Sad

WickedWitchy13
WickedWitchy13 Posts: 33 Member
edited April 2021 in Chit-Chat
So I’m pretty sure my husband hates me just because I’m fat. I gained this past year (who didn’t ) and now he ignores me 99% of the time I mean flat out doesn’t talk to me. Makes me so sad. He also has no problem pointing out how gross people are close to my size or being grossed out by girls saying their weight which happens to be the same as my weight.
I wanna lose now just to make him want/acknowledge me. 😭
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Replies

  • OpheliaCooter
    OpheliaCooter Posts: 1,255 Member
    ☹️
  • WickedWitchy13
    WickedWitchy13 Posts: 33 Member
    Do it for you hun, you can do it!👏🏽😀 Make a plan, write it down if it helps, put it where you can see it (fridge, closet, bathroom) get a food scale, a water bottle, measure your food and stay consistent and treat yourself once in a while. Be kind to yourself. Balance is the key. If you’re tired take a break, if you can push yourself, even 20 minutes of activity is better than nothing. I wish you all the best and by the way I think you are beautiful and you are worth it!🤗

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    Thank you
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,244 Member
    Biggest Hugs. YOU don't need this abuse. Think of yourself. Where YOU want to be in 12 months. I stress, talk to your closest real life friend or friends, even a family member, if you have someone you are close to and can trust, don't bottle it all up, its destructive of you. You need support to make your right decisions especially if it comes down to cutting your losses.

    As for your weight, if you can take control of your personal direction, which ever way it is, you will gain strength from this and be in a better place to take control of your weight. Use the guided set up, set to may be to maintain for a month so you learn what you are doing within your diet now and then when you know your weaknesses, set yourself to loose, if its a stone or two go for 1 lb a week, if its more then go for 2 lb a week and you will soon be back on the path to the true you.

    Wishing you all the very best. Take care and most of all, always, Do what is Right for YOU.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,511 Member
    I hate to say this, but it might not be your weight. He could be using that as an excuse. It's possible that you'll lose the weight and he'll find another thing to criticize to bring you down. I'd give some thought to the relationship and find out what will really save it. The weight loss should be your decision and when and how is on you. Don't let yourself be pushed.

    A mate who makes a relationship about size, needs to be re-evaluated. :( Has he always been this way? Disrespectful? Rude? Feeling like he's better than others? Surely, he isn't a perfect Adonis? That's what makes us all special and unique in this world, our individualism. Our respect and kindness, our love and desire to help others, etc., etc. NOT that we gained 10, 20, (I gained 30 BTW) due to stress during Covid.

    I'm sorry his words are making you feel this way about yourself. :( That's a horrible kind of relationship to have. :( Is there any way to approach him and have a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart talk with him? Does he know how he's making you feel with his unkind words and comparisons?

    I believe in marriage. BUT I believe in a person's love and regard for themselves and others as well. Please take care of yourself. IF you're uncomfortable feeling the way you are, then fine, make changes to care for your health. IF you're comfortable with yourself, then stand up for yourself, don't tolerate the verbal abuse he's tossing your way.

    Love is kind. Love is caring. Love is tolerance. Love is respectful, gentle, understanding and patient. Is he being these things?

    {{HUGS}} to you.
  • damnedyankeelass
    damnedyankeelass Posts: 2 Member
    I am so sorry your husband is so shallow! My partner has been encouraging, and tells me I’m looking hot, but he has been very clear that he loves me regardless of my size. I came from a fat-shaming family so the internal self-shaming dialogue is what I have to learn to turn off! I was told I was unlovable at the age of 5 (“if you’re fat no one will marry you”!).
  • NVintage
    NVintage Posts: 1,463 Member
    edited April 2021
    There's a lot of guys like that out there, unfortunately,and women, I'm sure. If he's like the guy I met at 19 and dated for two years, it won't matter if you lose weight, he'll just find something else to be dissatisfied about. This guy ripped my favorite shirt because he didn't like it. :# I finally figured out that it was his own insecurities and had nothing to do with me, but by then I was so unattracted to him that nothing he did would have made it worth it for me to stay!!!
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 6,447 Member
    He sounds like a passive aggressive douche to me.

    I agree with what everyone else said. :)
  • Fuzzipeg
    Fuzzipeg Posts: 2,244 Member
    edited April 2021
    I'm glad I don't live in your world.

    Do you really think any woman put through this abusive rejection would turn to others who in turn would try to abuse her!? A very good friend of mine was single for more than 10 years after she got out of an abusive relationship, others have been known to take far, far longer many never trust any one again.

    Being responsible for yourself is better than being involved with some nonentity. Its a rare man worth knowing.

    edited to add,

    As was said in my youth, A woman without a man is like an octopus without a bicycle.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited April 2021
    @WickedWitchy13 Snowflake954 gave you some really good advice. This is very touchy. It's possible that you've been eating for your feelings to compensate for the marriage. Flat out, there are many who complain about their mates but they don't do anything about it day after day and year after year. Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Loudly. Sit down face-to-face and get down to the roots of what's really eating away at him.

    Be bold. Be fearless. You need to know how he really feels about you and the marriage. Weight gain and weight loss doesn't hold a marriage together.
    The Gain Blame Game is Lame. Find out how he really feels about you.

  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @MadMaxMFP01 Understood and appreciated but it happens to the men, too....almost as soon as they as they join.
  • Be_theBest_Me
    Be_theBest_Me Posts: 768 Member
    I have been in your shoes I don't really understand what you feel my husband called me fat to my face for 3 years and it had nothing to do with me or my body it is something that he is struggling with do not take that on yourself if you want to lose weight do it for you and for you alone don't do it to make him happy or acknowledge you do it for you because you want to feel better be healthy and live a fun fulfilling life and you need to tell him that his comments are hurting you you need to explain to him where you're at and that you don't need that kind of attack none of us do during this hard time in our lives we are all going through something that we have never been through before as humans and we need to be delicate and nice to each other that is absolutely ridiculous but I guarantee there's some kind of insecurity that he is feeling that's making him lash out!!!
  • donaldmackay12
    donaldmackay12 Posts: 125 Member
    No one should judge on weight or looks , we are all different support your partner is the best way and help them if I feed they do want to change

    My view on it