An Odd Request (I'm really out of options)
fernCWM
Posts: 18 Member
Hi, my name is Eli. I'm a transgender man, 1.5 years on testosterone (so hormonally on par with a cisgender male, if that's relevant). I've been struggling with anorexia and ARFID (avoidant restrictive food intake disorder) since I was ten years old. I'll be 23 in less than a month. I come from a bad background, I live alone and haven't any in-person friends or family support besides my primary care doctor. Over the past decade I've tried again and again to reach out to professionals, ask for help, only to be turned away because I'm too medically unstable, and I cannot go inpatient because I have a full time job that I cannot take leave from. I have no access to professional support and am not asking for resources (nor am I open to advice/suggestions at this time; please refrain as I'm quite frustrated after being turned away by one more outpatient place that said I was a medical liability. I've fought these disorders since I was a child, my growth has been stunted, my thyroid doesn't work right, I have multiple stomach disorders and heart issues, and woke up in an ambulance less than a month ago with a blood sugar in the 30's (I am not diabetic; I have severe hypoglycemia. I want so desperately to recover, but realized that at this point if I have even a prayer of making it alive after 13 years of malnutrition and starvation (never struggled with binging or purging because I have a phobia of vomiting, but I do obsessively exercise).
I have one request. If there's anyone out there who could share their diaries with me in order to gain an understanding of what a normal, or at least non-disordered, person eats in a day, I would be more than grateful. ARFID is a disorder in which the variety and types of foods that I feel safe eating are extremely limited; I survive mostly on protein bars, popcorn, and haven't had a hot meal in almost seven years (hot foods are the hardest for me). I am not looking for advice to improve my diet, but rather some examples of "realistic" eating. Because my disorder started so young (I was around 7 when I stopped eating), I have no semblance of what normal eating is. My hunger and fullness cues are non-existant after so many years of restriction. If anyone is willing to share their diaries by friend requesting me, I would be so extremely grateful. My first goal is to manage eating 1300 calories a day (right now I manage between 1000-1100).
Thank you for taking the time to read this very long post, and I hope you all are doing well!
My stats are:
Male, 5' 5", 99 lbs, age 22, running 2-3 miles about five days a week, slightly active job (I'm a mental health technician at a psychiatric hospital; I couldn't really think of a comperable job in terms of activity level, but I'd say "more active than an office worker, less active than a waiter" if that provides any frame of reference).
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, I'm so desperate to recover and graduate and earn my degree in behavioral health counseling. I've wanted to be a counselor since I was nine years old, and I will not let my eating disorder take my life before I'm able to help people who went through what I went through growing up.
I have one request. If there's anyone out there who could share their diaries with me in order to gain an understanding of what a normal, or at least non-disordered, person eats in a day, I would be more than grateful. ARFID is a disorder in which the variety and types of foods that I feel safe eating are extremely limited; I survive mostly on protein bars, popcorn, and haven't had a hot meal in almost seven years (hot foods are the hardest for me). I am not looking for advice to improve my diet, but rather some examples of "realistic" eating. Because my disorder started so young (I was around 7 when I stopped eating), I have no semblance of what normal eating is. My hunger and fullness cues are non-existant after so many years of restriction. If anyone is willing to share their diaries by friend requesting me, I would be so extremely grateful. My first goal is to manage eating 1300 calories a day (right now I manage between 1000-1100).
Thank you for taking the time to read this very long post, and I hope you all are doing well!
My stats are:
Male, 5' 5", 99 lbs, age 22, running 2-3 miles about five days a week, slightly active job (I'm a mental health technician at a psychiatric hospital; I couldn't really think of a comperable job in terms of activity level, but I'd say "more active than an office worker, less active than a waiter" if that provides any frame of reference).
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart, I'm so desperate to recover and graduate and earn my degree in behavioral health counseling. I've wanted to be a counselor since I was nine years old, and I will not let my eating disorder take my life before I'm able to help people who went through what I went through growing up.
18
Replies
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Eli, may I suggest that you aim to get yourself up to 1,500 calories by year end or sooner?
That's the minimum target for a dude and you're a fairly active one, at that.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with eating food cold. Your plan of going for variety is a great idea!
Hopefully, you're able to see food diaries here. If not, there may be meal plans available online for you to look at (without going down an unhealthy and unhelpful rabbit hole)
Warning gloss your eyes over the following, if necessary ➡️If a nutritionist or dietitian is not already on your healthcare team, then please consider finding one who is familiar with disordered eating, endocrinology and athleticism.
All the best to you, Eli 🙌🏿 While I don't friend on MFP, I am friendly (ermm, debatable?! 🤷🏿♀️), so I hope to see more of you and your updates!4 -
I won't attempt to give any advice, since I don't have any personal experience with anorexia and ARFID (only indirectly through a friend who had anorexia - she exercised obsessively).
But as for the sharing of diaries: some people in the forums have their diary set to public, so you might try to check out the profiles of some of the more active members here and see if their diary is public.
My diary is public too, but I'm guessing it won't be of much use to you, since I don't live in the US (some foods are in Dutch and French).
I wish you all the best in your recovery!
1 -
I eat roughly 1400-1500 calories if you want to look at my diary or add me as a friend.2
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@fernCWM I believe my diary is open. I eat what I would consider a "normal" diet. Feel free to take a look. Friend me if you like.0
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You can look at mine as well
You won't find any meat/chicken/or sea food on mine1 -
Hello Eli,
Thank you for sharing and reaching out for suggestions. My path with disordered eating has left me with many body regulation issues. Using food to heal is my priority now.
I have been better at logging my diary. Hiding away the numbers was just my personal excuse to not look at myself day to day to see added results.
I start my day off always with a multi-vitamin and protein fruit smoothie. For lunch, complex carbs and protein. For dinner, something low carb with light protein. I drink at least 72 oz of water daily.
I have done my own research, mixed with advice from my doctor. So far, my energy levels have been consistent throughout the day. The sugar and protein help kick start the day followed by something nutritious and sustainable. After a long day, I eat something light in preparation for my body to relax for bedtime.
Recovery from disordered eating is not easy. You just need to think of ways of how your diet works for you so you have what you need every day to feel the best that you can.3 -
Eli, may I suggest that you aim to get yourself up to 1,500 calories by year end or sooner?
That's the minimum target for a dude and you're a fairly active one, at that.
That being said, there's nothing wrong with eating food cold. Your plan of going for variety is a great idea!
Hopefully, you're able to see food diaries here. If not, there may be meal plans available online for you to look at (without going down an unhealthy and unhelpful rabbit hole)
Warning gloss your eyes over the following, if necessary ➡️If a nutritionist or dietitian is not already on your healthcare team, then please consider finding one who is familiar with disordered eating, endocrinology and athleticism.
All the best to you, Eli 🙌🏿 While I don't friend on MFP, I am friendly (ermm, debatable?! 🤷🏿♀️), so I hope to see more of you and your updates!
Thank you so much for your kindness! I think that's a great goal for me, I am trying to get over the "hump" of 1200-1300 calories a day, and then increase from there. 1500 seems doable by the end of the year or sooner. Thank you again for your reply!3 -
Hello Eli,
Thank you for sharing and reaching out for suggestions. My path with disordered eating has left me with many body regulation issues. Using food to heal is my priority now.
I have been better at logging my diary. Hiding away the numbers was just my personal excuse to not look at myself day to day to see added results.
I start my day off always with a multi-vitamin and protein fruit smoothie. For lunch, complex carbs and protein. For dinner, something low carb with light protein. I drink at least 72 oz of water daily.
I have done my own research, mixed with advice from my doctor. So far, my energy levels have been consistent throughout the day. The sugar and protein help kick start the day followed by something nutritious and sustainable. After a long day, I eat something light in preparation for my body to relax for bedtime.
Recovery from disordered eating is not easy. You just need to think of ways of how your diet works for you so you have what you need every day to feel the best that you can.
It sounds like you have a great plan, thank you so much for sharing! I've been trying to start my day with a multivitamin as well, it's one of the small steps I've made because I am scared of most fruits/vegetables due to GI issues so I try to add some vitamins where I can0 -
You can look at mine as well
You won't find any meat/chicken/or sea food on mine
Thank you! I was raised vegetarian and haven't had meat in over a decade, and so while I'd like to someday incorporate meat (or at least chicken), I can't tolerate the texture/smell/look of it at this point.1 -
langstontl wrote: »@fernCWM I believe my diary is open. I eat what I would consider a "normal" diet. Feel free to take a look. Friend me if you like.
Thank you! Friend requested!2 -
Toronto6fan wrote: »I eat roughly 1400-1500 calories if you want to look at my diary or add me as a friend.
Thank you! Added!1 -
I won't attempt to give any advice, since I don't have any personal experience with anorexia and ARFID (only indirectly through a friend who had anorexia - she exercised obsessively).
But as for the sharing of diaries: some people in the forums have their diary set to public, so you might try to check out the profiles of some of the more active members here and see if their diary is public.
My diary is public too, but I'm guessing it won't be of much use to you, since I don't live in the US (some foods are in Dutch and French).
I wish you all the best in your recovery!
Thank you for this information! Is there a way to search members on here to see who's diary is public? I've been using MFP for a few years but only just discovered the community! I believe this is because I was only using the app on my phone, and it will not connect to any community features on the app so any replies/messages I have to do from my laptop (I have an older iphone so I believe this to be why). I am not at all tech-savvy, so apologies if my replies to these message boards are totally done wrong!0 -
I won't attempt to give any advice, since I don't have any personal experience with anorexia and ARFID (only indirectly through a friend who had anorexia - she exercised obsessively).
But as for the sharing of diaries: some people in the forums have their diary set to public, so you might try to check out the profiles of some of the more active members here and see if their diary is public.
My diary is public too, but I'm guessing it won't be of much use to you, since I don't live in the US (some foods are in Dutch and French).
I wish you all the best in your recovery!
Thank you for this information! Is there a way to search members on here to see who's diary is public? I've been using MFP for a few years but only just discovered the community! I believe this is because I was only using the app on my phone, and it will not connect to any community features on the app so any replies/messages I have to do from my laptop (I have an older iphone so I believe this to be why). I am not at all tech-savvy, so apologies if my replies to these message boards are totally done wrong!
I don't think there is a search function for that. You'll have to check people manually, individually. Tap/click on their name - a window will pop up. Tap/click on the username there and you'll be taken to their profile page where there are buttons to send a friend request and (if their diary is public) open their diary.1 -
I have zero limitations on what I eat so you'll find a bit of everything in mine. My food diary isn't public but you can access it with a code. Feel free to add/message me and I'll give you the code!1
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I won't attempt to give any advice, since I don't have any personal experience with anorexia and ARFID (only indirectly through a friend who had anorexia - she exercised obsessively).
But as for the sharing of diaries: some people in the forums have their diary set to public, so you might try to check out the profiles of some of the more active members here and see if their diary is public.
My diary is public too, but I'm guessing it won't be of much use to you, since I don't live in the US (some foods are in Dutch and French).
I wish you all the best in your recovery!
Thank you for this information! Is there a way to search members on here to see who's diary is public? I've been using MFP for a few years but only just discovered the community! I believe this is because I was only using the app on my phone, and it will not connect to any community features on the app so any replies/messages I have to do from my laptop (I have an older iphone so I believe this to be why). I am not at all tech-savvy, so apologies if my replies to these message boards are totally done wrong!
I don't think there is a search function for that. You'll have to check people manually, individually. Tap/click on their name - a window will pop up. Tap/click on the username there and you'll be taken to their profile page where there are buttons to send a friend request and (if their diary is public) open their diary.
In addition to doing this ^^ which is kind of labor intensive, you can start a new thread and title it, "Looking for open FOOD diaries at _ _ _ _ calorie level." (<<~~Insert your calorie number )4 -
Hi Eli! Adding you as a friend. I'm nonbinary, and am here to help/support
Feel free to look at my diary, etc., and message with any questions. 2 -
cheshirechic wrote: »Hi Eli! Adding you as a friend. I'm nonbinary, and am here to help/support Feel free to look at my diary, etc., and message with any questions.
Thank you so much!1 -
Hi Eli, welcome to MFP
I have a public diary, and right now my calorie goal is set at 1500 but I’m often 1200-1600 because my goal is weight loss. I have a relatively high protein, lower carb diet with a focus on lots of veggies, especially in the summer (I try to support my local farms so I follow the seasons a bit). Feel free to take a look, ask questions, and send a friend request if you want.
Cheesy, she/her0 -
Hi, Eli. I'm not sure if you're still looking for friends/support/anything else. I tried adding you as a friend, but my phone isn't connecting to the network for some reason, so it's not going through.
Feel free to add me if you'd like.1 -
I’m not sure how to friend request people, but my diary is open to public view. I will say, what I record doesn’t always reflect ALL I’ve consumed. After dinner I often stop recording. So what ever you see, add a double scoop dish of ice cream w/ hot fudge topping, and two cups of cheese its or a handful of salty mixed nuts.1
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