If you have yo yo'd multiple times, do people stop noticing your progress?

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FiberousJ
FiberousJ Posts: 82 Member
in Motivation and Support
A big part of why I do this is to get the validation of others. In the past when I lost weight, I remember everyone commenting and telling me I look thinner. Then when I gained the weight back, nobody said anything. I lost it again years later and some people told me I'm looking good. But then I got busy and gained a lot back. Nobody said anything. I definitely in a lot better shape since the pandemic because I've had more time to work out, but nobody said anything. When I posted the before and after on FB, I got 50 comments and they were all impressed. The pics looked like 2 different people. But nobody says anything to me in person anymore. It messes with my head. Maybe it's because when I'm bigger, I wear baggier clothes? I do know some people who never say anything either way. They just say it's not in them to say anything, even though I kept on asking them what's different about me?

Am I going about it the right way? I get too obsessed with my image and how others think I appear to them. My aunt told me I look fantastic but part of me doesn't believe her.

Replies

  • Lietchi
    Lietchi Posts: 6,127 Member
    edited June 2021
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    There's a difference between noticing and commenting. So maybe they're noticing but choosing not to comment, for some reason. (the yo yo aspect could be one of the reasons for no longer commenting, they might think 'what's the point, he'll just gain it back')

    I don't think it's healthy to focus this much on getting compliments, honestly... I know it's nice to get compliments, but the main reason should be for yourself, not others. What are you going to do without compliments, gain the weight back because losing the weight wasn't 'worth it'?

    If someone pushed me for compliments by repeatedly asking 'what's different about me' I'd get pretty annoyed.
    I enjoy getting comments about my weight loss, but not every one says anything. My own parents never said anything, even though I'm sure they noticed. I kindly accept the comments I get, but I don't fish for compliments from those who don't say anything. They might not have noticed or simply might not want to comment, and that's perfectly fine.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,884 Member
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    I'm one who won't comment on someone's weight. They might have lost weight because they are ill or have extreme stress in their lives.

    If someone asked me "what's different about me?" I'd probably comment on their hair. Once. As above any more than that would be annoying.
  • gorple76
    gorple76 Posts: 162 Member
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    When I first lost weight, I got loads of comments, but similar to you, now that Ive been up and back down, people don’t comment. I’ve put it down to people being surprised the first time, but now it’s just ‘how I am - a yo-yo dieter. I don’t mind - I’d rather not have the conversation and I know I look better so that’s all that matters. I have the same situation with my hair - the first time I had it cut short I had lots of compliments. Now that I’ve let it grow out and then cut it a few time, I genuinely don’t think people notice, it’s just ‘how I am’. I notice though, so it’s worth it.
  • titchy_michelle
    titchy_michelle Posts: 51 Member
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    I’ve had quite a few when I lost the majority of my weight and I also realised how people treat me now compared to when I was bigger. To be honest it doesn’t really bother me as long as I’m fitting into my old clothes I’m over the moon with myself and keeps me motivated
  • NC_Girl
    NC_Girl Posts: 177 Member
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    It's nice to get compliments but it's not my purpose for losing weight. At 60 yes old it's more important for me to be healthy and to be able to move gracefully without effort and struggle. It's important to keep me out of the Dr's office and to limit medications as the liver has to filter all that junk out. It's nice to be able to find clothes and not be discouraged on how they look...how they look to me. I feel better mentally and physically and if no one but me notices.... So be it.... I still want to be healthy!
  • goal06082021
    goal06082021 Posts: 2,130 Member
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    I think it comes down to the fact that nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you. There's also been a gradual cultural shift in many areas away from commenting on people's bodies - it's still definitely A Thing in some places, but lots of people are starting to reconsider someone's physical appearance or body size as an appropriate topic of conversation, since body size can change (in either direction) for a lot of reasons, not all of them good or purposeful.

    I think if you want your friends and family to notice and cheer on your progress, you have to be the one to tell them what you want from them. "Guess the lines I wrote for you in the script I have in my head about how this conversation is going to go" is a game nobody wins, especially if you take it personally when people guess wrong (because how could they know?). It is okay to ask for what you need, out loud with words, from the people you love and who care about you.
  • FiberousJ
    FiberousJ Posts: 82 Member
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    goal06082021 wrote: »
    I think it comes down to the fact that nobody thinks about you as much as you think about you. There's also been a gradual cultural shift in many areas away from commenting on people's bodies - it's still definitely A Thing in some places, but lots of people are starting to reconsider someone's physical appearance or body size as an appropriate topic of conversation, since body size can change (in either direction) for a lot of reasons, not all of them good or purposeful.

    I think if you want your friends and family to notice and cheer on your progress, you have to be the one to tell them what you want from them. "Guess the lines I wrote for you in the script I have in my head about how this conversation is going to go" is a game nobody wins, especially if you take it personally when people guess wrong (because how could they know?). It is okay to ask for what you need, out loud with words, from the people you love and who care about you.



    Yea, I noticed there are fewer people commenting on bodies in the last few years. Maybe it's a cultural shift. Of course, on social media people are obsessed and they are always commenting on influencer's bodies whether good or bad. Maybe that's part of it, I am always comparing myself to others. I'm used to seeing people being blunt online, to others.

    But with people I know, I don't hear it as much. A couple of years ago when I was quite bigger, people weren't really saying anything, for the most part. Now that I am in better shape, nobody really comments either. A decade ago and prior, I used to get a lot more comments, whether they were good or bad. It just seems like fewer people bring up body appearance. Maybe they're more aware like you said. But it sometimes messes with my head and I start to question my own progress.
  • FiberousJ
    FiberousJ Posts: 82 Member
    edited June 2021
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    Machka9 wrote: »
    I'm one who won't comment on someone's weight. They might have lost weight because they are ill or have extreme stress in their lives.

    If someone asked me "what's different about me?" I'd probably comment on their hair. Once. As above any more than that would be annoying.


    I understand. Whenever I have gained weight and I get back on track, I always tell myself that this is for me only. Don't expect any compliments. But then when I go on a roll and I feel excited for myself, I get obsessed with what others are going to say. And when their response is dull, it makes me feel deflated. Like I did all this work.

    One time when I had lost a lot of weight my friend asked me if I lost weight and said I seem buffer. But the next month when I saw him and had lost, even more, I kept asking him why he didn't congratulate me when he met me. I was like I put in all this work. Then he started agreeing with me, but I didn't believe him and called him out. So it got pretty awkward.
  • FiberousJ
    FiberousJ Posts: 82 Member
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    Lietchi wrote: »
    There's a difference between noticing and commenting. So maybe they're noticing but choosing not to comment, for some reason. (the yo yo aspect could be one of the reasons for no longer commenting, they might think 'what's the point, he'll just gain it back')

    I don't think it's healthy to focus this much on getting compliments, honestly... I know it's nice to get compliments, but the main reason should be for yourself, not others. What are you going to do without compliments, gain the weight back because losing the weight wasn't 'worth it'?

    If someone pushed me for compliments by repeatedly asking 'what's different about me' I'd get pretty annoyed.
    I enjoy getting comments about my weight loss, but not every one says anything. My own parents never said anything, even though I'm sure they noticed. I kindly accept the comments I get, but I don't fish for compliments from those who don't say anything. They might not have noticed or simply might not want to comment, and that's perfectly fine.



    Yes... How can I shift my focus to only doing it for myself? I always start at doing it for me, but then when I am able to ride a certain amount of miles, I start feeling like I'm strong. That's when I get excited and want the compliments. But then again, when I was heavier, I don't want people commenting.

    Now that I am in decent shape, I am not ANY MORE confident internally. I keep thinking if I just lose more, then I'll finally be confident. But then I watched Fast and Furious 9 and saw John Cena and thought that I wasn't buff enough. It's a never-ending cycle.
  • csplatt
    csplatt Posts: 1,020 Member
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    I agree with the poster who said you are giving other people way too much power over you. One thing I have loved about my 30s is I have slowly let go of that completely. I pursue what I want and need for myself. You are expecting too much from others and hinging your happiness and health on their words! Social media has created this weird shift where we all float info about our lives into the web and WAIT to be told how great it is. Great vacation, great outfit, great family, great body. I like scrolling other people’s posts to keep up with their lives but I don’t post much for this reason.

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