Need advice for a tubby hubby...

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brittanydaniel79
brittanydaniel79 Posts: 226
in Motivation and Support
My husband doesn't have the same fitness goals I have. He isn't fat, but he is overweight. His job is physical though, and he's always on his feet. However, he never exercises his heart. No cardio other than walking on the job. And he eats what seems like too much, and even if the calories aren't too much, it is too much of the wrong thing. vegetable is a bad word. fruit is occasionally okay. and when i cook my healthy foods, i have to separate his and our daughters' food because they won't eat it.

i'm afraid that i come across as judgemental when i criticize his food choices. his defense is that he doesn't gain any weight (in fact, he's lost weight recently because he quit soda). but my concern is in the future when his metabolism slows, his eating won't be any different, and then he will gain. (this has happened to most men in his family.)

how can i convince him he needs to eat better? and when he works 12pm-9pm and is exhausted by the time he gets home, how can i convince him to work out? i want him around for a long time, but this tends to be a sensitive subject.
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  • bjohs
    bjohs Posts: 1,225 Member
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    My husband doesn't have the same fitness goals I have. He isn't fat, but he is overweight. His job is physical though, and he's always on his feet. However, he never exercises his heart. No cardio other than walking on the job. And he eats what seems like too much, and even if the calories aren't too much, it is too much of the wrong thing. vegetable is a bad word. fruit is occasionally okay. and when i cook my healthy foods, i have to separate his and our daughters' food because they won't eat it.

    i'm afraid that i come across as judgemental when i criticize his food choices. his defense is that he doesn't gain any weight (in fact, he's lost weight recently because he quit soda). but my concern is in the future when his metabolism slows, his eating won't be any different, and then he will gain. (this has happened to most men in his family.)

    how can i convince him he needs to eat better? and when he works 12pm-9pm and is exhausted by the time he gets home, how can i convince him to work out? i want him around for a long time, but this tends to be a sensitive subject.

    Read this to him! :)

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390
  • schobert101
    schobert101 Posts: 218 Member
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    You can't. Period. Many of us have been where you are. Attempts to 'help' or change the other person usually backfire. He has to want to do it himself/ As hard as it is to see a loved one destroy themselves. the best thing you can do is be a good example.If he requests help provide him the tools and advice and hope and pray he comes around.
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
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    Don't encourage him to "exercise". I hate to exercise.....instead I find fun "activities".........walking in a 5k is fun to participate in for me. Biking to the park or wherever....is fun for me. Frisbee golf, swimming, find fun stuff....and do those things together without mentioning the exercise word. That's more of a lifestyle change anyway.
  • Annieminnesota
    Annieminnesota Posts: 111 Member
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    I'm not sure, but when you find out that answer, let me know!

    I'm afraid they just have to be ready to make the lifestyle change. I'm hoping once I reach my goal weight and my hubby sees how happy I am, he will eventually want to do something about his weight. I've tried telling him how much I want him to lose weight, but he will come up with all the excuses in the world why he can't. I'm hoping someday he'll make the choice for himself...
  • jamie1888
    jamie1888 Posts: 1,704 Member
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    How about suggesting family walks on the weekends? Something you can all do together. And you can make it seem like it's helping YOU and not that it's for him.

    As far as food (and the exercise for that matter), maybe you can just explain that you want to start setting a better example for your daughter. That it isn't just about losing weight, it's about being healthy. Teaching her how to eat healthy and be active is something you should both want to do! Tell him, that you guys need to lead by example for her!
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
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    I'm trying to get my husband to want to do anything physical with me.. you know besides other things.

    But he too is on his feet all day and doesn't want to do anything when he comes home.. or at all ever and it's kind of depressing.
  • ohwhataday
    ohwhataday Posts: 1,398 Member
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    How about suggesting family walks on the weekends? Something you can all do together. And you can make it seem like it's helping YOU and not that it's for him.

    As far as food (and the exercise for that matter), maybe you can just explain that you want to start setting a better example for your daughter. That it isn't just about losing weight, it's about being healthy. Teaching her how to eat healthy and be active is something you should both want to do! Tell him, that you guys need to lead by example for her!

    I do that constantly and it still doesn't work.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    i'm afraid that i come across as judgemental when i criticize his food choices.

    You do.

    Leave him alone. He's an adult. He knows.

    And if his job is physical, he's exercising his heart.
  • Diary_Queen
    Diary_Queen Posts: 1,314 Member
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    At my household, I cook.... it's healthy. If the people eating dont like it, they find something else. I'm not a short order cook nor do I cater to whatever they whine and beg for. My boys are 6 years old and if they dont eat at least a good percentage of their veg, then they cant get up from the table. I dont do the clean plate club or anything like that, but children have to try new foods at least 15-20 times before they can make an accurate decision on whether or not they like it. It's taken a while, but my kids beg me to buy broccoli, raw carrots, cauliflower, english peas, asparagus, brussel sprouts and every fruit they see in the store... even ones that I dont know what they are. You have to encourage curiosity in kids.... husbands on the other hand.... I have no freakin idea. Never had one... the statements above is probably why. LOL
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    I have a lot of challenges cooking for my family. My stepson's are both autistic and are very pciky when it comes to food and my honey and my step daughter are both diabetic so that plays a role as well. Of course my daughter and I love food and will eat just about anything. My suggestion would be to find healthier food options that everyone can enjoy. As far as exercis......not to be blunt or intrusive but sex burns an awful lot of calories and I don't think there is a man alive that would object to more sex :wink:
  • RockHardAngel_777
    RockHardAngel_777 Posts: 68
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    I'll let you know what I did with my husband.
    We decided to have a baby and I vowed I would do everything I could to make sure the baby was healthy, well he was (8.4 healthy!)
    Anyhoo, obviously gaining "baby weight" wasn't fun so I decided that I wanted to get back into shape and actually try and look and feel even better then I did before we got pregnant. I am the type of person that wants results fast to know if something/a workout works. So I started looking into Insanity. Awesome looking workout to me. My husband laughed about me watchin the infermercials all the time. Well I finally told him I want to try it. He didn't think it was goin to work, but then he decided to do "research" (for me) (supposidly) on this Insanity workout and thought, Hey that looks pretty challenging and, long story short, said I want to try it too. So we ordered it and did it together and it was the greatest thing we could ever do for ourselves. In turn he just automatically wanted to start eating better since he was workin out like a champion, he needed "better" food. And we grew closer because we were pushing each other. Then talking about our health and eating habbits was a fun thing to do!

    Hope it gives you an idea, and I hope everything works out for the both of you! :)
  • jamie1888
    jamie1888 Posts: 1,704 Member
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    Read this to him! :)

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390

    HA HA! That's great!! :love: :tongue:
  • papa5280
    papa5280 Posts: 80
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    I agree with Schobert. You can't. You can help by making sure the home has a lot of yummy, healthier snacks and foods, but you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make him skip the Pepsi.

    Think about any food pressure you got before you set your current fitness goals. If anyone told you you shouldn't eat something, did that make you not eat it? Or did it make you resent that person. Then, it becomes a control issue over who has the say over his body. You'll lose that battle....and the war.


    The desire to change has to come from within.
  • jamie1888
    jamie1888 Posts: 1,704 Member
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    As far as exercis......not to be blunt or intrusive but sex burns an awful lot of calories and I don't think there is a man alive that would object to more sex :wink:

    Um, let's be honest here... MOST people are not doing enough work during sex or lasting long enough to make it an effective form of exercise! I wouldn't rely on that as a sole form of exercise! :laugh:
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,659 Member
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    He has to make up his mind. Old saying "A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still". Do what you need to do.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    He's a grown man. If he chooses to ignore facts about eating and health there's not much you can do about it except let him know that it bothers you because you care. But you mentioned a daughter that also doesn't eat healthy. IMO that is something you need to correct. You are the parent and should teach your child proper nutrition so that she won't be fighting the battle of the bulge (or health problems) later.
  • brittanydaniel79
    brittanydaniel79 Posts: 226
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    Read this to him! :)

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/bjohs/view/sex-weight-loss-117390

    Haha! This would work if we didn't already do it every change we got! :smooched:
  • limismith
    limismith Posts: 156 Member
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    There is so much more to health than weight! I always like on the biggest loser when they show people beyond pounds just what their body is going through.

    This might be sneaky, but what if you made an account for him and tracked his food for a couple of day. Then you can show him whats going on - like if he is eating 10 x his recommended sodium, thats really bad! Or if he eats nothing but carbs, also super bad! Might not be making him gain weight, but things like that can hurt you heart, kidneys, etc...

    Another idea- if he has a family hx of weight gain, can you find a picture of a family member before and after they gained the weight? If you can show him 2 or 3 people who looked like him and now they have diabetes and need a cane to walk, that might be a huge wakeup call.

    And one more idea. If you want to really lay down the law, you might pull the parent card. You have a child who watches mom and dad eat, and wants to be just like you. If he wants to be unhealthy thats on him, but in your house around your daughter, the family eats healthy meals (AND you are not making them all seperate meals!!) together at the table. So pull up a glass of milk and enjoy your carrots!

    Its so much easier to give advice from the outside. I know its much harder to deal with in real life. Best of luck!
  • RockHardAngel_777
    RockHardAngel_777 Posts: 68
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    Also, don't give up on him. He is your husband right? I look at it as they need a challenge. They don't want to do Yoga, or eat "pretty" food or smell flowers (LOL) like we do. They are MEN so it needs to be something that would spark there interest.
    Hey maybe you should both sit down and watch the 300 movie together! LOL (its a great "dude" movie, but you'll like the senery) Hey, very FIT good lookin men sometimes intimidate and make another man look at himself and think, wow i need to do somethin here. Just refrain from remarks like, "Wow they look good", or "Don't you wish you could look like that", it will just either piss them off or make them insecure.
  • kbrodzen
    kbrodzen Posts: 66
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    I love this article.. i will have to try that :)

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