Sad
WickedWitchy13
Posts: 33 Member
So I’m pretty sure my husband hates me just because I’m fat. I gained this past year (who didn’t ) and now he ignores me 99% of the time I mean flat out doesn’t talk to me. Makes me so sad. He also has no problem pointing out how gross people are close to my size or being grossed out by girls saying their weight which happens to be the same as my weight.
I wanna lose now just to make him want/acknowledge me. 😭
I wanna lose now just to make him want/acknowledge me. 😭
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Ironwoman1111 wrote: »Do it for you hun, you can do it!👏🏽😀 Make a plan, write it down if it helps, put it where you can see it (fridge, closet, bathroom) get a food scale, a water bottle, measure your food and stay consistent and treat yourself once in a while. Be kind to yourself. Balance is the key. If you’re tired take a break, if you can push yourself, even 20 minutes of activity is better than nothing. I wish you all the best and by the way I think you are beautiful and you are worth it!🤗
Thank you0 -
Thats a toxic relation to be honest love is love dosent matter if you are skinny, fat, busty or whatever he should accept you no matter what both of you are married to each other not dating in high school, i think you must forget the weight loss thing and focus on his way of thinking and make things clear to him thats its not ok to treat you this way...bring that up
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HungryasFuark wrote: »Thats a toxic relation to be honest love is love dosent matter if you are skinny, fat, busty or whatever he should accept you no matter what both of you are married to each other not dating in high school, i think you must forget the weight loss thing and focus on his way of thinking and make things clear to him thats its not ok to treat you this way...bring that up
I agree! I mean we aren’t just dating like you said. We are adults. And I clearly have women curves plus a little :-/ it just sucks5 -
I hate to say this, but it might not be your weight. He could be using that as an excuse. It's possible that you'll lose the weight and he'll find another thing to criticize to bring you down. I'd give some thought to the relationship and find out what will really save it. The weight loss should be your decision and when and how is on you. Don't let yourself be pushed.10
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Biggest Hugs. YOU don't need this abuse. Think of yourself. Where YOU want to be in 12 months. I stress, talk to your closest real life friend or friends, even a family member, if you have someone you are close to and can trust, don't bottle it all up, its destructive of you. You need support to make your right decisions especially if it comes down to cutting your losses.
As for your weight, if you can take control of your personal direction, which ever way it is, you will gain strength from this and be in a better place to take control of your weight. Use the guided set up, set to may be to maintain for a month so you learn what you are doing within your diet now and then when you know your weaknesses, set yourself to loose, if its a stone or two go for 1 lb a week, if its more then go for 2 lb a week and you will soon be back on the path to the true you.
Wishing you all the very best. Take care and most of all, always, Do what is Right for YOU.2 -
snowflake954 wrote: »I hate to say this, but it might not be your weight. He could be using that as an excuse. It's possible that you'll lose the weight and he'll find another thing to criticize to bring you down. I'd give some thought to the relationship and find out what will really save it. The weight loss should be your decision and when and how is on you. Don't let yourself be pushed.
A mate who makes a relationship about size, needs to be re-evaluated.
Has he always been this way? Disrespectful? Rude? Feeling like he's better than others? Surely, he isn't a perfect Adonis? That's what makes us all special and unique in this world, our individualism. Our respect and kindness, our love and desire to help others, etc., etc. NOT that we gained 10, 20, (I gained 30 BTW) due to stress during Covid.
I'm sorry his words are making you feel this way about yourself. That's a horrible kind of relationship to have. Is there any way to approach him and have a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart talk with him? Does he know how he's making you feel with his unkind words and comparisons?
I believe in marriage. BUT I believe in a person's love and regard for themselves and others as well. Please take care of yourself. IF you're uncomfortable feeling the way you are, then fine, make changes to care for your health. IF you're comfortable with yourself, then stand up for yourself, don't tolerate the verbal abuse he's tossing your way.
Love is kind. Love is caring. Love is tolerance. Love is respectful, gentle, understanding and patient. Is he being these things?
{{HUGS}} to you.4 -
I am so sorry your husband is so shallow! My partner has been encouraging, and tells me I’m looking hot, but he has been very clear that he loves me regardless of my size. I came from a fat-shaming family so the internal self-shaming dialogue is what I have to learn to turn off! I was told I was unlovable at the age of 5 (“if you’re fat no one will marry you”!).3
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There's a lot of guys like that out there, unfortunately,and women, I'm sure. If he's like the guy I met at 19 and dated for two years, it won't matter if you lose weight, he'll just find something else to be dissatisfied about. This guy ripped my favorite shirt because he didn't like it.
I finally figured out that it was his own insecurities and had nothing to do with me, but by then I was so unattracted to him that nothing he did would have made it worth it for me to stay!!! 3 -
To be quite honest, he shouldn't be your motivation for wanting to lose weight. If something superficial like your non-life threatening weight is a problem for him, then I guarantee that he has more seriously underlying issues IMO. Since you're both adults, just straight up talk to him like one without beating around the bush. Ask him bluntly if your weight is problematic for him, and tell him that you don't appreciate the comments he makes about other people's weight.6
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He sounds like a passive aggressive douche to me.
I agree with what everyone else said.
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I'm glad I don't live in your world.
Do you really think any woman put through this abusive rejection would turn to others who in turn would try to abuse her!? A very good friend of mine was single for more than 10 years after she got out of an abusive relationship, others have been known to take far, far longer many never trust any one again.
Being responsible for yourself is better than being involved with some nonentity. Its a rare man worth knowing.
edited to add,
As was said in my youth, A woman without a man is like an octopus without a bicycle.2 -
@WickedWitchy13 Snowflake954 gave you some really good advice. This is very touchy. It's possible that you've been eating for your feelings to compensate for the marriage. Flat out, there are many who complain about their mates but they don't do anything about it day after day and year after year. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Loudly. Sit down face-to-face and get down to the roots of what's really eating away at him.
Be bold. Be fearless. You need to know how he really feels about you and the marriage. Weight gain and weight loss doesn't hold a marriage together.
The Gain Blame Game is Lame. Find out how he really feels about you.
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Firstly, I'm sorry you feel so low, please know you are enough just as you are and any attempts to change yourself should stem from a want to do something for yourself.
I agree with others here that you should talk to your husband directly about this. I was with a guy like that for 10 years and no matter what I did or said he was still insecure and abusive 🙄5 -
I'm not going to presume to judge your husband or your relationship, but I CAN give you a personal example of a different view of how a loving partnership might be different than what we're experiencing.
My wonderful loving husband of 36 years has loved me through thick and thin (well, truthfully, thicker and less thick). Even at my heaviest he was never anything by supportive. He always looked at me with loving eyes and told me I was beautiful. He would listen to me complain about my aches and pains and health problems that were CLEARLY related to my weight with empathy and love, and NEVER took it as an opportunity to demean or comment on my weight. But whenever I started losing weight (oh so many times over 36 years!), he was always my cheerleader--celebrating every pound.
He has never played "food cop" or commented on how much or what I chose to eat Ever. He loves to cook, and when I cycled through a variety of different "eating lifestyles" until I found one that clicked for me, he was always encouraging and thoughtful--cooking with my plan-of-the-moment in mind, and weighing and writing down ingredients so I could log accurately.
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@MadMaxMFP01 Understood and appreciated but it happens to the men, too....almost as soon as they as they join.1
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I have been in your shoes I don't really understand what you feel my husband called me fat to my face for 3 years and it had nothing to do with me or my body it is something that he is struggling with do not take that on yourself if you want to lose weight do it for you and for you alone don't do it to make him happy or acknowledge you do it for you because you want to feel better be healthy and live a fun fulfilling life and you need to tell him that his comments are hurting you you need to explain to him where you're at and that you don't need that kind of attack none of us do during this hard time in our lives we are all going through something that we have never been through before as humans and we need to be delicate and nice to each other that is absolutely ridiculous but I guarantee there's some kind of insecurity that he is feeling that's making him lash out!!!0
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No one should judge on weight or looks , we are all different support your partner is the best way and help them if I feed they do want to change
My view on it
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We all get people putting us down at times my wife has been telling me recently that I am Fat I still have a lot to go but I do not feel as big as I was last year6
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I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. Do what you want about your weight now, which may be nothing. Another thought, you may wish to consider pulling together finances to be able to split from this man if either he or you or both decide to stop being a couple. This man sounds inconsiderate and as others people have written, your weight may only be an excuse for him. Even if you stay together, it’s always helpful to have your finances in order. Keeping options open...2
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Hi I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like that due to your husbands actions. I was married to a guy who was the same. He made me feel rubbish. I realised that he bullied me because he had issues himself. I thought that I was worth more than that and decided to get him out of my life (after 7 years) and got divorced. I was devastated and it was tough but I soon lost weight and was looking good again and was mentally better off. It may be a good idea for you to evaluate your relationship and get some support outside from a good friend or family member, it helps. If you constantly feel upset and unloved this will have an effect on your weight. Tell yourself you deserve better and you are beautiful despite what your weight is.
Healthy eating and exercise will work in the long run. Don't rush take your time and if he don't want to talk to you so be it. Do something for yourself that you like doing. Be strong. Good luck and hugs.
😘
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WickedWitchy13 wrote: »So I’m pretty sure my husband hates me just because I’m fat. I gained this past year (who didn’t ) and now he ignores me 99% of the time I mean flat out doesn’t talk to me. Makes me so sad. He also has no problem pointing out how gross people are close to my size or being grossed out by girls saying their weight which happens to be the same as my weight.
I wanna lose now just to make him want/acknowledge me. 😭
Hell yeah - do it for you! Screw him. About 5billion people put on weight in lockdown, but you have one supporter and one person fighting for you.
If that guy doesn't do it, then do it for yourself.
Whatever the motivation is, let it fuel your fire - don't let him knock you down.
Teach him an effin' lesson.
Go for it!0 -
Hope OP is doing okay. This thread is one that always comes back to mind. And losing weight doesn't seem to ever work out well if you're not doing it for yourself but to please someone else. Hope @WickedWitchy13 is feeling better about herself. Wish we could be in your life to offer you real life support. 2
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Sounds like the Promises made in marriage vows are meaningless to him! We ALL deserve someone in our lives who will love us NO MATTER WHAT!! I'm in no way advising you to leave him, however am reminding you that if you are a beautiful person inside in your heart, you are beautiful throughout and should be treated and Loved for who you are. That my Dear is what real Love us supposed to be! You deserve to be CHERISHED (as we all do) and Deserve REAL LOVE and RESPECT no matter what!!! 🤗❤️0
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The OP deleted her account.2
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