How can I keep discussion about my weight private?

FiberousJ
FiberousJ Posts: 82 Member
in Motivation and Support
I work out every day. I am a buff guy, but still have some extra weight to lose. I do not, however, like to discuss weight or fitness with friends or family, or anyone. Some of you might not agree, but it is my choice and what I'm comfortable with.

I do have some insecurity too. Sometimes when someone looks at my arms and asks if I've been working out, I take it as a way of saying you're heavy, you're big. Even if its muscle, I've learned to never take it as a compliment. Why? Because at times in my life when I gained weight, people also said it looks like I've been working out. I find that they were just trying to be nice.

But it's hard for someone like me to hide my body. They can see the muscles. But I'm trying to become less beefy and also lose some extra weight. I don't know how to tell people that when they make a comment.

I also have this one cousin who is actually mentally ill. So when I was heavier, she really bugged me and it made me lose a lot of confidence. She would go out of her way to email me or call me about my weight. One time I bumped into her at the mall and she told me to go eat the fish at the food court and then asked me to get a tummy tuck. I told her to leave me alone and that she has problems and she snapped back and said, ''No. You do.''

Now she is an exception. Most people are not like that. But I just want a cop-out. I work hard every day and I want to make my business private. Do you have any advice? I'm going through a lot of confidence issues right now, even though I've lost 30 pounds in the last year. I'm just not where I need to be, but I want this journey to be just mine. I only talk to people on here about it.

Replies

  • FiberousJ
    FiberousJ Posts: 82 Member
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    You can't prevent most people from asking the if you've been working out, but you don't have to entertain a discussion about it.

    For acquaintances: "Yes, thanks. How are the kids/dogs/squirrels in the attic?"

    For trusted friends and family: "This is something I'm not comfortable discussing because it's led to hurtful conversations in the past. Please respect that and don't bring it up again."

    For your cousin: "I am not discussing this with you. <topic change, if necesssary>"

    For yourself: Therapy. It's a normal thing in our society to use "Have you been working out?" as a compliment or expression of admiration. Your insecurities are on you, and you can't expect everyone to know that question upsets you. Therapy will help you navigate the feelings that question brings up and maybe help you view it in a more positive light.

    (My personal stance is that you don't comment on someone's body unless they bring it up - if they've lost weight due to being ill, for example, my comments could be very hurtful. But that's still not the norm in society, and most people are well-meaning.)



    I do like this advice. For some reason, some people like to go on and on about my body. Sometimes it's not a one-liner and they want to make a whole conversation about it.
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    General conversation ending comments... Thanks for your concern. I'll think about that. My doctor approves of what I'm doing. I don't discuss my health with _____ (friends, family, strangers, fill in the blank).
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,399 Member
    FiberousJ wrote: »
    chocolate_owl wrote: »
    You can't prevent most people from asking the if you've been working out, but you don't have to entertain a discussion about it.

    For acquaintances: "Yes, thanks. How are the kids/dogs/squirrels in the attic?"

    For trusted friends and family: "This is something I'm not comfortable discussing because it's led to hurtful conversations in the past. Please respect that and don't bring it up again."

    For your cousin: "I am not discussing this with you. <topic change, if necesssary>"

    For yourself: Therapy. It's a normal thing in our society to use "Have you been working out?" as a compliment or expression of admiration. Your insecurities are on you, and you can't expect everyone to know that question upsets you. Therapy will help you navigate the feelings that question brings up and maybe help you view it in a more positive light.

    (My personal stance is that you don't comment on someone's body unless they bring it up - if they've lost weight due to being ill, for example, my comments could be very hurtful. But that's still not the norm in society, and most people are well-meaning.)



    I do like this advice. For some reason, some people like to go on and on about my body. Sometimes it's not a one-liner and they want to make a whole conversation about it.

    How can they discuss it if you won't? They'll wind up just talking to themselves.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited May 2021
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/comment/45978038#Comment_45978038


    Second verse same as the first.

    You have to get to the point where you do not care what others think.
    Sit down with someone, face-to-face. Let them help you navigate your way through what you weigh and your training so you can move forward and get past all of this.
  • comradelemon
    comradelemon Posts: 1 Member
    I hate discussing my body with friends/family/acquaintances too. Sometimes the best answer is "Thank you," and then change the topic (the weather is suddenly interesting!) - most people should take the hint. If they straight up ask for scale numbers, I'll usually lie and say I don't know. I also find it more comfortable to say I've been enjoying my home exercise videos or increased pandemic hikes (and then change the topic lol), instead of chatting any dietary details. And probably better to not try and hide your body, other than whatever clothes you're most comfortable in. People will see the changes, make their stupid comments, and then get over it.
  • iam4scuba
    iam4scuba Posts: 39 Member
    I like to use "I'll look into it" to end conversations I'm not interested in. It works especially well when it kind of follows, but doesn't really make sense.

    Other: "Have you been lifting?"
    You: "I'll look into it."
    Other: confused face

    Then use that time to change the subject.

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