new way of dating and my new way of life

ltlane
ltlane Posts: 120
edited October 2 in Health and Weight Loss
i have no idea what it was like to date 20-30 years ago and anything beyond that. now a days its all about the internet. people are meeting people from all over the country, world, hell maybe there is some outer space s*** going on. its soo hard being a overweight woman and trying to date the type of men i desire... i tend to like em muscular to medium build, tall, employed, heck anything most desirable. being an obese woman i feel limited. ok pity party for me again :laugh: i have mastered that 10lb loss but the thought of trying to lose nearly 100lbs more has me depressed. no i didnt put the weight on over night, wish it would disappear over night. i wasted you may as well say all of my 20's being the fat pretty girl... most of the time friends and family will say the guy doesnt deserve you.... but really... i know if i were to get to 125lbs id get what i want with no problem..... its like a counterproductive comment.

Replies

  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
    You might get what you want at 125 lbs... IN LOOKS... however... personality comes in all shapes and sizes. Looks are definitely not everything... nor are they the most important thing.
  • aalanclose
    aalanclose Posts: 125 Member
    in my experience there are tons of men that go for women carrying a little extra weight. looks are only a small part of what will make you attractive to the opposite sex :)
  • wutamunkee
    wutamunkee Posts: 440 Member
    I wouldnt want the guy who didnt want me at whatever weight... forget them! Move forward, not backwards! Good job on the 10... you can do the other 90! Its only 9 more times... and you CAN DO THIS!
  • alisonnicole84
    alisonnicole84 Posts: 32
    I thought if I lost weight I'd have a much better time getting guys. That has not been the case! I can't get a date to save my life, lol. I think (I hope) confidence matters more than being skinny. The overweight women I know have great husbands/boyfriends, because they're confident and secure in themselves. Not being skinny doesn't mean you deserve a less quality guy!
  • LisaDunn01
    LisaDunn01 Posts: 173 Member
    I split with my boyfriend over a month ago and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him, miss him or feel such a loss that I break down in tears. Overweight or not, we need to like/love ourselves FIRST and BE OKAY with ourselves just as we are and not need/want another. You are very pretty but attitude is 100% where it's at! (Carnie Wilson was 300 pounds when she met her husband - who was medium build and who loved her just as she was!)

    I've been about 40 pounds overweight at my heaviest and I didn't like it. Instead of looking at the entire amount you need to lose, why not break it down into mini levels or goals to reach and acknowledge and reward yourself as you hit each goal? I would do 10 pound increments myself.

    You can do it - I'm rooting for you!!!
  • SmartFunGorgeous
    SmartFunGorgeous Posts: 699 Member
    You might get what you want at 125 lbs... IN LOOKS... however... personality comes in all shapes and sizes. Looks are definitely not everything... nor are they the most important thing.

    Which depresses me even more, since I'm changing my weight problem, but I'm pretty sure my personality isn't going to ever change too much more! :tongue:

    To the OP: I totally understand. I began with around 140 to lose, and I still haven't lost that first 40, but if, in two years, I've not changed, I will STILL be two years older, so since my age won't stop (providing I don't die!), then what have I got to lose by trying? Oh! The weight! So it is better to try (and, in my case succeed, cause I know I'll be successful in the end) and get older, than kick back and relax and get older.

    As far as men go... Well, I've already come to the conclusion that the problem was my own personality, since women a lot less attractive and larger than me can find love, so I just enjoy my own company, and I figure if I meet the right one, he will like me for the same things I like about myself, and it will be better for us both, in the long run.
  • SmartFunGorgeous
    SmartFunGorgeous Posts: 699 Member
    since women a lot less attractive and larger than me

    See?! I'm judgmental- personality flaw! :tongue:
  • FitJoani
    FitJoani Posts: 2,173 Member
    I will say that when I was obese, dating was rough. The internet had scumbags and losers galore. I lost the wieght and not much had changed. I met cheaters, liars, manipulators, potential abusers, and other various cretins that disguise themselves as humans. I believe the success stories are all hoaxes. I have heard how big I was and how ugly I was...It is convienent. That is about the only plus. But be careful and dont let the losers swindle you!!!
  • Daisy374
    Daisy374 Posts: 539 Member
    since women a lot less attractive and larger than me

    See?! I'm judgmental- personality flaw! :tongue:

    :laugh:
    I know what you meant and do not think it is judgmental... And I agree 100% with what you said :)
  • aalanclose
    aalanclose Posts: 125 Member
    I thought if I lost weight I'd have a much better time getting guys. That has not been the case! I can't get a date to save my life, lol. I think (I hope) confidence matters more than being skinny. The overweight women I know have great husbands/boyfriends, because they're confident and secure in themselves. Not being skinny doesn't mean you deserve a less quality guy!

    you look stunning Alison, i'm sure it won't be long before you meet some one who deserves you :)
  • TheMaidOfAstolat
    TheMaidOfAstolat Posts: 3,222 Member
    Darlin'I weighed only 98 pounds when I met my ex (yes...I'm not quite 5 feet tall for those that wonder). Men than want more than a physical relationship are out there. Keep looking. If they cannot accept you for who you are now...no amount of weight loss will keep them interested. You have to do this for yourself...if a man cannot accept you for your flaws they are not worth your time. I am dating a man that doesn't seem to mind my left over stretch marks and saggy belly from pregnancy. After being divorced (with which I was called names that I don't even want to say here) it is a blessing to find a man who accepts me for who I am...flaws and all. I was treated horidlly and no woman should be subjected to such. If you are on a dating site and ever get feedback about your looks....realize that the men are shallow and are not worthy of your time. You deserve better...always! You are a strong woman...keep true to yourself!
  • msaap
    msaap Posts: 89 Member
    I am like you. I hated being the cute fat girl. I like guys that are in shape. Of course I was not, so I decided that I could not expect something from someone else that I was not doing for myself. After I lost the first 20lbs I realized that I wanted this for myself. I love the new slimmer me. I have more confidence in myself and cannot wait until I reach my goal weight.
  • bjshooter
    bjshooter Posts: 1,174 Member
    I want to say don't be silly, you can get any man you want. But to be honest I feel the same :( I have gone from obese to mid range healthy and still feel that the kind of men I want would never want me. Not sure how much weight I am going to have to lose to feel confident again.
  • alisonnicole84
    alisonnicole84 Posts: 32
    I want to say don't be silly, you can get any man you want. But to be honest I feel the same :( I have gone from obese to mid range healthy and still feel that the kind of men I want would never want me. Not sure how much weight I am going to have to lose to feel confident again.

    I'm right there with you. I'm always wondering how much I have to lose before I can look at myself and say "ok I'm not fat anymore." Losing weight isn't as hard as losing the thought process of "I'm fat so I don't deserve _____." I wish I knew how to be normal in my mind, lol.
  • famlyluv
    famlyluv Posts: 206 Member
    A man who doesn't want you at your worst sure the hell don't deserve you at your best~ JUST SAYING!!!:heart:
  • SmartFunGorgeous
    SmartFunGorgeous Posts: 699 Member
    since women a lot less attractive and larger than me

    See?! I'm judgmental- personality flaw! :tongue:

    :laugh:
    I know what you meant and do not think it is judgmental... And I agree 100% with what you said :)

    And this is just a small part of why you're a super model! :-)
  • chapagonzo
    chapagonzo Posts: 53
    I think us girls completely understand what you are feeling. Of course I am older than you and have most likely weathered more storms which helped me gain experience and wisdom.

    Don't know you....but I sure wish you would open you arms up, give yourself a big hug and make "YOURSELF" the only priority now. Don't think that you have to look a certain way to attract the right guy. Carry yourself in a manner that represents who you are and what you are willing to and not to accept. Never compromise your desires or wants in fear of not attracting him. Nothing more/nothing less.

    I promise you if you settle into a "one day at a time" mindset AND you make it all about you and what you are trying to accomplish, you will get there, both mentally and physically. Don't be worried about dating right now...you have time. Get you right with you, put all your energy in "you". The rest will come!!!

    Big Hugs!!
  • inlander
    inlander Posts: 339 Member
    ^ I love that advice.

    OP, I totally know what you mean.

    This sounds a little rude and I DON'T MEAN IT THAT WAY but you're kind of operating under a double standard. If you're particular about the kind of guy you want looks-wise, of COURSE the pool of dateable men is going to be smaller, especially if your goal is to find a fit person who is cool with dating someone who is, let's say, not as fit.

    This is why I honestly think it's a lot easier to ignore any type of romantic commitment until you're perfected yourself and are 100% happy with yourself.
  • stephyy4632
    stephyy4632 Posts: 947 Member
    A man who doesn't want you at your worst sure the hell don't deserve you at your best~ JUST SAYING!!!:heart:

    just had to quote as this is a great saying :)

    I`m married and LOVE my hubby he was in pretty great shape when we started dateing (karate instructor , snowbording instructor so always on the move) myself not so much I am actualy thinner and in better shape NOW than I was when we met (11 years ago). Also wanted to say get out there and meet people the interent isn`t everything (my hubby and I didn`t meet online) personality comes out so much better in person.
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
    @ Jim, that's awesome advice coming from a guy....don't take that the wrong way.....it's just guys are more visual so it's nice to hear that other things matter more. great post.
  • ltlane
    ltlane Posts: 120
    guess i have to grow up mentally, just sux that i tend to like the "in guys". no doubt i have amazing confidence but the lonliness gets the best of me and next thing i know im with one of the worst men on earth. am i shallow myself for being attracted to what i like in a man? am i settling for a man that i really dont want and offers not much? lol omg this is supposed to be about diet and weight loss.... but really, i get turned down a lot because of my appearance..... and so i figure being a chunky momma is a part of the reason
  • Sezmo83
    Sezmo83 Posts: 331 Member
    The internet had scumbags and losers galore. I lost the wieght and not much had changed. I met cheaters, liars, manipulators, potential abusers, and other various cretins that disguise themselves as humans. I believe the success stories are all hoaxes.
    Not all of them are hoaxes. I met my husband through an online dating site, we've been together 6 years now, married 2 years tomorrow. It's just easier for people to be a**holes online, it's more anonymous.

    Itlane, I don't think you're shallow in wanting what you find attractive in a man. We can't help what we do and don't find attractive. And it may not be that guys don't find you attractive,it could be that they know or think that their friends wouldn't find you attractive and are so insecure that they need their friends approval on everything. (and yeah, girls do it too!) So while yeah, it could be your weight that causes them to say no it may well not be your weight that's the real issue. If you know what I mean.
  • ltlane
    ltlane Posts: 120
    yep people want acceptance and if their friends dont like what they have they get something everyone approves of. i always have friends telling me i can do better than this or that but i tend to ignore it all. i just have more mental power then some :laugh:
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