Why can't I see me as others do? HELP

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Southernsister
Southernsister Posts: 198 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
I know I am new to the site and if some of you see my photo and say she looks fine to me...my story didn't start here though. Just over a year ago I was a big hunk of a woman. After three accidents and a surgery I found myself in a wheel chair. Right after that my husband of 28 years left me....I say all that to get to this. Even after shedding close to 70 lbs I still see myself as Ugly and fat. Others tell me how great I look,but all I see is my flaws.I so wish I could see through others eyes.
I also set a goal weight and when I get there I still feel fat and think maybe a few more pounds. Does anyone else do this?

Replies

  • Chaoticalec
    Chaoticalec Posts: 1
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    Hi, well i hate to say it but I am one of those people who agree i think you look great too and idk everyone feels this way in my opinion im in this show choir group and i feel like im the ugliest and the fattest of our group all i can say is you gotta stay confident and always think of yourself as doing better no worse. positive thoughts lead to positive results. And it seems like you been through alot and depression could be a big part of how you feel about yourself im not saying your depressed but if you are that could have a lot to do with it i hope i helped a little bit.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    Yes, I set 110 as my goal weight and am now 102lbs and desperately trying to gain muscle. I still think I'm a saggy skinny fat Nicole Ritchie crackhead with a fat stomach looking woman...and logically I know I look ok.
    It does take time though to see us as we are, which is hot...
    Girl, you are looking good! I saw your pics and you got some seriously awesome outfits going on! you are beautiful!
  • MisterDubs303
    MisterDubs303 Posts: 1,216 Member
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    I sometimes wonder if focusing on my flaws and shortcomings led me to be less active, medicate with food, and ultimately get fat to begin with. Maybe the added fat only confirmed or matched what I already thought of myself. I don't know, but I do relate to what you are saying, and fear that I will hold on to my fat and flawed identity even after reaching my physical goal.
  • alaw1119
    alaw1119 Posts: 68 Member
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    I did this when I started losing weight. My initial goal was 130, when I got to 130 I didn't like the way I looked even though everyone told me I looked great.. So I set another goal. 125. Got to 125 and still didn't like the way I looked. I'm now at 118 and I STILL dont' like the way I look. Some people don't understand but it's hard when you're use to seeing yourself a certain way for your entire life. I wish I had some advice for you. I'm still working on it myself :(
  • Southernsister
    Southernsister Posts: 198 Member
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    Thanks so much...I love fashion. I feel saggy too. I have four cuts down my tummy....I really with I could get a tummy tuck,but money just isn't there.
    Wish you the best and now Im going to look at you:wink:
  • stevwil41
    stevwil41 Posts: 608 Member
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    I think to a certain extent it just takes time. I'm down about 50 lbs since changing my eating habits and I was down about 20 before that from increasing my activity level. I'm well below having to shop in the big and tall section and I can't seem to stop gravitating in that direction. This is a problem since I have one pair of pants that fit at this point. Every once in a great while I'll catch myself in a mirror and think "Damn, I look pretty good" but that's an exception to the rule. Most of the time I still think of myself as the morbidly obese person I was a year ago.
  • Bankman1989
    Bankman1989 Posts: 1,116 Member
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    I know I am new to the site and if some of you see my photo and say she looks fine to me...my story didn't start here though. Just over a year ago I was a big hunk of a woman. After three accidents and a surgery I found myself in a wheel chair. Right after that my husband of 28 years left me....I say all that to get to this. Even after shedding close to 70 lbs I still see myself as Ugly and fat. Others tell me how great I look,but all I see is my flaws.I so wish I could see through others eyes.
    I also set a goal weight and when I get there I still feel fat and think maybe a few more pounds. Does anyone else do this?

    Our critics are our friends; they show us our faults.
    Benjamin Franklin
    US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)

    Your EX will soon realize that he made a huge mistake. Kudos to you for getting into shape physically. Continue to do so. What you really need to do is exercise your brain. Love yourself more than anyone else will. Be proud and excited for your accomplishments. Use your ex leaving you as MOTIVATION.

    We ALL do this. We are our worst critics. We expect so much more from ourselves that we simply won't settle for anyone else complimenting us.

    Just keep up the great work. Eventually you will see the end results with you own eyes.
  • sunshineshica
    sunshineshica Posts: 277
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    im with u. u do look great. ive been told i dont need to lose any weight either but i know what i look like with no clothes on. i just conceal it well. whenever someone says something positive about my body my response is usually "thanks but..." i dont think im fat but i think i'll always have an issue with my stomach. they called me ms piggy when i was younger n i think i'll always have that n the back of my head. i'll never become sickly skinny cuz i luv my curves(the little that i have) too much
  • cklbrown
    cklbrown Posts: 4,696 Member
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    I am that way. Rationally I know I look better. I have lost a lot of weight, but I am still an ugly duckling. I lost weight, not insecurity. When I look in the mirror I still see flaws.
  • theabcgirl
    theabcgirl Posts: 7
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    See yourself for what you are and not what you are afraid of being. Divorce and life can definitly "weigh you down" in more ways than one, but you deserve to appreciate your accomplishments!
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    We are own worst critics. When we stand in front of a mirror - we see ALL our flaws. All the big and small things we wish we could change. When other people look at us - they don't see those flaws or if they do, they are not focused on them the way that we are.

    I personally think you look fabulous, but I also know that no amount of others saying it will convince you or overrule that cruel inner voice that nit picks everything about ourselves.

    Be confident in who you are. You're doing great!! :)
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
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    Studies show that strangers rate people as 20% more attractive as people rate themselves. ^^ We are just harder on ourselves, that combined with your husband leaving you after so many years together is what I think is the main problem. Maybe you blame the reason your husband left on yourself. You ever thought, "If I were prettier, skinnier, fitter he wouldn't have left me"?
    Well, don't put all the blame on yourself. A relationship is a two-way street, and you look like a lovely lady to me. I think especially for those of us who tend to be more empathetic, it can be difficult to not blame things on ourselves because we tend to feel for others (instead of just ourselves).

    You are looking great, I think the problem lies with hurtful experiences that havent completely resolved in your mind yet. ^^
  • ercarnes
    ercarnes Posts: 43 Member
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    Divorce is hard to go through. Right before my divorce I had lost 85 pounds and thought by losing weight I would some how fix things. As I went through the divorce I quit taking care of myself and gained back 30 pounds. I could not figure out how I had allowed myself to gain the weight back. Then realized I had never really lost weight for me. So now my weight loss is about me and taking care of me. When I am not seeing movement on the scales I take pictures of myself so I can see changes. I go to my closet and try on clothes. By the way your look amazing. Be proud! Add me if you would like.
  • Awake_Alive
    Awake_Alive Posts: 261 Member
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    I don't know what the real number is, but probably 98% of the world has something they would like to change about their personal appearance. One thing I know for sure is that even the women we see as perfect, feel flawed in some way. There is only one way to change that feeling no matter what your size, and that is to love yourself just as you are right now. Be the best you that you can be today. Change the things you don't like, and in the meantime, work what you've got going on. Ask almost anyone and they will tell you that how others perceive your level of attractiveness is DIRECTLY linked to your attitude. You are a beautiful woman....and you need to own that. You deserve to own it, you've been through a lot.
  • CindiBryce
    CindiBryce Posts: 438
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    I know I am new to the site and if some of you see my photo and say she looks fine to me...my story didn't start here though. Just over a year ago I was a big hunk of a woman. After three accidents and a surgery I found myself in a wheel chair. Right after that my husband of 28 years left me....I say all that to get to this. Even after shedding close to 70 lbs I still see myself as Ugly and fat. Others tell me how great I look,but all I see is my flaws.I so wish I could see through others eyes.
    I also set a goal weight and when I get there I still feel fat and think maybe a few more pounds. Does anyone else do this?
    Be strong. Everyone goes through rough times, but you have to persevere. And don't call yourself "ugly" and "fat". The more you think that way, the more you will adjust your actions and attitudes to fit that mindset. Have some confidence in yourself. Losing 70 pounds is not an easy task.
  • letha62
    letha62 Posts: 14
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    [/quote]

    Our critics are our friends; they show us our faults.
    Benjamin Franklin
    US author, diplomat, inventor, physicist, politician, & printer (1706 - 1790)
    [/quote]

    @Big love the quote excellent!

    Southernsister.
    Learn to take a complement. Don't question it, just drink it in. Once that sinks in you'll realise that they were all right. You are beautiful.

    You take in the bad stuff people say and believe that. Right? Turn it around it might take a bit, but you've work hard and you are good, so it's all right to feel good too.
    We may never look like we or the world says we should look, but what we got we make it look good!
  • _Ben
    _Ben Posts: 1,608 Member
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    Congratulations on losing the 70lbs!

    It sounds like youve had a hard previous year, and it seems that (i dont mean to get all phsycholgisty, as I hate them) but Id say you may be in part blaming yourself in a way for what happened, and somehow linking your outward appearence to that blame. I can tell that you are a commitied and beautiful woman, and you certainly seem to be able to commit yourself to your goals. Keep up the good work!
  • allygragg
    allygragg Posts: 5
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    Hey SouthernSister! Your a beautiful person and my guess a beautiful soul as well. The road you traveled was not easy and probably full of shame along the way. Shame put upon you and not by you, or maybe I'm wrong? Unfortunate circumstances of bad health also leads us to guilt not of being able to be there for others in our lives, let alone being able to do what we used to do. The road to recovery is a long hard one, especially if your event has been traumatic. It takes a toll on everyone. Your doing a good thing by keeping yourself moving forward. Just keep smiling and keep on keepin' on. Try to forgive yourself a little each day and someday in the future you will see what everyone else see's. Congratulations on your accomplishments so far and big weight loss so far!!

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