Overcoming trauma, obesity and eating disorders

getting_stronger1483 · November 2020

I started gaining weight when I started being abused at the age of 7 and by the time I was 15 I was 93 kilos (205 pounds). My mother gave me a calorie counter and I went on a 1200 calorie diet. I quickly lost 40 kilos (88 pounds) and kept it off but not healthily...I would restrict my food, then binge eat, then exercise for many hours.

Then the cycle started. I abused laxatives and was vomiting also. I was in this cycle until I was 19 before I literally broke and I just started eating and eating...and I stopped the compensatory behaviours like starving myself or being overly restrictive, excessive exercise, vomiting or laxative abuse. My weight hit 104 kilos (229 pounds) at 20 and it gradually dropped to 95 kilos when I was 22 because I started walking for 40 minutes a day...I was still overeating.

Then shortly after I turned 26 I went to the doctor for some blood tests. I waited 2 hours for the results and I was so worried I was going to get bad news because of my weight. I was given the all clear by my doctor but I made the decision to lose weight and get healthy. I started counting calories again and played with calorie cycling. One day I would have 1400 calories, the next 1800 and the weight came off steadily over 8 months along with using an exercise bike for an hour a day...I lost 22 kilos (48 kilos) and my weight was 73 kilos. I maintained most of that loss for six years until I gained about 4 kilos and my weight was 77.7 kilos (171 pounds). I kept telling myself it was better than 104 kilos (229) my highest weight. Then one day at the beginning of 2017 I saw a photo of myself and I was horrified. It was then that someone at work told me about myfitnesspal and I lost 9.4 kilos (20.7 pounds). I have gained 3.7 kilos (8 pounds now) and I'm 72 kilos (158 pounds). But still. I'm not obese, I'm not eating disordered and I'm in the healthy weight range for my height. I'd love to lose 3 or 4 kilos which I suppose is around 6 to 8 pounds.

What actually helped me the most was an alternative healing modality called ''Reiki healing''. I've done several reiki courses and I have had many reiki healing sessions as well to help me be at peace with the years of sexual abuse I went through. I recognize my eating issues have all stemmed from the abuse. Reiki isn't for everyone but it is what has helped me...I also have seen a really good therapist as well.

I also had terrible back pain for a long time but its much better now too.

If anyone else has had eating issues because of trauma then I send my love to you and I hope you recognize your strength and resiliency in living through that and surviving.

"I find a reason to hope in every situation"

PAPYRUS3 · November 2020

Thanks for sharing your journey and experiences. We all sure have stories to tell. You should be proud of yourself - with all that had happened to you in the past, you still persevered! "When you have to start over, it does not mean you are a failure, you are resilient." Kelly Leveque

getting_stronger1483 · November 2020

Thank you PAPYRUS3! That's a wonderful quote too. It's true that everyone does go through hard times at some point. The world can be so cruel to people who have weight issues though and not everyone may realize the suffering that is happening behind the extra weight. That was another thing I realized once I lost the weight was how differently I was treated when I was larger, ''size discrimination" or "fat discrimination" can be so awful.

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about"

Ddsb11 · November 2020

getting_stronger1483 wrote: »

I started gaining weight when I started being abused at the age of 7 and by the time I was 15 I was 93 kilos (205 pounds). My mother gave me a calorie counter and I went on a 1200 calorie diet. I quickly lost 40 kilos (88 pounds) and kept it off but not healthily...I would restrict my food, then binge eat, then exercise for many hours.

Then the cycle started. I abused laxatives and was vomiting also. I was in this cycle until I was 19 before I literally broke and I just started eating and eating...and I stopped the compensatory behaviours like starving myself or being overly restrictive, excessive exercise, vomiting or laxative abuse. My weight hit 104 kilos (229 pounds) at 20 and it gradually dropped to 95 kilos when I was 22 because I started walking for 40 minutes a day...I was still overeating.

Then shortly after I turned 26 I went to the doctor for some blood tests. I waited 2 hours for the results and I was so worried I was going to get bad news because of my weight. I was given the all clear by my doctor but I made the decision to lose weight and get healthy. I started counting calories again and played with calorie cycling. One day I would have 1400 calories, the next 1800 and the weight came off steadily over 8 months along with using an exercise bike for an hour a day...I lost 22 kilos (48 kilos) and my weight was 73 kilos. I maintained most of that loss for six years until I gained about 4 kilos and my weight was 77.7 kilos (171 pounds). I kept telling myself it was better than 104 kilos (229) my highest weight. Then one day at the beginning of 2017 I saw a photo of myself and I was horrified. It was then that someone at work told me about myfitnesspal and I lost 9.4 kilos (20.7 pounds). I have gained 3.7 kilos (8 pounds now) and I'm 72 kilos (158 pounds). But still. I'm not obese, I'm not eating disordered and I'm in the healthy weight range for my height. I'd love to lose 3 or 4 kilos which I suppose is around 6 to 8 pounds.

What actually helped me the most was an alternative healing modality called ''Reiki healing''. I've done several reiki courses and I have had many reiki healing sessions as well to help me be at peace with the years of sexual abuse I went through. I recognize my eating issues have all stemmed from the abuse. Reiki isn't for everyone but it is what has helped me...I also have seen a really good therapist as well.

I also had terrible back pain for a long time but its much better now too.

If anyone else has had eating issues because of trauma then I send my love to you and I hope you recognize your strength and resiliency in living through that and surviving.

"I find a reason to hope in every situation"

I’m so sorry for your hurt and struggle. It breaks my heart. I’m so happy you are here to share. Never ever give up.

Bluetail6 · November 2020

There is such inspiration in your story. You just never gave up! Imho, that is one of the hallmarks of true courage.

"Never, never, never give up." Winston Churchill

trailrunner64 · November 2020

@getting_stronger1483. What an incredible powerful story and how what you are doing to get through your challenges

StephanieStC · November 2020

Thank you for sharing. I'm glad you are in a good place now. I found this comment particularly interesting:

"Then the cycle started. I abused laxatives and was vomiting also. I was in this cycle until I was 19 before I literally broke and I just started eating and eating...and I stopped the compensatory behaviours like starving myself or being overly restrictive, excessive exercise, vomiting or laxative abuse"

I went through something similar. I think it may have been a little less intense or extreme, but I did abuse laxatives and tried starvation diets, vomiting (though never very "successful" at that), and excessive exercising, between my teen years until my very early thirties. Then, it was during a break up that I, too, "broke" and I just started eating and eating. And I never really understood it. It was like trying to do the compensatory behaviors was SO MUCH effort that I couldn't even be bothered. It was like I had completely given up.

I was not sexually abused, but my mother was physically, verbally, and emotionally abusive/distant. She was also extremely manipulative.

But....because that is how I grew up, it took me a long time to realize that it was abuse, and that the abuse continued even when it stopped being physical. She just shifted to being more manipulative. Gaslighting.

Anyway, I have also found a good therapist and am in a good place.
Thanks for sharing! It's really important to spread the word - maybe someone else out there will recognize themself in your or my story.

I'm going to check out reiki healing, too.

nexangelus · November 2020

I am a recovering anorexic/bulimic (I am not sure you can ever call yourself recovered, as, to me, it is a lifelong mental battle). I am 46. I developed my ED at 16 but had negative self image thoughts as a child (chubby/puppy fat, etc) I still get triggered. The difference now is that I do not spiral. I recognise my triggers, acknowledge them, react or succumb depending on my psychological and physical state at the time. Training in the gym has helped me tonnes.

brenn24179 · November 2020

I am so sorry you have been thru so much especially as a child. I am so glad I never dealt with that but my Mom and Dad were very narcisstic and not there for me especially when I went thru a divorce and needed them so. They were so mean to me about my weight but really I think they are most of the reason for it, they were so uncaring. Anyway I finally realized my relation with food was so dysfunctional also. The food made me so sad and depressed like my parents made me feel. And on top of that I have 2 grown children who act just like my parents. But I have much good stuff in my life, including my good husb and friends so now I dwell on that. Also I dwell on eating healthy, being kind to me, yes I like kind stuff in my life. You deserve much happiness, you have been thru a lot, glad you got the food under control, no one needs that dysfunction.

Overcoming trauma, obesity and eating disorders

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