Relationships, fitness, and life

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1Prettypain
1Prettypain Posts: 122
in Chit-Chat
sometimes I wonder, is going after what you want really worth it? We all have goals in life and for many years I gave mine up fir others. It seemed to make others happen. Then when a tragedy happens, having to hold a baby on the day he's born weighing 1lb 12oz and 11 inches long, and having to to say good bye, looking at those ten perfect fingers and toes, wondering why? Why can't he stay? Looking into his gorgeous face and eyes having to say goodbye, a mothers worst nightmare? You'd think it, a worst nightmare is having to do it again 23 days later with his twin brother! As a mother I should have been able to do something, fix it, make it better! Total and utter breath sucked from your life! Does it get better? No, having to dress them and prepare them at the funeral home, holding and kissing them, saying yet another goodbye by myself! am I resentful, hurt and lost? Yes still, yet I try to move on in life, doing some things for myself. However, having no patience and blaming me for things doesn't help! I need patience and understanding! I need support.

Starting a new journey with a life of fitness, telling me I can't do it... Is the last thing I need! I think
Many of you will get the lack of support end of this and I'm truly sorry! We should all be supported in the things we wish to do, and be given the patience and understanding when we seem most unlovable! A valuable lesson we should all remember!

Thanks fir listening everytone!
Michelle

Replies

  • TheNewLK
    TheNewLK Posts: 933 Member
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    sometimes I wonder, is going after what you want really worth it? We all have goals in life and for many years I gave mine up fir others. It seemed to make others happen. Then when a tragedy happens, having to hold a baby on the day he's born weighing 1lb 12oz and 11 inches long, and having to to say good bye, looking at those ten perfect fingers and toes, wondering why? Why can't he stay? Looking into his gorgeous face and eyes having to say goodbye, a mothers worst nightmare? You'd think it, a worst nightmare is having to do it again 23 days later with his twin brother! As a mother I should have been able to do something, fix it, make it better! Total and utter breath sucked from your life! Does it get better? No, having to dress them and prepare them at the funeral home, holding and kissing them, saying yet another goodbye by myself! am I resentful, hurt and lost? Yes still, yet I try to move on in life, doing some things for myself. However, having no patience and blaming me for things doesn't help! I need patience and understanding! I need support.

    Starting a new journey with a life of fitness, telling me I can't do it... Is the last thing I need! I think
    Many of you will get the lack of support end of this and I'm truly sorry! We should all be supported in the things we wish to do, and be given the patience and understanding when we seem most unlovable! A valuable lesson we should all remember!

    Thanks fir listening everytone!
    Michelle

    xx Love ya tons....Here for you always :flowerforyou:

    Know that all of your FRIENDS on here love and support you know matter what xxx
  • datguy2011
    datguy2011 Posts: 477 Member
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    MIchelle,

    I can't begin to imagine what you were feeling during that period of time. Nor will I try; the fact is... people don't understand. What you need is support and beleif. I think you have demonstrated that by your very hard work ethics and your ways of life. If anyone gets in the way of that; then so be it. You don't need people like that... you need people in your life, on mfp, etc... to offer support and comfort.

    Trust me, you seem like you were the type of girl that would help out anyone and at anytime... and that will come back for you; sooner or later. Patience and understanding can't be learned... only time/support can help.

    I wish you the best :) mfp has some good ears you can always vent/speak your mind to.

    Cheers :)
  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
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    I'm here for you. Don't give up... keep those goals, reach those goals!! I'm here right beside you!!

    xoxoxo
  • Iamfit4life
    Iamfit4life Posts: 3,095 Member
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    You can do it and you have many on here backing you up!

    In fact you can do anything, may sound trite, but you can. Never forget that.

    So sorry for all you've been through.
  • BGabbart
    BGabbart Posts: 173 Member
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    My heart hurt for you as I read your story. My prayers are that you find confort and love in the arms of Jesus and know you are loved beyond messure.
  • reepobob
    reepobob Posts: 1,172 Member
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    Michelle,

    I can't even begin to empathize with what you went through with losing infant twins...my heart goes out to you, girl! As for the support and relationship end of things, I know EXACTLY how you feel...thank God we share such awesome friends on here to prop each other up and have a shoulder to cry on...I feel lucky to have you as a friend, my dear!
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    praying that you get peace and strength through this.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
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    sweetie, if you can pull yourself throught THAT... you can do ANYTHING. you are strong and formidable and AMAZING. *hugs you a lot* don't listen to anyone who tells you differently. just keep going forward, tragedy does eventually stay behind you.
  • iAMaPhoenix
    iAMaPhoenix Posts: 1,038 Member
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    Even at the ripe old age of 27, no 34, no 40 and that is my final offer....I cannot begin to fathom what you are and have been through. I have lost my parents and siblings, but not a child. I know the hurt that came with those losses and pray that God gives me the strength to carry on if that tragedy ever befalls me. Keep on holding on Michelle, and look for comfort in knowing that your angels are always interceding for you.

    Always,
    E.
  • 42hockeymom
    42hockeymom Posts: 521 Member
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    Michelle,
    I don't know you. But when I read your story I had to reach out to you and tell you that now my heart shares your pain. I know it may be an infantessimal amount, but it does. I am sorry you had to endure that. But you have had the strenghth to come this far, I believe that you have the strenghth to continue. While I have not been in your situation, I have suffered great loss and I know from experience that you have to take things day by day, however times do get so bad that you sometimes have to break it down to minute by minute or second by second. No, the pain will never go away, but there will be a day when it won't be so bad, and you will have peace. I pray you find that. This crazy website has people to support you along the way. And last but not least. YOU ARE WORTHY.
  • anewattitude
    anewattitude Posts: 483 Member
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    Michelle,

    I am so truly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what that is like and to be honest I hope I never have to experience that depth of pain. It is really difficult to understand the reasons as to why certain things happen and we can live our whole life trying to figure it out and never really get the answers we are looking for. The only thing I guess we can do is to live life to the fullest and embrace each moment and everyone around us. There will always be people who are unsupportive and those who just simply do not understand and as difficult as it is to break away from those types of people. sometimes its necessary to at least limit exposure to them when possible. Making a lifestyle change is difficult in itself but going through personal tragedy makes it nearly impossible to stay on track. Michelle, I have seen some of the workouts you have posted and you ARE doing amazing and you have alot of people who really want you to succeed. In my opinion ( and this is just my opinion) I find the ones that are unsupportive are usually the ones that are not doing anything productive with their own life so they try to drag others down with them. They make the choice to to not support you but you can also make the choice to NOT let it stop you from going after what you want. NO ONE has the right to make you feel selfish or bad for wanting to make changes to your life. Your goals are YOURS and no one can take them away from you unless you give them the power. You are STRONG and you CAN continue to be the person you want to be, you just need to believe in yourself. Trust yourself to know what is right for YOU and give yourself the permission to pursue the things that will make you happy. This is your life Michelle and you need to live it. You have been through an extremely painful ordeal and its every parents nightmare. There was nothing you could have done. Your babies will forever be in your heart and you need to release yourself from the guilt you feel in order to move on.

    You have many people in your corner.. including me :)

    You CAN do anything you set your mind to. Never forget that!
  • illy823
    illy823 Posts: 63
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    Michelle-

    What you have gone thru, is every parents worse "NIGHTMARE"... As a single mom of 3 kids myself, I have been through my share of sorrow... The only thing that I can tell you is as follows.... YOU ARE DESERVING!!!!! DON"T let anyone ever tell you that you aren't... YOU ARE STRONG, POWERFUL, & FULL OF LOVE..... If anyone in your life now doesn't support you, help you, listen to you, offer a shoulder, or a blog to let yourself share your feelings.... THEY DONT DESERVE YOU!!!! Move on, even though I don't know you, I feel that you are a GREAT PERSON.... and you deserve all the LOVE and ADORATION that a MOTHER can ever hope for and want....

    Any other suppor that you need... Just ask... I'm a great listener.... Have a great rest of the day....

    illy :flowerforyou:
  • Mad_Dog_Muscle
    Mad_Dog_Muscle Posts: 1,251 Member
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    I seriously want to wrap my arms around you, hug you and cry with you right now! :sad:

    Your the best Michelle. Glad we are friends!:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • FearAnLoathing
    FearAnLoathing Posts: 4,852 Member
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    :heart: :heart: **HUGS**
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
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    My heart breaks for you and your loss.

    I truly hope you receive the support you need and accomplish any goals you set out to do. :heart:
  • 1Prettypain
    1Prettypain Posts: 122
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    If it wasn't for this site and my friends, which are totally awesome, and support of some that aren't on my friends list, I'm not sure where id be right now and more important, over the next month.. Love you guys!!!

    Hugs!!!!

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