How to deal with a mom that wants me to get fat?
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ObsessedMonster
Posts: 150 Member
I have a mom who constantly tells me to stop counting calories and eat. She makes a ton of baked gods and cookies; they're always the one's I specifically like. She forces me to eat them and enjoys watching me get fat. Today I decided to take one day off from counting to please my mom and binged on home-made muffins. She said "good, I'm glad you ate them all". She didn't dare take one. She just watched me eat muffin after muffin. I guess it's also my fault for not having any control, but how do I get over this guilt caused by over eating and deal with my mom's constant nagging? I'm not a child any more. I'm at a healthy weight and maintaining it in a healthy matter (exercising and eating at maintenance). My mom makes me feel guilty for trying to maintain a healthy weight. Any suggestions?
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Replies
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She "forces" you to eat them? If you don't want to eat them don't. Just ignore her . You can't let anyone else control your life. It's your decision not hers.8
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I had a similar situation with my mother-in-law when we were visiting the in-laws a lot. There's a good chance that to them there is a rationalization that food is love. They want to make you 'good' food because they love you. To her, rejecting it is an emotional slap in the face. i had to have a sincere talk with my MIL to get to understand the difficulty of maintaining my diet and her 'food pushing'. It worked eventually and it became easier to say no thanks or she wouldn't make me a plate.5
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I am 35 years old. Moved in to my Mom's with my son after splitting up with my husband and she is exactly the same way. She is not supportive. When she found out that I was doing this "mfp" she went and bought Krispie creme chocolate covered doughnuts, like she does EVERY TIME I tell her that I am trying to lose weight. She does it on purpose and flaunts sweets in my face. I did something different two weeks ago. Instead of cussing her under my breath and eating the doughnuts. I wrote myself a list of ALL of the most personal reasons why I want to lose and also wrote why I should not give in and cheat. I wrote stuff like, "I deserve it" and "I never follow through with anything so I have to do this to prove to myself that I can". When she gave my son a doughnut right in front of me, I took off my glasses (so I couldn't see) then grabbed my kindle and read my very personal reasons why I can't cheat or give up. It worked! I have only had to read it once so far in these two weeks but it worked. When she does it again, walk away, make yourself a very personal letter and read it, then think of TWO sayings.... If you cheat, you are only cheating yourself AND let your haters be your motivators! It has been two weeks and now that she knows that I am serious, she has backed off a lot and even eats healthier with me. That may not happen for you but it might. Also talk about your calorie intake and talk about myfitnesspal just as much as she talks about it negatively or when she is baking, talk about it. Straight up tell her that you have to get healthy and you are not going to eat it and walk away.9
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You said it yourself, OP - you are not a child anymore. Your mother can't force you to eat cookie after cookie. Put your foot down. With yourself and your mother. Next time she bakes a batch of goodies for you, you could tell her thank you, then bag them up and find a neighbor or someone else to give them to.5
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There. Fixed it for you.It's my fault
You're in control. Time to stop being mommy's baby.7 -
Personal responsibility is part of being an adult.6
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Just say your not hungry now and you will eat it later. When she is not looking, just throw the stuff out (where she wont see it). Tell her you eat them and they are very good. She is happy you are happy and sugar and flour is cheep. Even if it did cost a lot how could you put a price tag on your health.2
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My mother-in-law used to do that. After I asked her politely to stop it and she continued, I started to throw away anything she brought over as soon as she brought it in the door. Only took her twice before she got the message.1
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Just say your not hungry now and you will eat it later. When she is not looking, just throw the stuff out (where she wont see it). Tell her you eat them and they are very good. She is happy you are happy and sugar and flour is cheep. Even if it did cost a lot how could you put a price tag on your health.
I would say that you're not hungry but not that you'll eat it later, that just encourages her to continue, refuse to eat it and letting it go to waste would probably be more effective.
Personally I also wouldn't be allowing my son to up his junk food intake purely because you are staying with your mum, junk food (donuts, cookies, fast food etc) should be the occassional treat not an every day occurance, without making a big deal about it start him on a healthy diet (I'm saying don't make a big deal out of it because of an article I read yesterday about 6 year old wanting to do the Juice Cleanse Diet because they see their parents doing them)!!2 -
If I may ask, is your mom fat?
Just a thought that she probably wants a company. Just maybe.4 -
I have the same sort of issue with my mother in law. She works in a deli and likes to buy chocolates, cakes and jams to us when she comes over even though she knows I have changed my lifestyle and would prefer not to eat them. I just always say no thank you when she cracks them open, and continue to eat my dried fruit or whatever it is I'm munching on. If I'm not eating with them, I get up and do something else until they're done Then I'm not tempted to throw in the towel and join them. 2
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I was in this position, and I started throwing the food away when she wasn’t looking. Initially I felt very guilty, but I knew it was the only way to wrestle back control of the situation.
It soon felt good, because it felt like revenge. It certainly felt better than being angry or bitter. Mum would be giving me this smug grin, thinking I’d eaten a load of cakes, whereas I knew they were down the toilet.
I remember one day, my mother bought me some chocolates and cakes. My heart sank, because I knew I was about to go through the usual cycle: try not to eat the bad food until I cave in and eat everything.
Half a second later, I remembered I could just throw the stuff away. I’ll never forget how the stress just drifted away. I had found the solution to my problem.
I think what some people don’t understand is that when bad foods are there, they wear down your willpower - even if you’re not actually eating them.
I used to tell my mother not to buy me these things, but she would just say, “if I buy them, you’ll eat them”. She was virtually telling me: So long as I was willing to hang myself, she was willing to hand me the rope.
I think the people who behave like my mother are usually overweight themselves: Misery loves company.7 -
My Mother constantly overfed me as a child. She insisted that I stay fat, just like her. When I refused to eat all of the fattening food she prepared, she would get very angry and say "If you get skinny, you will get Cancer". When I became an adult, I realized that my Mother was always very jealous of me and wanted to keep me fat and unattractive. She considered me competition to herself. She told me that I was never as pretty as she was and called me a fat slob. Yes, I believe that my Mother had big problems but it's unfortunate that I had to suffer because of her problems.10
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Food is tied to a lot more than nutrition. Notice how it's always mothers in these stories? A lot of moms get pleasure out of watching their children eat and if nutrition isn't a priority for them then I think they worry about losing that positive feedback.
For my mom it was gift giving. Once I got old enough that I didn't need her to buy me things anymore she would continue getting me stuff all the time anyway. Probably doesn't sound too bad but she'd insist, even if I didn't need the item, or didn't have room for it, and just wasn't interested in it. If I didn't want it she'd get upset because it was one of the only ways she knew how to show affection. She sucks at showing real interest in me. Was rarely that supportive of my endeavors. Could never remember any of my friends, accomplishments, classes, etc. But where she felt comfortable was buying us junk.
One thing you could try doing with the food is give them recipes that you can enjoy or tell them things they can buy you that you would still like. Maybe instead of muffins you can start getting fruit baskets or homemade protein bars, etc.1 -
This is abuse. OP, you are being abused. Others who have shared similar stories in this thread, I am so sorry that you also experienced this kind of abuse. Please do what you need to do to keep yourself safe, but put plans in motion ASAP to get away from this person.1
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I come from a meat eating family and they aren’t super happy I’m vegetarian now. My mom takes a lot things personally with her food. 1. Ignore them, they’ll get used to the new you. 2. Politely walk away when those things are offered. Just say no. She will get over it. 3. Start making and cooking your own food. This is your journey and you have to decide that being healthy and happy is more important than what your mom thinks. Sorry if it’s harsh what I said but be strong and stand up for yourself. You won’t regret it. Much luck!!0
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You do realize that this thread is from 2014 and the OP is no longer around? Carry on---I think.2
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