On My Journey...Alone

I think there is such negative connotations in the word alone. Being alone isn't all too bad. I understand where you are coming from as far as the support piece of things, but at the end of the day, this is your journey alone and there is nothing wrong with that. There is power and strength in being able to motivate yourself to your goals.

Also, I have found that when I tend to share my goals with other people, hoping for accountability and support, I'm often met with feedback that I wasn't expecting. "Oh you didn't workout today?" or "You know that burgers aren't good for you right?". I realized over time that this is because my goals are MY goals. One friend on WW and another doing Keto will not offer me the same feedback and encouragement, therefore focusing on myself and my health goals, though lonely, is also a way to help me realize that I am capable of doing so much more on my own.

MFP does offer a great service though in allowing like minded people to motivate each other.

Not sure if that makes sense, but I hope that you are able to separate loneliness from obtaining your goals on your own. You totally got this!!!

I don't have wisdom here, just some experience.

I'm a widowed, orphaned, childless only child who lives alone. I've lived alone since my late husband died, in 1998. I've been retired since 2006, had a part time job until maybe 2011, but not since, so no co-workers. I have friends, but not really the BFF/soul mate kind of friends, just nice people with whom I enjoy doing various things.

So, I'm here to say you're not the only one in mostly-solo circumstances. I will admit that I don't struggle with depression, though I do worry a bit about practicalities (who will drive me to that outpatient surgery, wait until it's over, drive me home?), and about logistics as I age (I'm already 65, very independent, but that's unlikely to sustain forever). I have to say, I'm not an atheist - I don't care enough to make that firm decision one way or another about metaphysics of higher powers - so I call myself agnostic. 🤷‍♀️

I'm kind of a terrible MFP friend or individual supporter, unfortunately - more of a forum gal, personally.

Personally, I feel pretty fortunate to be introverted by nature (though able to be social when needed, and enjoy it in reasonable doses - but I don't depend on steady, high sociability for contentment).

This is probably just me, but in some ways, I felt like being alone made it *easier* to become more active (which happened for me quite a few years ago, in my mid-40s), and to lose weight (almost 6 years ago) as well as in maintaining a healthy weight since. I don't have to work around anyone else's schedule or eating preferences, all of my cooking at home is just for me so calorie counting is simplified vs. someone cooking for a family, I don't have to look at a larger spouse's portion sizes or food choices with longing, etc.

As some others above have said, I've found the forums here to be a good way to interact with like-minded people on a similar life course, to get support and advice. As a technology professional before retirement, I'm quite comfortable with electronic communications, which I'm sure helps.

I think your plan to seek professional help is a good one. I believe in using the resources we need to improve our lives, and I wish more people would do that particular thing, without feeling stigma. It's no different from going to a registered dietitian if we need help with eating, or even calling a plumber if the drains plug up or something.

My personal philosophy is to think of undesired life states in two ways:

One is to ask myself, if I don't like where I am, what is it that I've done to create, promote or allow that situation. This is not for self-blame, but because it helps me focus on what I can personally change to improve the situation, i.e., the aspects I can control or at least influence. At the very least, I can influence or control my personal reactions to the circumstances. Often, I can influence or control much more, such as my eating and exercise, when it comes to my health.

For me, this is a problem-solving orientation, empowering. I'm not saying that would be true for others: We're all different, and that's part of what makes life interesting.

Second, I do try to find the positives in an overall situation, and focus on or exploit those. I miss my beloved late husband very much still, but I'm more focused on what I can do now, what my complete independence permits. (I didn't resent balancing priorities with him; but being able to do whatever I want now, without that factor, is essentially a way to take the lemons and make lemonade, y'know?). Another example is what I said above, about the advantages of being alone, when it comes to diet and exercise. I could focus on grief in the widowhood case, or the lack of personal cheerleading support in the diet/exercise case, but for me that's unproductive and disempowering.

After widowhood, in order to stay at least somewhat socially engaged, I had to do some things that were way outside my comfort zone as a rather shy natural introvert. (My late husband was the "social secretary" of us two, managed lots of our couples' relationships with others.) It was frankly unpleasant and awkward at first, and I was objectively bad at it. Having had his example, I knew some strategies to use, and over time, my comfort zone expanded, to my benefit. I'm no longer shy, though I'm still introverted. I form social relationships by seeking out activities, groups, classes, experiences where I can meet and get to know others. Sometimes that's where it ends - group meetings or whatever - and sometimes those relationships become a little more generally social.

Without going into details of my past, I recognize that being depressed can put a person in a place where strategies like that are, at any given moment, out of reach. I sympathize, truly. I'm hopeful that you'll find professional help to be transformational.

I hope you won't take any of my comments as criticisms, or prescriptions about what you "should" do. That's not what I intend, not at all. Like I said, we're all different, and that's a good thing. I'm simply trying to honestly answer your question about who else is alone, and what others' strategies are in that situation.

Wishing you positive outcomes!

I retired last year from a company I built with 2 partners. I didn't realize it at the time, but building the business had really limited my social circle. I really didn't have many friends outside of work. I'm a natural introvert, which is a problem. I used to tell my partners I preferred machines, and animals to most people (I'm a 380 pound Engineer, I can see the looks & hear the whispers). Retiring in the middle of COVID didn't help matters, because it encouraged me to isolate myself. At this point I have a great wife of 40 years, my son, & a best friend of 40 years. I have no particular spiritual leaning, but someone has to be responsible for this 3 ring circus. MFP seems to be what I'm looking for. I need to lose weight for my health, and to be able to do more of the activities I like. This time I made some significant changes in my life, including trying to put myself out there in the world to meet other people face to face. It's only the early days, but the support and lack of judgment at MFP are making it possible for me to try. It's a little scary, but, our time on earth is limited. I refuse to waste one more second being alone.