What’s your REAL reason for your fitness/ weight goals?
sltkst12
Posts: 3 Member
I always tell people I want to be healthy. That I want to fit in different styles of clothes or that I’m just ready to take control. My real reason is that I feel unworthy, replaceable and inadequate. I have terrible self esteem and trust issues. I feel like losing weight will make me feel less like I am just getting by and like I can do no better than what I am now. My real reason is that I want to feel strong, like I can handle whatever life throws my way. I want to feel like I am not embarrassing to be with. I don’t want to feel ashamed of myself anymore. I know these aren’t truths. I know it’s all in my head. But I still think that dealing with my weight issue will make me feel a lot better.
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Replies
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That must be hard, having those thoughts.
My real reasons are not just one, but several. And I tell different people different parts of that truth. Like, I DO want to be healthy and live a long life of good quality (told to everybody), but I also want to be thin enough for fertility treatment (only mentioned online or to a very few select people) or just to increase the chance of natural pregnancy happening (ditto). I also want to look good (a thought kept pretty private. It just is annoying when people reassure you you look good anyway. Ok, "look better", then). I like the challenge of it (that was jot an original reason, but is now one that makes me stick to it. Not easy to explain to anybody, so only told to two people in real life). I want to be thin enough to try running (ditto. And actually just told one person. It is just so ridiculous and petty a reason.).
And so on and so forth.
Neither of these reasons are less true than others. They kind of work in tandem with each other, asserting their importance at different times...7 -
I hear ya! When I'm thin, I feel powerful, sexy and confident... totally the opposite of 'fat me' who just wants to hide and not be noticed.
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You are so right! It is true that I do want to be healthy, and that is a truth I give them. I never looked at it like that. And no one really needs to know my private thoughts so it’s not necessary to let anyone in on that part. I wish you all the success on your journey. ❤️❤️❤️I always tell people I want to be healthy. That I want to fit in different styles of clothes or that I’m just ready to take control. My real reason is that I feel unworthy, replaceable and inadequate. I have terrible self esteem and trust issues. I feel like losing weight will make me feel less like I am just getting by and like I can do no better than what I am now. My real reason is that I want to feel strong, like I can handle whatever life throws my way. I want to feel like I am not embarrassing to be with. I don’t want to feel ashamed of myself anymore. I know these aren’t truths. I know it’s all in my head. But I still think that dealing with my weight issue will make me feel a lot better.
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I started out to show my son that fat Dad can be fit Dad and that it takes patience consistancy and purpose. I have accomplished this but now., looking. back I realize that I reached my goal for me. I am responsible for my health. The health of my body, emotions, marriage, finances and spiritual health. It was a maturation.
Now to stay on the journey regardless of what comes or what I look like at 60 70 or 80 years old.5 -
To be healthy and look good in beautiful clothes. I wanted to look good naked but that probably won't happen without loose skin removal and a spray tan.5
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I got mad at myself for having to buy new shirts to contain my belly. To spite myself, I decided to get serious and lose the weight.4
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Real reason (practically): to stave off cholesterol meds ➡️ Success
Real reason (theoretically): to triumph over trauma by accepting that a smaller body can be a stronger body with the ability to protect myself in various ways ➡️ Work in progress
For both reasons, along with maturation (great word @KHMcG), I'm now committed to being done with weight fluctuations.8 -
Years ago, it started out that my then boyfriend was hesitant about my size and health because of it. I didn't have a lot of sel esteem (I was the Monuca 9f my friends; overweight and shy/geeky). It was not a good conversation. But now that I'm more healthy, I'm glad the discussion was had. Being healthy and at a normal weights my goal/expectation of myself; I had just needed a little push to get started. I see my family (and others) sit out on things or just sit around ecause of their weight and are like 20 years older than what they really are. I see that (on my trips home) and know that I don't want that for myself. I want to be 70/80 years old and still being the one enjoying life and new adventures.
I was supposed to have done my first HalfIronman (only one for various reasons) in June. It's been deferred twice (thanks Covid) and is now supposed to take place Septembrr 2021. It's been something I've wanted to do; as a challenge to myself that I can accomplish it, that I can train and follow through, and that I'm not that kid in school who could barely finish a mile (and wasn't allowed a cool down because they really didn't run fast or work hard.2 -
Life is short,and I refuse to be known for the rest of my life as "fat lady"
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Real reason? Vanity. Good old fashioned self centred vanity. I wish there was some deep meaningful aspect to it but no if I'm honest I just want to look thinner.6
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I just want to be skinny. AND because my husband said that I would never stick with it. I want to prove him wrong.9
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Watching my father die with Alzheimer's after seeing two of my grands also die with it... and realizing they all had problems with T2D. Half of my close relatives (sibs/parents/grands) are/were diabetics and the T2 diabetics, when they get to a certain age, invariably develop dementia, in my family. It was true of two of my great-grands also.
I think family hx is important. Most people in my family are very obese but they never get heart disease, so, yeah, I'm not worried about that one. On the other hand I have had too many examples of relatives living into their 80s but spending the last 10-15 years of their lives in cognitive decline. I'm doing everything I can do to avoid that.
It may be written in the stars for me as well... but I do know one thing. When my dad was diagnosed with Alz at the age of 70, his doc said he had probably had it for years before he was obviously symptomatic. When dad got the diagnosis he was still aware enough to know what it was and what it meant for his future. If I get the same diagnosis at the age of 70, at the very least I want to know I did everything I could possibly do to avoid it. Otherwise I really would not be able to live with myself.
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It started because I was terrified of getting diabetes. I see my MD each year for a physical, and she assured me that I was not in the running for it, given my numbers, but she did agree that dropping some weight would be beneficial. Once I started losing weight and meeting fitness goals, the new stronger me kind of took over from there. I realized that because of my activity level, and the variety of things I was doing, I could "do what I want to do, when I want to" which meant, sign up for that 10K that my sister suggested, go on pretty long, challenging hikes with another couple of sisters, help my husband with projects that involved carrying heavy materials into the house or around the yard, etc. I LOVE how strong me feels. COVID tried to kick her out and tell her that she didn't have a plan without the pool and gym, but she's on her way back with a bodyweight app and a rowing machine. Yes, my weight crept up, but some reigning in of WFH bad habits I picked up will take care of that. Besides, strong me is much more forgiving and positive than wanting-to-be-skinny me ever was
I will never, ever be skinny. I don't even want to anymore. 4 -
I want plastic surgery to remove all the skin from my first weight loss. The plastic surgeon refused to meet with me until I was at a normal BMI (and I had to be nicotine free for 2 months). So I have worked and tracked for the last year and I am almost there! I plan on wearing a bikini this summer without a coverup and strutting my stuff all over the beach!6
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Weight loss can help in a variety of ways below the neck. Above the neck it is a different story. Some people do find it is a substantial boost to the mental inventory. For others it is slight. Still others there is no improvement.
Consider making your journey one of total self improvement not just weight reduction. Therapy is not just for clinical issues. It is to build a box of tools to help you navigate some of these thoughts. It helps that your negative assessments are not true but you need to build on it.
Also when it comes to weight loss do not have a single "real" reason. Make a list of many plausible benefits of weight loss. Why limit yourself to one when there are so many?7 -
I was a fat kid. I lost weight, b/c even as a kid, I knew I wouldn't be able to live a "normal life" if I was obese. My mother was obese and didn't have the self esteem and was riddled with too much body shame to do normal things like have a job.
I just wanted to be "normal."3 -
I want to be slim. I'm middle aged, the majority of people my age aren't slim. I want my girlfriend to look at me and admire my achievement. Also, I have never felt attractive. I'm a '5', but in a world of obesity I'd be a '6' if I was slim. Plus lots of other reasons.4
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To be healthy .. yada yada... But the REAL reason? I don't want to look old. Weight ages all age groups..and when someone loses the weight after a certain age; they look even older because the face and body sag and loss of muscle makes them look worse . So..my window of opportunity is closing. Do it now or else. I have about 8 pounds or so to get back to my pre lockdown goal weight, also. ,nothing feels better than fitting easily into your smallest clothes. I never want to lose that.3
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For me it's aesthetics. Sure getting strong and healthy is great but it's always secondary. I'm not gaining weight for fun over here
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Tired of seeing my dad's body when I look in the mirror.3
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I started out disabled with multiple health issues and my main goal was to strengthen my spine and be more mobile and not go further downhill. I've managed to get off diabetes meds and was doing great when I developed a new nerve condition. I can't do a lot of what I was doing at the beginning of the year, the condition I probably have it's common for people to lose use of their affected areas without movement and for me that's chest-down so I'm fighting for doing anything with my legs. I want to be as able-bodied as possible for as long as I can and STILL stay off diabetes medications while being on as little medication as possible for this condition.4
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I want plastic surgery to remove all the skin from my first weight loss. The plastic surgeon refused to meet with me until I was at a normal BMI (and I had to be nicotine free for 2 months). So I have worked and tracked for the last year and I am almost there! I plan on wearing a bikini this summer without a coverup and strutting my stuff all over the beach!
I can't wait to hear all your stoty. Keep us updated. Sounds like you have been on a wonderful journey!0 -
deputy_randolph wrote: »I was a fat kid. I lost weight, b/c even as a kid, I knew I wouldn't be able to live a "normal life" if I was obese. My mother was obese and didn't have the self esteem and was riddled with too much body shame to do normal things like have a job.
I just wanted to be "normal."
Can you define normal?
Decide who you want to be, the version of you that brings contentment and joy and work towards that person.1 -
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deputy_randolph wrote: »I was a fat kid. I lost weight, b/c even as a kid, I knew I wouldn't be able to live a "normal life" if I was obese. My mother was obese and didn't have the self esteem and was riddled with too much body shame to do normal things like have a job.
I just wanted to be "normal."
Can you define normal?
Decide who you want to be, the version of you that brings contentment and joy and work towards that person.
Normal:
-Shop for clothes at non-specialty sized stores
-Not being constantly teased or ridiculed for my weight by peers, adults, and family members
-Not being excluded from social and family events based on my weight
-Not being told by others what I could or could not do based on my weight
-Not suffer from crippling anxiety from constant verbal abuse from strangers about my weight
-Not suffering from crippling body-shame inflicted by other people
I think the statement "decide who you want to be...and work toward that" really misses the mark. I think that you might be underestimating the level of abuse that obese people face.
Far too often, obese people are forced to mask their vulnerabilities in order to prevent mean-spirited people from exploiting those vulnerabilities.
Being fat is still the one of the few phyiscal features that is semi-socially acceptable to discriminate against and mock.
I've been obese and "normal sized." People treated me differently based on my weight...and that unequivocally had nothing to do with my attitude or personality. I have always been unabashedly myself...people have a bigger problem with loud-mouthed fat girls than with loud-mouthed fit girls.
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Hahaha aww too kind
But ya I keep having babies I think I'm done so full steam ahead
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@deputy_randolph I don't know you and you don't know me. If you say my statement misses the mark, I respect that.
It was not intended to belittle or minimize the amount of trauma felt by those considered obese by others.
Is there another way forward considering you cannot control how others behave? The statement was really more about personal self worth and self acceptance. I am who I am now and this is the direction I want to go tomorrow.0 -
Exactly the same reasons as OP.I have low self esteem.
I lost 30lbs due to severe stress and undereating (something I never had an issue with ever before) and now I'm unstressed although Im firstly upset in the way I lost weight, I'm actually quite happy with how I look now and I feel very much better. And I still have 15lbs to lose.
But I doubt I'll be posting a success story, I feel like a fraud for losing 30lbs because I didn't actively do anything to lose it. I just go so stressed an anxious I found it hard to eat.
Although now I'm unstressed I can eat again without any issues and I'll probably gain 30lbs by Xmas haha1 -
@deputy_randolph I don't know you and you don't know me. If you say my statement misses the mark, I respect that.
It was not intended to belittle or minimize the amount of trauma felt by those considered obese by others.
Is there another way forward considering you cannot control how others behave? The statement was really more about personal self worth and self acceptance. I am who I am now and this is the direction I want to go tomorrow.
The point is that, unfortunately, the self-worth of many obese people is damaged by the actions of others. Sometimes, obese people have to retreat from "normal" interactions as a self-protective measure. This retreat can be very limiting to living a "normal" life; things that "normal sized" people take for granted like the simple, such as going to a gym or the more complex, such as dating.
Traumatized people don't put themselves out there as often as others, because they anticipate further trauma. They don't put themselves out there in careers, or friendships, or relationships, or other areas. You can't control the actions of others, but you can control putting yourself out there for more rejection or abuse.
This is not normal or okay at all...but it happens all too often.2
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