Couples: what to do when one of you has a much higher calorie goal than the other?

Same general meals, different portion sizes. Or he gets something extra like chips/bread/cheese on the side.

Portion control. Your plate doesn't need to be as full as his.

That's real tough. I'm in a similar situation and I have needed to simply have different foods for meals and snacks than my husband. He gets it...

My partner works for a moving company, so on an average day his actual calorie burn is probably 3 x what mine is. I've chosen to eat the meat and double the veg portion of dinner, and give him all of the carb component. You probably need to go down the same route, work out how to make your meals less calorie dense, (bigger portion of veg?). Other options include increasing your calories burnt - so exercise, or finding a less calorific option for ice cream/ dessert: halo top? berries instead?

My BF doesn't calorie count, but I'm pretty sure his calorie needs are quite a bit higher than mine.

We eat separate breakfasts, but similar lunch (bread - different portions and different toppings, I eat a lot less cheese than him) and same dinner (different portion).

Snacks are usually different (I prefer salty and he prefers sweet) but we do sometimes eat the same snack e.g. sharing a pineapple or sharing ice cream. Ice-cream (proper ice-cream, not the lower calorie popsicles we also have at home) is actually something we never eat alone: we eat a tub of Ben and Jerry's in one sitting, 50/50. Because of the high calorie count, I'm the one who decides when we eat ice-cream, on days when I can fit it in my calories (for example after a longer run).

I agree with portion controlling. You can eat the same meals as him, just in lesser amounts.
That, or meal prep. I'm not sure how much time you have, but it takes me less time to meal prep 1-2 times per week than to try and cook dinner every night.
If you aren't satisfied with the portions, you don't have to eat the same things. Just eat together. When you go out to a restaurant, do you typically order the same thing? I know most people usually don't. Eating together is a form of social bonding but you can still do that while eating different meals.
I meal prep separate meals for myself and my husband because his calorie needs are close to 1000 higher than mine.

Story of my life. We're both 5'7", but he's a man with much higher muscle mass. I do me. It bugs me sometimes. We're in our 50s now and he can still pull out a bag of chips before dinner and have a snack. Consider who you're working for: the future YOU. Take care of yourself. And when it reeeally starts to bug you, yes, back down on calories for another part of your day or week, and allow yourself to have the treat with him. Life isn't fair. But it never has been.

Even when couples eat the exact same foods, it's not at all unusual for them to have different serving sizes -- even if they aren't consciously aiming for weight management.

His body has a different need for calories than yours. Some of this may be due to different activity, some of it is probably due to him being larger, some of it will be due to the fact that men tend to have different body composition. If he has ice cream, you'll just have to decide what you want more: to have exactly what he's having in the same portion size or to manage your weight effectively.

My husband is almost a foot taller than I am. We eat the same things, I just eat less, because my caloric needs are way less. For some reason, it’s enjoyable to me to notice how much more he is eating. I guess it’s because he is so much taller so if we are eating the same amounts, it’s obvious that I am really overeating. So there should be a big difference in how much we eat and when there is, it means I am eating appropriately.
Plus, I do think it is fair that he eats more. The same amount of food, which to me would be satiating, would for him, be leaving him still hungry. So his hunger levels are higher than mine.

You do not need to eat the same portions or even the same food.

My calorie allowance is over double that of my wife most days. Fixing my own food allows me eat the amount I need without "rubbing her nose in it" on days she is struggling. All of my normal dishes have base configurations that allow me to eat them for a lower calorie amount when needed. With some adjustments I can easily triple the calories while the dish still appears to be the same.

ONUnicorn wrote: »

My husband and I are both tracking calories and trying to lose weight. Additionally, due to various health conditions, he's trying to lower his sodium and make sure he gets enough potassium, while I'm trying to lower my sugar intake and make sure I get enough iron.

Here's the thing, his calorie goals are about 500 calories a day higher than mine. Meaning if we eat the same breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, I'll be right at my calories or 100-200 calories over, and he'll have enough calories leftover for a bowl of ice cream and fruit, or some cookies, or something. And if he has ice cream, I want ice cream.

Given the pandemic we're both working from home, so it makes sense to cook for both of us, and we are eating basically all our meals together. He's lost weight, and I've gained weight.

Any recommendations?

I think the biggest thing to realize is that you can eat the same food, but you can't eat the same portions. My wife and I eat the same foods...I have larger portions and she has smaller portions. She will often skip the grain or starch with dinner, while I eat them and she adds more veggies to her plate...she might take 4 ounces of whatever protein we made and I'm more likely to have 6-8 ounces, etc.

Breakfasts we usually just scramble a couple of eggs each and eat pretty small...sometimes I just skip it because I prefer eating heavier later in the day. We may or may not have the same food for lunch...we cook a ton so we usually have leftovers in the fridge from the previous couple of nights....but again, she has smaller portions and I have larger. She's also more apt to have a salad for lunch...she loves them and probably has a salad 3-4 times per week...I'm not a huge fan. I also snack more.

We're both losing weight, but my calorie requirements are much higher overall, even for losing weight.

Portion control. He eats bigger servings.

If he needs to avoid salt: more cooking from scratch and using less processed, canned, grocery section of the store goods.

If you need to avoid sugar: you can skip items or have smaller amounts of things that contain too much.

ONUnicorn wrote: »

My husband and I are both tracking calories and trying to lose weight. Additionally, due to various health conditions, he's trying to lower his sodium and make sure he gets enough potassium, while I'm trying to lower my sugar intake and make sure I get enough iron.

Here's the thing, his calorie goals are about 500 calories a day higher than mine. Meaning if we eat the same breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks, I'll be right at my calories or 100-200 calories over, and he'll have enough calories leftover for a bowl of ice cream and fruit, or some cookies, or something. And if he has ice cream, I want ice cream.

Given the pandemic we're both working from home, so it makes sense to cook for both of us, and we are eating basically all our meals together. He's lost weight, and I've gained weight.

Any recommendations?