I have no idea what I’m doing

breyegrl
breyegrl Posts: 11 Member
in Getting Started
I want to lose weight. Every article/book/website has conflicting information on how to do so. Reduce calories? Reduce fat? Increase fat and reduce carbs? 20-40-40? I have cut out sugar and bread and pasta and rice and am trying to stay below my calories per day but I have no clue what to track for macros and I have no idea how to eat. I am down a pound one day and up a pound the next. I have will power and drive but get frustrated with no results on a guesswork plan and then I decide fat on ice cream is better than fat on lettuce and avocado and I throw up my hands and quit. Anybody willing to help me?

Replies

  • breyegrl
    breyegrl Posts: 11 Member
    Thank you. That makes sense. I guess teaching my body “healthy” takes more than three weeks. I’m impatient.
  • corinasue1143
    corinasue1143 Posts: 7,464 Member
    Lots of people here will help, but most of it is up to you.
    Weighing every day At the same time and under the same conditions and entering it in a weight averaging app, looking at the average will help the scale anxiety.
  • DD265
    DD265 Posts: 651 Member
    edited June 2021
    I have a tendency to plan for perfection, fall flat on my face and quit.

    This time around I decided to make small changes so that I could form new habits and gradually change my lifestyle to something I personally consider healthier. You can read about my plan in my blog, but the short version is I track religiously, try to incorporate more fruit/veg and nothing is off-limits but it needs to fit within my calorie goal. The interesting thing about doing this is you realise that some foods (and they'll be different for everyone) aren't worth the calories to you, and you stop eating those in favour of something else. At this point, crisps and chocolate are totally worth the 'spend' in my book.

    Since starting in January I've lost over 9kg and I think I've had two days over my calorie goal (including exercise calories) but still in a deficit for the week so I don't class those as failures (old me would have!). I definitely have yo-yo days - I put on 0.5kg between yesterday and today, but was 0.6kg lower today than I was last Monday. This is totally normal and there are various reasons why it happens. The scales will fluctuate from day to day but if I look at the graph since January there's a steady downwards trend.

    At this point I don't care about my macros. I know that I will care in time, whether it's because I want to support weight lifting or to manage hunger or for X other reason, but for now it's a complication I don't need. Making macros balance every day sounds like hard work (at least until you get used to it) and as has been said, there's not one rule to follow unfortunately. When I want to do that, I figure I'll plan a week's worth of food and repeat it until I get bored, then plan some more options etc. For now I have a slightly more laid back approach.

    I would recommend taking a step back and thinking about what might make the journey sustainable for you.
  • breyegrl
    breyegrl Posts: 11 Member
    Thank you. I appreciate your idea. I think I just want to feel better about the whole thing. I don’t want my self esteem to be tied to my weight fluctuations and I don’t want to “try” and still fail. I guess sustainability is what I’ve always lacked in this journey and, probably, what I need to focus more on. My relationship with food is tumultuous and I just need to stop overthinking it.
  • lmf1012
    lmf1012 Posts: 402 Member
    It is easy to overthink things and also to over complicate the process which then overwhelms us and we throw up our hands in frustration.

    If you’ve entered your basic info and set a reasonable weight loss goal, MFP will set a calorie goal that includes a deficit to lose weight. As far as macros, protein is the important one to hit and the default macro percentages are fine to start with. You can adjust them as needed as you start figuring out what foods keep you satisfied longer, etc.

    While exercising is not necessary to lose weight, it does have many benefits and adding in some to your routine can help you achieve your goals.
  • breyegrl
    breyegrl Posts: 11 Member
    I think the overthinking comes from wanting to feel control. Maybe if I would stop obsessing over macros and add in some more routine exercise -
    it would help on multiple levels. Thank you for the idea.
  • davidmcglynn1907
    davidmcglynn1907 Posts: 3 Member
    I read something once that said, "You manage what you measure." That means: log your meals. I have found that the act of logging your meals alone -- taking the time to enter it all in -- will make you more mindful about what you're eating and how much and when. And you'll start to adjust your choices because you'll be thinking about your choices. So just start logging. The results will come.

    Also, the first few weeks are hard (I was on a different site previously). But they get better. There's a sweet spot and then it gets hard again when you're really going past your comfort zone.
  • breyegrl
    breyegrl Posts: 11 Member
    Thank you. I’m just so tired of starting over. I’m going to make it this time! I appreciate your thoughts.
  • rheddmobile
    rheddmobile Posts: 6,840 Member
    One thing that’s important to realize is that you don’t really gain or lose a pound of fat a day, you are seeing shifts in water weight. To gain a pound of fat you would have to eat 3,500 calories over your maintenance calories, and you aren’t doing that. Unless you are doing massive amounts of exercise such as a marathon every day, you aren’t losing a pound of fat in a day either, because you would have to eat 3,500 fewer calories than you need, and you don’t need that many! So don’t panic based on the scale. Weigh every day and eventually you will see a downward trend.

    Log your food accurately, stay under your calorie allowance, and if you haven’t seen a notable drop in a month (to allow for being a woman who retains water during her monthly cycle) then adjust your calories. Be patient. You didn’t gain the weight overnight and you can’t lose it overnight. You got this.
  • TwistedSassette
    TwistedSassette Posts: 8,825 Member
    I completely agree with what @DD265 says, it's exactly the approach that I have taken and I am down over 30 lbs so far. I have ups and downs (because I'm a human, not a robot, so I'm not perfect all the time). But I am making progress and I feel 1000 times better than I did the last time I attempted to lose weight.

    I started out just logging every single thing I ate or drank for a couple of weeks - it's hard to not want to jump in and start restricting straight away, but I wanted to collect data first. Straight away there were a few things that I could see would make a big difference but weren't that hard to do - things like skipping that can of creaming soda that's like 130 calories and I didn't really need it, or using half as much cheese on my bolognese. I noticed that I was eating a lot of my calories in the afternoon, so I started having just a small snack and going for a walk instead - because if I'm honest with myself, I was eating because I was bored, not because I was hungry.

    Later I started reducing my portion sizes, when I realised that I was serving myself as much dinner as my 6'4" normal-weight hubby eats, and that has made a really big difference without feeling like I'm deprived.

    A big thing for me was figuring out how to change my mindset from one riddled with guilt and negative feelings, to one of hope and positivity. That's still a work in progress but I have definitely changed my thought patterns a lot. Part of that was realising that it took many years for me to accumulate this much fat, so it will likely take a long time to release it. And part of it has been recognising that the eating and movement habits that I had, were not something I wanted to have forever, especially since that's what got me to 300 lbs in the first place. The changes that I am making are ones that I can see myself doing for the rest of my life. I don't cut out entire foods like bread or pasta or pizza or beer, I just don't have them every day and when I do have them, I eat a smaller portion. That came with a realisation that thin people I know still eat this stuff - but they don't eat as much of it as I do, and I don't see them eating it all the time!

    Regarding the fluctuations on the scale, understand that those fluctuations are completely normal and do not mean that you are gaining/losing a pound of fat in a day. It takes a caloric surplus of ~3500 calories to gain a pound of fat - I highly doubt that you are eating that far above maintenance in a day. Those fluctuations are most likely related to water retention, which is affected by a multitude of factors like hydration, sodium intake, hormones, humidity etc. so if you want to weigh every day (I do), use it as a data point and nothing more. When there is a rise on the scale, look at why that might be (did you drink enough water yesterday? do you feel bloated at all? when was your last bowel movement?) but do not allow yourself to feel guilt for a moment. The scale is a tool that provides information, that is all.

    So that's my advice to you: stop, take a moment and take a breath. Think about what you want your everyday to look like beyond your goal weight, and start to make changes that reflect that. Start small, and build your momentum. Focus on one change/habit at a time and build on that. You simply can't expect yourself to change a lifetime of habits overnight, that is an unfair expectation on anybody. Accept that there will be times that you make poor choices (as I said, we are humans) and learn what you can from that experience before putting it behind you and focusing on the next day.

    There are some great support groups and challenges here in the Community too - they are usually very friendly and helpful and supportive. Here are links to a couple of groups that I am in which I find helpful:
    Support groups:
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/114605-fat-2-fit-weight-loss-challenge-and-support-group
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/52-building-healthy-habits
    Challenges:
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/125437-hogsmeade-village
    https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/group/128738-game-of-thrones-the-challenge-season-3
  • breyegrl
    breyegrl Posts: 11 Member
    Thank you both so much. Rarely do I reach out for help and this has been a very positive and uplifting experience for me. I appreciate your time and your insights.
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,456 Member
    edited June 2021
    I agree with what others here have said. Don’t try to do too much at once. Patience is key. No, three weeks isn’t enough.

    I get your confusion. There’s so much stuff being thrown at us literally from every direction. Social media! Influencers! Ads! Magazine covers! Food packaging claims! Well meaning friends! Books! Podcasts! It’s no wonder our heads are a whirlwind of conflicting information- and outright falsehoods.

    I’m what someone here disparagingly referred to the other day as a CICO (calories in/calories out) Purist. CICO made the most sense to me, and when I began practicing it, I got immediate results.

    I worries about macros at first, but came to the conclusion I needed to Keep It Simple, Stupid. I was getting too bogged down with macros. I realized any plan of thoughtful eating was gonna be better than what I was doing before, and just stopped paying attention.

    I did learn as I went along that I needed unusually high levels of protein for satiation. That’s the only macro I pay attention to. If I have a health issue that’s later related to under/over on carbs or fats, well, I’ll deal with that then.

    You’ll have to find which macro satiates you. It’s different for everyone, but…..knowing that gave me breathing room to focus on calories.

    I plan menus out a week in advance, and usually log meals and snacks a day or two in advance. Having a set meal plan helps with creating a grocery list. I seldom deviate from my list, which has been extraordinarily helpful in keeping “trigger” foods out of the house.

    If my husband wants snacks, he makes a separate trip to the grocery store. I have no idea what he’s snacking on or where he’s hidden it, unless he drops Cheese-Its or whatever on the floor.

    Any “dangerous” snacks (cookies, small chocolate bars) generally go in the freezer. Knowing I’d have to wait for them to thaw usually kills the desire. I just found a bar of chocolate marzipan from last Christmas. (Me? Forgetting there was chocolate in the freezer?! Especially marzipan?!!!)

    I’ve found substitutes within meals (cashew milk and egg whites in pancakes, stir fry on a bed of cauliflower rice), and I’ve found substitutes for whole meals (homemade spaghetti sauce takes five minutes to pour into the crockpot, costs a fraction of bottled, is about half the calories and is amazzzzzzing).

    I’ve also found that when I make something like lasagna, I don’t need to eat three or four servings and half a loaf of bread. I do need to supplement my single serving with a large salad and a ciabatta loaf I’ve sliced very thin myself- fools my eye into thinking I’m having a lot of garlic bread when I’m really having cracker thin slices.

    Every time I find a new substitute, or a lower calorie way to make something I get a little frisson of win/win!!!

    You say breads rice and pasta are an issue. Find a lower calorie bread. Lewis Bakeries “Healthy White” bread is 35 calories a slice and tastes just like Sunbeam. Lunch today was chopped chicken, lettuce and tomatoes in a 45 calorie Carb Smart tortilla. Just as satisfying as a sandwich. I love Lidl’s seasoned chicken sausages but eat them on a slice of 35 calorie bread. Why “spend” 130 on a classic hotdog bun? I can invest that extra 100 in a nice snack.

    Buy whole loaves or make your own and invest in a super sharp serrated knif so you can cut slices as thin as you want.

    A half serving of rice, couscous or bulgar is plenty these days.

    Pasta, can’t help you with that. I wish there were a miracle product but that ones straight up portion control!

    If you’re gonna throw your hands up, eat some cottage cheese with fruit and balsamic instead of ice cream. After while, that’s what your going to crave anyway.

    Retrain those tastebuds.

    Much success to you. These Community boards are going to be your support system and personal information source. USE THEM.

  • CenFlo7
    CenFlo7 Posts: 22 Member
    DD265 wrote: »
    I have a tendency to plan for perfection, fall flat on my face and quit.

    [...] I decided to make small changes so that I could form new habits and gradually change my lifestyle to something I personally consider healthier. [...]

    At this point I don't care about my macros. I know that I will care in time, whether it's because I want to support weight lifting or to manage hunger or for X other reason, but for now it's a complication I don't need. Making macros balance every day sounds like hard work (at least until you get used to it) and as has been said, there's not one rule to follow unfortunately. When I want to do that, I figure I'll plan a week's worth of food and repeat it until I get bored, then plan some more options etc. For now I have a slightly more laid back approach.

    I would recommend taking a step back and thinking about what might make the journey sustainable for you.

    Excellent advice here, start small, be consistent and make incremental changes as you go. You'll learn if you journal your workouts, food intake and reflect daily on how you / your body feels.

    You can automate much of this with a fitness tracker / watch and taking a little bit of time to do the rest of the work. Keep it simple and again, BEING CONSISTENT is the key!!

    Go forth, plan it, execute and GET SOME!!


  • Skyler103
    Skyler103 Posts: 121 Member
    The key for me has also been to have things I like to eat, but try to find lower cal ways to make them. I have an open diary if you'd like to take a peek. I'm sure there are others that do too. I think that would help you to see meals that maybe you wouldn't have thought of.
  • Sixteen_Tons
    Sixteen_Tons Posts: 64 Member
    I'm a believer in the calories in less than calories out school, but I disagree that weight loss is just about one thing, You have to address all the issues, and separate the emotional from the physical, deal with the emotional baggage, and balance your calories.

    There is no 'One Size Fits All' solution. As long as the path you take is healthy, tastes good to you, and fits with your lifestyle go with it. Ignore all the Gurus and fad diets, make small changes slowly.

    Most of all forgive yourself for not being perfect or you'll drive yourself crazy. Acknowledge the slip, reflect slowly on why it happened, and develop a strategy to avoid that trigger.

    I definitely don't have all the answers, if I did I wouldn't be on my ??? try over 30 years, but I have gained a little insight over the years.

    Everybody here is pulling for you. If you think I might be of assistance , feel free to friend me.


  • Marilynsretired
    Marilynsretired Posts: 5,530 Member
    Most people believe that if you make a change for the positive for 21 days it becomes a habit.
    I have read a book re science research on how the brain handles food - and in it it says to form a habit actually takes 66 days. So say you want to not eat sugar - stick to the plan of no sugar for 66 days and it should be a habit - but remember if on day 70 you have some sugar - you really have to go back to day 1 as sugar is addictive and even a small amount will tell your brain you need more - so remember 66 days.

    If I can be of help further on this let me know
  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,615 Member
    ^This.

    I used sugar in unhealthy ways, sure. I was a had horrible insomnia and I'd use the sugar (or honestly any carb) to get the quick energy hit. Then I'd crash and repeat.

    I never cut out sugar, at any point.

    I started working on eating enough protein throughout my day and making sure my meals combined protein/fat/fiber/carbs when I ate them.

    still ate - and still eat - either a candy bar or 3 oreos or 1 serving of ice cream or - something sweet - almost every single day.

    That's not out of control. That's me making a choice. I haven't been here for years or anything, but it has been a year and it absolutely has not spiraled. I have no trouble moderating sugar.

    Peanut butter. I cannot moderate peanut butter to save my LIFE. That one's an issue for me!
  • wunderkindking
    wunderkindking Posts: 1,615 Member
    You also really, really need to be willing to experiment with this and set aside your assumptions about yourself. If you'd asked me before I started this journey I would have told you sugar was my problem, and that ice cream in particular was a problem for me.

    I was wrong.

    My primary problem when it came to calorie content was actually fat. See also peanut butter, but not exclusively. I will also eat way too much avocado, mayo, butter, cream, etc. I could tackle sugar until I was purple in the face and I did use it in a bad way, but. It wasn't where my weight issue was coming from.

    My weight issue was primarily from an overage of assorted FATS - which also often come along for the ride with sugar, and so was sort of disguising what my real weak spot was.

    (I then overcorrected, didn't get enough, wanted to gnaw my arm off I was so miserably hungry, and had to work out adding some back. Because that's kind of the learning process).
  • Clint0nAnders0n
    Clint0nAnders0n Posts: 45 Member
    Can I recommend a read of.... https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17737058-the-diet-fix

    It's an excellent book!

    Cheers
  • springlering62
    springlering62 Posts: 8,456 Member
    springlering62 wrote: »
    Marilynsretired wrote: »
    Most people believe that if you make a change for the positive for 21 days it becomes a habit.
    I have read a book re science research on how the brain handles food - and in it it says to form a habit actually takes 66 days. So say you want to not eat sugar - stick to the plan of no sugar for 66 days and it should be a habit - but remember if on day 70 you have some sugar - you really have to go back to day 1 as sugar is addictive and even a small amount will tell your brain you need more - so remember 66 days.

    If I can be of help further on this let me know

    I agree on allowing time for form new habits. I read once (whether it’s scientifically true or not) that it takes six weeks for form a habit. So everything I tried, whether improving diet or eliminating other bad habits, I made myself allow six weeks, and found that time span to be very effective.

    But, I disagree muchly on the sugar.

    I do agree that some of us have something akin to an addiction to sugar. Sugar spirals some of us. I had to have a sugar hit for an energy boost, which was shorter and shorter as the years went by, necessitating a constant flow of sugar. I ate several pounds of candy, cookies etc per day, rationalizing that I “needed” it to function. It finally reached the point that sugar no longer lifted me for more than a few minutes and then the let down was hard and extremely physical. Utter exhaustion.

    Going off sugar, however, wasn’t as hard as I expected. I booted all sweets from the house and made sure I had lots of fruit, cheese sticks, jerky, etc on hand. I made smoothies with a few grams of molasses as sweetener and those were my sweet for the day.

    Today is Day 1001 on MFP.

    Yesterday, I went way over on some treats from Sugar Hut and from a local diner famed for its cakes.

    This morning-as I do every Sunday morning- I had a giant, sugar encrusted apple fritter.

    Several times a week I enjoy a 45 calorie Oreo candy cane (yeah, I bought a case at Christmas) before or between workouts.

    Does this mean I’m going to answer the call of siren sugar and fall back into my evil ways? Hell, no!

    If the last 1,000 days have taught me nothing, they’ve taught me that I am in control of what I eat, and also that going off plan every so often isn’t a bad thing. I get to try treats I've missed, perhaps even say, as I do often do now,”Meh, that wasn’t worth it. I’d have rather had my fruit and cottage cheese.” (Sugar Hut treats, I’m looking at you!)

    Splitting a giant piece of coconut cake doesn’t mean I’ve lost control. If anything, it proves to me that I am in control.

    It was getting beyond the mindset that sugar made my decisions and I had no control that made progress possible.

    Create the goal of controlling sugar, formulate a plan including alternatives (fruits, sugar free products, yogurts, etc), allow the length of time you think, and get yourself over that sugar lump, I mean hump.

    Not to belabor a point, but I went to the grocery store immediately after writing this post and even I was floored when I unpacked.

    tuzii6xjggd1.jpeg

    THIS is how you beat the “sugar monster”.
  • TeaBea
    TeaBea Posts: 14,517 Member
    breyegrl wrote: »
    I want to lose weight. Every article/book/website has conflicting information on how to do so. Reduce calories? Reduce fat? Increase fat and reduce carbs? 20-40-40? I have cut out sugar and bread and pasta and rice and am trying to stay below my calories per day but I have no clue what to track for macros and I have no idea how to eat. I am down a pound one day and up a pound the next. I have will power and drive but get frustrated with no results on a guesswork plan and then I decide fat on ice cream is better than fat on lettuce and avocado and I throw up my hands and quit. Anybody willing to help me?

    Weight loss (or gain) is about calories. Your body uses calories 24/7. The goal for weight loss is to take in fewer calories than your body uses in a given day - ie: keep a calorie deficit.

    The foods you choose are up to you. Keep in mind protein, fat and fiber are filling components. Some people stay full with lower fat and higher protein and others stay full with a mixture of protein, fiber and fat. The point is there is no one formula for everyone, contrary to what diet plans tell you.

    You do you. I don't cut out foods, instead I choose to learn portion control. I didn't get fat because I ate pasta, I got fat because my portions were too big....consistently.

    Don't count on willpower to get you thru. Some days will be up and others will be down. The good news is, you don't have to be perfect to lose weight. You just need to make better choices most of the time. Weight loss is just the first step. Maintenance is the second - lifelong - step. Look for some "forever" changes.

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