Biggest Regret

Hello all,

I am not new to MFP. I lost 100 lbs previously between 2014-2016 through dedicated lifestyle of diligent food logging and consistent exerise, particularly running. In 2017, though, I experienced a traumatic injury at work in which I was shot, shattered my tibia, I've had three surgeries to my leg. But since then, I have put much of the weight back on. Losing my mother Jan 2020 did not help, either. In fact, I've gained back 73 lbs since 2017. And for that, I live with constant regret and anger at myself. For a long while now I've tried/wanted to get back to "how I was", over and over again. I've had various gym memberships, dieted, etc., but I do not "feel" that energy/trajectory that I did before all of this, and lose steam repeatedly. I can cut myself a "break" considering the uncontrollable and understandable mental effects the shooting had on me, but those breaks don't help me get healthy again, or feel good again, or get to where I desperately need to be. I'm depressed about my body, and my body is making me depressed. I'm sure most of you know this feeling. So here's to a new effort. God willing.

I also cannot really run anymore. Before, I was up to doing half marathons and running 15-20 miles a week. It truly became my passion. Now, I can literally walk faster than I can jog and due to the injury, running/jogging specifically is painful.

Thank you for reading or feedback!

Replies

  • MargaretYakoda
    MargaretYakoda Posts: 1,944 Member
    Disability definitely makes the whole process harder.

    I am sorry for everything you have gone through. That’s some very difficult stuff. But you’re here now, and ready to move on. This is big news.

    Welcome to MFP. There is a group for exercise and weight loss with disability. It’s not terribly active but I’m hoping to change that.
    Send me a friend request if you wish.
  • ArmindaJoanna
    ArmindaJoanna Posts: 14 Member
    I am a return dieter. I have lost weight so many times. I really need to succeed this time and keep it off.
  • MarieBuch10
    MarieBuch10 Posts: 21 Member
    edited July 2021
    Something I’ve realized is that I feel most depressed about my body when I’m not taking care of myself the way I should be (sleep/rest, some form of movement, eating reasonably, etc.) and it has less to do with how my body looks. Knowing I’m doing the things I need to to take care of myself are really what contributes to my happiness, which in turn makes it easier for me to continue improving my physical health. Start by focusing on the small things you can control, like sticking to a certain number of calories per day/week and hitting a movement goal. Walking and listening to music is actually my favorite form of exercise and is super underrated. It’s great for health both physically and mentally.

    Also, while cardio is important I think a lot of people place more emphasis on it than is necessary. I was able to achieve my lowest weight and favorite body shape while doing only walking for cardio (30 min a day), and sticking to a daily weight routine (which really wasn’t that strenuous.) The key was keeping within my daily calories most days, over an extended period of time.

    I think finding some kind of movement/activity you actually like will really help you feel better about your body, since it sounds like you (understandably) have a lot of negative feelings about what your body can’t do without causing distress. If you’ve never tried a weight/lifting routine, that might be something you want to look into too as it will improve body composition and you’ll feel stronger and looker better at the same time!

    There’s a lot of great info on these boards, and the wiser users are great about calling out people who spew misinformation. It’s helped me figure out a way to lose weight & maintain a healthy weight for the last 4 years.

    My main point is that whatever you do, it doesn’t have to be intense/extreme. You’ll have better long-term success finding a new way that works for you now that doesn’t feel like torture.
  • AmberlyMarlene
    AmberlyMarlene Posts: 81 Member
    I'm sorry. All I can say is I understand the struggle having lost 70 lbs and gained 130 lbs not too long after reaching my goal after experiencing a traumatic event. Now while ptsd is under control and I'm in a much better place with my mental health, my physical health struggles and my mental health though improved will never be as good as it could unless I work on my physical health as well.

    For the last year I've been trying harder to not get side tracked and avoid stopping short of how much effort I should be putting forth. Currently the change I'm trying to make to stay more invested in the goals of now is by being more involved in the community to help keep my mind in the game.

    Feel free to add me and I'll be happy to help motivate and support you through this tedious, but potentially bountiful process.
    (That goes for everyone else too)
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 46,695 Member
    Hello all,

    I am not new to MFP. I lost 100 lbs previously between 2014-2016 through dedicated lifestyle of diligent food logging and consistent exerise, particularly running. In 2017, though, I experienced a traumatic injury at work in which I was shot, shattered my tibia, I've had three surgeries to my leg. But since then, I have put much of the weight back on. Losing my mother Jan 2020 did not help, either. In fact, I've gained back 73 lbs since 2017. And for that, I live with constant regret and anger at myself. For a long while now I've tried/wanted to get back to "how I was", over and over again. I've had various gym memberships, dieted, etc., but I do not "feel" that energy/trajectory that I did before all of this, and lose steam repeatedly. I can cut myself a "break" considering the uncontrollable and understandable mental effects the shooting had on me, but those breaks don't help me get healthy again, or feel good again, or get to where I desperately need to be. I'm depressed about my body, and my body is making me depressed. I'm sure most of you know this feeling. So here's to a new effort. God willing.

    I also cannot really run anymore. Before, I was up to doing half marathons and running 15-20 miles a week. It truly became my passion. Now, I can literally walk faster than I can jog and due to the injury, running/jogging specifically is painful.

    Thank you for reading or feedback!
    So instead of your legs running, use your arms. BOXING is a great way to get into shape and doesn't tax the legs like running does. There's always something out there different you can do if hampered by injury to an area of the body.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    9285851.png

  • dmkoenig
    dmkoenig Posts: 299 Member
    Sorry to hear about your challenges but history shows you are strong with a lot of resilience and this will serve you well. Don't be concerned with the past, keep your focus on the future. And don't beat yourself up for where you currently are, you're playing the long game and as you know from past experience success comes in gradual increments. Find a nutrition/exercise program you can stick with and then go into execute mode. In terms of exercise options, if you have access to a deep pool water jogging (with a flotation belt) is a great option if you previously enjoyed running. Other no impact options would be spin classes or investing in a Peloton. Not cheap but if riding a bike is possible it's a great burn - just remain seated and avoid standing up. Best of luck in your journey!
  • MsWax
    MsWax Posts: 32 Member
    I'm so sorry for all you've been through. Life can be so incredibly unfair! I hear you when you say you want to "get back to where you were," but you are not the same person anymore. You have had life experiences (physical and mental) that won't let you be that person anymore. Grieve for her, but then pick yourself up and start working on the "new" you. She can be amazing too, but you need to figure out what will work for her. Maybe it's new habits. Maybe it's new exercises. Maybe it's new foods. Explore, and show yourself some kindness when you take "wrong turns." Some things that have worked for me:
    • Planning - pre-logging food, scheduling exercise, etc. helps
    • Learning my "problems" - I cannot sit on the couch at night and not want a snack. I've tried...I can't do it. So instead I've been watching a show on the treadmill (rather than the couch), and earning a snack afterwards if I want it.
    • Trigger foods - Candy is a huge problem for me. I haven't given it up, but I only eat it in controlled settings.
    • Moving past the all or nothing mindset - I know I'll make some mistakes. That doesn't mean I should give up. It means I can start over THEN, or the next day, etc.

    You'll find what works for you! Start with one thing (logging, drinking more water, exercising, etc.) and go from there. Good luck!
  • beachme14
    beachme14 Posts: 23 Member
    Just wanted to say how sorry I am for all you have recently been through! I lost my mom suddenly in February 2020. That in itself is tough, but your physical injuries sound so very challenging. Good advice has been given above, I look forward to your success story! Hugs…
  • seltzer_lover
    seltzer_lover Posts: 261 Member
    I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through - that has to be intensely challenging.

    I'm in a similar boat, although without the trauma. Lost 100 pounds on here 10 years ago and it alllll came back. My mentality right now is that losing weight is not even close to the hardest thing I've ever done or gone through (and my hardest things doesn't come CLOSE to your hardest thing!) and that if I made it through those things, I can do this.

    You can't go back to how you were, but you can just keep moving forward, one day/one hour/one minute at a time.
  • SwtHedgehog
    SwtHedgehog Posts: 164 Member
    I was going to mention the pool for water jogging, but someone beat me to it. It would give you the motion of running without the impact, and I've found the pool to be very therapeutic
  • nanastaci2020
    nanastaci2020 Posts: 1,072 Member
    Wow! My jaw literally dropped when reading your post. I identify with you in some ways, though I have no particular reason for falling off track. I lost ~50 in 2014 (thru CICO, tracking, moving more, etc.) and maintained it for a few years by doing 5k, 10k, 1 half marathon each year. Those events helped me stay motivated to keep moving. My best was running about 10 miles of a half - and the lack of events in the past year+ has not helped me.

    I was in a car accident in 2003 and broke my legs, 3 weeks hospitalized, surgeries, later bone grafts, etc. Not the same thing as being shot. I do have some minor recurring issues, but in general when I stay active and at a healthy weight my body feels better & has less aches. That may be true for you in time also. If jogging and running are out, I'm sure that stings because you loved it, but walking is great for cardio. And maybe in time, as your fitness level improves, you may even find that you can return to some form of jogging or running.
  • amybroccoli86
    amybroccoli86 Posts: 22 Member
    I have also gone a long time without having the same drive/determination as when I lost a lot of weight back in 2014. For me, I wanted to get in shape before getting pregnant so that I'd have a better chance of a healthy pregnancy. At the same time, I wanted to look good for my 10-year high school reunion in 2014. Since then I just haven't had anything to lose weight FOR. I find that long-term health and longevity isn't usually enough of a motivation for me, even though it SHOULD be.

    If I were you, I would figure out something that you absolutely HAVE to be in shape for, in your opinion, and then get there. I'm doing HealthyWage but I can understand that is not going to work for everyone. A walking event like one of those non-profits, but maybe they are going a super far walk that you'd have to train for? Book a beach vacation in the future with friends you havent seen in awhile and you want to fit back in whatever bathing suit? A work event that you have to present for? Class reunion? Just find something that you can schedule and feel like you absolutely can't lose steam during your journey to reach your goal because it is so important to you.

    Also, there are challenges on MFP forums or MFP groups that do challenges so you can reach short term goals. I am doing one on MFP and also a mini 3-month challenge on HealthyWage.

    Good luck!