chemotherapy

megancolleen
megancolleen Posts: 106
edited September 19 in Motivation and Support
Hey Everyone,

Nothing to do with weight loss.. but has anyone ever has a loved one go through chemo...

My mom has been on chemo for about a month now and it is soo hard.. I will explain.. In May I graduated from college and got my first job.. yah.. then in January we foudn out my mom has stage 3 colon cancer.. and I feel liek my life is falling apart.. I go to work everyday, come home, do laundry, dishes, make lunch for my sister and take care of my mom to go to bed and do it all over agian.. I feel liek I am losing my life whiel trying to support her..

And now my mom is saying she can't do this and she is going to die and stuff and I don't knwo what to do. It makes it so much harder for me to concentrate at work.. and go to work everday.. Before this I was always going out and going to the gym and being all social now I feel liek my life revolves around her.. I mean I don't want to sounds selfish because I love her unconditionally and I do owe it to her because she has taken care of me and supported me my whole life.. but I mean I still am 23 years old.. I don't know what to do.. Her depression is making me feel sad and I also have a 14 year old sister to take care of. My dad is not around so it is just the three of us. I have arranged for her friends to come over during the day when I am at work. I have arranged rides for her and I have gotten her a wig. I go food shopping and get her nutritional food and I even try and get her out of the house.. but I am so overwhelmed with everything.. if anyone has gone through this I would appreciate some advice.. Thanks bucnhes!:flowerforyou:

Replies

  • megancolleen
    megancolleen Posts: 106
    Hey Everyone,

    Nothing to do with weight loss.. but has anyone ever has a loved one go through chemo...

    My mom has been on chemo for about a month now and it is soo hard.. I will explain.. In May I graduated from college and got my first job.. yah.. then in January we foudn out my mom has stage 3 colon cancer.. and I feel liek my life is falling apart.. I go to work everyday, come home, do laundry, dishes, make lunch for my sister and take care of my mom to go to bed and do it all over agian.. I feel liek I am losing my life whiel trying to support her..

    And now my mom is saying she can't do this and she is going to die and stuff and I don't knwo what to do. It makes it so much harder for me to concentrate at work.. and go to work everday.. Before this I was always going out and going to the gym and being all social now I feel liek my life revolves around her.. I mean I don't want to sounds selfish because I love her unconditionally and I do owe it to her because she has taken care of me and supported me my whole life.. but I mean I still am 23 years old.. I don't know what to do.. Her depression is making me feel sad and I also have a 14 year old sister to take care of. My dad is not around so it is just the three of us. I have arranged for her friends to come over during the day when I am at work. I have arranged rides for her and I have gotten her a wig. I go food shopping and get her nutritional food and I even try and get her out of the house.. but I am so overwhelmed with everything.. if anyone has gone through this I would appreciate some advice.. Thanks bucnhes!:flowerforyou:
  • kpetting
    kpetting Posts: 5
    You need to look into counseling, for both you and your mom. Cancer is the hardest thing to deal with. I've done it once with my brother, when he was 12 and now with my mom. She has kidney cancer, and it cannot be cured. Look into resources from the American Cancer Society, or look into Hospice. (They have counseling services, they aren't just for the last stages of any disease). I know it is hard, and you need a way to have an outlet. Maybe see if someone can sit with your mom once a week, so you can get out and do what you need to do, and do something for you.
  • hopetobeinshape
    hopetobeinshape Posts: 272
    I have not gone through this but I am only 24 and let me tell you, you have alot on your shoulders so it is only natural to have those feelings, you are under a great deal of pressure. You have been forced to mature and deal with life in more ways than most, and you are a great person for that. :flowerforyou:

    Im sure your Mom is feeling hopeless and her hopelessness is starting to take a toll on you as well. My advise is due what you can. If possible see if the friends that come during the day or maybe your sister can sit with her for an hour or so a day after you get home from work. Let this time be "you" time. Go for a walk or a run to clear your head. Maybe take a hot bath, anything you can do that allows you to take some time out from your day.

    You are a great person, sister, and daughter.....what you are doing is extremely noble :heart: If there were more people in our world like you, the world would be a much better place!
  • firewalking
    firewalking Posts: 335 Member
    My mom had breast cancer, and yes, I completely understand where you are at. I am so sorry you are going through this.

    My answer may come off sounding a bit harsh, believe me, I do not mean it this way at all, but remember that since you are the rock that eveyone is leaning on, then you have to take care of you first. If you don't take care of you first, then you will not have the strength (mental or physical) to hold everyone else up.

    My father nearly fell apart, but I had other things going on. I offered support when I could, but I had things going on that were important to me and I saw that letting him lean on me would not be good for either of us in the long run. So I let him run the show and did not volunteer to help with anything - I let him call when he needed something. Gradually, the calls stopped and he figured out what to do on his own. Take your dad shopping with you and show him how to do it. Then limit yourself to telling him when he needs to go shopping. If you do everything now, you will always have to do everything.

    My dad has since thanked me for all I did for him. I don't think he even realizes that I did very little.

    Please do not feel as though you are being selfish. You have to think about yourself. Your father needs to step up to the plate and you have to let him do this. You have to make him part of these decisions and make him make calls, talk to people, do the running around. If you don't start this early, you will end up losing yourself in the situation and then you'll be twice as lost later on. I am begging you, please don't let this happen.

    I know that this may be difficult for you to understand now. I was not sure I was doing the right thing when my mom was sick. But now, I'm sure I was doing the right thing.

    Maybe you can talk to the doctor and get her that B12 medication that they give to chemo patients (I'm sorry, I cannot remember the name right now)....it isn't an anti-depressant, it just replaces the energy the chemo is stealing. It will help give your mom a fighting chance. I'm sure the doc will know the name. It helped my mom tremendously. I'll do some research and get back, okay?

    Please take care of yourself.
  • firewalking
    firewalking Posts: 335 Member
    The medication is called Procrit. It really boosted my mom's energy level.
  • beagle595
    beagle595 Posts: 226
    Sorry to hear what you on going thru. I've been on both ends.. Cancer survivor and also taken cared of loved ones with cancer.
    Don't forget yourself. You are overwhelmed. Go and talk to someone... Don't go into a depression.. but if you do there are medicines that can get you back on your feet, Zoloft isn't addicting. (*And it doesn't interact with other medicines.) I took a very small dose for only 3 wks and I got my energy back and felt better to continue on taking care of my family member. Good luck and you and your family are in my prayers.. God Bless! :flowerforyou:
  • emtink
    emtink Posts: 387 Member
    hugs to you and your mom:flowerforyou:
  • havingitall
    havingitall Posts: 3,728 Member
    My Mom passed away 3 years ago with CHF. My Dad had pancreatic cancer at the time and the doctors said there was nothing they could do for him. I spent all my time doing things for my Dad. I went over to his place and cleaned for him. I cooked meals and took them over and I sat with him.

    When he went in to hospital I spent all my time there. I have a husband and children at home but I knew they would give me the time I needed to devote to my father. He passed away less than 6 weeks after my Mom did and I never regret for one second that I gave him all my time then. I only wish I could have done more for him.

    I would do anything to have them back and be able to do it all over again. I miss them horribly.

    I am so sorry about your Mom. This is a very rough time for you. My thoughts and prayers are with your family
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