaching goal weight have been up a bit in weight (though still in a normal BMI range) for a while, and am now back down again near my original goal.

    Losing weight, I don't/didn't lock myself away, and don't really benefit psychologically from any kind of "jump start" approach. One of my goals, during weight loss, was to continue my normal life in as many ways as possible, partly because I feel like I need to tend my social relationships, or they will wither away; and I enjoy the social relationships for themselves. Losing weight did mean that I made different choices at restaurants (which provoked comments from some, at first) or banked calories in advance for more indulgent eating on special occasions (like eating at others' homes). Generally, I avoided discussing my weight loss goals with others. I tended to use portion control in cases where I wasn't selecting from a menu, such as when dining at a friend's home. I thought of my overall approach as figuring out the strategies I'd need for long-term maintenance, and making them my new habits.

    I hope you won't take this reply as any kind of criticism of how you approached weight loss, because I don't feel that way at all. I think personalization of strategies to fit individual needs is a really important part of successful weight management, so I find it fascinating that in superficially similar circumstances, you and I made very different choices. You look great in your photos, and obviously accomplished a lot, so your approach was clearly successful for you. (I love that outfit in the photo on the right, too!)

    To some extent, I also have difficulty empathizing with people about lack of partner support and that sort of thing. I was married for 20+ years (now widowed), though, so I have some empathy for the challenges in long-term partner relationships (though my husband was pretty supportive of other things I undertood during marriage, including at least one less-successful weight loss effort during that time). In general, I'm not patient with people who want to hold 3rd parties responsible for their own success, in anything short of a case where (say) a partner is sneaking high calorie ingredients into food as pure sabotage (which would be mega toxic behavior!). Taking responsibility for the things we control (like what we put in our mouth, and swallow) is essential, IMO.

    I do think some things are easier for those of us who live solo, in general. For example, when I'm making meals, the whole portion-weighing kind of thing is simplified, vs. splitting up a finished dish. Also, if it's the partner who cooks, it's asking quite a lot of them to go through food-weighing rituals while they do so. (Some would do so willingly, some wouldn't.) There's also the issue of being tempted by watching someone freely eat things we are limiting ourselves. That's just a few things, but there are more.

    I like your point about thoughtfully, intentionally setting boundaries, because I do think that applies quite broadly. The magic is in figuring out the boundaries that are helpful, but it's absolutely a worthwhile exercise.

    Good post!
  • sal10851
    sal10851 Posts: 171 Member
    With all the misconceptions regarding weight loss, nutrition, fitness, and health in general, it's always an uphill battle against industries who profit at the expense of our health. It's a daily struggle within my own family to even bring up the subject at all. Its really frustrating and I sometimes feel like an outcast for trying to promote a healthy lifestyle. This is the result of years of misinformation culminating with people completely disregarding their health because they don't know what is the truth anymore. I can understand why this lifestyle can be alienating since I've been mocked and insulted for trying to better myself. Never had that issue when I was obese so it's very weird. I sometimes let it bother me but I know I'm making the right choices for my health so that's what keeps me strong.
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    @AnnPT77 Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. Yes, it is funny how differently two people approach things. In honesty, part of my reason for "isolation" in the beginning is because I'm not very good at limiting my drinking to only one drink. For me, one just doesn't work in the beginning, so it has to be zero. It's too much of a temptation to put myself in situations where alcohol will be so I just completely remove myself. I'm okay after a few weeks, but I do need those few weeks. :) Ironically, I've had people pop over unexpected (yea, despite COVID...) and I've done remarkably well. No drinks! I put this in the win category for me. My resolve is pretty strong this go around. I did SO well when I first started 5 years ago and have bounced back and forth with gaining losing the same 20 pounds. I really want to nail it down this time, so the dedication has to be strong. I think I'm ready.

    Thank you again for your lovely and thoughtful response to my post, and to so many others. You are a true asset to this site. Best wishes for continued success. ~Rachel
  • SisterSueGetsFit
    SisterSueGetsFit Posts: 1,211 Member
    @sal10851 I'm so sorry to hear you've had these frustrating experiences. I know it can be hard to get "other people" on board, but I'm proud of you taking control for YOU. Wishing you nothing but the best in your journey.
  • sal10851
    sal10851 Posts: 171 Member
    SisterSueGetsFit wrote: »
    @sal10851 I'm so sorry to hear you've had these frustrating experiences. I know it can be hard to get "other people" on board, but I'm proud of you taking control for YOU. Wishing you nothing but the best in your journey.

    Thanks! Best we can do is set an example and hopefully people will trust the process not just the result. These posts help me gain perspective and hopefully they do the same for you.

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