Why does moderation work for some people but not all?
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I had this same issue for my whole life. Noom really helped me get over it. I couldn’t have treats in the house. Now I can, and be around my favourite foods, measure out a serving and be satisfied. It was a hard habit to change.
When I go to overindulge I think “more isn’t better, it’s just more” and “discipline is choosing between what I want now and what I want most”.
Replacing some of my cravings with tea have helped me. Or I occupy myself with something else (walk, cleaning, writing in my journal) until the craving passes.2 -
We hear you @avtlove . I've also been struggling with this kind of behavior for more than 30 years. I was loving all things sugary and even went to a dessert only restaurant (three or four course sweets meal).
What helped me? A blood test that showed I was pre-diabetic in a family riddled with diabetes. I went cold turkey on all refined sugars, just allowing fruit and an occasional glass of wine. And the cravings went away after a few weeks. Hubbie kept on having cookies and chocolate in the house and I was fine with it (after a month of two) and kept with it for years and years, just eating one small piece of quality chocolate every evening.
Then some time ago after a more than perfect blood test, I started to eat sweets again. Yups, I know... And now I slip up every now and then. Last weekend for example I had a Valentine's dessert and to top it off, we got an unexpected box of chocolates and a box of cookies. Both were empty by the end of the weekend and I've been having a rough week with crazy cravings. I've learned my lesson (again!). One day of sugar overload is not worth one week of fighting off the cravings.
You are not alone in this battle, and every day we learn more and more coping mechanisms and how our own brain works exactly. Just keep coming to these boards for advice and you'll get there eventually. Hugs to you !1 -
Growing up and hearing/seeing people commenting on bodies and food is also a form of food insecurity that leads to a maladaptive or disordered relationship with food as an adult. It's not just growing up with a tight food budget, either because the family didn't have much money or because there were so many mouths to feed. It doesn't even have to have been *your* body/food being scrutinized - hearing your grandma harangue your mom about her weight affects you, whether you want it to or not. Careful the things you say, children will listen. This is primal stuff that many people need professional help to untangle.5
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I have a really strong sweet tooth. I can eat within my calorie budget some days, and have a treat or two within my range. But other days, I can't seem to stop myself from absolutely going off the rails with any sweets around me. Why is that? Any thoughts? Being able to manage it and eat a few jelly beans at at time or a half cup of ice cream is my dream. But I fail so often. When I do, I just tell myself, oh, well, you can eat all of it now and do better tomorrow.
I've been on this roller coaster for THIRTY years! Probably even more! HELP!!
Moderation doesn't work for all people for all things. I don't particularly have a sweet tooth...hardly ever even think about sweets and cookies and the like. If they're around I can easily have one or two and go on with my day...and typically any sweet craving I get can be easily satisfied by a banana or something.
My "tooth" is things like chips, Doritos, chips and salsa, etc. Once I get going, I go. I don't typically keep that stuff in the house. It tends to be something that is a treat when guests come over to have chips and salsa...and I take a variety of chips with me when I'm camping...but otherwise I don't really keep them in the house. I over indulge at those times, but they are occasions so I'm not too worried about them.0 -
With sugar (and alcohol I have discovered, following dry January) I have to have a period of abstaining. After that I can use moderation - but not every day. So I can be satisfied with a small sweet treat a couple of times a week (and in fact rarely want one as often as that) but if I go on holiday and end up having desserts more frequently then I will start craving sweet stuff again. That means a period of total abstinence to re-set myself.2
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I am really surprised with myself. I use to be a binger; then I decided “I want to be one of those people that can eat anything.” Now I am.
I use to be afraid of logging a breakfast over 300 calories because “Gosh forbid use too many calories early in the day!”
Now my breakfast can be upwards of 600 calories and I don’t worry about it. I fuel my body early and it sets the tone of the rest of my day. I go out for donuts (a donut) every week, I go out for ice cream at least once a week, I enjoy a little candy everyday after my workout and then sometimes opt for a sweet treat at the end of the day or it could just be Greek yogurt and fruit. I just budget for it.
Learning to eat EVERYTHING has been the best tool; learning skill I could’ve done for myself.2 -
Jennliftsandspins wrote: »I had this same issue for my whole life. Noom really helped me get over it. I couldn’t have treats in the house. Now I can, and be around my favourite foods, measure out a serving and be satisfied. It was a hard habit to change.
When I go to overindulge I think “more isn’t better, it’s just more” and “discipline is choosing between what I want now and what I want most”.
Replacing some of my cravings with tea have helped me. Or I occupy myself with something else (walk, cleaning, writing in my journal) until the craving passes.
I've been wondering about Noom. But I didn't want to put money into just another weight loss gimick when I know the answer lies in ME. Part of my hesitation to try it was also that I don't know anyone who had used it. So, was it helpful to you in other ways? Would you recommend it?0 -
Hamiltonfamily2018 wrote: »I am really surprised with myself. I use to be a binger; then I decided “I want to be one of those people that can eat anything.” Now I am.
I use to be afraid of logging a breakfast over 300 calories because “Gosh forbid use too many calories early in the day!”
Now my breakfast can be upwards of 600 calories and I don’t worry about it. I fuel my body early and it sets the tone of the rest of my day. I go out for donuts (a donut) every week, I go out for ice cream at least once a week, I enjoy a little candy everyday after my workout and then sometimes opt for a sweet treat at the end of the day or it could just be Greek yogurt and fruit. I just budget for it.
Learning to eat EVERYTHING has been the best tool; learning skill I could’ve done for myself.
I've told myself many times that if I can't eat my treats in moderation, I will have to completely abstain. I tend to think that the threat of that real possibility would get me to eat them in small amounts and track them. But for some reason I can on most days, then a day comes by when I feel like I can't possibly get enough of it in my mouth, and I binge like crazy. I guess I should be thankful that it's only two or three times a month or so that that happens. The biggest problem is, one binge usually lasts 3 days or so.
I'm super glad you posted this. It makes me believe this is possible.1 -
With love.
Stop making them a reward and their removal a threat you use against yourself.
Easier said than done, I know, but I HONESTLY think the key is *right there* in that word choice 'threat'.1 -
SnifterPug wrote: »With sugar (and alcohol I have discovered, following dry January) I have to have a period of abstaining. After that I can use moderation - but not every day. So I can be satisfied with a small sweet treat a couple of times a week (and in fact rarely want one as often as that) but if I go on holiday and end up having desserts more frequently then I will start craving sweet stuff again. That means a period of total abstinence to re-set myself.
I was thinking this is true for me and I was going to stop sweets cold turkey for about a month, knowing that I could bring them back at some point in moderation, but even stopping for a few days was torture. I know I get way too much of my happiness from food. Which is really crazy because I have a really great family and a very enjoyable and low stress job. I don't know why I get so much joy from food. I've been trying to figure that out...1 -
I think it also depends on where you are in your weight journey. Right now I am a abstainer because I am so close to my goal that if I try to moderate I know I will slip up and waffle. And I have failed to many times to reach my goal to let that happen. It has been 2 long years of trying to take off 100 pounds and 99 of them are gone. I have been a true waffler in the past and that's how I gained the hundred and that's why I have to abstain to make it. When I get to maintenance I will probably not go to being a waffler again. But will try my best to practice moderation so life won't be so hard.1
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wunderkindking wrote: »With love.
Stop making them a reward and their removal a threat you use against yourself.
Easier said than done, I know, but I HONESTLY think the key is *right there* in that word choice 'threat'.
I'm guessing you're right and the psychology behind this issue is bigger than I realize. Thank you for your honest insight.1 -
I was like that before I started treating my adhd. I'm impulsive in general, not just with food. And my impulses aren't usually good for me, lol. When I'm on my meds and stick to my routine, I feel more in control and can say no. When I'm off my meds and fall out of my routine, everything in general falls apart and I lose track of everything in general. I've eaten two lunches on those days because I literally couldn't remember if I even had lunch. Adhd is a real b*t@h some days.0
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Iwannabeapunkrockmom wrote: »I was like that before I started treating my adhd. I'm impulsive in general, not just with food. And my impulses aren't usually good for me, lol. When I'm on my meds and stick to my routine, I feel more in control and can say no. When I'm off my meds and fall out of my routine, everything in general falls apart and I lose track of everything in general. I've eaten two lunches on those days because I literally couldn't remember if I even had lunch. Adhd is a real b*t@h some days.
I do have a touch of adhd, I'm sure. But I am reading specialist and I work with a LOT of students with severe adhd and I can definitely attest to the difficulties living with it. I'm glad for you that you have found a way to cope. It can be a real struggle, as you said.0 -
mpkpbk2015 wrote: »I think it also depends on where you are in your weight journey. Right now I am a abstainer because I am so close to my goal that if I try to moderate I know I will slip up and waffle. And I have failed to many times to reach my goal to let that happen. It has been 2 long years of trying to take off 100 pounds and 99 of them are gone. I have been a true waffler in the past and that's how I gained the hundred and that's why I have to abstain to make it. When I get to maintenance I will probably not go to being a waffler again. But will try my best to practice moderation so life won't be so hard.
wowza. 99lbs. You're amazing!!
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Antiopelle wrote: »We hear you @avtlove . I've also been struggling with this kind of behavior for more than 30 years. I was loving all things sugary and even went to a dessert only restaurant (three or four course sweets meal).
What helped me? A blood test that showed I was pre-diabetic in a family riddled with diabetes. I went cold turkey on all refined sugars, just allowing fruit and an occasional glass of wine. And the cravings went away after a few weeks. Hubbie kept on having cookies and chocolate in the house and I was fine with it (after a month of two) and kept with it for years and years, just eating one small piece of quality chocolate every evening.
Then some time ago after a more than perfect blood test, I started to eat sweets again. Yups, I know... And now I slip up every now and then. Last weekend for example I had a Valentine's dessert and to top it off, we got an unexpected box of chocolates and a box of cookies. Both were empty by the end of the weekend and I've been having a rough week with crazy cravings. I've learned my lesson (again!). One day of sugar overload is not worth one week of fighting off the cravings.
You are not alone in this battle, and every day we learn more and more coping mechanisms and how our own brain works exactly. Just keep coming to these boards for advice and you'll get there eventually. Hugs to you !
Thank you for the kind, honest words of support. You sound a lot like me. I would LOVE an all dessert restaurant! I didn't even know such a thing existed, lol. It's an ongoing, constant battle and I HATE that it is. But then I think about all the battles people have, and this is mine. It could be worse.0 -
Big believer in pre-planning meals here. I generally know exactly what and how much I will eat before I set foot in the kitchen. Since my meals are nutritious, tasty and filling, I rarely experience hunger or cravings. Most days, if I want them, (today, I didn't) I have two small pieces of high quality chocolate totaling 110 calories. I supposed being able to not devour the entire chocolate box points to moderation.
That said, I am abstemious with foods I hopelessly struggle to resist. I don't buy ice cream, make homemade chocolate chip cookies or boxed puddings. Those will be completely consumed within 24 hours.
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Practice...0
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I have noticed that there is something very strangely joyous about being self destructive for me. My reflections have not got to the bottom of why yet, but I have definitely noticed that when I am pigging out on too much of something, there is something within that is saying, “you’re not even enjoying the taste of that anymore.” And then there is something that, with wild abandonment, is saying,” never mind rationality or boundaries, this is FUN.” Just that realization has helped me to think and act more intentionally. I still have to figure out why though. In the meantime, one of my main strategies is to keep it out of the house.1
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I don't try to figure it out.. I just notice what foods leave me ravenous and wanting more ..and I stay away from them. It isn't always sweets... for example.. canned soups..that are fast and tasty..make me so hungry. They're the devil.. I stay away from them...would never buy them.... and my homemade soups don't do that to me..0
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